InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "frandy!"

Dorian Gray (hedonism) wrote in compass_network,
@ 2013-06-12 10:37:00

Entry tags:

!closed

[Tony Stark (616)]

I spent my evening drinking cranberry juice and listening to a teenager tell me what it's like to die of cancer. ~~All I kept thinking was, "at least you'll never grow old~~. So I hope you're happy, and I hope your night was better.

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	tonysnark 2013-06-12 06:42 pm UTC (link)
	Jesus, who did you run into? Mandy Moore's character from "A Walk to Remember"? Sort of. I ran into my alternate universe mother and someone who might be my alternate universe child. And then took about all of our appliances and put them back together. I hope you weren't planning on using your alarm clock. ~~I was still up when you came in, but I didn't-~~ (Reply to this) (Thread)

	hedonism 2013-06-12 07:08 pm UTC (link)
	I don't believe in alarm clocks, I'm immortal. Tony, I'm sorry I stormed out last night. It was... well, it was immature. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	tonysnark 2013-06-12 07:28 pm UTC (link)
	That's what I figured when I stole it and used it for parts. On the plus side, we are one step closer to having a much faster internet connection. It's fine. ~~You weren't entirely in--~~ In retrospect, I was kind of a dick first. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	hedonism 2013-06-12 07:34 pm UTC (link)
	How are you, anyway? I mean, running into family -- ~~I know it wasn't~~ I'm glad that's something I'll never have to deal with. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

tonysnark
2013-06-12 07:54 pm UTC (link)

Strange, mostly. Weirder, even, than having my 30-year-old father living in New York, because at least that Howard Stark wasn't really my dad. He didn't know me, or speak to me. He didn't even know he had kids before he turned up. And truthfully, I'm not sure that I would have recognized him right away if someone hadn't told me, because that wasn't really what he looked like when I knew him. The woman here -- Maria Stark -- she looks exactly like I remember my mom looking when I was 7. She knows who I am. And I haven't seen her since she died when I was 19. The closest I've come to being with her since is... all those Maria Stark foundation charity fundraisers, or using her maiden name as a password even though that's not remotely secure. I don't know. I don't know if she's the same woman I remember.

As for having a kid with a one-time ex-girlfriend who left me to go back to her dead-but-not-dead husband, I don't even know how to process that. I mean, besides the momentary panic that Bethany had a kid and didn't tell me, but she was on my payroll for years, so I'm pretty sure that would have come out eventually. I don't know what to do with any of it.

I guess there's something to be said for not having any family. There were certainly times when I was glad mine didn't see how I turned out.

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	hedonism 2013-06-12 08:55 pm UTC (link)
	I like how you turned out. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

tonystark
2013-06-12 09:19 pm UTC (link)

I'm not ashamed of who I am. Not for the most part, anyway. But I can't imagine that it's what either of them really wanted for me. Not that I was ever clear on what that was.

I mean, nobody really wants their kid to be an alcoholic, certainly not one whose very public battle with addiction both resulted in and resulted from tanking the family business. I also started a war, and accidentally sparked an extraterrestrial invasion. How would that have looked? What would that have done to the Stark family legacy?

I'm sure they'd find no shortage of things to be disappointed by.

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	hedonism 2013-06-13 01:23 am UTC (link)
	Just once I'd like to hear you listing of your accomplishments, what you have done, who you've helped and the worlds you saved -- instead of this. You're the most self-defeating arrogant prick I've ever met. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	tonystark 2013-06-13 01:31 am UTC (link)
	I like to think the self-loathing and the narcissism balance each other out to create a harmonious medium. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	hedonism 2013-06-13 01:32 am UTC (link)
	I never do all that much of either. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	tonysnark 2013-06-13 02:04 am UTC (link)
	You just sort of allow yourself to exist unmolested? What's that like? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	hedonism 2013-06-13 02:09 am UTC (link)
	I just don't see the reason for too much self-analysis, that's all. I don't really do well when I examine my own motives so I rarely bother. And no guilt, remember. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	tonystark 2013-06-13 02:12 am UTC (link)
	I guess some people can't help it. I do it more when I don't have anything else to analyze, but that's been the case so much of the time lately. I know. It's one of those ideas that I like in theory, but that's sort of impossible to conceptualize. At least 20% of my mental energy at any given time is devoted to feeling guilty about something. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	hedonism 2013-06-13 02:29 am UTC (link)
	I don't really think I understood guilt when I gave it up. I think... I also think... that hedonism and immortality don't belong together. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	tonystark 2013-06-13 02:41 am UTC (link)
	I don't know that humanity really mixes well with immortality. Everything we're taught to seek out, everything we're taught to value, is valuable because it's fleeting and it's supposed to be part of getting the most out of your time. We have no idea how we should spend an eternity. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	hedonism 2013-06-13 02:44 am UTC (link)
	It should be about more than ourselves. That's how you spend it. Not on yourself. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	tonystark 2013-06-13 02:55 am UTC (link)
	It does help. Spending your life trying to help other people. It feels less empty. But there are still things that you can only do for yourself. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	hedonism 2013-06-13 02:59 am UTC (link)
	... It's just everything gets boring. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	tonystark 2013-06-13 03:04 am UTC (link)
	It's not as bad when you find something you really like that changes over time. Something you can build on. If you do the same things the same ways and you can't see the impact you're making, it just seems so pointless. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	hedonism 2013-06-13 03:07 am UTC (link)
	~~That's why I like yo~~ But see, you're wired like that. You think ahead . I don't, that isn't what...I learned, or what I do. My only real interest has always been in meaninglessness. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	tonystark 2013-06-13 03:09 am UTC (link)
	You can still learn. I know you don't change physically, but I don't see any reason to believe that you can't change in other ways. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	hedonism 2013-06-13 03:21 am UTC (link)
	It's simply hard to... want to, I think. I'm not very ambitious. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	tonystark 2013-06-13 03:55 am UTC (link)
	I'll teach you. I'm ~~bored~~ a good motivator. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	hedonism 2013-06-13 04:03 am UTC (link)
	Well, you can certainly do your best. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	tonystark 2013-06-13 04:04 am UTC (link)
	I imagine it will be slightly more difficult on a deserted island in the middle of nowhere, but I do like a challenge. (Reply to this) (Parent)