InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "I'm not antisocial..."

Anthony Edward Barton-Stark (aedwardstark) wrote in compass_network,
@ 2013-04-16 22:44:00

Entry tags:

!open, maryanne walker (oe), ~tony stark

They say God doesn't give you more than you can handle. He must seriously think ~~I'm a badass~~ we're all badasses. Just saying.

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	cover_story 2013-04-17 03:55 am UTC (link)
	Indeed, sir? Well, that sort of divine confidence IS rather inspiring, but all the same... well... I stopped believing in God long ago... if I ever did, that is! I'm not entirely sure I ever did, to be honest...! (Reply to this) (Thread)

	aedwardstark 2013-04-17 03:57 am UTC (link)
	Though I am a bit lapsed, I was raised Catholic and the belief has always been there somewhere. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Tony | Mary

cover_story
2013-04-17 04:07 am UTC (link)

...Indeed, sir? You were RAISED Catholic? I mean, my brother pretty much... well, I suppose you could say he raised HIMSELF as a Catholic, but... well.. like I said, I'm not sure I ever really shared his beliefs...! I mean, honestly, he went into this dead-quiet church, and found.... something there, and I told him that I believed that the world was wrong, and that there wasn't anything in that musty little church that could fix it...! heh! I was five or six at the time, and I suppose that spooked him, because he never brought up religion to me again...!

No offence to you intended, of course, monsieur...!

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Re: Tony | Mary

aedwardstark
2013-04-17 04:12 am UTC (link)

I'm not a very good Catholic in that I believe everyone is entitled to their own beliefs. My mother was a devout Catholic and she passed her beliefs along to me and for most of my life, I was very religious. When my parents died, however, I turned my back on all of that. Not because my father died but be cause my mother went with him.

I know it's wrong to actually not be sad that my dad died, but he was a horrible man that I'm pretty sure hated me from the minute he found out my mom was pregnant. She tells a different story but I don't remember anything that she's said about him. I only remember a hateful man that shipped me off to boarding school as soon as he could. So I wasn't sad to see him go. But he was driving drunk and my mother died with him and that made me turn my back on religion. That someone as amazing and wonderful and good as my mother could be taken away just like that for no reason other than my father was a drunken asshole that didn't know when not to drive.

And that was a LOT longer than I originally intended my response to be.

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Tony | Mary

cover_story
2013-04-17 04:44 am UTC (link)

Oh Merlin's bloody EYEBALLS, I'm SO SORRY about your mum...!

I mean, I can definitely sympathise with your current beliefs! I mean, my mum died, too... a long time ago it must have been, by now...! But still... well, I only found out about it a couple weeks before I ~~died~~ woke up here! I mean, honestly, we had these Linked journals, in my old world... kind of like this, only, well, we hand-wrote in them, rather than typed on these... thingummies...! heh! Anyhow, well... my brother, I noticed, kept asking for prayers and good thoughts for our Father, who was... quite ill, probably dying... and then... he shows UP at my flat, to tell me that our MUM has been DEAD for MONTHS now... died of grief over "losing me"...! And I was like, FUCK YOU; how could you NOT have asked for PRAYERS and GOOD THOUGHTS for HER...? I mean, my father was... well, he abused me, let's leave it at that...! My brother apparently had no idea, either, until someone told him - probably our papa, confessing to him on his deathbed...!

Sorry, I guess I got carried away, there, myself...! heh! Sorry...! Say, has Mary-Anne come to pick up your liquor, yet? Because it really sounds like we could BOTH use a drink...!

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Tony | Mary

aedwardstark
2013-04-17 04:47 am UTC (link)

Funny thing, the island brought her to me here not too long ago, but she came from a time when I was still 6 or 7 years old. So she came to be from 40 years in my past making me older than her. It's really weird.

She hasn't come to pick up the liquor but I am a recovering alcoholic ~~with a recent backslide a couple of months ago~~. Unfortunately the Tower showed up from a time that I was still drinking so the island really likes to fuck with people.

You're welcome to come pick some of it up though, if you'd like.

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Re: Tony | Mary

cover_story
2013-04-17 04:53 am UTC (link)

Oh dear...! I'm so sorry about the whole... y' know, "recovering alcoholic surrounded by ALCOHOL" business...! I mean, I don't think I really need to go fetch YOUR liquor (unless, of course, you happen to have Peppermint Cordial...? heh!) because I was headed to the pub for supper, anyhow...! I only meant to try and... y' know, comfort you, by drinking with you...! Of course, that's a terrible, terrible idea, obviously!

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	Re: Tony \| Mary aedwardstark 2013-04-17 04:55 am UTC (link)
	It's quite alright, really. I mean, it's not like you knew about that part. I do appreciate the thought, though. I've got some Peppermint Schnapps. Is that roughly the same thing? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: Tony \| Mary cover_story 2013-04-17 05:14 am UTC (link)
	Well, it certainly SOUNDS like the same thing, only... well... Americanised, I suppose...! Heh! Ta very much, monsieur! I'll be over soon to remove the temptation, all right? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Tony \| Mary aedwardstark 2013-04-17 05:17 am UTC (link)
	It's actually German but that's fine lol. And that's great. I'll need to meet you in the lobby with it so just let me know when you're headed this way. (Reply to this) (Parent)

	maryanne_walker 2013-04-17 05:56 am UTC (link)
	I don't feel very badass right now. (Reply to this) (Thread)

	aedwardstark 2013-04-17 06:05 am UTC (link)
	hugs I know what you mean. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	maryanne_walker 2013-04-17 06:43 am UTC (link)
	I do. hug (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	aedwardstark 2013-04-17 11:59 pm UTC (link)
	We need to hang out together more. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	maryanne_walker 2013-04-18 03:50 am UTC (link)
	We do. Right now, though, I'm going to take advantage of someone I've missed for what feels like forever. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	aedwardstark 2013-04-18 04:53 am UTC (link)
	I'm not going anywhere. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	maryanne_walker 2013-04-18 05:54 am UTC (link)
	~~You might~~ Me either. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	aedwardstark 2013-04-18 05:57 am UTC (link)
	Though I'm not expecting to see you any time soon with Daryl back around. Finally the island did something right, huh? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	maryanne_walker 2013-04-18 06:58 am UTC (link)
	Yes. I just hope it lasts. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	aedwardstark 2013-04-18 01:34 pm UTC (link)
	For you, me too. hugs (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	maryanne_walker 2013-04-19 01:54 am UTC (link)
	If it doesn't I may need you to come dig me out of a hole. (Reply to this) (Parent)

	ourmutualfriend 2013-04-17 07:45 am UTC (link)
	It's true, brother. There's always a reason, even when it's not clear to us. Keep faith, God doesn't leave us to suffer these things alone. (Reply to this) (Thread)

	aedwardstark 2013-04-18 12:00 am UTC (link)
	Sometimes it's hard to keep faith, you know? Especially without that many faithful people around. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

ourmutualfriend
2013-04-18 12:24 pm UTC (link)

I know exactly what you mean, brother. It's important to pay attention to your own relationship with God before anyone else's. Athelstan and I are working on rebuilding the church, and we can be found there most days. You're welcome along any time, if you want to talk, pray together - or simply be alone with God, we'll give you space. Sometimes it can help to clear your head.

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	aedwardstark 2013-04-18 01:35 pm UTC (link)
	Thank you. I really appreciate that. I think it's been nearly 30 years since the last time I decided to talk to God. When the one good thing you have in your life is taken away from you, you tend to get a little angry. And sometimes that anger never goes away. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

ourmutualfriend
2013-04-19 02:18 pm UTC (link)

It's never too late to start again.

And let me tell you something that not everyone seems to realise- its okay to be angry with Him. It's okay to scream and shout at Him, it's okay to say you hate Him for the things he's done. The bible is full of references to His people being angered, and He expects it. He also makes no secret that He feels angry as well. God expects it. If He has made you suffer more than you think you can stand, He expects anger. Tell Him. He's probably expected it for a while.

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