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parker succeeds by stealing the success of others ([info]inafivepoundbag) wrote in [info]colligo_threads,
@ 2009-08-05 22:41:00

Previous Entry  Add to memories!  Tell a Friend!  Next Entry
Entry tags:!closed, eliot spencer, parker

WHO: Eliot Spencer and Parker
WHAT: Eliot. Parker. Shopping. Be afraid. Be very afraid.
WHEN: Right after this.
WHERE: Wal-Mart
RATING: TBD
STATUS: In Progress

Figuring out the kind of cereal to get had been pretty simple. The milk was going to be even easier. Deciding what to buy as a present for the son she'd never met of a man who wasn't the same version of the one she knew, however? That was turning out to be trickier than Parker had imagined. Even in a place as massive as Wal-Mart, she was having a hard time finding something appropriate.

She'd thought she'd figured it out within a few minutes of arriving. She'd gone straight for the hardware section and had immediately begun looking at the various tools that were typically used in her chosen line of work. However a few minute chat with the man working the area and, after he'd asked her if she was joking and seemed truly horrified when she explained she wasn't - that she actually wanted to buy something suitable for an eight-year-old - Parker had realized that maybe getting Sam his first lock-picking kit wasn't the smartest idea she'd ever had.

Unfortunately, the types of safe that they sold were utter crap and really wouldn't be worth the time it'd take her to teach the kid how to break into one and then use it for practice on his own, and while she was pretty sure he would really like a new, plasma tv, she was also equally sure that Nate would assume she'd stolen it and would make her take it back.

Which left her stuck for ideas and aimlessly wandering the aisles in search of something appropriate and, well, just plain perfect to serve as a 'glad you aren't going to die, at least we hope not' present.

"Socks are lame, shoes suck, and that flashing-light shirt would give him a seizure." Finished perusing the latest aisle, Parker turned the corner in the hopes that there might be something on the next aisle that would work when, instead, she came to an abrupt stop and simply stared.

"No way," she said, voice barely audible and the box of Captain Crunch cereal held haphazardly in one hand almost falling to the ground in her surprise. "Eliot?" Stepping a bit closer to the man she'd spotted further down the aisle, a grin slowly began to fill her face. It was him all right. She'd recognize his hair from anywhere. "You're here! In Wal-Mart!"

She glanced around and blinked, looking back at him. "In the underwear aisle. Wow.... awkward."


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[info]doesntlikeguns
2009-08-06 03:12 am UTC (link)
It was an excuse to do something. After whatever was going around screwing with Nate and Sophie, then the arrival of Nate's kid, and have to explain to this version of Nate what had happened to him, he needed to do something mundane. So with a list of necessities they were low on in his back pocket, he'd headed for the local Wal-Mart. Toothpaste was toothpaste wherever it came from.

Halfway through the list, the idea struck. The poor kid was sick, somewhere weird and unfamiliar. None of that made for an easy transition or settling in. He hated seeing a kid suffer The Nate that was here now wasn't the one he'd worked with but still the man that Eliot respected. So he decided that maybe he needed to get Sam something to keep him occupied.

Not sure where the electronics department was, Eliot shifted the armful of bottles and boxes and started wandering the aisles. It would be during the detour down the underwear aisle that he ran into the last person he'd expect to see shopping, actually paying for the items in her arms, at least he assumed. "Parker?"

He glanced sideways and followed the look with a shrug. He started to point out that she was the one who'd stripped down in front of him and Hardison but checked it. Parker would have some logic for it. "Could be worse," he replied. "Could've been the...other aisle." Feminine products. "Can't say I expected to see you here."

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[info]inafivepoundbag
2009-08-06 03:26 am UTC (link)
Parker snorted in derision and gave a sharp shake of her head. "Nope. Underwear is still worse," she replied before glancing around then back to him. "Why not? This place has some of the best stuff." She shook the box of Captain Crunch a bit as though to prove her point, fully aware that they sold the very same product in every grocery store in town but she had nothing else on her at the moment to use as an example.

Meeting his gaze, the cereal going back to her side, she asked abruptly, "You were a boy once. You should know. They like power tools, right?"

Who knew? Maybe the sales clerk had been wrong. Maybe a brand new drill, or circular saw, or one of the completely amazing automatic zip-line harnesses that she'd spotted tucked away at the corner of sporting goods and hardware, would be just the present for Sam. It sure seemed like a good idea to her and, at the moment, was all that she could come up with.

Besides toys, of course, but who wanted some crappy toys when you could have something that would help you fix up broken stuff and break other stuff in the process?

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[info]doesntlikeguns
2009-08-06 03:42 am UTC (link)
She'd never been ordered to pick up tampons. That relationship hadn't lasted more than a few days after that phone call. "It's convenient." There had been a few times when Eliot had swung by the store after a job to replace ruined clothing or stock up on first aid materials. He grinned. "Captain Crunch? You should swing by my place sometime. I'll make you a real breakfast."

Even after working with her a few months, he'd given up on trying to figure Parker out. Instead, he'd adopted an attitude of rolling with it. Either he'd find out where she was going with it or she'd handle it herself. "That would probably depend on how old the child is. You don't give a nine year old a power screwdriver."

He started to ask why she wanted to know when he realized why she was looking. "Getting something for Sam?"

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[info]inafivepoundbag
2009-08-06 03:53 am UTC (link)
"I couldn't find fortune cookies," she answered in regards to the cereal. She blinked at his offer, smiling herself in return. "I might just take you up on that." Eliot definitely was a good cook and she certainly wasn't one to pass up a free meal... or free anything, for that matter.

The grin fell into a mildly exasperated expression next. "No, not a power screwdriver. A circular saw," she stated as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. Parker didn't understand why it would be a bad idea but she also didn't question it. Instead she sighed softly and gave a nod of her head.

"Yeah. It seemed like a good idea. He's sick and his dad's brain is broken. I thought he might like something." The admission wasn't made with near the hesitance it might have been back when they'd first started working together. By now she figured Eliot knew her well enough to realize that she did have a bit more of a grasp on normal, social situations than she sometimes let on. Not much, but a bit.

Although she was definitely stumped on what to actually get the kid. Knowing when to get a present, she was quickly realizing, was a lot easier than actually picking one out. Parker eyed Eliot curiously.

"Any ideas?"

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[info]doesntlikeguns
2009-08-06 04:05 am UTC (link)
"I don't think they have those at Wal-Mart." He hadn't seen any the last time he'd browsed the ethnic foods section. He hadn't really looked either. "Swing by any morning. Maybe once this whole thing gets straightened out, we'll invite Sophie, Nate, and Sam." It'd be some normalcy.

His expression went blank at the idea of getting a kid a circular saw. He waved his hand in the air, a 'whatever' kind of motion, and nearly lost a bottle of shampoo. Another adjustment and he had it under control again. "Give the kid a pocket knife first. If all goes well, then maybe you can think about the power saw." After he got his driver's license.

She wasn't as crazy as Eliot had thought she was when they'd first met and she'd come a ways since then. He'd gotten used to her enough that he regarded her more as a sometimes annoying sibling, much like Hardison had become. He just wasn't going to admit it. "Put his mind on something else. That's what I was thinking," he admitted.

"One of those Nintendo DS things." He shrugged as he threw his idea into the ring. "Thought he could play it while he was waiting or resting."

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[info]inafivepoundbag
2009-08-06 02:11 pm UTC (link)
"A pocket knife. Hmm." The truly frightening thing, for others who might be privvy to the conversation at least, was that Parker was honestly considering doing just that. With a Swiss Army knife, at least, she could still teach him to pick a lock with a small knife, and weren't those Boy Scouts always talking about being prepared?

Pushing the thought to the back of her mind for the time being, she listened to Eliot's suggestion. It wasn't a bad one, necessarily, although she wasn't sure it was quite right either. It just seemed a little... common, to her. Like something that most boys his age would already have and wasn't the point of picking out presents supposed to be to get them something they didn't already own? "Sounds like something Nate would get him," she commented finally, not committing to whether that was a bad thing or a good thing. Just a statement of fact as she saw it.

The chiming of her PDA that alerted her to a message drew her attention away from Eliot as she pulled the device from her pocket with her free hand. Glancing down at it, her lips quirked into a hint of a smile and she returned it to her pocket before looking back to the man in front of her.

"I need a balanced knife," she stated simply, if somewhat cryptically. "They sell weapons, right?" Taking a few steps back, Parker peered around the edge of the underwear display she was standing by and eyed the sporting goods section. Motioning for Eliot to follow, she stated, "C'mon. You're good with this stuff. Noah needs a sharp blade to throw at people."

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[info]doesntlikeguns
2009-08-06 04:59 pm UTC (link)
"It's been a while since I was a kid, Parker. All I know is I've seen those things everywhere." He'd seen more than one kid, both boys and girls, steadily staring at the handheld games. At the airport, the stores, waiting in lines. She also had a good point. Nate had probably gotten him one already.

A testament to his own well hidden dysfunction, the pocket knife idea wasn't looking all that bad. It didn't hurt to be prepared and made more sense than a circular saw. He could imagine the look on Nate's face when the two of them showed up with that present. As Parker's PDA went off, he leaned against one of the display racks, looking in the opposite direction.

More clothing, housewares, automotive. Not helpful. Eliot looked back at Parker when she spoke up again, an eyebrow rising. "Yeah." He pushed away from the rack and followed after her, shaking his head at the casual way that she mentioned throwing knives at people. "Counter at the back of the department would be where you'd find them." With an employee that'd be watching the two of them like hawks.

He sidestepped a couple of treadmills before rejoining Parker. "Maybe look at a few pocket knives while we're at it."

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[info]inafivepoundbag
2009-08-07 02:53 am UTC (link)
Counter at the back of the department. Right. Parker's lips curved into a mischievous grin as she eyed the area he'd indicated. Sure enough, there was an employee leaning against said counter, looking mildly annoyed at the world in general and faintly suspicious as she and Eliot drew near. Glancing at Eliot, her grin widened. "I bet we can find him an awesome one," she stated. "And pay for it, so Nate can't get that frowny face that makes him look like a wrinkled old man."

The comment carried her the rest of the distance to the counter where, sure enough, a various array of blades of all sorts were available to be seen through the display case. Slapping both palms down on the smooth, cool, flat surface, she flashed the clerk a broad smile complete with all of her teeth. Predatory, almost, although clearly the guy didn't recognize it as such.

"We need a knife," she stated in a matter-of-fact tone. "One of those Swiss kind with all of the neat little gadgets." Nodding as though that sealed the deal, she glanced over her shoulder at Eliot.

"He's going to help pick it out," she announced, looking back to the clerk. "Because I'm a girl."

"... right," the guy responded, his tone obvious that he wasn't quite sure how to handle that particular comment. His gaze flickered past the blond woman to the long-haired man beside her. "If you'll step right over here, sir..."

Parker motioned for Eliot to follow via a shooing motion with her hand and a tip of her head. Then she leaned forward against the counter, resting on her forearms, and smiled at the clerk once more before turning her attention to a small display hanging near the register.

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[info]doesntlikeguns
2009-08-07 03:26 am UTC (link)
Eliot hung back, eyeing an empty shopping car. The owner was a few feet away, arguing with someone on his cell phone over which tent was the best buy. He hooked his fingers around the front and tugged it his way, dropping the arm load into the basket after he'd cleared the aisle. Leaving it nearby, he hurried to catch up with Parker once again. He chuckled quietly, knowing the exact disapproving look she was refering to, although in the last few months they'd worked together, he hadn't seen it much. Once the team got into the rhythm of really helping people.

He let Parker do the talking, browsing the selection of knives on display in front of him. The social interaction was good for her. His gaze lingered over one of the knives in the case, about to point it out to Parker as a prospect for Noah when the clerk redirected his attention towards him. Eliot shot Parker a look when the man turned his back, mouthing 'because you're a girl?' before walking around her to meet salesman.

She was up to something and he was going to give her the time she needed to work. He gave the man a small smile. "Like she said, we're looking for something with a few tricks to it. It's for the son of a mutual friend. He just became a Boy Scout and he's taking the motto to heart." Eliot laughed and turned towards the cabinet, pointing to one of the knives towards the top. He knew knives but instead let the salesman earn his paycheck.

"How about that one?" The man unlocked the case, pulling out the specified model. As he did, Eliot glanced back at Parker before turning his attention back to the knife and the man holding it, firing off questions.

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[info]inafivepoundbag
2009-08-07 05:42 am UTC (link)
Parker rolled her eyes at Eliot, continuing to make with the shooing motion until both he and the clerk were engrossed in a discussion about weapons. She glanced toward them as the man unlocked the case, taking a special note of which key had been used. Once he'd returned them to the clip on his belt, Parker took a step back from the counter and promptly yanked the small display she'd been browsing directly onto the ground in front of her.

"Oops!" she exclaimed, the word actually sounding halfway authentic before her tone fell somewhat flat again. "Clumsy me." Dropping down, she started to pick them up only to smile brightly at the clerk as he rushed to help her. Apologizing profusely to him (something along the lines of 'I'm so sorry, I'm always doing these kinds of things, I really should be more careful, blah blah blah'), Parker calmly unclipped the keys from his belt.

Once the display was picked up, she thanked him and waited for him to return his attention to Eliot. Glancing briefly around, she next strolled to the display of throwing knives, unlocked the case, and grabbed the case of them that had caught her eye and looked to be the best present.

It took less than a second to tuck them securely into the back of her pants - the view of them obscured by the jacket she was wearing - and a few seconds after that to toss the keys back behind the counter, near where the clerk had been a moment before she'd knocked over the display. With Noah's request now firmly in her possession, Parker sidled up alongside Eliot and grinned up at him.

"So," she asked, "any luck or should we just go with the saw?"

If she noticed the clerk's look of confusion being cast her way, she certainly didn't show it.

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[info]doesntlikeguns
2009-08-07 12:53 pm UTC (link)
Eliot watched with amusement as the clerk rushed to help Parker pick up what she'd knocked over. He kicked two of the items back over to them before looking back to the display, taking the time to look over each of the knives without the salesman looking on. The questions he'd asked he already knew the answer to but they gave Parker some time to do what she needed to.

As the clerk returned to him, he noticed the man looked slightly happier than he had before and was starting to look back towards Parker when Eliot demanded his attention again. To keep him facing forward, he laughed again and shook his head. "She's right. Last week, it was my razor in the toilet. Girl was born with accidents as a talent." The smile faded from the clerk's face as he took what Eliot had given him and put it together.

Not giving him much time to find his balance, he turned the conversation back to the knives. "You know, I got one of these before and I wasn't real impressed with the maker. Rusted out within a year," he said and pointed to another model, sending the clerk to get it before looking Parker's way. Seeing she was almost done, he changed his mind. "Actually, that one up there."

He took the box from the clerk when Parker rejoined them, holding up the box as an answer. Catching the clerk's expression, he shrugged. "She's got a strange sense of humor. I think we'll take this one." He turned to head for the counter after the clerk, giving Parker a slightly exasperate look before he leaned in. "Get what you were looking for?" he whispered.

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[info]inafivepoundbag
2009-08-08 03:40 am UTC (link)
"Yep," Parker replied simply, grinning broadly at him before turning an almost exact opposite, completely somber expression upon the clerk. As he rang them up, she pulled a few bills out of her pocket and handed them over. Once the item was in a bag, and in their possession, she gave the man a bit of a wave and promptly walked away with the purchase. She just assumed Eliot would follow.

As she was cutting across a row of aisles containing clothing, she tossed the clerk's wallet into a pile of jeans before casting a casual glance at Eliot. "I didn't mean to grab that," she admitted with a small shrug. She'd been good, too. She hadn't taken so much as a single dollar bill out of it. She'd actually paid for the present with her own money.

Or, at least, the money she'd gotten from the bank manager.

Swinging the bag containing the knife idly back and forth at her side, she glanced casually at the positions of the various cameras in the store and waited until they were just out of range of one - without being within range of another - before pulling the case of balancing knives out of the waistband of her pants and sticking it into the bag with the item she'd purchased.

"Oh!" she announced, looking back up at Eliot once more. "I need one of those books with the tiny boxes and numbers that fit in them. Su-du-whats-it."

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[info]doesntlikeguns
2009-08-08 03:58 am UTC (link)
"Thanks." Giving the man a nod, he turned to head after Parker. Eliot stopped long enough to gather up the supplies he'd collected out of the cart he'd borrowed. He was back walking beside Parker a few seconds later, watching as she got rid of the clerk's wallet. "Old habits die hard." Like working alone. He'd finally been adjusting to the team when they'd gone their seperate ways again. Now here he was, shopping with Parker.

"Sudoku?" He tilted his head, indicating for her to follow him. Back through the clothing department, cutting across the underwear, through housewares, and across the walkway, he headed down the aisle that held the magazines and books, coming to a stop near the end and using his foot to indicate the books, down on the bottom shelf. "There you go. Take your pick." He stepped back to give her room to browse.

It struck him as strange how the two of them were just shopping. It was almost a welcomed normalcy after being shifted to another dimension, having his ass kicked by floating demons, trying to stay clear of the alternate version of his mastermind boss, and dealing with having a teenage roommate from World War II.

"So you get along all right with this guy, huh?" he asked as he leaned back against the book shelf.

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[info]inafivepoundbag
2009-08-11 02:25 am UTC (link)
Parker immediately dropped into a squat in front of the Sudoku books, lips pressing together into a thin line as she studied them closely. Her hands were resting on her bent knees, her entire pose calm and relaxed - until one arm suddenly snapped out and she yanked one of the books off the shelf. Flipping through it, she shook her head. "Too big," she stated in a semi-mutter. As she replaced the book, her gaze slid up to Eliot.

"He's great," she stated with a grin. "Sorta like Nate. But... not an alcoholic. And he laughs at my jokes." Her attention went back to the books, snatching up another one and thumbing through it before replacing it back on the shelf with another shake of her head. As she reached for a third book, she continued speaking.

"Death brought back an evil little boy so he's letting me crash on his couch." The statement, while admittedly a bizarre one, actually made sense if you knew the situation. Or knew Parker well enough to know that it made sense to her, at least. Rising to her feet, she held the book out - revealing one of the puzzles inside - and asked without missing a beat, "I need small squares he can hit with a throwing knife while being challenged. Think these'll work?"

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[info]doesntlikeguns
2009-08-11 02:41 am UTC (link)
So he was a morally grey mastermind who didn't drink and got Parker's sense of humor. At least that was how Eliot was reading it. His contact with Noah had been limited to the boards when they'd discussed Parker's "lap times" to keep the inquisitive kid off track. "Sounds like a decent guy," he said neutrally. He grinned, nudging her knee with the toe of his boot. "Look at you making friends."

Eliot eyed the book she held out. Of all the targets he'd thrown knives at, the squares in a Sudoku puzzle had never been attempted. Or even crossed his mind. "I don't think you're going to find any smaller," he replied with a shrug.

He still wasn't sure what to make of the fact that she was, or now had been, roommates with Death. He'd spent so much of his life thinking of it as a concept that it was hard thinking of it as a female. "She adopted the anti-Christ? I thought he wasn't supposed to be all that evil."

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[info]inafivepoundbag
2009-08-11 05:07 am UTC (link)
Parker snorted, shooting Eliot a Cheshire-like grin. "You'd get along with him," she stated with a decisive nod. "He's very easy to get along with if you aren't normal." And yes, she'd just called Eliot abnormal, although she certainly hadn't meant it as an insult. To Parker, one of the worst things in the world was to be average and ordinary.

Tucking the book under her arm, she was all set to head to the check-out but stopped short. "No," she stated firmly with a shake of her had. "She adopted the little boy from those magic books. You know, the one that can't kill the baby and keeps getting beaten by teenagers but everyone is so scared of him?" She rolled her eyes and gave a shrug of her shoulders.

"He's a lame grown-up, but he's an evil little squirt." Glancing down at his buggy of items, she arched a brow and looked back at him. "We ready to go?"

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[info]doesntlikeguns
2009-08-11 04:25 pm UTC (link)
"I'd have to meet him before I agreed to that." The abnormal comment went without comment or acknowledgement. He'd accepted some time ago that getting onto INTERPOL's list of most wanted wasn't something Joe Average did. Normality was in the eye of the beholder anyway. He could care less.

Eliot started laughing, turning to face Parker. "She adopted Voldemort?" He read enough for that scenario to sound faintly familiar. It had been a long flight and the sleeping kid wasn't reading it. "That's not surprising. At least he's still just a creepy kid and not hell bent on destroying everything," he replied dismissively.

Running through his mental list, he nodded and headed for the nearest check out line. The bored clerk rang him up and then grunted something that he thought was 'have a nice day.' Hard to tell. Grabbing the bags, he left the cart off to the side and dropped down on the nearby bench to wait for Parker.

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