It was a difficult question to answer, especially under the circumstances. He reached up and slid his fingers into Sirius's hair, hoping to at least make it clear that it wasn't *him* he didn't want. "I just... if we do this, I... I want it for real. I don't want to have to lie, to have to hide, to have to feel like what we're doing is wrong. Not when it's the only bloody thing in my life that's ever... ever been *right*."