Apate, Goddess of Deceit, Guile, Fraud & Deception (apate) wrote in deities_dot_com,
It had all gone wrong. Somewhere. No, that wasn’t accurate. Apate could pinpoint exactly where the problem began, she was even bright enough to see why it had happened. She just couldn’t figure out the how. The problem obviously lay in the fact that she’d attempted to trick a trickster. One she had unwisely underestimated since he had a weapon in his arsenal that she had not been prepared for. Had no defense for.
She wasn’t stupid. She knew what had happened, physically. In order to fake something, there has to be a real version and she’d seen it. A few times. But it had never happened to her. Never Deceit had always considered that a boon, that she had absolute, total and utter superiority even if the other was not aware of it. It gave her the power and she’d used it to her benefit, as infrequently as possible despite it’s effectiveness. It was a messy business, and the only reason she’d considered it with Loki was because of his obvious interest. And the temptation to have manipulated the Loki. She’d let her pride blind her.
That had been where she’d made the mistake. Everything compounded after that. She had thought that she could handle it, but she had been wrong. Right up until the end, she had thought that even though things were a more pleasant this time, that nothing would truly change. There had even been the stray thought that if it was like this with the others then it wouldn’t be such a chore. And then it happened.
She lost herself. She handed over control to him. She left herself vulnerable and gave him the power to hurt her. And what was worse, she had not only enjoyed it, there was a small, weak part of her that wanted it again. What was wrong with her?
It had never happened before, not even with some of those who considered themselves wonderful lovers. Not even with some of those that others considered fantastic, which was probably a more accurate gauge. Apate had never given in to the overwhelming urges that others seemed to deliberately seek out. She had never been tempted to find out if there was more, to discover what others told her she was “missing.” She had been immune. What had changed that?