Adam Milligan (notdewyeyed) wrote in colligo_threads, @ 2012-12-21 06:46:00 |
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Entry tags: | adam milligan, god, lucifer |
who | Adam Milligan and Lucifer (as both “Lucy” and himself); a guest appearance by Emmanuelle
what | The truth finally comes out.
when | Late evening
where | A movie theater → outside the city limits
rating | PG-13(ish) (references to torture and some naughty language)
status | Complete; Log
Lucy had become a comfortable second skin for Lucifer. Having settled into the role for Adam’s sake, Lucifer had found that he’d come to enjoy it. There was a certain freedom in being a young girl with nothing to worry about, about being able to just play around without the weight of reputation on him, but even with the way that he’d become so comfortable in it, Lucifer knew that if he kept this up much longer, he might end up wanting to sink into this identity and just let things go until they popped up. Had he not had as many connections as himself as he did, he might actually give in to the temptation to let it happen, but that temptation was what pushed Lucifer to realize that maybe it would be best for all of them to just tell Adam the truth.
He’d gotten more comfortable with himself and the outside world lately, after all, and Lucifer figured that he was ready to go at it on his own. Lucy had been the push that he’d needed to reconnect with the world, but now, the world was open. There was no reason that he couldn’t take it on himself.
So “Lucy” had invited Adam out that evening to see a movie. A tiny crapped theater filled to the brim with people with very few ways to escape seemed like it would be the best test to see whether or not he was really ready to deal with things on his own. Should he manage to sit through even part of the film, there would be no doubt in Lucifer that he was making the right choice. And if not... Well, maybe it would be the push he’d need to figure out how to do it on his own. Humans operated oddly.
If anyone had tried telling Adam that, in just shy of two weeks, he would have gone from living the life of a veritable recluse to actually starting to enjoy going out and doing things again, he most definitely would have called them a liar. If anyone had told him that the sudden change in his personality was due to a girl - a local girl, at that - he would have laughed and then called them a liar. Not because he didn't like girls, or they weren't capable of getting to him. He did and they were. No, he would have laughed because the idea of working past all of his issues simply because of a pretty face would have seemed absolutely insane.
Except that's precisely what had happened.
Sure, Adam hadn't exactly become a social butterfly overnight. He still didn't really like crowds, and wasn't a big fan of open spaces where anyone could happen upon him without him necessarily even knowing about it. He still had an almost constant feeling of dread in the pit of his stomach and still twitched at any sudden, loud noises that caught him off guard. Sleep was still something he couldn't really manage and the idea of even looking at Lucifer made him feel almost sick to his stomach.
However, he was definitely getting better. Of that there was no doubt. He was smiling more, now. He was even laughing, from time to time. He wasn't simply having conversations because he had to, but rather because he wanted to. He was leaving his apartment, deviating from his routine, to do things and he was actually enjoying himself while doing them too. And he had Lucy to thank for all of it.
Honestly, Adam wasn't sure why it was she'd made such an impact on him. He'd met pretty girls before. He'd gone out with plenty of them, in his time. Yet there was something about the quirky blonde that drew him to her. Something that put him at ease, and made him not only wish he didn't have as many issues but also made him want to work to change the fact that he did. She motivated him in ways that no one else seemed capable of doing and, if things kept going the way they were, Adam could easily see himself falling for her as well. She was just that absolutely perfect for him.
So when she'd asked if he would go to a movie with her, he'd agreed. As soon as he was on his own, alone in his apartment, he'd realized just how bad of an idea that might have been. But the thought of calling her to tell her as much was something he simply couldn't do. Which meant, when the time came for them to meet at the theater, despite his internal conflict at going, he showed up.
Arriving a few minutes early, he wasn't terribly surprised to see Lucy was already there. Honestly, sometimes he wondered if she invited him to things then immediately went to them herself, so as to ensure she was the first one to arrive. Even if the invite was a few days away, he really wouldn't have been that surprised to discover she was simply camping out at the locations, or something, because nothing she did would truly shock him. Of that much he was fairly certain.
Smiling at the sight of her, his hands shoved inside the pockets of his jacket and his breath causing white plumes to appear with each exhale, Adam pushed his thoughts about the blonde away while addressing her at the same time.
"One of these days, I'm going to be the one who shows up first," he teased mildly. His smile was still in place, and actually authentic as well, when he followed up with a curious, "So how's it going?"
As someone who Adam was always naturally on edge around, it was nice for Lucifer to be able to see him in such a good mood. Even if was built on a lie, it was a helpful lie as far as Lucifer was concerned since it had done the very thing that the truth had failed to achieve. Grinning despite himself at Adam’s comment on one of these days being the one to show up first, Lucifer allowed himself to chuckle before reaching out to Adam to pull him in line with him, “Maybe I’m just more eager to see you,” Lucifer said with a wink before turning to look at the posters lined up on the side of the building. “Any preference as to what we see?” He asked, turning to look at back Adam.
He couldn’t help but be at least a little surprised that there wasn’t any obvious signs of him being nervous about this. Maybe he was better than Lucifer had first thought. Or he was just really good at keeping his anxieties to himself in the face of someone that he really wanted to impress. “I wouldn’t mind seeing the Hobbit, but god knows that theater is probably going to be filled to the brim,” Lucifer said, glancing at Adam to see just how he reacted to that. Stuffed together into a dark room with a stranger on one side. Hell, it was even a thought that Lucifer didn’t really like, and he didn’t have any particular issues with crowds. “We could go to Life of Pi. That’s more likely to have a thin, artsy crowd.”
Turning his attention to the posters as well, Adam considered their options. He really did not want to go into an absolutely packed theater. It was hard enough, just being in the building with so many others. Trying to sit amongst them all for a few hours made his stomach churn to the point that it physically hurt. However, he also didn’t want to force Lucy to see something she didn’t want to see. The fact that she mentioned an alternative specifically did help in that regard, though. Sure, she hadn’t said she’d really wanted to see Life of Pi, but most people didn’t tend to mentioned films they had absolutely no interest in at all.
After a few seconds of considering, he looked to her with a small smile and a slight shrug. “Honestly,” he replied, “I’m not a huge fan of Tolkien. We can watch it, if you really want, but I could go for Life of Pi.” It wasn’t entirely the reason he was making that particular choice, but it also wasn’t a lie. He hadn’t been a big fan of the Lord of the Rings films, much like he hadn’t really enjoyed the books when he’d given them a go. He doubted the Hobbit would be any better. And that excuse definitely sounded better than admitting to her that he had anxiety just being out of his apartment, much less in a room filled to bursting with strangers. He was a freak as it was. He didn’t need to make it public knowledge.
Life of Pi wouldn't have been Lucifer's first choice of things to sit through, but there was absolutely no arguing with the fact that Lucy probably would have been more than fine with it. And it was the movie out of all of the options available where Adam would be least likely to freakout since most of the other theaters would be filled with either rambunctious kids or rambunctious teenagers since they were all movie designed for the young crowd or the gross out crowd. It seemed likely that the crowd of hipsters and old people that would populate this theater weren't going to be as overwhelming as the other two potentially could be. "I can always go and see it later. The Hobbit is pretty long, and I'd hate to make you sit through something that you won't enjoy. Life of Pi it is!" Lucifer said as he held out his arm for Adam.
He's gotten more than used to Adam flinching away from any contact that he'd attempted so instead, Lucifer had taken to offering Adam the opportunity for contact without forcing it. There was always the chance that he might actually feel comfortable enough with Lucy to take the offer eventually, but until then, there wasn't any chance of him feeling as though the point was being forced.
As comfortable as Adam was getting with Lucy, he still hadn't quite reached the point where he was ready for physical contact. The problem was, while the reasons for his reservations obviously had nothing to do with her, sooner or later he knew she was going to start thinking otherwise. Which meant he really needed to at least try to get past it, if he wanted to avoid having her one day suddenly demand answers for his odd behavior. So it was with only a moment of hesitation, where the logical part of his mind warred with his irrational, emotional side, until finally it won out and he linked his arm through hers. The initial urge to pull away as soon as he'd done it was strong, but he ignored the feeling and instead offered the blonde a grin.
"Sounds good," he responded, realizing that it actually did sound... well, not good. No, being in the movie theater at all kept it from being good. But it didn't sound terrifying, and he wasn't dreading it. That was definitely a step up.
Purchasing the tickets took only a few moments as fortunately the place was one that had more than a single line open, and as they began to make their way toward the theater, Adam glanced at the concession stand. There was a slightly longer line there, with various groups hanging about as well. It was, by far, the busiest part of the lobby. Still. His gaze cut to Lucy and he shoved his nerves aside as he asked, "Did you want some popcorn or something?"
Lucifer felt a spike of pride as Adam took his arm. It really was just showing him that Adam probably was ready, if he could push past so many boundaries that had stood in his way for so long. He could take this situation and make the best out of it. Lucifer had little to no doubt of that as he settled his hand lightly on Adam's arm before dropping his other arm back to his side as they entered the theater. Glancing at the concession stand as Adam asked whether or not he wanted some snacks, Lucifer took in the look of the line before looking back at Adam and smiling. "How about you go find the seats, and I'll get the popcorn," He said. There were limits, after all, of how much Lucifer could expect Adam to stand in one sitting, and he'd already pushed him pretty close to the edge. Even if Adam had offered, it might make it easier on him to at least give him a brief respite from having to pack in close to a bunch of strangers.
"You want any candy, or just popcorn and soda?"
There was a slight swell of relief when Lucy offered to get the snacks while he snagged them some seats. The small smile he'd been wearing grew slightly and he slid his arm from where it was hooked with hers to do as she'd suggested. Before turning to leave, he considered the concession stand for a moment before shaking his head. "Popcorn and soda is fine. I'm pretty easy," he remarked with a grin that was far more smirk than smile. Then he turned and made his way toward the theater, finding it much easier to breathe the further away he got from the bulk of the crowd. In fact, by the time he reached the theater and stepped inside, he was actually feeling almost normal.
Scanning the rows of seats, he considered where they should sit. As a kid, he'd always liked sitting as close to the front row as possible, much to his mother's dismay. As a teenager, he'd always aimed for the back, because it was easiest to make out with a girl without anyone seeing them. Now, though, Adam wasn't keen on either the front or the back. Instead he picked somewhere closer to the middle yet still far enough from the handful of couples who were littered about. In fact, the entire row they were in was empty, which suited Adam just fine. Especially because at one end of the row was one of the emergency exit doors, which meant if something really did happen - as he always worried it would - he could make a quick escape without having to trample over everyone to do so.
Sitting down, Adam pulled out his PDA as he waited for Lucy to show up with the popcorn and drinks. Making sure to set the device to silent, he scanned the network briefly, just to make sure nothing was happening that he should know about. Which, of course, is when he happened to spot a reply to someone from Lucifer.
For a moment, the entire world seemed to screech to a halt as Adam stared at the small picture of the vessel the Archangel was wearing in the city. His grip on his PDA tightened until his fingers ached. His jaw clenched ever so slightly and a coldness swept over him at the thought of the son-of-a-bitch still being around. Fortunately, before the moment could gain enough momentum to ruin his mood, and therefore his night, entirely, Adam noticed someone approaching out of his peripheral. Quickly his head shot up, gaze sliding to Lucy as she made her way toward him. With a small smile, he quickly put his PDA away and did his best to forget the entire moment. Lucifer wasn't here, after all. In fact, he'd been leaving him alone rather a lot, lately. And Adam, for one, refused to let the mere existence of him stop him from enjoying himself in the here and now.
"No problems, I take it?" he questioned when she'd finally reached their seats. To his credit, his voice only wavered ever so slightly and it was almost impossible to notice the trembling in his hands as he reached for the sodas to lighten her load a bit.
Almost but not completely. Lucifer realized that something had happened while he'd been getting snacks. A very slight frown flashed over his face for a moment before he slipped in next to Adam after handing off the sodas, settling the large popcorn in between the two of them, "Is it too crowded in here, too?" Lucifer asked, a hint of concern in his voice as he glanced over at Adam. They had been doing so well, but something had obviously shaken him, and Lucifer couldn't for the life of him figure out what could have happened between the lobby and the seats. "We can go...if you need to." And they had been doing so well. Even if he was trying to cover his unease to keep Lucy from worrying, Lucifer couldn't help but worry. Maybe he'd pushed too hard too fast. Mom knows he had a tendency to try and force things when they really shouldn't be.
As much as he liked Lucy, and really didn't want her thinking he was a total freak - even if he was - Adam very nearly took her up on her offer. His mood had shifted, taken a turn for the worse, and it wasn't always easy for him to just snap out of it. However, he could be just as stubborn as his brothers, when he wanted, and right now he was bound and determined to go through with this. He could do it. He could.
Setting the drinks in the cup holders at the ends of the armrests, he wiped his hands on his pants in an attempt to rid himself of the cold sweat that had come over him, before flashing her a smile that was a touch less shaky this go round. "No," he assured her, his tone sounding much closer to normal. "I'm good. Just saw something on my PDA when I was turning it silent. That's all." He didn't elaborate but instead grabbed a handful of popcorn and popped a few pieces into his mouth. They helped serve as a good distraction and, as he chewed, he could feel his anxiety once again lowering to a much more tolerable level.
Once he'd swallowed, he assured her, now sounding much more like he'd come to sound when speaking to her (and only her), "I'm fine. Really. We even have the row to ourselves, which means if this thing sucks too bad, we won't have to step on anyone's feet when we leave." It was a mild joke, and not terribly funny, but it was something, at least.
Something on his PDA? Well, at least that meant that the outside world wasn't responsible this time, and Lucifer couldn't help but take that as a good sign. There were plenty of different things that could have popped up on the network that would have resulted in unease from Michael showing up -- please, no -- to some other random insanity cropping up in the midst of the holiday cheer. He could figure out what it was later. Flashing a grin at Adam, Lucifer glanced back at the blank movie screen before laughing a bit, "It's got a tiger in a boat. It can't be that bad," He said with a playful wink before snagging some of the popcorn out of the bag. "And either way, the company will more than make up for any lack of enjoyment in the movie." Shifting a hand to squeeze Adam's shoulder very briefly, the action as quick as possible to keep him from getting too uncomfortable, Lucifer dropped his hands back to his lap before his eyes shifted to the emergency exit right near them.
"Or we could sneak out the side door without anyone noticing if we really need to," Lucifer said, nodding towards the emergency exit. Sure there was bound to be an alarm, but that would be easy enough to deal with if they really did need to get out without anyone noticing. Not that Lucifer could really think of any situation where they were need to, unless something absolutely dangerous happened out of the blue and they had to bail in order to get out without getting hurt, but it was a good enough strategy to plan ahead. Even if it did speak to Adam still being uncomfortable in public areas, it was a step in the right direction.
"So, not the back, huh?" Lucifer asked with a hint of a smile. "I guess I rest assured I'm not going to miss most of the movie because of you trying to occupy me with...other things."
Adam's stomach dropped a bit at the insinuation, and his smile faltered ever so slightly before he quickly recovered. It was difficult to say whether or not Lucy was flirting with him or just being her typical, off-the-cuff self, but the desire to flirt with her to test the waters was a strong one. Unfortunately, he couldn't quite bring himself to do it, both afraid of possible rejection and thereby losing his one friend in the city, as well as her confirming she was flirting and trying to take it to the next step. He liked her, a lot, but he really didn't know if he could bring himself to get close enough to kiss her.
Not yet.
Fortunately, the decision was taken from him as, before he could respond, the lights were starting to dim and the large screen began to come to life. Snagging some more popcorn, Adam settled into his seat and turned his attention forward. After a few seconds, he cast a glance at Lucy, a small smile stealing across his features as he looked back to the screen once more. Maybe he would make a move tonight, he considered as the previews for some up and coming film began playing. Not here. No, he wasn't going to be so cliched as to try something in a darkened theater. But on the way home, maybe. Who knew? She could actually be interested in him and she certainly seemed to take some of his quirks in stride, unlike most others. Maybe he could work up the nerve to take a chance and see where they really stood.
For now, though, he was just going to watch the movie and appreciate the fact that he had a pretty girl at his side while doing so. Not even the people in the rows around them were bothering him. It was, by and large, the best he'd felt in a very long while.
The movie was actually better than Lucifer had assumed it would be, and it was improved, in his opinion, by the fact that it had went off without a hitch. He and Adam had managed to sit through the entire time without feeling like they needed to feel from the theater, and when the lights came up, Lucifer glanced over at Adam with a bright smile, folding down the top of the popcorn bag to keep what they had left before grabbing his drink, "That was actually pretty good," He said as he stood, stepping out into the aisle to allow Adam to slip out of his seat as well. "Not as good as the book, of course, but they never are," He said with a bit of a chuckle before casting a curious glance at Adam. "So... Dinner?" He asked, a hopeful look in his eyes. It would give them somewhere to talk properly, if he was going to do this and figure out how to do it. An odd hesitation had risen in Lucifer, a fear of ruining a good thing that they had going, but this had never been about him. It had been about getting Adam to a point where he could take on the world again, and if he allowed this to continue, he'd end up making it about himself.
He was supposed to be a new and improved Lucifer, turning over a new leaf. Selfishness spoke too much to the man that he was supposed to have left behind.
"Nothing big, of course, but I'm not really in a rush to get home."
Although it still wasn't normally something he would have chosen to watch, Adam had to admit that the movie was pretty good. Then again, when you'd spent a few centuries in hell, being tortured on a daily basis, just about anything that let you get your mind off of that for a few hours was worth it. Hell, if watching paint dry would mean he wouldn't ever think about Lucifer or Michael again, he'd do it.
Casting a glance at Lucy, smiling as he stood and followed her out into the aisle, he nodded. "It wasn't bad," he admitted. At her question about dinner, he hesitated. However, this time it wasn't because of any desire to flee from the world. No, it was for something much more mundane. He had to work in the morning and really needed to get some laundry done before crashing for the night. If he even did crash. More often than not, he just tossed and turned, maybe catching an hour or two if he was lucky, then got up and started his day as best he could. Still. The responsible thing to do would be to stick to his schedule.
But he really didn't want to say goodnight just yet, either.
"Sure. Food sounds good," he finally agreed, deciding that he could break from his routine. That alone was a testament to how well he was doing, considering a few weeks ago he would never have done such a thing. Walking alongside her as they left the theater, the crowd around them never really packed in tightly enough to make him take too much notice, Adam didn't speak again until they had stepped outside. Then, drawing in a lungful of the chilly winter night air, he turned up the collar of his jacket to block the wind a bit and looked to Lucy. "Where do you want to grab a bite at?" he asked. He hesitated, smiling slightly as he admitted, "I promise, I'm not doing one of those douche guy things where I make the girl choose. I just don't know this area all that well and don't want to pick something crappy."
"Like I would ever think you'd be doing anything that would qualify as a 'douchey guy thing'," Lucifer said with a hint of a smile, a bit surprised that he actually meant it. The Winchesters, even those who didn't retain the last name, could be giant asses sometimes, but after everything, they still usually meant well no matter how things sounded. Anyone that would qualify under 'douche' so did not meet those standards. "I think there's a pretty good pizza parlor five blocks west of here," Lucifer said. Five blocks would have seemed like an eternity to him before, particularly when he was rooted to the ground without the ability to just send himself there, but in all the time of being Lucy, he'd gotten used to the walking. Holding out his arm to Adam again, Lucifer flashed him a playful smile before turning to head to the pizza place.
Of course, there was one drawback of walking, particularly at night, that even Lucifer didn't always take into account: the local crime rate.
The sudden appearance of a man dressed in all black with a gun held out in front of him as he stepped into their path paused Lucifer in his tracks, the momentary surprise playing all of his features until they schooled into something close to annoyance as the man spoke.
"Give me all your money, and nobody has to get hurt."
Adam had just linked his arm with Lucy's once more when the guy stepped out of the shadows in front of him. Immediately he went still, his attention sliding to the man when the demand for money was made. Surprisingly, there wasn't any fear on his face. Or maybe it wasn't that surprising, really, to anyone who knew him and knew what he'd been through. After all, what was a potential gunshot wound compared to never ending torture and torment?
In fact, he was so wholly unphased by the sight of the weapon that he didn't even attempt to reach for his wallet. Instead he squared his shoulders and, dropping his arms to his sides, took a small step toward, and partially in front of, Lucy. If he got shot, so be it. Worst case, he died and came back. Best case, he got in touch with Dean and his brother brought some of his wife's blood to heal him. Either way, he'd be fine. Lucy, on the other hand, wouldn't.
"You don't want to do this," he said simply as he eyed the man. "You really, really need to just turn around and walk away, buddy. Right now." As he spoke, Adam began calculating the distance between the two of them and figuring out the best, and easiest, way to tackle the guy before the trigger could be pulled. It was risky, no matter which way he cut it, but he was more than prepared to do so if the wannabe mugger didn't do as he was told and just leave.
Of course Adam would try and protect him. Lucifer wasn't overly surprised by the fact that he would put himself at risk for someone that he thought was just a fragile little local girl who didn't have the benefits of being resurrected after death, but it was utterly and wholly unnecessary. And as the gun cocked, it became pretty obvious that the mugger wasn't at all intimidated by Adam's attempt to get him to do the right thing. "How about no?" The mugger said, taking a step forward himself and placing the muzzle of the gun right up against Adam's chest. "Is your wallet really worth your life, man?" He asked, narrowing his eyes, putting on his best intimidation face. It fell away, though, the second that the gun was randomly yanked to the side and ripped from his hand, tossed into the street.
"Is trying to be the tough man really worth yours?" Lucifer asked, the threat ringing in Lucy's voice as he narrowed his eyes at the mugger before reaching up and settling a hand on Adam's shoulder. "Good show, Adam, standing strong, but I've got this. Last thing we need is you getting shot. Your brother would kill me," He said, slipping around Adam and advancing towards the mugger, hand extended, a wicked expression settling on Lucy's features as the mugger grasped at his throat and attempted to gasp for oxygen. "Not really fun, is it? Being pushed up against a wall that you can't do anything about. Gun in your face, hand around your throat. Not too much difference as far as I can see. Now, would you like to breathe?" Lucifer asked, smirking as the mugger nodded vigorously. Slacking the tension in his hand, he smirked as the man in front of him gasped for breath, taking in heaping lungfuls as Lucifer slide in right next to him, hand grasping the other man's shoulder as he heaved him up and off his feet.
"I'll even be the nice gun here. I'll make it that much easier for you to get your gun," He said, pulling back and throwing, the mugger flying for a few feet before crumpling into a pile in the street, right next to where his pistol had landed. Flexing his hand for a moment, turning them back around to look at, "Lucy" frowned with a sigh. "Shit. Broke a nail," He said for a moment before the fractured nail was replaced by a fresh one. "There. All better."
One minute, Adam had been pretty sure he was going to get shot. Which would have sucked, yes, but the sound of the gun going off would have also alerted people passing by to what was taking place, thereby offering Lucy an opportunity to get away safely. And that was more than worth it, as far as he was concerned. Except, that wasn't what happened, because the very next minute, Lucy was stepping forward and the entire world was tilting on its axis.
No. That was all that Adam could think when what he had thought was a nice, local girl revealed herself to be anything but. No, no, no, no, no. This wasn't happening. This wasn't real. He hadn't been duped, hadn't let his guard down around someone just posing as a local. No. He refused to believe that.
Yet it was undeniable. As the man was first choked without benefit of a hand to his throat, then tossed across the street effortlessly, Adam knew that Lucy was definitely not who she seemed to be. And as soon as she'd fixed her nail, Adam managed to find his voice enough to demand a bit shrilly, "What the-" He trailed off as his stomach began to churn violently. Taking a step backward, not wanting to flee just yet but more than prepared to do so depending on how the next few seconds went, he tried speaking again.
"Who are you? Really?" he demanded. Pausing, his voice shook slightly as he immediately tacked on, "What are you?"
All right. Not exactly the nice calm conversation that Lucifer had been planning on them having, but it seemed to have at least made it obvious that "Lucy" was something more than what she seemed. His gaze shifting up to Adam, he took a slow deep breath, taking a step forward to try and reassure him before realizing that that was probably the worst thing that he could do right now when it looked like Adam was on the verge of panicking. "A friend," Lucifer said. "I've just been trying to get you back into the world," He said with a bit of a lopsided yet apologetic smile before allowing Lucy's features to fade away, the long blonde fading into short blond and the lean, short, and fit fading into tall, muscular, and slightly chubby as he raised a hand to run over the stubble on his chin.
"So. Um. Surprise?" Lucifer said, his voice and looks having returned back to normal. "We cool?"
Even before the truth was spoken, Adam knew. He'd like to say that some part of him had always known, but that would be a lie. However, in those few seconds between explanation and reveal, he knew what the answer was going to be. Already he was shaking his head and stepping backward. By the time "Lucy" became none other than Lucifer himself, Adam was several feet away and picking up speed as best he could while not willing to look away from the transformation taking place in front of him.
"No," he hissed as something inside of him finally seemed to snap. Embarrassment and terror warred with him but all too quickly they were overpowered by something else entirely. Anger. No. Rage. It was a heady sensation, particularly because he'd never managed to get past the fear long enough to reach anger before, and Adam allowed the surge of adrenaline to propel him backward a few more feet. Then there was a wall pressing into his back. However, instead of allowing the feeling of being trapped to overwhelm him until he collapsed inward on himself, he held tightly to the fury pumping through his veins and met the Archangel's gaze with a positively lethal expression.
"What the hell part of leave me alone didn't you get the first seven hundred times I said it?!" he all but exploded. For one brief instant, he didn't care that he was yelling at a being who had taken great pleasure in torturing him before. He didn't care that Lucifer could make him blow up with a simple snap of his fingers, and might very well do it if provoked enough. Let him. Adam honestly didn't care about anything anymore.
Except, that is, the one ace he still had up his sleeve.
An angel killing blade that he'd snagged from Dean and Claire's when he'd come across it while at Gabi's birthday party. He hadn't even intended to bring it with him to the movies, but had grabbed it at the last minute just in case. Glad he'd done so now, Adam slowly slid a hand behind him - between his back and the wall - and wrapped his fingers around the smooth handle of the weapon. Meanwhile, he continued to rant at Lucifer, while slowly stepping away from the wall and forward once more, hoping that his words and the movement would deter attention away from what he was doing.
"Take the hint already. We are not friends. And I don't need your help getting back in touch with the world, either, you dick! It's because of you that I can't connect in the first damn place!" His voice trembled slightly as he continued to rage, now advancing on Lucifer with smooth, deliberate steps. His eyes shone with fury as he glared at him, completely and wholly uncaring that he was facing off with a being who was the source of most of his nightmares. Slowly but surely, while continuing forward, he slid the blade from the waistband of his pants and up into the sleeve of the jacket he wore so as to keep it hidden from sight. Then, gripping the blade tightly, he let his arm fall back at his side. Just a few more steps and he could make his move.
"And because of me that you figured out how to deal with it again," Lucifer said, holding up his hands in a surrender to try and make himself seem like less of a threat. The mugger had already fled, not really wanting to stick around for this particular confrontation, and it seemed that anyone who came anywhere close to them was quickly giving them a wide berth. Not that Lucifer could really blame them, but the last thing he wanted to do right now was make it seem like he was going to lash out. He'd been trying to help, and this... Well, this was not the reaction that he had anticipated. "All right. Maybe it wasn't the most conventional means of doing it, but I knew I could help. And I kept getting told not to bother you, so I didn't. But you needed someone to bother you! If you hadn't had someone prodding, you'd still be hiding away in your apartment, Adam. Come on. You and I both know it. Right, buddy?"
Ultimately, it was the "buddy" that did it. Too many times over the past few centuries had Lucifer used that exact same word to address him. Granted, typically when doing so in the cage, he was attempting to convince him to side with him against Michael. Or manipulate him into letting his guard down only to do something truly horrific the second he complied. Either way, though, the point was, something inside of Adam shifted at that word and any hesitation he might have had about what he was going to do evaporated into thin air.
"For the last time, you sorry son-of-a-bitch, I am not your damn buddy!" he all but roared, his legs carrying him the last few steps without his mind even consciously aware it was happening. His arm shot out then, the blade sliding forward in his palm as he shoved it the next few inches it needed to go before embedding itself into Lucifer's gut.
Unfortunately, a split second before the Archangel's eyes should have widened with pain and surprise, the blade stopped. In that same instant, Emmanuelle appeared, standing to the side of the duo, her hand wrapped firmly around the blade and keeping it from pressing into Lucifer's vessel. She didn't look angry as she gave Adam a hard look, but she definitely looked determined not to let him do what he wanted. And, despite the fact that he hated God about as much as he hated Lucifer and Michael, Adam couldn't quite bring himself to keep trying knowing he was up against the Almighty herself.
Instead he froze in place, his expression going from wide-eyed surprise, to annoyed, to furious as he glowered at the diminutive woman keeping him from his goal. He didn't speak, though, nor did he try to push on the blade. He simply stood there, willing her to let go so he could finish this, once and for all.
Lucifer had realized a split second before the blade had been revealed what Adam was going to do. Could he blame him entirely for that sort of reaction? No. Probably not. It was about as far from the one he expected as you could possibly get, but he supposed, given everything, that wanting to stab him was just a natural course of action of a lot of people. He'd braced himself, prepared for the blade to slide into his gut and end his life, however temporarily, when his Mother appeared in front of him. Peeking up over her shoulder at Adam, Lucifer offered him a hint of an apologetic look before turning to his Mother.
"So. How badly did I screw up this time?" He asked, though he knew all too well that she couldn't really answer him verbally in Adam's presence without risking the other man's health. Still. It seemed like the sort of question that just needed to be asked. He had really been trying this time. Apparently he was just awful at this whole...angel thing.
Emmanuelle gave no indication of having heard Lucifer's question, instead keeping her gaze focused on Adam. Who, for his part, looked as though he wanted to just punch the Archangel now, simply for having spoken up in the first place. Instead, though, he turned his livid gaze back onto her while simultaneously releasing his grip on the blade. Emmanuelle offered him a small, loving smile as she held the blade at her side and effortlessly crushed it much like an empty tin can. Letting the now useless twisted mass of metal fall to the ground, she next turned to Lucifer while giving a simple wave of her hand in Adam's direction at the same time. Adam's eyes promptly rolled back in his head and he began to collapse in a heap as she willed him to sleep. Before he could land on the hard ground, though, he disappeared from sight. He'd wake up in his bed in the morning, following the first full night of sleep he'd had since being brought to the city. She figured she owed him that much and, this way, she could speak to Lucifer without risking the boy's life.
Once she was alone with the Archangel, she sighed softly and shook her head. What she said wasn't really spoken, as much as he was simply aware of it, so as to protect any locals who were still in the vicinity. Still, her tone wasn't angry or even frustrated. Instead, it was gentle and laced with a touch of sorrow coupled with understanding.
Come with me, Lucifer.
Placing a hand on his shoulder, the scenery around them changed as they were suddenly standing at the edge of a frozen lake well outside of the city limits. Letting her arm fall back to her side, Emmanuelle sighed again as she peered up at him, now able to speak openly without fear of harming any mortals. She simply began with a pointed, "You very nearly broke him entirely this time, you know." She didn't ask why he'd done it. She knew why. She understood his reasons, knew what he'd been attempting. No, she wasn't going to chide him for his efforts, because they had been fairly noble and that alone was a wonderful thing. However, she was going to offer him some advice and hoped, for his sake as well as Adam's, that he actually took it instead of going out of his way to do the exact opposite as he'd done for most of his existence.
"Well, that wasn't what I was trying to do," Lucifer said with a bit of a pout, feeling a queer spike of guilt rise up in his gut at the confirmation that he had almost ruined the kid entirely. Anger in the face of deception made some sense, especially deception that came from a party he was used to deceiving him for purely selfish ends, but the fact that he seemed to have failed to notice just how much progress that he'd made under the deception hurt in a weird way, as if all the effort had been for naught at the end of the day. "I wanted to make it better. And it was working, too," He said, looking over at his mother as he shuffled his feet a bit. It had been working... It had, he knew that. But whether that would have stuck in any circumstance was the thing that he wasn't sure of, that nagging doubt that was eating at him right now. "What did I do wrong?" He repeated, looking at her with a quiet expectation in his eyes.
It was true, he hadn't always listened to what his Mother had to say. In fact, he'd often heard and then proceeded to do the exact opposite mostly out of spite, even if there was a hint of difference of opinion in there as well, but this time, he really did want to know. He was trying. But... the more he tried, the more it became obvious that he just...really wasn't all that good at the helping thing.
"I gave him something else to focus on. That's what people need when something is bothering them, right? A distraction?"
Emmanuelle sighed once more. This really was a particularly awful situation. Not because of Adam's tenuous hold on sanity starting to slip, or even because she'd effectively ensured the boy loathed her for all of eternity by stepping in as she'd done. No, for her, the worst part about all of this was that Lucifer really had thought he was doing the right thing. For the first time in a very, very, very long time, he had tried to do what he thought an angel would do, and help. And it had blown up rather spectacularly in his face. Which, as far as Emmanuelle was concerned, was the worst of it all. No parent wanted to see their child try with all earnestness, only to fail. Especially when trying wasn't something they did often.
Or, in Lucifer's case, pretty much ever.
Turning her attention from the frozen landscape around them, she looked back to Lucifer and offered him a small, sad little smile. "Adam needs far more than a distraction, Lucifer," she murmured. "He's so very lost. He may never return fully." Straightening up a bit, she turned to face him fully. Slowly she arched an eyebrow. "Are you certain you want my advice on how to truly help him? You won't like it," she warned.
"When have I ever liked it?" Lucifer asked, the question filled with a painful amount of honesty. There were few things that Lucifer could think back on that his Mother had done that he could ever find approval in. The flood, perhaps, was the only act in the handful of ones that he could recall that he had ever had any positive feelings for, and even then, She'd screwed it up by allowing enough humans to survive to be able to repopulate themselves. The Earth would have been so much better of if She'd just left the planet to the animals on their own. But no, the humans had lived on, and as it was, he was only just starting to figure out how to tolerate them, much less feel as though he wanted to really help them, and even if he wouldn't like it, it was probably something that he needed to hear.
Wasn't it always?
"What do I need to do?"
It definitely spoke to Lucifer's determination to make an honest effort at doing the right thing for once that he didn't immediately scoff at her and refuse to even hear the advice following that warning. Of course, Emmanuelle knew there was every chance, once she did tell him how she saw Adam would be best helped, he would still scoff and refuse. However, at least he was willing to listen. At this point, she would take what she could get.
"You need to speak to Gabriel," she said with absolutely no hesitation. She wasn't giving him the chance to change his mind before she'd at least had the opportunity to speak. "Ask him to assist you. If anyone can reach Adam, it will be him."
"Gabe?" Lucifer asked, the skepticism showing in his voice. Not only that, but there was a hint of hurt behind it, as if Gabriel were more equipped to deal with this situation than he was. "Why would Adam be willing to trust Gabe when it was me and Michael that tormented him? It's like tossing him at the other potential object of his ridicule. Not that Gabe would actually do anything like that, but... Hell, there's no reason for him not to assume Gabe is just like the rest of us." Lucifer paused, casting a long look at his Mother before sighing. "Unless there's something here I don't know."
"Not don't know," Emmanuelle corrected gently. "You simply aren't seeing." Pausing, she debated the best way to explain it to Lucifer. That was always the difficulty when dealing with her second eldest Archangel. He was much more sensitive than most anyone realized, and tended to take things a little personally when they came from certain sources. She was, unquestionably, at the top of that list. Still. He'd asked, and she wasn't about to not explain. But there was nothing that said she had to explain it directly. Maybe an example would help. It certainly couldn't hurt.
"Do you know what it was that Adam saw tonight, on his PDA, to change his mood so drastically?" she questioned, knowing, of course, that Lucifer hadn't sussed it out yet. If he had, he would already know the answer to his own question. Not wanting to put him on the spot for long, she decided to just tell him and let the pieces fall into place only slightly faster than they would have otherwise. Facing him, her expression an open and honest one, she said, "He saw you, Lucifer. Your response to another post to someone else who is here. That's all. The simply reminder that you are here was enough to fill him with panic." She shook her head slightly, sorrow shining in her eyes as she explained, "It doesn't matter how pure your intentions are, your presence upsets him and he simply does not trust you. You can't help him directly anymore than I can."
Looking back toward the frozen lake at the pain that particular admission made her feel, she continued.
"Gabriel, however, has experience in dealing with humanity without having ever dealt directly with Adam. The boy's only memories of your brother come from Michael and, while those may not be particularly fond, they aren't directly linked to Adam's experiences himself. That gives Gabriel a chance to get close." And here was the main reason. Of course, it was also the one she needed to phrase the most delicately. After a second, she did her best and hoped that maybe Lucifer would really hear her instead of immediately becoming defensive as he tended to do.
"What's more, Adam is the youngest of his brothers and was drawn into this entire situation by proxy, through their actions. He didn't want to be involved, yet found he ultimately had no choice." Once more, she arched an eyebrow. "Does that not sound like someone you know?"
"A little, yeah," Lucifer admitted quietly as he shuffled again. She was right. As much as he hated to admit it, She was right. Gabriel had both the distance and the experience to engage Adam without there being any complicated baggage or issues that would provoke the boy into a nearly self-destructive frenzy like Lucifer's presence would. Raising a hand to run over his face, Lucifer frowned before heaving a sigh as he looked over at his Mother. "I don't mean to upset him like that, but... I guess you can't really change something that's already been done. Not in the way that I figured you could," He said, worrying his bottom lip before scrunching his face up in annoyance at a realization.
"I'm going to have to ask Gabe for a favor," Lucifer said, laughing softly. "He's never going to let me forget this."
Emmanuelle laughed softly, the sound causing a warmth to settle in the frigid air around them. It slowly dissipated before it could cause the frozen lake to begin to melt, but it definitely raised the temperature a few degrees. "No," she agreed, "he likely won't. However, he will also see that you truly are trying." She gave him a small, sad sort of smile. "He may not have believed such a thing, otherwise."
Going silent for a moment, Emmanuelle simply studied the Archangel for a moment. Then she warned softly, "Adam may never truly be comfortable with you. No human was meant to go through what he has, and he was scarcely as strong as his brothers going into it. However, if Gabriel is able to reach him, eventually he'll learn that it was you who asked your brother to do so. While it may not endear you to him, it could well allow him to move past his fear of you and enjoy the opportunity at life he has here. In the meantime, simply keep doing your best to help others when you believe it possible. Actions speak far louder than words, as the saying goes, and you have many more beyond Adam to convince of your sincerity."
For a moment after that, she didn't speak. Simply studied him. Then, she reached out and cupped his cheek with a loving smile. She was pressing her luck, with what she was about to say. Not with him, though, but rather with her own brother. Asaph wasn't going to like it. However, he would just have to get over it. Lucifer was hers, he was trying, and he deserved something for his trouble. Even if it was nothing more than a warning, it was better than nothing.
"Also," she began, "Stay close to Meri, in the upcoming weeks. She's going to need you and I don't want to see what bit of trust her parents have placed in you being viewed as a waste."
Lucifer leaned into the touch without even thinking about it. For someone who had been cut off from Heaven for so long, who had pretty much forgotten what grace even felt like much less what it felt like to want it, need it, the contact was something which he had no desire to turn away from. Even with the spike of fear that lodged itself in his gut at her words, he continued to allow the contact for as long as he could. "Uncle does have something planned, then?" He asked, a quiet worry in his voice. It was really just a given that something would crop up. Things always did when everyone was allowed to be happy. But the implications underlying it, Lucifer wasn't sure what to do with those. There were plenty of things he could do... But there was still only so much he could do.
Emmanuelle's smile was a truly sorrowful one as she replied, "Doesn't he always?" Then she pulled her hand away from Lucifer and glanced toward the lake. "I need to go," she stated, not explaining herself because, frankly, it was none of his business where she was going or what she was going to do. She'd helped spare his life and had offered guidance. There wasn't much more to be done, now.
Except for one last thing.
Turning back to Lucifer, her smile once more turned loving. "I'm proud of what you're trying to do, Lucifer," she assured him. Then she did something she hadn't done since the dawn of mankind and Lucifer's subsequent fall from Grace. Raising up on her toes, she pressed a kiss to his forehead. "We'll speak soon," she whispered as she drew back. And, with that, she was gone, the only indication she'd been there the feeling of warmth that still hung in the air in her wake.
It hurt. Not like it had when he'd been cast out of Heaven and imprisoned. That had been a fiery ache in the pit of his stomach that had festered into an intense bitterness and desire to triumph no matter what. This hurt in the complete opposite way of that, a soft prick of longing in his heart, a reminder of what he had given up so long ago, and the painful hope of perhaps getting it back. She was proud of him. She hadn't been proud of him...well, ever as far as he could recall. Not since her newest creations had eclipsed his glory. And pride in his existence had been...in all honesty, the one thing he had wanted, some acknowledgement that he was still worth the effort even after all this time.
Staring at the spot where She had been for a moment, Lucifer lifted his eyes up to cast out over the lake for a moment before taking a slow, deep breath. He had to talk to Gabriel about this, and he knew that it was not going to be an easy conversation. He'd just keep his fingers crossed that Kali wouldn't be there when he showed up. Even if dodging fireballs on top of everything else would be a remarkable capper to his day.