Who: Blake and Ethan Setting: Right after the climb to the top.
It had taken forever for Blake, Tris, and Adam to walk to the top of the dome. There was no straight shot, they had to walk the monorail which curved around the dome. It had been trying, to say the least. There had been moments when Blake had wanted to just ask Tris what his deal was with Ethan. He tried to remind himself that Ethan wanted him, not Tris or anyone else, just him, but it was difficult to think that way sometimes. He’d managed not to say anything, however.
By the time they made it to the station up top, he was exhausted. He refused to sit down. He knew that if he sat, that he wouldn’t have the strength to get back up. His body was wore out, his muscles were rubbery but he had a few more steps to take to get to Ethan before he could let his body finally stop moving.
He pulled out his phone and sent a text asking Ethan where he was. Once he had an answer he started in the direction of the Ferris Wheel, there was a restaurant there and Ethan would meet him outside. When he was close enough he started looking for his boyfriend, smiling when he spotted him coming out of the restaurant.
“Ethan!”
Ethan hadn’t slept the night before. He just gotten drunk waiting, then waited for Blake to get there. It was torture, but he didn’t want to miss it by falling asleep. Getting the message from him was like a jolt, dragging him out of his mindless waiting and heading for the door, feeling everything in him flip over at the sight of Blake headed his way. Maybe he was crazy about him, maybe he had feelings he didn’t want to talk about, but really, just spotting him was so much, exactly what Ethan needed.
He moved quickly, launching himself at Blake once he was close enough, still baffled he was there, that he was real. That this was a thing that was happening. “You made it.”
Blake gave a laugh the moment Ethan launched himself, his arms wrapping around the smaller man and holding him close. “Easy there, tiger,” he chuckled. “I’m about ready to collapse. And of course I made it. You had doubts?” He teased him a little.
Ethan made a move to pull back, feeling bad for being too heavy - and getting heavier by the breath - but he was still smiling. “I sort of wondered if I dreamed the whole thing. Couldn’t figure out why you’d even bother.”
Blake didn’t let Ethan get too far away, still holding him close even though he was sweaty and could use a long shower. He lowered his head and gave Ethan a couple of small kisses. “Why do you think I would bother?”
Ethan cupped Blake’s cheeks to kiss him back. That he was sweaty hardly mattered in comparison to the fact that he was there, something real to hold on to. Such things hadn’t ever mattered before, but suddenly it was all Ethan could think about. “Because it’s just me. I mean, I guess it’s everyone else too. That makes more sense.”
Blake shook his head at Ethan’s words. “I didn’t come up here for everyone else,” he told him. “The smartest and safest thing for any of us to do would be to stay down on the ground. But I had to come for you,” he told him. “You’ve slowly started to become my world, Ethan Sinclair.”
The words alone sent goosebumps across Ethan’s skin, like cold ice water had run through his veins, but at the same time he felt warm all over. His cheeks especially. He pressed his hands against them and bit his lip trying to figure out what to say to that. How to react. “Is that...okay?”
The way that Ethan blushed, his hands pressed against his cheeks, and then the words had Blake chuckling. “If it wasn’t okay, I wouldn’t be here,” he told him. “The question is, is that okay with you?”
Ethan swatted at Blake. “Don’t laugh at me,” he said, but still leaned into Blake, resting his forehead against his chest, which was about where he could reach. “Yeah,” he said, voice a little breathier than he would have liked it to be. “Pretty okay with that.” A lot okay. So beyond okay. Happy. Ecstatic. Oh he was so fucked.
Blake laughed at the swatting, then was wrapping his arms around him once more as Ethan rested his forehead against his chest. “Pretty okay with that, huh?” Blake gave another small chuckle. “Well, at least we’re on the same page.” Sorta. Blake’s feelings for Ethan ran much deeper than what he was allowing himself to say, afraid that too much would have Ethan packing his things and leaving. He felt he needed to be careful.
“Really okay,” Ethan said, wrapping his arms around Blake’s middle. “Don’t leave me again. I started to think I’d made you up.” He couldn’t figure out why Blake bothered, why he cared, or might care. Ethan was starting to put together that he wanted so much more, but he wasn’t sure how he was supposed to say that when he wasn’t even sure what that was, or if it would matter.
Ethan’s arms around him felt good. Blake had climbed, walked, a lot of miles to get to this and he was so glad that he had. “I don’t plan to,” he murmured as he let his hands travel up and down Ethan’s back. “I don’t plan on ever leaving,” he then said. “But just to be fair, you left me down there,” he teased lightly. “Also, I need to get somewhere where I can sit before I fall down.”
“Yeah, come on, inside, you can sit,” Ethan said starting back, pulling Blake towards the restaurant. It took a moment though, but then it registered and he stopped short, turning to look at Blake. “Not ever?” he asked, wondering just what that meant, if it meant as much as he thought it might. It sounded like a lot. Like a lot a lot. No, there was no way.
When Ethan stopped short, Blake nearly ran into him. He looked down at Ethan and stared at him for a moment as he thought over the words he wanted to say. “Ethan...I…” he fumbled the words and he gave a small shake of his head. To say anything pertaining to love could be a deal breaker and he wasn’t ready to lose Ethan; in fact he didn’t think he’d ever be ready to lose him. “This isn’t some little tryst for me, Ethan,” he finally managed. “Not some game or something to pass the time. My feelings for you are genuine. So, no, not ever. I don’t plan on it.”
Ethan stared at Blake for a long moment before taking his hand and guiding him off to the side of the restaurant. He didn't want to be around the others for this. It felt too personal, to vulnerable to share with everyone. He nodded towards a chair for Blake but couldn't sit himself. “It's not for me either,” he said softly, bouncing on his toes. “I'm not silly enough to think I'll be your first and your last, or that you won't come to your senses and see the light. But I don't want you to. I want you to stay.”
Blake went where Ethan led him, sighing out in relief as he finally took a seat. His whole body just wanted to collapse. He shrugged off his backpack, the harness he’d already taken off and stuffed inside, and laid it next to the chair and then watched as Ethan moved around. His heart did a little stutter in his chest to hear Ethan’s words and he gave a soft smile. “There isn’t anyone else I would rather be with, and I’m pretty good with you being my first and last,” he murmured. “I’m not going anywhere, Ethan. Even if we got out of this place, I’d want to be with you. Why can’t you see that?”
Ethan was starting to pace, a little circle in front of Blake. Back and forth, then back again. “Because I can't figure out why. I've been trying. I've spent days and especially all night trying to figure out why you would want to, why you might lo--why you might want to be with me beyond the obvious. And then I get all twisted because I start thinking that sure, it's probably the sex and my good looks, but I'm probably not going to look as good as you when I'm your age and I've kinda let myself go a little and I just don't know why. I can't think of a single reason and then I don't know why you would stay.”
Blake let Ethan do his pacing and his rambling. He was pretty sure the man was about to say the ‘love’ word but stopped himself short and changed his words. “Ethan…” He started, watching the man do his pacing. He was going to reach out and stop him, but he was pretty sure Ethan needed to let loose some of the energy he had stored up in him. “There isn’t anything to figure out and you really need to stop overthinking everything.”
Then he decided to use the word that Ethan couldn’t seem to use himself. “Love is a tricky bitch,” he said. “It’s mysterious, sometimes mean, and has no reason to it. I do know that love has nothing to do with sex and good looks, that’s just perks,” he explained. “I stay, Ethan, because you’re a wonderful person. Because you’re caring and compassionate. You think you only care about yourself, but that’s a lie. I’ve seen how you are with the people you care about, me included. I stay because I love the feeling of you curled into my side when we sleep, and how marvelous you look when you wake. I stay because I don’t like the feeling of what it would be like without you in my life,” he told him, reaching out a hand to grab Ethan’s so he’d stop and look at him. “Ethan, you have all of my attention. Always. It’s me that has to worry about losing you. Don’t you see that? People flock to you, want to be with you, and you’ve never had a serious relationship and it scares me every day that someone will come walking in and give you more excitement then I give you and you’ll be moving on…”
Ethan couldn't stop moving. Not until Blake took his hand and pulled him to a stop did he even slow down, but he was sure his hands were still shaking. Or maybe that was the whole of it earth shaking and trying to swallow him up. What Blake said made Ethan think of Kyle and his his insistence that no one was going to fall for Ethan unless he broke his own rules first. “That's not true,” he said softly, shaking his head. “Not at all. No one, no one’s been worth it before. No one else has been a good reason to be anything more than a passing fling but you. Only you.” Ethan stepped closer, dropping to his knees to put his hands on Blake's knees. “Just you. I've never been so scared of someone in my entire life. You could ruin me. And I'd never try again. I couldn't. Because anyone else wouldn't be you and your dumb cargo pants and the way you hold on to me just so. No one else makes me feel as safe as you do, which sounds so lame but it's true.”
Blake’s eyes followed Ethan as he went down on his knees in front of him. His hands went to slide over Ethan’s once they touched his knees and he listened. “You don’t have to be scared of me, Ethan,” he murmured. “I’m going to do my best to never hurt you. I know it’s scary, even I get scared, but I know that nothing in my life has ever been more right than you,” he moved in the chair so he could lower himself to capture Ethan’s lips in a short kiss. “No one has ever made me feel this complete. And remember I was almost married once, but I never felt for that person how I feel for you,” he said. “I’ve never felt this way about another person, period.” He knew that all the women in his life that he thought he’d loved, he’d been wrong. He’d been so wrong.
Ethan nodded, turning his hands to hold on to Blake’s. “Really?” It was so hard to think about, no matter how much he wanted it. That he was as much, no, more, than the people who’d come before him. It was easy for him to put Blake into that role, but Blake had, like he said, almost been married. He turned one of Blake’s hands to rest his cheek against the palm. “And you’re okay with that? With me?”
Blake squeezed Ethan’s hands and then smiled as Ethan took one and rested his cheek against his palm. He let his thumb stroke Ethan’s cheek and nodded in answer to his question. “Yes, I’m okay with that and with you. You’re everything that I’ve ever wanted, Ethan. Are you okay with that? With being that person for me?”
Ethan nodded. “I think so, yeah. I want to be.” He didn’t feel like he deserved it, but he wanted it. So badly. He felt bad that Blake was stuck with him, but he didn’t want to let Blake go. That had been the problem from the start. He didn’t know how to let Blake go.
“Good,” Blake said, smiling. “Then that’s settled. I’m not going anywhere, you’re not going anywhere, so I think our relationship can continue to move forward,” he stated. “Ethan, you realize that I’m not pushing or trying to rush you, right? I want you to let me all the way in, but I’m trying to go at the pace that you set, okay?”
Ethan turned his head to kiss the inside of Blake’s wrist, letting himself linger there for a long moment. “I don’t think you’re rushing me. Promise. I’m just...what if I need the push?” What would that look like? Ethan had no idea but he had a feeling he might need it.
Blake was quiet for a moment, contemplating what Ethan had said. What if he needed the push? He took in a breath and let it out slowly. But, with what they were talking about now, hadn’t he gently been pushing. He wasn’t sure. If it was too much, it could end badly with Ethan shutting down and running, most likely to Tris. “I’m scared to push you too much too quickly,” he said. “At least, right now, we’re on the same page. Maybe that should be enough for right now.”
Ethan ached a little, but he nodded, assuming Blake knew what he was talking about. “Okay. That's enough.” For now it was. They were on the same page about things, they wanted the same things. That had to be enough.
Blake smiled and moved Ethan’s hand so he could kiss his knuckles. He wanted to tell Ethan he loved him, but he was afraid. What he’d already said amounted to saying he loved him, he just hadn’t actually said the words and he thought that Ethan loved him, too, or so he hoped. Still, it be a huge step and he didn’t know if the timing was right or not. “Okay…” he said. “How about we go in and let me find a beer and something to eat?”
Ethan blinked then jumped up and nodded. “Of course. Oh my god. Yes. Come on. There's food and beer of course. Sorry. I got distracted.”
“It’s okay, Ethan,” Blake said. When he stood, it was slow and he sighed as muscled complained. “I may be getting too old,” he complained, stretching out his muscles. “Maybe getting too old for you,” he teased. “Lead me to the food and the beer, and I’ll forever be in your favor,” he chuckled and grabbed his bag.
“Never,” Ethan said with a shake of his head, ducking under Blake's arm like he was supporting him. “You're a handsome kind of old.”
“At least I have that going for me,” Blake teased and let his arm rest around Ethan’s shoulders as they headed inside for food and drinks and maybe talks of what their next step was.