1st August 2016 • The Wizarding World's Beguiling Broadsheet of Choice • 5 κ
MEET THE NEW MINISTRY
By Elspeth Flint
In the wake of former Minister Bagnold's death and the resignation of many highly ranking Ministry officials, the Ministry has taken on a new leadership and new approaches to ending the war. Over the weekend, Acting Minister Bartemius Crouch reversed his barbaric policy on Wizengamot tribunals and overturned their previous rulings. Reginald Avery, Alecto Carrow, Antonin Dolohov, Magdalena Gibbon, Igor Karkaroff, Bellatrix Lestrange, Rabastan Lestrange, Rodolphus Lestrange and Sebastian Travers have been pardoned, cleared of wrongdoing and all previous charges against them have been dropped.
This revelation comes with news of a truce between the Ministry and Death Eaters promising no further attacks against the Ministry. With these new policies and a fresh new set of strategists, the Ministry hopes peace will now be attainable. And for the rest of us, there are more than a few reasons to be hopeful ourselves.
BARTEMIUS CROUCH ACTING MINISTER OF MAGIC
"The Ministry is strong. We will keep it that way." — Barty Crouch
The accolades Crouch has received during his time at the Ministry are too long to list, but they are a matter of public record and easily attainable. After years of working as an Auror and Special Assistant to the Auror Office, Crouch became Deputy Head of the Department of Magical Law Enforcement before assuming the position of Head in 1995. He's worked tirelessly for the department for the last twenty years. In that time, he's been renowned for his no-nonsense approach, his sound judgement, fairness and a spiffing pair of slacks. The Wizengamot agreed unanimously to his appointment and an upcoming election may soon seal the deal.
RODOLPHUS LESTRANGE MINISTER OF MAGIC CHIEF OF STAFF
After having been pardoned and with his good name cleared of wrongdoing, Lestrange steps into his new role in the Ministry. With him, he brings extensive business expertise and strong leadership skills. As the top advisor to the Minister, Lestrange takes his new role very seriously. Of the new appointment, he said: "Under the new truce, our most cherished beliefs will be safeguarded. We will defend our ideals by force of arms. We will give no ground to our enemies and we will stand together against attacks from with or without.
"Let the enemies of the Ministry take heed: Those who challenge our resolve will be crushed."
LESLIE JUGSON PRINCIPAL PRIVATE SECRETARY TO THE MINISTER
After years of working his way up through departments in the Ministry, former Policy Advisor for the Department of Magical Accidents and Catastrophes began working in the Minister's Office six years ago. This latest promotion gives him the opportunity to assist the Minister in completing his reforms and undoing some of the damage done by the Bagnold administration. Jugson, a man of many hobbies, spends his free time dining out and reading financial self-help books. Of his new position, he says, "I will do my very best to ensure that all policies are implemented for the good of the Wizarding World."
JAN LEVINSON HEAD OF THE DEPARTMENT OF MAGICAL LAW ENFORCEMENT
Levinson, the former CFO of Levi Candles, most known for their popular collaboration with Bertie Botts to create Every Scented Candles, assumes this position as a woman with many talents. Levinson takes on this new challenge after having already mastered a career as a singer, actor and mother. Civil servant is the latest of her endeavours but she plans to attack the task with the same vigor that has made her a successful, powerful woman to date. Of the former DMLE Head’s policies, she says, “The tribunals were a horrifying mistake, a stain on the DMLE’s record of fairness. Under my willing and supple leadership, we can make this department something everyone can trust and be proud of.”
(Levinson’s top-selling album “Mother of the Year (No, the Century)” and Bertie Botts Every Scented Candles are available for purchase through levisbb.mag)
MICHAEL SCOTT DEPUTY HEAD OF THE DEPARTMENT OF MAGICAL LAW ENFORCEMENT
Scott is the wildcard of this bunch of relatively familiar faces, but his appointment to this position indicates the Ministry’s seriousness about finding new approaches and perspectives to solving their problems. Formerly a professional cuddler for hire, Scott says he is most looking forward to applying his skillset — one which emphasizes harmony, relaxation and productivity — to make the DMLE the best it can be. First on his list of projects for the department: teambuilding in the wake of numerous resignations and implementing a daily yoga break for all personnel. In fact, he is so dedicated to his job, he states he immediately went out to buy himself a mug that boldly states “World’s Best Boss” — an accolade he intends to earn in the coming months.
JONAH YAXLEY HEAD OF THE AUROR OFFICE
A young, fresh new face among DMLE leadership, Yaxley’s appointment promises the new perspectives and tactics needed to accomplish the goals of law enforcement. Having worked in the Auror Office since he completed training in 2012, he has shown himself to be a true professional with numerous arrests and contributions to the well-being of the Wizarding World. His approachability and open-mindedness make him stand out further as the perfect choice to replace Scrimgeour and lead the Aurors to success.
PRUDENCE WILKES DEPUTY HEAD OF THE AUROR OFFICE
Following the demotion of troubled Deputy Head Johnson, Wilkes assumes the position and continues the trend of new perspectives to lead the DMLE. With years of experience in the Obliviation Headquarters, Wilkes has made a name for herself in the field of mind magic. With a skillset unique to the Auror Office, Wilkes’ promotion promises increased collaboration between the Aurors and Obliviators and new direction for a stagnating department.
NICO BARBARY HEAD OF THE HITWIZARD OFFICE
Despite faking his own death, Barbary remains Head of the Hitwizard Office.
EVAN ROSIER DEPUTY HEAD OF THE HITWIZARD OFFICE
Don’t be confused by his pretty face — a tenacious up-and-comer within the DMLE, Rosier follows in his late father’s steps to gain another rung on the ladder to the top of the department. But bite your tongue before you make any accusations of nepotism — Rosier has been a top performer in the Hitwizard Office since he first earned his badge and has more than earned his promotion through tireless work for the betterment of wizardkind. In a few short years, he has achieved more in his young career than many of his coworkers, including this newest promotion. Vigilantes and petty criminals everywhere, beware.
ARAMINTA MELIFLUA CHIEF WARLOCK OF THE WIZENGAMOT
Melflua has long been a maverick of policy, speaking her mind when others are cowed by political correctness. With strong opinions and innovative ideas as to how to make the Wizarding World a better place, Meliflua’s tenure as Chief Warlock promises to bring about fantastic new changes. Maybe that Muggle-hunting bill of hers will make another appearance. After all, with Quidditch on its way out, we’ll all need a new sport to follow before long.
NATALYA DOLOHOV CHIEF MINISTRY PROSECUTOR
Dolohov believes in justice and fortunately, justice was finally served to her when she was pardoned of the charge of being a Death Eater, for which she was falsely accused. After spending years running her own law firm and offering her services to the finest of the Wizarding World’s elite, she’s prepared to apply her vast legal knowledge and experience to a higher calling. She states, “There is nothing I believe in more than the law, to which I have devoted my life. As Chief Ministry Prosecutor I will ensure that the standards for prosecution are consistent and that the law is fairly and equally applied to all criminals, without prejudice." After Bones resigned in disgrace, Dolohov is just what the Ministry needs.
WALDEN MACNAIR CHIEF EXECUTIONER
In the past, Chief Executioner was a bit of a novelty position in the Ministry whose duties were reserved for the meanest of magical creature. But with the Dementors having fled Azkaban, the committee’s out on what local bone enthusiast, Macnair, will bring to the position. Perhaps there will be an end to the Dementor’s Kiss in favour of more humane methods of execution. Only time will tell what Macnair has in store for us. But one thing’s for sure: this wizard knows his anatomy.
PHILIP AVERY HEAD OF THE DEPARTMENT FOR THE REGULATION AND CONTROL OF MAGICAL CREATURES
Handsome newlywed Critter, Philip Avery, boasts years of experience in his department and a preternatural aptitude for dealing with the business of regulating and controlling magical creatures. "I'm beyond humbled by my selection as the next DRMC head. I've pledged my life to this department, and my goal is to help keep the citizens of wizarding Britain safe. As long as loyal witches and wizards abide by the common-sense rules of the Ministry, we hard-working members of the DRMC will be able to keep the wolves at bay, as we've done for generations. Thanks."
JACOB SLOPER DEPUTY HEAD OF THE DEPARTMENT FOR THE REGULATION AND CONTROL OF MAGICAL CREATURES
Sloper is still Deputy Head for the Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures. His work has been adequate in the past.
REGINALD AVERY HEAD OF THE DEPARTMENT OF MAGICAL ACCIDENTS AND CATASTROPHES
Forced to give a false confession of the murder of Anita Bones, Avery was given no choice but to abandon his post a few short weeks prior to the Death Eaters’ attack on the Ministry. He has since been cleared of all charges and found innocent of any criminal wrongdoing, freeing him up to resume the work he knows best. In his own words, "I'm looking forward to returning to my role of Head of the DMAC under the Crouch Ministry. Going forward I've numerous policy ideas to re-look at as, the public has suggested, things may need to be tweaked for today's world." And with an outlook like that, there are more reasons than ever to be hopeful about the future of our Ministry.
ALECTO CARROW HEAD OF THE OBLIVIATOR HEADQUARTERS
Carrow’s rise to the Head of the Obliviator Headquarters is nothing short of prolific — after being sentenced to life in Azkaban and serving months’ worth of hard time, Carrow’s good name has now been restored and she’s eager to pick up where she left off. Of her promotion, she says, "I will be taking the position as seriously as I did my role as an Obliviator. I care deeply for the safety of the wizarding world, and will ensure the Obliviator Office continues on this path. I have plans to ensure the importance of Wizarding Culture inside the office and out. I am honoured to be considered for the position and ready to get back to the work I am so passionate about." For our parts, we’re honoured to welcome you back, Alecto!
IMOGEN CRABBE DEPUTY HEAD OF THE OBLIVIATOR HEADQUARTERS
After serving for six and a half years as a full-time Obliviator, Crabbe is looking forward to continuing her work in making the Wizarding World a more secure place. With years of accomplishments under her fashionable belt, she hopes to “assist in continuing with the fine tradition the Obliviator Office has had over the years and to continue to enforce the Statute of Secrecy” to the utmost of her abilities. With a long and comprehensive record like hers, she seems more than up to the task.
IGOR KARKAROFF HEAD OF THE DEPARTMENT OF INTERNATIONAL MAGICAL COOPERATION
Karkaroff, after having been wrongly tried of the crime of being a Death Eater, has found a new lease on life with the Acting Minister’s latest move. Freedom has catapulted him straight to the top. With a refreshing new take on international politics, Karkaroff’s work offers the potential for new bonds between Wizarding Britain and its allies, with whom relations have been strained of late. Boasting experience both abroad and at home as a renowned magical tutor, Karkaroff has shown he can handle a bit of the childishness characteristic of international politics and rise above.