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Sam Winchester (gradeafreak) wrote in colligo_threads,
@ 2013-03-01 02:42:00

Entry tags:

john winchester, sam winchester

WHO: Sam and John Winchester
WHAT: Sam has new memories from back home. He decided his dad needed to know.
WHEN: Not long after this.
WHERE: Random diner.
RATING: TBD [probably a bit high, due to language if nothing else]
STATUS: In Progress

Sam was nervous. It was a strange feeling, considering how rarely it happened anymore, but he was definitely nervous. And with good measure, too, he figured. After all, he was about to sit down with his dad - a man he didn't always get along with, even on the best of days - and bring up a subject that had pretty much been off limits for his entire life. Worst yet, not only was he going to bring up said subject, he was also going to be informing his dad that something he'd believed for his entire life had been wrong. Very, very wrong, in fact.

Still. Easy or not, Sam knew it needed to be done. It wasn't fair, keeping something like this to himself, and Dean was right. If Henry showed up in the city, and knew who they were, that would just make the situation even worse. So really, he had no choice in the matter. He just had to suck it up, and deal.

At least, that's what he kept telling himself. Truth be told, he knew logically that he could always pretend he'd never remembered anything new from back home. He could just play dumb, with only Dean the wiser, and hope for the best. However, there was a part of him that simply couldn't do that. It was wrong, it was selfish, and it would likely backfire in a pretty spectacular way. So... yeah. He really didn't have a choice, the more he thought about it.

Making his way into the diner, he picked a table that offered clear access to both the front door as well as the emergency exit yet didn't have anyone sitting at any surrounding tables. Ideally, Sam would have liked to have done this in his apartment. However, he hoped that having the discussion in public would keep his dad from reacting too poorly to the information. Which was pretty unlikely, really, but it was too late to change his plans now. Mostly because John had just walked through the door.

Taking a deep breath, Sam exhaled slowly then raised his arm to get his dad's attention and wave him over.

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gradeafreak
2013-03-03 05:17 am UTC (link)

"Yeah," Sam agreed with a soft snort. "That's... pretty much it, exactly. And yeah, it's pretty sad." Which wasn't something Sam wanted to admit, because that meant feeling some inkling of sympathy for Lucifer. However, try as he might, part of him did get it. He had spent pretty much his entire life convinced his dad had loved Dean more. The two had always been so close, with Dean always doing what was expected of him, and it had always felt that nothing Sam had done had ever really measured up. He knew, now, that his feelings hadn't been right. Not even in the slightest. However, Lucifer's fears had... been pretty well-founded. God did prefer humanity over the angels. It was not only a fact, but pretty much the reason most of the higher ranking angels weren't really their biggest fans. They just did what was expected of them. Like Dean. While Lucifer had rebelled. Like Sam.

And that was when it really and truly hit him just how much he and Lucifer had in common. That what Lucifer had been trying to explain when he'd stopped by for his visit was about as accurate as anyone could be. Quickly he turned, flagging down a waitress and ordering a couple of beers. He was pretty sure he had never needed one more badly in his life than he did right now.

Once the beers were ordered, Sam cleared his throat and looked back to John. "I still don't really get what made him try to change, here," he admitted, deciding that a slight change in topic might help calm his racing thoughts a bit. "With Lucifer, the way he is, the way he works, there had to be a catalyst. He wouldn't just wake up one day and decide to give humanity a chance. That's just... not going to happen."

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allisawwasevil
2013-03-03 05:37 am UTC (link)

"Maybe there was," John said. It was impossible to tell just what those were. It was possible that Lucifer himself couldn't even pinpoint them exactly. Few people could ever spell out into words things which motivated change within them or the objects which worked to shape the sort of person that they turned out to be. Not unless they were big events, things that you just couldn't forget like death or failure.

"Maybe there were a lot of little things that all rolled up into one. Or maybe it was just having his family back together in a space where they didn't have to consistently fight over ideology or existence. Beyond asking, I wouldn't be able to tell you, Sam," John said with a shrug.

"We could sit here and speculate all day, but really, I guess it's a simple enough question," John said, looking over at Sam with a thoughtful expression. "What is it that could make someone actually hate humanity less when they've been set their wholes lives to loathe their very existence?"

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gradeafreak
2013-03-03 05:59 am UTC (link)

Sam didn't want to think logically about this. He really, really didn't. Sure, normally he was the first to turn to logic to work through something he didn't understand, no matter how baffling it might be. However, in this instance, when it came to Lucifer, he wanted nothing more than to just shut the conversation down and not consider anything else about it.

Except, he couldn't really do that. He'd already brought up the topic and, besides that, he knew what the answer was without even having to really think it through. Might as well just say it, and be done with it. It wasn't like it wasn't already bouncing around inside of his head, itching to get out.

"Finding humans, or at least a human, that is tolerable," he answered with a soft sigh. His brow furrowed as he took the idea a step further, as he was wont to do in most situations. "And, in Lucifer's case, he, uh, would have had to have found at least someone willing to accept him, no matter what."

He fell silent as the waitress finally arrived. Taking one of the beers, he stared at the bottle for a moment. Between the furrowing of his brow and the tightening of his jaw, it was obvious he was sorting through things in his head and had reached a conclusion he was not happy with. Gripping the bottle harder, he raised his gaze back to his dad.

"Dean, or his wife. Or one of their kids," he said flatly. "That's... the only thing that fits."

The betrayal he felt in that moment left a bitter taste in his mouth and tugged at his heart in a way that nothing else ever really had. Stiffly, he raised his beer to his lips and took a drink.

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allisawwasevil
2013-03-03 06:42 am UTC (link)

It made sense, as much as John hated to admit it, that it had to be his son that was tied into Lucifer's betterment of himself. Who else in this place, that wasn't an angel, would Lucifer have as strong a tie to in order to actually care what they thought? It would only be a Winchester that would be able to move him to such heights, and it most certainly wasn't Adam. Honestly, John wasn't sure how to feel about it. He was surprised, for one thing, to think that any of them could have that much of an effect on a creature that powerful especially one with the respect and devotion that Lucifer warranted from his demons. Though, the thought belated occurred, whether that even applied anymore of Lucifer was trying to turn white hat again. Maybe he could track down Meg later and ask.

Either way, it wasn't exactly something they could do anything about. There had been enough fighting with them trying to get Dean to change the way he was behaving here, and John didn't want to spark that up again.

Taking a long drag off his beer, John turned his attention back to his son before heaving a sigh, "I guess we're just going to have to accept the fact that we're the ones in the minority here. Most of the people in this place seem up to giving him a second chance. We're just going to have to roll with it."

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gradeafreak
2013-03-03 06:58 am UTC (link)

It was clear in everything from the way Sam set his beer down, to the look on his face, and especially in his tone when he spoke, that he was not pleased with the idea of just going along with everything. And, really, who could blame him? He was the one who had been worn like a cheap suit. He was the one who'd had to fight with everything he'd had to regain control, not just to save his brother but to save the whole damn world. He'd been tortured in just about every way imaginable by Lucifer and now he was expected to just forget all of that because... why? Lucifer said he was trying to change?

"Yeah," he finally bit out in a clipped tone, "I... don't know if I can do that." Drawing in a breath to calm himself, the hand not wrapped around his beer flexing reflexively, he admitted, "I'm trying. I am. I mean, I didn't even banish him when he showed up in my apartment like he had every right to be there. But I don't know if I can keep it up. I just..."

He sighed and took another drink of his beer. Setting it back down, he sighed again. "It's more than just having been his vessel, dad," he tried his best to explain. "It's more than even being stuck in the cage with him. He was here," he tapped at his temple, "all the time, for a long time. He almost tricked me into killing Dean, all through the power of suggestion. He pretty much literally drove me insane. And if it weren't for Cas... if Cas hadn't done whatever it was that he did to transfer all of that to him..." Sam sighed again. "I'd probably still be in that hospital, stuck inside my own head. I can't just forget that. I can't just get over it. I just... can't."

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allisawwasevil
2013-03-06 01:40 am UTC (link)

"I understand that, Sam. I do," John said, a deep sentiment in his voice. He did understand. After all, he wouldn't be able to forgive and forget if someone was asking him to. It was hard enough with Meg here when he knew what she was, what she had done, even with all of the added information beyond that which he'd been given. But he was working past that, slowly, working to try and build some sort of foundation for understanding even if it didn't really settle well in him. Because it was expected, it was necessary for him to survive in this place.

But the last thing that John thought should be necessary for Sam to survive was for him to have to commiserate with someone who had put him through so much, who had planned to put them all through a true hell on earth.

"But this place," John started, knowing all too well that it was likely that someone would expect that out of his son eventually. "This place, they're not exactly kind about us wanting to keep our own ideals intact. Maybe they'll give you the leeway on Lucifer because he is Lucifer, but I wouldn't count on it from everyone. Still," He said, offering Sam a hint of a smile. "That doesn't mean for you to leave yourself unprotected. How in the hell do you even defend yourself from these sons of bitches anyway?"

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