christophe924 (christophe924) wrote in dalton_rpg, @ 2011-03-05 02:05:00 |
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Entry tags: | ! thread, # pairing: christophe/joel, @ character: christophe cottier, @ character: joel o'hara, status: complete |
Who: Christophe and Joel
What: Another confession and some boyfriendly love.
When: March 3rd after this here conversation.
Where: Joel’s room
Rating: SFW?? talk of drugs and violence, and some making out.
Christophe was bored on the night of March 3rd. When Joel invited him over past 9:30 at night, he knew what that meant. Yes, he knew they should be taking it slow, but he wanted to go be with Joel. He loved the boy, whether that was healthy or not. He had decided he wasn’t going to reject Joel ever again.
So he headed across campus and up the stairs, tapping softly on Joel’s door. “Bonjour, mon amour.”
A moment later Joel answered. He was in his pajamas and wearing a big grin. ”Bonjour, Chris...” Joel leaned up, pressing his lips gently to the other boys. “Come in.” He stepped back, motioning for Chris to join him. He even had a candle going.
“I’ve missed you...” He murmured, watching him with a soft smile.
Chris smiled, moving closer in. He leaned forward and kissed the boy again. He put his arms around Joel’s waist. He smiled, and said into the kiss “I know, love. I’m here now.”
Joel pressed close, draping his arms over Chris’ shoulders. “Mm... I know, and I’m glad. I can’t think of a better way to spend the night.” With that, he kissed him again.
“I couldn’t agree more.”
Christophe wanted to be with Joel, he really did, but as he pressed his lips passionately into Joel’s, he couldn’t shake the feeling that they had to talk first. The last time they really spoke was when they went to get Joel help with his depression.
“What’s wrong?” Joel asked as he pulled back, looking him over. Of course he could tell something was bothering him. “Tell me....”
“No-” he began, interrupting himself, “my god, Joel. How do you do that? Read me so well?” He spread away a little, keeping his arms on the boy and smiling softly at him. “Nothings wrong, I just think we should... talk.”
Joel laughed softly, smiling at his boyfriend. “Because I know you and I love you and you wear your emotions pretty much all over your face. At least, I think so.” He kissed him once more, staying close. “Talk? Okay, we can talk...”
Christophe sighed. He smiled at Joel’s words. He let himself love being loved. He almost forgot what they were even talking about.
“I just, I think we should start over. We haven’t... trusted each other. We haven’t been perfect. I want us to be perfect. I think we need full...eh, truth. Honesty.”
“Well, I don’t know that we can ever be perfect. We’re only human. But we can certainly try. I agree about the honesty though. Complete honesty and truth from this point on.” Joel agreed with a nod. That didn’t include what had happened before now, did it? He hoped not.
“I... I need to tell you some things about myself, Joel. Some things I’ve kept hidden since... since last year. Before we even broke up before.” He watched the words spilling out of his mouth. He wanted to catch them, to take them back and keep himself from going any further. He was surprised he’d even been able to say that much. He broke away and sat down on the edge of Joel’s bed. He stared at the wall, pretending he was saying these things to someone else, not the person he loved.
“Joel, I’m a mess.” He waited for Joel to respond before going on. What if Joel didn’t want to hear it? What if it made him stop loving Chris? What was he doing? He froze, unable to move his eyes from their spot on the wall.
“Baby,” Joel said softly. He moved over, kneeling on the floor. He sat on one side, resting his chin on Chris’ knee. “You can tell me anything, you know that. It’s okay.” Gently he ran his fingertips over Chris’ thigh, green eyes staring up at him curiously. “Go ahead when you’re ready.”
Christophe decided to just get it out all at once, like ripping off a band-aid. “Joel, when I was in Switzerland, and I first realized... that I’m, gay... I freaked out. Instead of figuring things out the smart, normal way, I kissed one of my best friends. I’m not even sure why. I just... well, I did it. And suddenly, before I was even sure, everyone knew. Everyone knew I was gay. And... people there, they’re, eh, religious? They don’t think that being gay is... okay, like people here do. They... hate gay people.” He wanted to leave it at that. Not go on. He almost stopped there, but when he looked down and saw Joel’s big eyes looking up at him, he knew he had to do what was right. He had to be honest.
“People beat me. When they saw me in the halls, they shoved me. People, eh, attacked me, and called me horrible things. It’s mostly all a... eh, blur. I have... scars... and I can’t even remember where they come from. I just... I hated life. The only places I felt safe were in Portugal, where I was still straight, and with you. I had no friends at home but Gabrielle. My own father and stepmother wouldn’t even forgive me for it. They tried, but I know they do not accept me. I tried to pretend to be this happy boy who still had lots of friends for you. I dreamt of a place like Dalton where it was okay to be myself.” He paused at this, waiting for Joel’s reply before continuing. What if Joel was mad at him for lying and didn’t even want to hear the rest? Part of him hoped that would be the case, just so he had an excuse not to continue.
Joel didn’t even know what to say. He was torn between being completely enraged at the people who could ever treat Christophe like that. He was the sweetest, most genuine person he’d ever known. He just couldn’t wrap his head around it. He knew how intolerant some people were, even whole communities, but never having come up against it himself he couldn’t quite relate.
“Oh, Chris...” he murmured softly, tears starting to well up in his eyes then. “I’m so sorry. I... I don’t know what to say... I just want to hug you and kiss you and make it all go away but I can’t.”
Christophe was almost happy to hear Joel’s reaction. “Um. Yeah. I just wanted to make it all go away. And you weren’t there. And Portugal was... so far away. And I didn’t know what to do. And then... there were... drugs. When we broke up it was just, eh, pot. I just, felt better for a while when I was high. Life was easier when I was high. But then, after, when I was alone,” he felt a lump in his throat. This was the tough part. “There were... eh, powders, too. And I don’t even know what else. They were a, em, a... distraction?. They... cleared my mind, and made me feel, eh, high. I didn’t care what I did to harm myself because no one cared when others harmed me. I realized after a few months of it that I had to stop, I had to take care of my sister. I quit everything, not even the occasional smoke or, eh, anything. My father found me acting, eh, strange, even after I quit, and told me it was time to send me away like he did to Georges, my, eh, brother. I plead to him that he would at least send me here, where I wouldn’t have to be scared any more.” He breathed deeply. He couldn’t even bring himself to look at Joel’s reaction. He just kept his eyes on the wall.
Once again Joel was rendered practically speechless. He frowned deeply, sighing. “I worried that might have been the case. Ever since I found out you’d done some drugs here...” He frowned. Joel took a deep breath, “But... it’s the past. Just promise me you won’t ever do those things again? I can’t imagine loosing you.” He reached up, gently stroking the other boys cheek.
That was the reaction Chris had been expecting the least. Not only had he lied, but he’d done something he knew Joel was not okay with. After the shock faded, he was more than relieved. “You’re not going to lose me.” He put his hand on the other boy’s, but still couldn’t bring himself to look at the other boy’s face. He also couldn’t bring himself to make the promise Joel was asking for. “That’s why, when you first told me you loved me, I... I freaked. Because I’ve changed. So much. And I felt like we barely even still knew each other when I first came here. I... I can’t handle things. I can’t handle being scared or worried because it just makes me want to go... get high again.” He didn’t even know where these words were coming from. He just knew he trusted Joel with them and wanted Joel to hear them.
Joel nodded, listening to everything he said. “Chris, baby, if you’re ever scared or worried just come to me. We can work things out or I can help you so you don’t feel like you need to go get high. That’s part of my job, you know.” He gave a soft, sad smile then.
Christophe didn’t want to tell Joel he was wrong, he didn’t want Joel to know that Chris’ problems were bigger than that. He finally turned to look at Joel. He held Joel’s head in his hands and leaned down to kiss him. “Thank you,” he whispered into the kiss. “I love you.”
“I love you too Chris. Please... anything you need. You can come to me. I want to be whatever you need.” He smiled softly before returning the kiss.
Chris couldn’t even find the words to appropriately thank Joel. He continued the kiss, putting all of his emotion into it. He wrapped his arms around the boy. “Thank you,” he repeated, “so much. I promise you will be my everything. We need each other, and we need to tell each other... everything.”
Joel felt a pang of guilt then. He couldn’t tell Chris what had happened before. It would kill him. “So, does this mean we’re officially back together then? I wasn’t sure...” He kissed him gently again.
“I don’t know. Do you want to be?” He smiled flirtatiously, hiding the fact that the thought of being Joel’s boyfriend again made him extremely happy.
“I do.” Joel replied softly, unable to look away from Chris’ eyes. “God, I love your eyes... I feel so happy when you look at me like that.” He giggled a little, heat rising in his cheeks.
“Great. It’s settled then.” Chris smiled, happy to make Joel happy. He couldn’t believe how easily Joel had gotten over this. It actually struck him as kind of strange. Why wasn’t Joel angry at all? Chris told Joel he did drugs and lied and then... became his boyfriend? That didn’t seem right to him. He kissed Joel one more time before asking, “Joel... How are you so... okay with all of this?”
Joel sighed a little, looking down. “I don’t have any right to be upset with what happened in the past. I... it does upset me, Chris, that you turned to those things and that you did it again when you were already here but... I’m trying to understand. I don’t like that you lied and I don’t like that you did drugs but I love you. I don’t want to lose you. I’m chosing to move past that so we can be happy.”
Chris smiled at Joel, and put his hand on the boy’s chin, tilting his head up. “I love it when you talk all understanding and logical to me.” He pressed his mouth to Joel’s again. He put his hands back on his boyfriend’s hips. His boyfriend’s hips. He was so happy to be there with Joel, so happy Joel wasn’t mad and they were together.
“Mm, Chris.. “ He murmured softly against his lips, moving up when Chris touched his hips. He pressed forward, moving the other boy back against the bed. “I really did miss you and this...”
“God, I know, I missed this so much.” Christophe let Joel guide him, leaning back on the bed. He pulled the boy in as close as he could. He didn’t want to ever let Joel go again.