Freedom Is Just Another Word... [tag: Sigyn]
Continued from here.
Loki blinked in disbelief. What exactly had he done? He knew that he ripped his arm free, unintentionally, but on an emotional level there was something more to it. His son. Correction, he and Sigyn's son, or what remained of him, was now torn... broken... He wasn't quite sure what to make of it. He wondered if he was hallucinating. Lifting his free arm again, he turned it around, watched it twitch and felt the muscles burn from sudden use. No, it was quite real. In a fury he had ripped apart some of Narvi's remains.
He dropped the arm at his side. It hurt already. Millenia of lack of use had left him weak. He was disturbed deeply and closed his eyes to try to block it out. Maybe if he closed his eyes tight enough, willed it to not be true, it wouldn't be.
Cautiously, he opened one eye, then the other and raised the arm yet again. It was hard to swallow, after being in one place for so long, that there was the chance for it to not be so. But he said it himself to Hel, he was remaining there by choice and by choice alone.
Sighing, he realized she had a point. As much as he hated to admit it, she had a point. And so had Sigyn. But Hel's words were still fresh in his mind. The Aesir put him there. They had scared Vali to the point of his transformation. They stood there and watched, and restrained Loki, while Vali killed his brother. They gut Narvi. They desecrated the remains of an innocent boy and used them to punish his father. It was one thing for Sigyn to tell him time and again that the Aesir were at fault for this, it was another to have his daughter -who had no real vested interest in her half-brothers from what he knew, to echo the sentiments.
And he was so incredibly proud of Hel. She had done so much with her place in life, made the best of it. She was strong, she was confident... she was everything he could have hoped she would become and more. Maybe he never told her those words exactly, but she should have known. And she was right again. She was living and breathing. She was his daughter.
He wanted to go after her and tell her that she was important to him.
For the first time since his imprisonment, Loki actually wanted to get off the rock, leave the cave and do something. But he couldn't do that still bound. And he couldn't bring himself to break Narvi's remains to get free. Damned if he did, damned if he didn't. Either he destroyed what remained of Narvi and went after Hel, or he lay there keeping Narvi's remains intact and let Hel think she was nothing to him. There was no winning in this scenario. Even though he already made up his mind, he was trying to talk himself out of it. Narvi was his son. This was all that remained of his son. If he broke the bindings, that was it. No more Narvi at all.
Loki closed his eyes, bit his lip and pulled upward on the bindings holding his left arm in place. When the same snapping sound gave way to freedom, he winced. He didn't want to do this. He really didn't. But if he was going to do it, there was no point in doing it half-assed and he'd have to do it before Sigyn came back. He couldn't do this with her watching. He couldn't subject her to it. It would hurt them both.
Both hands came together above him and rubbed each other for the first time in millenia. He sighed and bit down harder on his lip, four straps remained. He tried to bend his right knee first. There was a small amount of give and he exploited that to bend and kick until another snap sounded and the right leg was free. Then the same with the left. There was tear dripping down his cheek, but it went unnoticed by him. It was breaking his heart to have to do this.
Two more bindings.
The strap of flesh across his chest was difficult. It was tight enough that he couldn't lift his upper body enough to get any real leverage. Taking a deep breath, he held it in and grappled at the strap as best he could with both hands... tugging... twisting...
SNAP
One more.
Pressing up on his elbows first, then to his palms, Loki forced himself into a sitting position and looked down at the final strap of his son's remains holding him captive. If he broke that, he was free. But that meant the last of Narvi was gone. There were the bits of him on and around the rock, sure, but Loki would have to actually do harm to his son's remains. It made him sick. He was nauseous but he still pulled himself free with a final snap and then had to turn himself quickly to vomit over the side of the rock that had held him prisoner for so long.
He wasn't sure what to do next. He could wait for Sigyn, well he would wait for Sigyn before he really went anywhere, or he could go outside. The promise of fresh air and sunshine was tempting, but what if he was spotted? Then again, if someone came by and found him free sitting there, there was no exit. At least outside there was the opportunity to attempt to get away.
His muscles were quivering, but he forced his legs to swing over the edge of the rock, opposite from where he had vomited, and tried to stand... only to collapse to the ground. This was going to take time. Regardless, he needed to not be helpless and cornered if someone other than Sigyn noticed him this way.
His fingers dug into the earth and slowly he dragged himself to freedom. To fresh air... to sunshine. He wasn't sure how long it took him, twenty minutes... an hour... it felt like days, but he found himself a soft earthy spot outside. It was cold, still winter, but it was a different kind of cold. And there was sun glistening off the snow. Loki struggled for a time, but got himself into a position where he could sit and just look at something other than dull cave walls. He was free.