Thor: God of thunder, lighting, storms & strength (hlorridi) wrote in deities_dot_com, @ 2014-05-05 11:52:00 |
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Entry tags: | ~odin, ~thor |
Heavy-hearted (tag: Odin)
His head was throbbing in a very unpleasant way, and even with his eyes closed, Thor could tell it was a bright, sunny day. Fucking Sol. Fucking Freyr. Fucking anybody else that had anything to do with sunshine or light or loud noises. Fuck them all.
With a groan, Thor heaved his body sideways to roll it out of the direct sunlight coming through the window. It was better, but only marginally. Now the light coming through his still closed eyelids created a persistent ache that reached to the back of his skull, rather than the sharp, hot knives that had been stabbing into his cranium a moment before. He might be able to manage to get out of bed in a few minutes, get a hot shower, maybe feel up to some toast.
The phone on the bedside table rang. And Thor promptly killed it.
He was going to have to pay for that. But then, considering that he didn't think he'd made it to the bathroom before throwing up last night, he was pretty sure the hotel was probably going to demand extra money for cleaning anyway. He couldn't recall exactly where he'd vomited, but he was very clear that there had been a great volume of the stuff coming out of him.
Another dead end. Another night of dark thoughts. Another night of drinking to excess. Which, considering how much he could drink and how high his tolerance was, meant that somewhere there was a bar or four wondering why they were completely out of stock.
There were a lot of groans and moans, some mumbles, and considerably more swearing as Thor went about with the business of getting up to face the day. Which involved the shower, and then some cleaning, before he could even consider checking out. It took some time, but he would have felt far too guilty leaving the disgusting results of last night's overindulgence for some maid. And he had enough guilt to carry already.
For a long time, a very long time, he'd been able to mostly shelve it, that guilt. And when it did rear it's head, he'd throw himself into a project to help mankind until he could manage to contain it again. But for two years now, he'd been struggling with controlling it, and losing. The guilt came back faster, harder. The rages flared up more often.
Bragi and Idun's kidnapping had given him something to concentrate on, and a way to help. But in the end, he hadn't rescued them so all he'd done was chase his tail. And that was how it went with most things these days: he tried, he failed, it was pointless. This latest mission he'd given himself was no exception. A promise had been made, and Thor fully intended to do his best to keep it, but thus far he'd been unable to locate this Hephaestus at all. And he feared that he was going to end up letting down Harmonia. And his brother.
Though he was fairly certain his family wasn't speaking to him right now. Once he'd calmed down, Thor recognized what a mess he'd made at the Halloween bash at Ninkasi's. But nobody had said anything to him about it. And their silence was worse than any reprimand. He'd fucked up. He knew it. Ninkasi was going to get an apology once he got his shit a little more together. She was his friend, though, not his family. He'd really expected somebody who shared his blood to have said something to him already. They hadn't. And all he could surmise was that they'd finally had enough of his fuck ups that they didn't even want to deal with him any longer.
Just like Sif.
It always came back to Sif. To Sif and Loki. The Trickster's escape from the cave, that's what had happened two years ago. That was what had brought all the guilt so close to the surface again. That's what fed the anger that was constantly lying in wait in the back of his brain. That was what made him think more of his wife than he had in years. No, that was a lie. He always thought about Sif, but he'd been doing pretty well in pretending he didn't. Loki was on his mind more than he wanted to admit as well.
Maybe he ought to do something about that. Sif would never take him back now. Not after all this time. Not after the way he'd reacted. She'd hurt him, but despite her betrayal, he never should have treated her as he had. He was no longer worthy of her consideration. But Loki... maybe he could do something about Loki.
Considering how well his projects had been going lately, though, Thor decided that going off on his own would probably result in yet another failure. And since it was Loki, failure could be catastrophic, of the world-ending, Ragnarok-starting order. He needed help. Or advice at the very least. And maybe it was time to face the music for his recent misdeeds anyway. So once he'd cleaned up both himself and the room, and left a very generous donation for the maid that would have to deal with what he couldn't get out, Thor picked up his gear and concentrated. A breathe of time later, he was at the base of Bifrost.
It always gave him shivers to look up the Rainbow Bridge. It was beautiful and spectacular. And he wasn't allowed to set foot on it. Heimdal claimed it was because Thor would destroy it, but he'd always rather suspected that it was because he'd slept with one of his mothers. With a sigh, he began the trek around to wade through Körmt and Ormt, then through the Kerlaugar, in order to get home. He'd change his pants and shoes, and then...
And then he'd go speak to his father. And take whatever punishment was due.