Philander Gentry (notsogenteel) wrote in dalton_rpg, @ 2011-01-31 21:32:00 |
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Entry tags: | ! thread, # pairing: fletcher/jakoby, # pairing: jak/phil, @ character: fletcher reid, @ character: jakoby smith, character: philander gentry, status: complete |
Who: Fletcher & Jakoby + Phil
Where: Jak & Fletch’s room.
What: In a moment of weakness, Jak screws everything up.
When: Monday, January 31st, evening
Rating: NSFWish due to implications...?
It probably annoyed Fletcher way more than it should have, but Jakoby was his best friend, and losing him to some new boyfriend stung. Badly. Like a good friend, he listened to all the gushing Jakoby did, all the date details, every little thing that took Jake's time away from hanging out with Fletcher. At first, it wasn't so bad. Jake kept a good balance between hanging out with Fletch and hanging out with Phil, but as the weeks went on, Jake was going on more and more dates with Phil, and was unconsciously ignoring Fletcher. He couldn't take it anymore. The whole thing brought up so many issues with him, that it was hard to even look at Jakoby and not picture himself being completely abandoned by his only true friend. Whenever Jakoby came back to their room, Fletcher knew he was going to say something point blank.
But instead of saying something right then and there, he decided to wait, so the only look Jakoby got from Fletcher when he walked through the door was a mean and hurt glare.
There was tension between him and Fletcher, and Jakoby knew it – he just didn’t want to admit the extent of it. And it wasn’t intentional, either. He didn’t mean to start spending less time with his best friend, it was just one of those things that had happened. Phil had so much going on recently, and Jake needed to be there for him. It didn’t help matters that he and Fletcher had never been through the dynamic of one of them having a boyfriend, so it was an adjustment, to say the least. It might not have been so bad, if it weren’t for all of Fletcher’s abandonment issues; not to pin the blame of their tension entirely on him. Jake probably could have been balancing the two of them a bit better, but he hated not being there for Phil just as much as he hated making Fletcher feel alone. Besides, it seemed fair to spend his free afternoons and some (read, most) evenings with Phil, considering he spent the majority of his night with Fletcher, in that they were roommates; they still saw plenty of each other. Still had plenty of time to talk, or goof off. There was just... a lot less cuddling and a complete lack of making out.
He was somewhat high off of a really great swim when he walked into their room, setting his bag down near the end of his bed. His smile dropped away immediately as he caught the look his roommate was giving him, though. “Uh. Did I leave something on the wrong side of the room again...?” he asked, assuming that probably wasn’t the case but unsure of what else to say. He really didn’t want to have the conversation he sensed might be coming - especially considering the other conversation he was expecting to have that night. But he knew that it was long over-due; he’d been avoiding it since Phil and Fletcher’s first blow-out.
Fletcher was silent at first. He just continued to stare Jakoby down, his face darkening. He knew that Jakoby knew exactly what this was really about. "Why are you here? I thought you'd be in Phil's room by now," he finally spoke, an edgy tone to his voice. "I mean, since he's all you ever care about now and all you ever talk about." Okay, so maybe Fletcher was over-exaggerating just a little bit, but at that moment, he didn't care.
After a moment or two of silence, Jakoby rolled his eyes, turning around to set his cell-phone on his nightstand. He froze, for a moment, at the first question – what the Hell gave him the right? This was his room just as much as it was Fletcher’s – but then the rest of his thought process came out, and Jake sighed, turning around to face him. “Your jealous is showing,” he muttered, crossing his arms as he steadily met his best friend’s glare, “And, frankly, it’s a bit inappropriate.”
Fletcher's only reaction was to strengthen his already harsh glare. "But I'm right, aren't I? It's not fair that you're spending all your time with Phil! It's not like I have a whole lot of other actual friends to hang out with here!" he growled, pushing his hair behind one ear with his fingers, which only resulting in him accidentally scratching his ear with his nails. "You're forgetting about me, Jakoby. You're ignoring me."
“He’s my boyfriend, Fletcher,” Jakoby responded, doing his best to keep his voice level, “I have every right to spend as much time as I damn well please with him.” He shook his head before letting his gaze wander around the room, no longer able to stare at the anger and the masked hurt in his best friend’s eyes. “It is not my fault that you aren’t more social – you’ve got the soccer team, the swim team, why don’t you start hanging around with some of them?” He sighed again, unfolding his arms and reaching up to run a hand through his hair, “Look, I know you get lonely, but I can’t be here for you twenty-four/seven anymore.”
His gaze shot back over to Fletcher, his eyes flashing with annoyance as he countered, “I have not been ignoring you.” Which was entirely true. Being too busy and preoccupied to spend every waking moment with him were not the same things as ignoring him. Jake still answered his calls, his texts; still talked to him every night, still spoke with him in class.
"I don't hang out with them because I don't like them! They don't understand me like you do..." Fletcher let his words drift off when he noticed Jakoby looking away from him. "And besides, even if you don't ignore me, we're still not spending time together like we used to. I don't like this sort of change, it's making me feel like you're...moving on to someone better and you're trying to replace me with him."
Oh, well here came the guilt trip and damnit if those didn’t work on Jake 90% of the time – his mother was notorious for using them. For a moment, he actually thought that Fletcher was about to pull out the phrase ‘you’re abandoning me’ and that really just wouldn’t have been fair. As it was, he still wasn’t being completely fair, but Jakoby couldn’t fault him entirely, not when he sounded so damn sad. His voice was softer - both in volume and in tone - when he spoke again, “I’m not replacing you, Fletch; I couldn’t. Are you honestly going to doubt that?” It stung a little, to be perfectly honest, that Fletcher thought Jake could replace him so easily and quickly; it hurt more that Fletcher thought he would. “You need to get used to the idea of sharing me, Fletcher,” he added, holding his gaze as he spoke in an attempt at penetrating through his defences.
"Well, I don't want to share you!" Fletcher knew he sounded childish at that point. Hell, it was his go-to reaction whenever he didn't have anything mature left to say. He knew it was selfish, but his words were absolutely true. Jakoby was the only person, besides his parents, who really cared for him and was there when he needed him. Now that his time was occupied by Phil, Fletcher was scared that he was going to slip away and abandon him as soon as things with Phil got really serious. "I don't want to go through that again!" That being the abandonment he felt after he found out he was adopted.
Jake’s eyes widen slightly at Fletcher’s outburst. It wasn’t so much the confession – without being said, that part had already been quiet obvious – it was more so the completely entitled way in which he’d said it. That was one way to completely turn things back around, and Jake couldn’t help throwing his hands up in frustration at the next statement, his voice rising again as he nearly-shouted, “I’m not your fucking birth parents, Fletcher!” Maybe he was overreacting, but so was Fletcher. It wasn’t right for him to compare the way Jake handled his relationships to the fact that his parents had put him up for adoption. They were entirely different things. Maybe Fletcher was getting at something – yes, it might be harder to lose a best friend than it was to miss a family he’d never even known, but that wasn’t the point. Jake didn’t do abandonment and if Fletcher wasn’t going to realize that, maybe they didn’t know each other so well after all.
Jakoby's shout made Fletcher's whole body go numb. He stayed completely still and completely silent until everything inside of him just boiled over. "Get out, Jakoby! Seriously, just leave already! I don't want you as my roommate anymore, I don't want you as my best friend anymore! Take all your shit and get the fuck out! Or better yet, I'll leave and you and your boyfriend can be together and not have to worry about me ruining your fucking love life!" He went over to his desk and kicked it out of anger and frustration. Pain throbbed throughout his foot as soon as he did it, but he didn't care. He kicked it again. And again. And again.
They’d had fights before – what best friends hadn’t? – but Jakoby couldn’t think of a single time when either of them had ever started shouting at the other. “Fletc—,” he started, only to be cut-off by his roommate’s slew of demands. He had half a mind to just walk out, give them both some time to cool off for a while, but as he made to turn around, he heard the sound of the impact as Fletcher released his frustration. Instinctively, Jake moved to stop him; it was practically second nature to him – Joey, Bradley, Daniel... they were all still pretty young, and Jake had dealt with his fair share of temper tantrums from each of them.
“Jesus Christ, would you just chill before you break your goddamn foot or something?” he demanded, literally hauling Fletcher back to the middle of the room and away from anything he could hurt himself on. Shifting slightly, he moved his hands to grip Fletcher’s arms tightly enough to keep him there but – hopefully – not tightly enough to leave him bruised. “You’re fragile and you know it,” he chastised, looking him in the eyes.
At first, Fletcher struggled in Jake's hold. He was still on his angry high and still had some fight left in him. He kept shrieking "Let go of me, Jakoby, let go of me!" until Jakoby pointed out his fragility. He stopped struggling, but his entire body shook as he fought back tears. "I know. That's the point," he said in a quiet voice, looking down at the foot he had kicked against the desk.
Jakoby could feel Fletcher shaking, could hear that ‘I’m verging on tears’ tone in his voice, and it broke his heart. He would always have a soft spot for Fletcher, no matter where they stood at any given time. Bring his hand to the other teen’s face, Jake set his fingers gently under his chin, using them to tilt his face upwards, murmuring, “Hey, look at me.”
Fletcher made a little sniffling noise as his chin was forced upwards. At Jakoby's command, he looked up at him, his eyes full of tears. "Why are you doing this? We hate each other now, remember?" he mumbled, biting his bottom lip. "I just don't want you to leave me..." His tone of voice was more frightened than accusing now.
“You’re going to need to try a whole lot harder than that if you want me to hate you,” he assured him, smiling a little sadly as his gaze flicked down to the lip Fletcher was biting. God, he’d never dealt with an upset Fletcher whom he couldn’t just try to kiss better – what was he supposed to do? That had been the only tactic he’d ever really needed, but it was out of the question now. “I’m not going to leave you,” he insisted, a pleading tone in his voice as he added, “Why can’t you just trust me on that?”
"I want to trust you...it's just hard," Fletcher confessed, squirming in Jakoby's hold. "I feel like such a dumbass, but at the same time, I don't want Phil to come and steal you away from me. I know, I know, he's your boyfriend, but I'm your best friend. That should count for something..." He went from biting his lip to biting the inside of his cheek. "I'm an idiot, aren't I?" he groaned, closing his eyes.
"I’m still the same person that you’ve always trusted," Jake countered, pouting just a little, "Maybe I’m not around as much as I used to be, but who I am hasn’t changed." Sighing, Jakoby loosened his grip on Fletcher’s arms when he started squirming, "It does count for something, Fletch. It counts for a lot." Frowning at Fletcher’s self-depreciation, he pulled his best friend in for a proper hug, mumbling, "No you aren’t, Fletcher. Being used to having someone around doesn’t make you an idiot."
Fletcher glanced up at Jakoby when he was pulled into a proper hug. "You're always so damn warm," he murmured, burying his face into the crook of Jake's shoulder. "And you always know the right things to say. Phil's so lucky..." his voice trailed off before he pushed upwards on his tip-toes and planted his lips right on top of Jakoby's.
That really wasn’t at all how Jake saw things – he just... spoke, and hoped to God that what he was saying would make things better instead of worse. Maybe it just seemed like he said the right things because he’d come to know Fletcher so well over the past year and a half. Or maybe he just didn’t give himself enough credit. "I’d-" he started, but his protests were cut off as Fletcher’s lips pressed against his, causing him to still for a moment, his eye widening as he tried to process what had just happened. Unwinding his arms from Fletcher’s body, he moved his hands to his friend’s shoulders, intending to push him away. Instead, he was drawn in by the familiarity of the action and his hands slipped up to lock behind Fletcher’s neck, holding him there as Jake finally kissed him back.
Fletcher's lips curled into a smile as Jakoby didn't seem to push him away. It felt just like how it was before Jakoby and Phil got together, and Fletcher absolutely loved it. He finally pulled away after a rather long kiss, but took the other's acceptance of the kiss as an invitation to do more. Fletcher pressed his lips against the side of Jake's neck, peppering soft kisses on the skin.
It felt exactly like before, which was precisely why Jakoby didn’t push him away – there was no feeling of needing to deny him. This was comfortable, normal. Except that it wasn’t normal, not anymore. Even still, he couldn’t bring himself to break the kiss – one kiss wouldn’t hurt, right? He didn’t encourage cheating, but... Phil didn’t need to know. Right? He offered a small, almost sad smile as the other teen finally pulled back, expecting that that would be the end of it; Fletcher had other plans, as it seemed. The was an involuntary whine of contentedness as Fletcher’s lips trailed over his skin, but this time he did move his hands down to his roommate’s shoulders. "Fletch..." he warned quietly, pleadingly. He hated the idea of having to turn Fletcher away, but they couldn’t do this.
Fletcher stopped the kisses, but didn't pull away yet. "I won't tell Phil," he whispered against Jakoby's skin, his breathing slightly quicker than usual. "It'll be our little secret," he promised, adding a soft peck for effect. "I'll take it to my grave and I'm sure you will too..."
Shivering as Fletcher’s breath ghosted over his skin, Jake quietly argued back, "Fletcher, I can’t..." He closed his eyes at the light kiss, biting down on his bottom lip. He’d never needed to tell Fletcher no before and as simple as the word was, Jake was having trouble forcing it out. This wasn’t fair. It wasn’t fair to Phil, for obvious reasons, and it wasn’t fair to Fletcher, who’d had no warning of his relationship with Phil, no chance for any sort of closure to their not-relationship. But who was it most unfair to? Who was he to decide that?
Fletcher frowned, taking a step back. Sure, he wanted to keep kissing Jakoby, but he never forced anything on him, and this was no exception. "Then why did you return the kiss? I figured that meant you wanted to go back to how it was before Phil, for one more time," he rambled, running his fingertips up and down Jakoby's arm, something he knew that he liked. "One more time for closure would be nice..." Fletcher didn't particularly like guilt-tripping anyone, especially his best friend, but he was upset that Jakoby was so willing to kiss him back, only to reject him a few seconds later.
"A kiss is a kiss," he responded, knowing that it was flimsy reasoning, "I didn’t--- I just..." How was he supposed to explain that it had been instinctive, an attempt at comfort? A shiver ran down his spine as his arm was caressed, his mind still warring with itself. Biting down on his bottom lip, he listened as Fletcher continued, his heart dropping a little as the same things he’d previously been thinking were practically said back to him. He could hear the upset in Fletcher’s voice and hated that he’d put it there. Again. "I..." One last, pleading look was sent Fletcher’s way before he looked down, "Swear that you’ll never tell him." Because Phil could never, ever know about this. It would ruin everything, and Jakoby was so happy with where they were in their relationship. How could he be sure that Fletcher wouldn’t rat him out in another fit of jealous? "Swear it."
"Never ever," Fletcher promised. And he was telling the truth. He didn't have the intention of ruining Jakoby's life, and no matter how jealous he became, he'd never tell Phil about something like that. "Pinky promise," he held out his pinky finger, as childish as it was, smiling sweetly up at Jake. "He'll never know." After the promise was established, he went right back to kissing Jakoby's neck, moving upwards to brush his lips right below his ear.
Linking pinkies, he took a breath before offering Fletcher a small smile - there was no going back now. Still, Jakoby hesitated for another moment before finally letting one of his hands settle at Fletcher’s waist, his thumb hooking into a belt-loop and using it to tug him forward slightly. His brought his other hand up, threading his fingers through his best friend’s hair as he gently angled his face upwards. Pressing a gentle, tentative kiss to his lips, Jake tried to push the guilt from his mind.
Fletcher made a soft, appreciative noise when Jakoby's hand ran through his hair. He pressed up against the other teen's body slightly, returning the tentative kiss and deepening it. He then lifted a hand and laid his palm on Jake's cheek, stroking the soft skin tenderly. "You're amazing," he said in a quiet voice once they pulled away from each other to breathe.
Letting go of his belt-loop, Jake wrapped his arm around Fletcher’s waist, holding him close as the kiss deepened. Whether they should or shouldn’t be doing this was irrelevant to the fact that it felt amazing to have Fletcher with him again. With Christmas break having faded immediately into his newly found ‘taken’ status, it had been a while since they’d had a chance to do this. He smiled softly at the comment, shaking his head slightly as he mumbled, "Nah, ‘m not." Because, really, though he felt good physically, he was still feeling like a terrible person.
"You are," Fletcher insisted, taking the time to peck a kiss with each word he marked off. "You're sweet." Peck. "Funny." Peck. "Nice." Peck. "Amazing." Peck. Peck. Peck. "Don't worry about Phil, okay?" he instructed, kissing Jakoby's earlobe. "I've missed this...so much..."
When making a proclamation of love, Phil did not believe in subtly. If his previous gestures were anything to go by - hint: the PA system - he was the sort who’d tell the whole world how he felt, regardless of whether or not they cared. And so, here he was, brusque as ever, not even bothering to knock at the door. Lady Luck being as kind as ever, she left it unlocked for him. Jakoby was in for quite the surprise.
Phil twisted the handle and stepped inside--
--he felt his heart shatter.
Jakoby all but jumped out of his skin when the door opened – he hadn’t thought to lock it when he’d gotten back from practise, hadn’t been expecting anything to happen that couldn’t be walked in on, – his hand falling away from Fletcher’s waist as he pulled back. He spun around, a bit of a deer-in-headlights expression on his face as he registered Phil’s presence. No, no, oh God, this wasn’t happening. "Phil, I..." he stopped, just looking at him, his eyes apologetic.
Phil didn’t know how he did it in that moment but he found his voice:
“You what?”
He was met with silence for a long moment before Jakoby weakly ventured, “I’m so sorry.” What could he do, really? There was absolutely no use in denying it, and honesty was supposed to be the best policy, right? And... it wasn’t like Phil had caught him sleeping with someone else - he and Fletcher were just kissing; they could get through this. They could... so long as Phil was willing to give him a second chance.
He didn’t know how to react, couldn’t react. Phil stared at him, expecting the sight before his eyes to melt away into some sort of surreal dream. Except that it didn’t. The longer he stared, the more he realized that this wasn’t going to go away. This was their reality.
“So am I...”
Phil turned around and walked out the door.
It was another moment or two before Jake brought his hand up, closing his eyes as he pinched the bridge of his nose and let out a – rather loud – "FUCK." He had royally fucked up, through and through, hadn’t he?
He’d forgotten that Fletcher was even there until he felt a comforting hand on his shoulder – which he then shrugged off, shaking his head a little as he pulled away. "Don’t," he instructed, the word coming out a little more forcefully than he’d intended, which only made him feel worse. "I... sorry,” he muttered, dropping his hand back to his side and opening his eyes. "I have to go," he added, flashing Fletcher an apologetic look as he headed for the door, hurrying to catch up with Phil.
"Phil, wait," he pleaded, not stopping his movement until he’d caught up to him. Reaching out, he grabbed onto Phil’s arm, gently pulling him to a stop, "Please, don’t go. Please. I..." Biting his lip, he met his boyfriend’s – they... were still boyfriends, right? – eyes, "I’m sorry, please believe me."
When Phil turned, his eyes brimmed with tears. They must have shone in the light. He cast his gaze to the floor, refusing to let Jakoby see him like this; he’d already seen him at his worst, he didn’t need to be caught in a vulnerable state again.
A cold, broken laugh escaped past his lips. “I believe you. I mean, I’m not surprised. I don’t blame you. At least he’s not the emotional wreck that I am, right?” Phil pulled away from Jakoby and continued down the hall, passing by his room. He didn’t want to be here. He couldn’t handle it. “Please. Don’t follow me.”
Jake wasn’t sure if he could ever forgive himself for being the one to put those tears in Phil’s eyes – goddamnit, that wasn’t how things were supposed to go when you cared about someone. "You are the only one I want to be with," he stated when Phil finished, "What just happened wasn’t about your ‘baggage’ or about wanting him more than you.” His tone was pleading now, but he didn’t care, “This was a mistake. A huge, cold, fucked-up mistake, and I’m an idiot, but I can’t take it back.” Hand falling limply back to his side when the older teen pulled away, Jake stood there for a moment, honestly unsure of what he should do. Did he give Phil the space that he seemed to be requesting? Or did not going after him somehow give off the impression of not caring?
Ultimately, the need to know that they had a chance of getting through this pushed him on, so Jakoby continued after him again, cutting him off. "I’ll leave you alone, since that’s what you want," he prefaced, refraining – with some difficulty – from reaching out to touch Phil again, “I will; I get that you need space." Taking a breath, he paused before adding, "But I need to hear you say that this isn’t the end and that you don’t hate me. That there might still be a chance – Hell, that there is still a chance." He knew that Phil was hurting right now, but... so was he. It was his own fault, yes, but this was hurting him too, and he caught Phil’s gaze, praying that he was able to see that.
"I came to say that I love you! What do you think!" Phil shook his head. He couldn't say anymore; the words caught in his throat. Of all the dozens of emotions he felt palpitating within his chest, sadness ranked just above his former excitement, the latter quickly plummeting towards a jagged crevasse, towards the very depths of his heart, just beneath the guarded locks.
Two more steps to spin away and he cast the keys aside. "I don't know what to think of you... you fucking whore..." muttered without inflection, let alone thought.
Eyes widening at that confession, Jake just stared for a moment, stunned into silence. Phil was... in love with him? Shit. If he hadn’t been feeling like the world’s biggest asshole earlier, he definitely was now. This moment was terrifying for all the wrong reasons. He didn’t reach out this time, still trying to process this new information.
Wincing, Jakoby dropped his gaze, shaking his head slightly at the... accusation? Comment? Whatever it was meant as. It hurt. A lot. True as it was, for all the times that he’d been called a whore or a slut – both jokingly and seriously – and for all the times he had used them to describe himself, none of that compared to hearing it now, from Phil. Maybe it was the boyfriend factor, or maybe it was the sheer pain radiating from the other teen, but whatever it was, it fucking hurt. It was no longer something that Jake could simply brush off and ignore. Wrapping his arms around himself, his tone was more subdued than it had been before as he quietly pointed out, “I told you from the start that’s what I was.”
"I believe you now..." came the answer, too weary to be bitter. Footfalls continued down the hall. Away from his room, descending the stairs, away from everything.
Phil couldn't bear to cry in front of him.
Jake let him go this time. Anything he could do or say at this point was only going to cause more damage. Running a hand through his hair, he bit down on his bottom lip, stifling a sob of his own; he refused to cry over this. Not yet, anyway. He didn’t really deserve to be that upset – what had just transpired was his fault. He lingered in the hallway for a while, not sure what to do with himself – there was no way he could face Fletcher right now, but he had to at least go back and get his phone and jacket.
And then... what? Leave? There were classes tomorrow, he didn’t want to add skipping to the list of stupid things he’d done recently. What do you do when the only two locals you really go to for comfort are both out of the question? Dejectedly, he started back towards his room, still not knowing what he was going to do once he got there.