InsaneJournal

Email to Tim


Hey Tim,

I know emails haven't been our best friends over the years. Seems like most of the time it's bad news that we're too afraid to give in person. But hey, at least we broke up face to face, right?

I know this is probably going to make you mad but I have to get it out there.

I'm in love with you. Deep down, head over heels, want to be your wife kind of in love with you. And I know that it's stupid for me to feel this way because I was never more than a temporary distraction until you and Eve wised up. I get that. It's always been the case.

But really, how could I not fall in love with you? Sure, you're not the highest on the chart of IQs around here, but you're not the lowest either. You're smart in your own way. And you're funny and you're sweet and you do what's right by the people you care about. You're a fierce protector of the ones you love and I count myself very lucky to be included amongst your closest friends.

The thing is, I have to get over you. There's no way around it. I can't spend the rest of my life hoping for something that will never happen. You said it yourself. And please stop blaming yourself for the choices that I have made in my life. I let myself fall in love with you. I chose to be alone. The only thing you did was be yourself. You can't blame yourself for that. It'd be like getting mad at the sun for shining when that's what it was made to do.

I'm not saying that we can't talk. I don't think I could go a whole day without talking to you, honestly. I just think that, for now, the hugs need to stop. I never did properly thank you for helping me get to sleep. I did appreciate that. Was one of the best night's sleep I've had in a while. But in order for me to fully get over you and just go back to you being my best friend, I need to distance myself from the touchy feely for a while. I hate saying it, too, because your hugs are the best ever, second only to my dad's. But every time we touch I get al fluttery and giggly and everything just comes back.

I'm asking you to give me the time and space I need to get my head and my heart straightened out while still being my best friend and shoulder to cry on, so to speak. I still need to talk to you. Even if it's about stupid shit like which flavor of ice cream is the best. But the hugs and the hand holding and the snuggles need to be put on hold for right now. Until I get things figured out.

Does that make sense?

You'll always be my best friend, Timmy, no matter what.

Love (platonically),
Rachel