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Tweak says, "I want out of labels."

Bobby Drake (frostbyte) wrote in devolve,
@ 2011-01-26 02:36:00

Who: Bobby & Sam (with Lewis and Annie)
What: Chat. Fight.
Where: Sam's room.
When: Tuesday night.
Rating: PG-13 (for language)
Status: Complete

It wasn't often anymore the halls bore witness to Bobby seeking anyone out who was not tall, lean and Canadian. But try as he might, he couldn't just let go, as he knew he ought to. And while he hadn't meant to go right instead of left, it had happened, and he'd let it.

He found himself outside of Sam's room, leaning against the wall and listening to his tucking in ritual. Closing his eyes to better absorb the cadence of Sam's voice, he tucked his hands behind him and let the words roll over him. Sam's voice had changed, he noted with an accompanying spike to the chest. While he knew they'd all changed in some ways - he himself in some big ones - it still hurt to be confronted by it. Especially when it was someone like Sam.

They're still so small...They'll never understand how people fail and lives break down, and don't turn out the way you planned.

Bobby shook himself. None of that now, subconscious.

Turning, he leaned into the door, sliding into the frame as it swung open with a not so quiet creak. He slipped into it as Sam turned to look at him, arms full with sleeping twins.

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frostbyte
2011-01-26 11:21 pm UTC (link)

"Either day is fine," he said, drawing his leg up and leaning back into the footboard. He was far enough away from it that only his shoulders made contact, his back curving over the mattress, arms across his middle. Though he he'd tucked his right leg under him, he dropped his left over Sam's. His foot settling against Sam's calf, Sam's - because his leg was so much longer - just under his knee.

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_rocket_butt_
2011-01-26 11:35 pm UTC (link)

"Saturday, then." Give them something to think about and look forward to on Friday, a promise of sorts, he didn't say. He doubted he needed to, Bobby would understand.

Lewis shifted in his sleep, small hand reaching past Annie's body with intent until it settled on Sam's thigh, fingers curled lightly against the denim of his jeans. Sam laid his own hand over it gently, ignoring the ache of being so constantly and completely needed, and tipped his head back enough to watch Bobby and shifted companionably as the other man arranged himself.

"You know you don't hafta if you don't want," he finally told him once he was settled, voice a low rumble. He knew exactly how much pain and responsibility there was in being with them, as much as there was peace and joy, and he wouldn't push that on Bobby if he didn't want to deal with it.

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	frostbyte 2011-01-26 11:43 pm UTC (link)
	"It's fine." A child is filled with wonder, let their dreams be blessed. They mustn't ever wonder if God might love them less. They mustn't know what we know. They mustn't be so wise. There's time enough for them to see...just let them be children for now. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

_rocket_butt_
2011-01-27 12:02 am UTC (link)

Sam did sigh then, eyes slipping half shut as he tipped his head back against the headboard, though he still kept his gaze on Bobby. He wanted to say that there wasn't much that was fine at all, anymore, but Bobby didn't need to hear it when he knew it all too well, and saw a damned sight more of the proof than Sam did in a week.

"Thanks," he murmured instead. He curled his hand a bit tighter around Lew's, which only led to Lew tugging it away and twisting his grip into the blanket over Annie's shoulder instead, and Sam curled his own hand against his thigh in response. "You know they're gonna ask you t'make ice slides, 'cause the one on the playground ain't hardly worth botherin' with by comparison." His lips twitched into a faint smile at that, remembering, even if it did make the ache of now sharper by comparison.

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	frostbyte 2011-01-27 12:13 am UTC (link)
	His own mouth thinned a little, one side curving ever so slightly. "I'll see what I can do about it." (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	_rocket_butt_ 2011-01-27 01:03 am UTC (link)
	"Robert Drake, hero t'littles everywhere," Sam teased gently as he shifted enough to straighten his other leg before it went to sleep. He leaned back a little and boxed Bobby's leg between his own, stockinged feet on either side of his thigh. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	frostbyte 2011-01-27 01:13 am UTC (link)
	Bobby snorted, but didn't otherwise protest. Flexing his foot, he tucked it under the nearer of Sam's legs, before sliding down until his back met the mattress. Untucking his other leg, he propped it over his outstretched one, bumping the base of Sam's knee with his toes. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

_rocket_butt_
2011-01-27 03:52 am UTC (link)

It wasn't the same as before, when Bobby's non-stop, cheerful chatter had filled every silence. Or kept them from even happening to begin with. But it was good anyway, comforting, that he'd even come round. It happened so rarely anymore that Sam wasn't sure when Bobby had last sought him out for anything.

He shifted automatically as Bobby moved, bending his own legs a bit to make room then stretching again until he had one foot settled along the outside of Bobby's hip.

I miss this, he thought, but didn't say. It felt like saying anything about it might break some spell and, pathetic thought it might be, he wasn't sure just then if he could deal with Bobby getting up and walking away as quietly and solemnly as he'd walked in.

"Lew's started readin'," he murmured instead. "Just a little, but it's a start." He'd been reading before, but it had just been one of the many things lost in the chaos of the last two years, and Sam was more than half sure that part of the reason he'd taken so long to pick it up again was fear that once he could read for himself no one else would read to him anymore.

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	frostbyte 2011-01-27 05:18 am UTC (link)
	"What's he like now?" he asked, quite certain it had changed since last he was aware, even if there really wasn't much to influence him toward anything else. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

_rocket_butt_
2011-01-27 05:28 am UTC (link)

"Not all that diff'rent, 'really," he answered, hand drifting to Annie's hip to soothe her as she shifted in her sleep. "Little bit more settled, I guess. Little bit less...high strung." Which was another way of saying he spent less time either clinging to Sam or shouting at him, woke up screaming less often at night.

"Annie's the one seems in a hurry to grow up, Lew's happy enough just to be the littlest for now."

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frostbyte
2011-01-27 05:34 am UTC (link)

It said a lot about their lives now that Sam would respond with their current state, over their current preferences. More so that Bobby followed without a hitch. "That's good."

Save my sister, sir, she is badly hurt. Save my sister, leave me be.

She is gone, my son, to a better place. She's at peace. She's free.

He blinked, pressing the curve of his palm between his eyes in an attempt to shake it off.

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_rocket_butt_
2011-01-27 05:48 am UTC (link)

It did say a lot that things like whether Lew liked coloring or cartoons or action figures never even occurred to Sam as something that should figure in his answer, though he did like them all well enough. It was the bed wetting and the nightmares and the fear of letting him out of his sight that defined Lew more than those things anymore, no matter how much they tried to emphasize normality in his life.

"Yeah, it is." Sam sat up and leaned forward, stretching the kinks out of his spine as he watched Bobby press a palm to his brow. "He's gettin' a little better all the time," he added, curling a huge palm around Bobby's ankle, feeling the cool of his skin through his socks. "They all are."

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	frostbyte 2011-01-27 05:57 am UTC (link)
	It was a reflex, and probably not a good one, that had Bobby shifting forms almost before Sam's fingers had reached all the way around and closed about his ankle. He looked quickly to the side to see if the twins had woken from the sudden shift in temperature. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

_rocket_butt_
2011-01-27 06:11 am UTC (link)

Sam didn't pull away, or move at all, as Bobby shifted forms between one heartbeat and the next, then he let his breath out in an almost soundless sigh. He'd woken up to a flash frozen room more than enough times in years past that the cold was just...Bobby. The reaction wasn't, though, or never had been. The littles might be getting better all the time, but Bobby was getting worse even faster, and Sam didn't have a damned clue what to do to help. One more failure in a long line of them.

Lewis and Annie didn't do more than curl a bit more closely together while Lew's arm snaked back under the covers away from the sudden chill.

"Hey." Sam's voice was a low, easy rumble, and he squeezed Bobby's ankle just a little, though it made no impression against the rigidity of the ice beneath his fingers. "Just me, Icepop."

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	frostbyte 2011-01-27 07:03 am UTC (link)
	It felt like forever, waiting for their reaction. The terror and horror and anger swirling in his gut like a heavy storm that hadn't yet burst. As soon as he realized they weren't waking, he shifted back just as quickly and tried to draw his legs to him. "I should go." (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

_rocket_butt_
2011-01-27 07:14 am UTC (link)

Sam didn't restrain Bobby at all as he shifted back and pulled his legs away, but he kept his hand lightly on his ankle. Not holding so much as just touching. He'd been afraid of this, that Bobby'd bolt just as quickly and with as little explanation as he'd shown up.

"Ain't no reason you need t'go," Sam answered, still low and steady, though he only hoped he was right. He'd watched Bobby watching the twins. Waiting. Like he thought he'd done something awful. Lord knew Sam felt like he had. "Ain't nothin' 'bout you icin' up that'd ever bother them," he assured him, absolutely certain of that at least. "An' no way on god's green earth you'd ever hurt them."

Whether Bobby thought the same of him was apparently in a whole lot more doubt than Sam ever would've thought, though.

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	frostbyte 2011-01-27 07:21 am UTC (link)
	They mustn't know the sorrow. They mustn't know the tears. Tomorrow mustn't bring them a future that they fear. He pulled his legs free of Sam's touch, tucking both of them beneath him and shook his head. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

_rocket_butt_
2011-01-27 07:35 am UTC (link)

It was honestly a better reaction than Sam had more than half expected, which hurt more than he was going to let himself even be aware of just then. He still didn't pull his hand back when Bobby shifted determinedly away, just left it on the comforter between them and pulled his own legs up to sit tailor-fashion in front of Bobby, knees not quite close enough to touch him. Lewis and Annie hadn't stirred beyond their initial reaction, cheeks flushed pink and breath still coming soft and regular.

"You don't gotta go," Sam repeated, just as low and steady as before. "But if you wanna-" get away from me that bad, "that's your call. Ain't gonna try an' stop you, but I wish you'd stay."

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	frostbyte 2011-01-27 07:46 am UTC (link)
	His gaze shifted to the twins, the soft puffs of air escaping from between their lips and past their noses. "It's for the best," he reasoned. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	_rocket_butt_ 2011-01-27 07:56 am UTC (link)
	"How's it for the best?" Sam countered quietly, not backing off or backing down. "Ain't doin' no one any harm, you bein' here." If anything Sam shifted just a fraction closer, elbows propped on his knees and leaning slightly forward, though he didn't touch Bobby again, much as he wanted to. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	frostbyte 2011-01-27 08:00 am UTC (link)
	Bobby backed into the footboard, pulling his body up under him. It made it easier to stand and step off the bed that way. "Good night, Sam." (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	_rocket_butt_ 2011-01-27 08:07 am UTC (link)
	"Jesus Bobby, talk t'me!" Sam snapped, voice rising for the first time as he slid to his feet as well, though it was still low enough not to wake the twins. It took a hell of a lot of effort to keep some distance, because the way Bobby was acting he'd probably take being towered over as looming whether Sam could help it - which he couldn't - or not. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	frostbyte 2011-01-27 08:09 am UTC (link)
	"I'll see you Saturday." It was the closest thing to a promise he had these days. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

_rocket_butt_
2011-01-27 08:21 am UTC (link)

"No," Sam countered before he'd consciously made the decision, the one word quiet and fierce. "Just...fuck. No."

Scott had done this. Shut down and pulled away and then one day he'd walked out the gates and come back with Kurt carrying what was left of him. And no one generally said it, especially not where Kurt could here, but just about everyone knew he'd committed suicide by zombie.

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	frostbyte 2011-01-27 08:24 am UTC (link)
	Bobby turned to look at him, pulling his whole body into a straight line. Even shorter, he had the advantage for the moment - and he hated himself for even acknowledging that. "Go back to bed, Sam," he told him, voice flat, cold like ice. "The twins need you." (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

_rocket_butt_
2011-01-27 08:42 am UTC (link)

Oh that hurt, but Sam had gotten good at keeping hurt off his face these last two years. He couldn't keep it from bleeding through in his voice, though, hot and thick no matter how low he still kept the volume.

"Fuck you, Bobby. You think you can, what? Lock us all out, shut everything away an' convince yourself none of us matter no more? Convince yourself you don't care? An' it don't matter none that...that we still give a damn about you?"

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	frostbyte 2011-01-27 08:47 am UTC (link)
	Bobby'd gotten really good at pretending he didn't care. "It's none of your goddamn business, Sam!" he hissed, careful not to raise his voice and disturb the twins. He did however, invade Sam's personal space so his voice didn't have to carry. Even looking up, he didn't lose any of the power behind it. "And don't fucking look at me that way! I'm not Scott!" (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

_rocket_butt_
2011-01-27 09:10 am UTC (link)

"No, you're not!" he growled back, not backing down an inch and perversely pleased that Bobby'd actually gotten fired up enough to go on the offensive. "He always had a stick shoved so far up his ass that he hardly had t'work t'write everyone else outa his life once just about th'only people he actually gave a shit about were gone. It's a damn sight harder t'figure how the hell you're managing or why the hell you're tryin'!"

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frostbyte
2011-01-27 09:24 am UTC (link)

"Listen, if this is some spur of the moment intervention, it's entirely misplaced and you need to back the fuck down! Do you think for a minute that Jean-Paul wouldn't break every goddamn bone in my body and lay my ass in traction and keep me there if he saw anything remotely like me going off the fucking deep end?! He's not the type of person to just sit back and let it happen! If I lose my fucking mind, you'll know it. You'll hear the impact when he hurls my ass at the ground from a hundred yards up! People change, Sam! The whole fucking world's changed! Get the hell off my back!"

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_rocket_butt_
2011-01-27 09:34 am UTC (link)

"It don't need t'be a fuckin' intervention," he snapped. "An' you think I don't know the whole fuckin' world's changed? You think you're the only one who sees it? I just didn't figure t'have to watch one of the best men I've known workin' so god damned hard not to give a shit about anyone he used t'care about no more. Guess it's good that Jean-Paul's still allowed to give a shit, 'cause the rest of us are apparently just supposed to fuck right the hell off!"

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frostbyte
2011-01-27 09:38 am UTC (link)

The shifting of his form was slower the second time. Not because it was more focused, or less, but because it was mirroring the ragging emotions taking over its bearer. Ice crackled and popped as head to toe and everything in between this time froze over.

He rocked up, a finger pointed at Sam's face. "Fuck. You." he growled, before turning on his heel and all but storming out.

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_rocket_butt_
2011-01-27 10:23 am UTC (link)

Sam was shaking with the effort of not following Bobby as he stormed away, more because it obviously wasn't going to do him a damned bit of good than any concern for leaving the twins alone.

"Yeah, fuck you too," he whispered, shoulders slumping and chin dropping to his chest as Bobby disappeared through the door. He stood there just long enough to get his shaking mostly under control, then stepped into his boots without lacing them, grabbed his coat from the hook by the door, and headed into the hall. It only took a moment to roust Jay and get him to agree to bunk with the twins for the night, the look on his older brother's face and the low rasp of his voice more than enough to keep him from protesting or asking questions.

He wanted to shout, or break something, or maybe break himself, but none of them were viable options. Instead he stalked through the silent, darkened hallways and out into the night. Sucked in a sharp breath as the crisp cold hit his face and burned his lungs and tried not to think of learning to consider that a comfort.

He was tempted to veer off into the field, power up and burn off rage and pain and fear in the exertion of flight. Couldn't risk it, though. Couldn't burn off energy he might need if things went to hell, which he could never afford to assume they wouldn't. Couldn't even afford to punch the shit out of something the way he wanted to; if he didn't power up he'd potentially hurt himself, take himself off his team for open wounds, and if he did he'd just destroy something that'd end up needing fixing. Using resources they couldn't necessarily spare to cater to his emotional outburst.

Instead he stalked through a new dusting of snow, footsteps dark shadows against the white of it as he made his way to the garage. There was nothing urgent there right now, but there was always something he could do. An engine that wasn't running quite as smooth as it could be, tires to rotate or patch, oil to change. He flipped the lights on and watched his breath fog as he pulled on work gloves and started to assemble his tools.

It wasn't really going to help, he knew himself well enough to know that, but there wasn't a damned thing else he could think of to do. Other than maybe find himself a corner someplace and fall spectacularly apart, and there were too damned many people depending on him for that to be an option.

His hands were still shaking when he finally got to work half an hour later.

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