InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "Come on in, the water's fine"

Maryanne Elizabeth Walker (maryanne_walker) wrote in compass_network,
@ 2013-06-14 02:54:00

Entry tags:

!closed, maryanne walker (oe)

Email to Gretel

So, it looks like you didn't get what I was saying Saturday night. I realize it was a lot of rude bitch talk with long words, and hardly any breath in between. The gist was, I wasn't interested anymore. Like I said in the text I don't give a flying fuck. I didn't start having feelings for him the moment I found out he wasn't available anymore, like he thinks, and probably like you think, whatever I felt for him withered and died when I did find out.

It hurt to find out. It hurt to feel like maybe I was the other woman, because I don't ever want to be in a situation like that. EVER. I was angry that he put me in the situation, because he couldn't tell me he was off fucking someone else. If I had known, whatever happened between me and him that night wouldn't have happened, it would have just been two friends walking through the woods on a summer night. He would have never left the friend box, which means I would always wonder 'what if'. But I wouldn't feel the guilt of being like her.

I'm not a homewrecker. I'm not like Jolene. ~~I'm certainly not my mother. And you definitely wouldn't catch me begging him to stay.~~ I don't help men cheat. ~~I might be willing to help add a little kink to the bedroom if wives, or significant others, are okay with it. But they have to be okay with it, and I have to be attracted.~~ Because I know I'm hot, I don't need to steal anyone's man to prove it.

So if you love him, you want him, go after him. You wont catch me giving him the time of day ever again. I don't hate him, I don't hate you either. But whatever trust I had in him is gone. And if I ever catch your scent on anyone that I start going steady with you wont get a second chance. And you sure as hell wont see me coming. Because while I don't cheat, and don't help men that want to, I don't put up with bitches that do. You'd have more than just a little redneck justice coming your way.

Now you can either sit on your thumbs, getting drunk and singing 'please don't steal my man away' songs. Or you can get up, shower off, and go sing songs to him.

(Post a new comment)

grandwhitewitch
2013-06-14 05:36 pm UTC (link)

Lots of things happened that night. I said some shit I probably should have kept to myself. As for Mac, well… that’s probably just best left in the past. He doesn’t want me like he wanted you so… whatever. I’m not going to be any man’s second best anymore.

I guess you don’t know dick about me, just like I don’t know dick about you and if you want to set that straight, just ask. Revelation time? Mac’s the first person I had ~~feelings~~ sex with for 15 years. Last one… well, it ended badly.

Just out of morbidly self-hating curiosity, when did you and Mac fuck? I need to know how mad at him to be.

And believe me, I ain’t going anywhere near a man ever again. Too much fucking pointless shit in love, sex, relationships… all of it’s just bullshit.

For the record, I’ll never sing again if I have to.

(Reply to this) (Thread)

maryanne_walker
2013-06-14 07:04 pm UTC (link)

Sugar, he can't pine for me forever. I was his first fuck, that's all. That doesn't make you second best it just means I popped his cherry. He might not forget me, but have you forgot your first? I haven't forgot mine. Nearly everyone else between though. Except for a select few.

He was the first virgin I'd ever had, and first fella that was younger than me that I let have a shot. At anything.

Right about three weeks ago. Give or take a day or two. Escalated quickly didn't it? And before that, like three weeks or so after Daryl died, it might have been only two, I was kind of living in a hazy cloud at the time.

Sex is worth it, if it's good. The rest? Well it depends on the who.

Hah, I don't know that you'll be able to help it. Me, I don't fight the island, it's liable to blow up in your face.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	grandwhitewitch 2013-06-14 07:27 pm UTC (link)
	I know Mac had moved on from you. Don't ask me how, I just do because I never would have looked at him if I thought he still had feelings for you. It was afterwards I was worried about because you said all these things and I thought he'd change his mind about me when I honestly can't compare to you. I guess I read his feelings about me wrong in the first place. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	maryanne_walker 2013-06-14 09:09 pm UTC (link)
	I would have liked to be clued in. I don't like being mad off as an idiot. Or ... Jolene. He gave me no clue that he was. It wasn't until I saw the pair of you in the hospital that I knew anything. But don't compare your self to me. It would be like trying to compare an apple... To a horse. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	grandwhitewitch 2013-06-14 09:17 pm UTC (link)
	... did you just call me a horse, Maryanne? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	maryanne_walker 2013-06-14 09:24 pm UTC (link)
	Hah! Do you want to be the horse or the Apple? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	grandwhitewitch 2013-06-14 09:25 pm UTC (link)
	I'd rather be the apple. Horses don't like me. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	maryanne_walker 2013-06-14 09:30 pm UTC (link)
	I don't know. There may be one ponyboy that likes you a whole hell of a lot. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	grandwhitewitch 2013-06-14 09:32 pm UTC (link)
	No. Maybe. I don't know. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	maryanne_walker 2013-06-14 09:44 pm UTC (link)
	What would it hurt to try? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	grandwhitewitch 2013-06-14 09:45 pm UTC (link)
	It could hurt lots (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	maryanne_walker 2013-06-14 09:55 pm UTC (link)
	It could, but what if is a bigger pain in the ass than drinking or fucking off the pain. And fucking it off is a whole lot of fun. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	grandwhitewitch 2013-06-14 10:00 pm UTC (link)
	I'll stick to the wine. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	maryanne_walker 2013-06-14 10:06 pm UTC (link)
	I didn't take you for a pussy... Am I wrong? Are you chicken? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	grandwhitewitch 2013-06-14 10:09 pm UTC (link)
	None of your fucking business, frankly. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	maryanne_walker 2013-06-14 10:33 pm UTC (link)
	Like it was none of your business to tell someone I had feelings for them? That kind of business? Is that what you're talking about? Cause I don't think you have a leg to stand on in that sort of situation. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	grandwhitewitch 2013-06-14 10:34 pm UTC (link)
	I didn't tell him anything, I left because I thought he had feelings for you and I guessed you did for him. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	maryanne_walker 2013-06-14 10:36 pm UTC (link)
	That's not what he told me in a rather angry message. Twice. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	grandwhitewitch 2013-06-14 10:37 pm UTC (link)
	I guessed. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	maryanne_walker 2013-06-14 10:40 pm UTC (link)
	Okay I'm taking another route. You owe this to me, and yourself to get up off your ass and quit being a coward. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	grandwhitewitch 2013-06-14 10:41 pm UTC (link)
	It can't be worth it. You can't tell me the good is worth all the crap. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	maryanne_walker 2013-06-14 10:51 pm UTC (link)
	It's worth it, and whatever grief afterwards should anything happen. I haven't led a very happy life, but I was happy for the year I was with Daryl. He was the best thing that ever happened to me. And even if it ended exactly the same way, I would do it all over again. ~~Mac, not so much~~ (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	grandwhitewitch 2013-06-14 10:54 pm UTC (link)
	I just can't see what happy is anymore. My life has always been violence and death and pain and hard-nosed fighting just to live. I don't know what to do in this place without that. I don't know men. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	maryanne_walker 2013-06-14 11:02 pm UTC (link)
	Hey we have our fair share of fighting and shit. You've got to figure out how to live between. And men aren't difficult. With just a look and the crook of an eyebrow you can get one hard as a rock. ~~Or I ca~~ (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	grandwhitewitch 2013-06-14 11:04 pm UTC (link)
	I don't know a damned thing about this stuff. How the hell do I figure out how to change me? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	maryanne_walker 2013-06-14 11:17 pm UTC (link)
	Honey. No. Don't change you. Just be confident in what you have. Living in between doesn't mean changing who you are. It means finding what you like doing besides. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	grandwhitewitch 2013-06-14 11:19 pm UTC (link)
	We'll see, I guess. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	maryanne_walker 2013-06-15 01:16 am UTC (link)
	Does that mean you're not going to be a chicken about this whole thing? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	grandwhitewitch 2013-06-15 08:02 am UTC (link)
	Fine. But if he fucks me over, I'm partly blaming you. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	maryanne_walker 2013-06-15 08:04 am UTC (link)
	Sweetheart we can take turns holding his ass down and then kicking it. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	grandwhitewitch 2013-06-15 08:06 am UTC (link)
	You got a deal. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	maryanne_walker 2013-06-15 08:26 am UTC (link)
	But... I really think you'll be okay. Before this whole thing happened, he was a really great guy. He was there so often when I needed him. I can safely say that I wouldn't be feeling the way I do if it weren't for him. I would still be crying in my pillow. I'll miss being friends with him. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	grandwhitewitch 2013-06-15 08:30 am UTC (link)
	If you think he's good enough for me to forgive and move forward with, why isn't he good enough for you to still be friends with? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	maryanne_walker 2013-06-15 08:44 am UTC (link)
	Maybe with time? But I'm not sure I can be friends with someone I can't trust. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	grandwhitewitch 2013-06-15 08:45 am UTC (link)
	I don't see why I should trust him if you don't. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	maryanne_walker 2013-06-15 08:52 am UTC (link)
	Because you knew about me. He didn't lead you on. You knew the story up front, he didn't lie by omission. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	grandwhitewitch 2013-06-15 09:01 am UTC (link)
	So I should trust him because he didn't lie to me? (Reply to this) (Parent)

	grandwhitewitch 2013-06-15 12:00 pm UTC (link)
	But he lied to you, right? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	maryanne_walker 2013-06-15 06:19 pm UTC (link)
	He didn't lie to you because he cared whether or not you were hurt. He didn't open his mouth with one, to me, but he sure wasn't forthcoming with something he ought to have been. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	grandwhitewitch 2013-06-16 10:40 am UTC (link)
	I'm going to beat both your asses if I get hurt again, Maryanne. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	maryanne_walker 2013-06-16 07:45 pm UTC (link)
	All I can say is bring it? But I doubt it'll happen. (Reply to this) (Parent)