InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "cashton"

fulltiltdiva (fulltiltdiva) wrote in colligo_threads,
@ 2012-11-15 21:48:00

Entry tags:

frigga, loki laufeyson

WHO: Loki Laufeyson & Frigga
WHAT: Loki goes to show the All-Mother around the city as well as discuss...things he'd rather not talk about, but well, we can't all get our way all the time.
WHEN: November 15th; Afternoon
WHERE: Outside the library
RATING: PG
STATUS: In Progress

Loki didn't want to. He really, really didn't want to. His entire being was screaming for him to find somewhere to sequester himself away, to lock himself down so that he couldn't say anything that he would regret, that he knew was floating around in his mind but could have only been provoked by the two people he had called parents for so long despite the falsehood of that statement, but even as he wanted to run and hide somewhere, Loki was finding himself doing the exact opposite. The smoke gathered around him, carrying him from his own apartment to the street in front of the library, his footfalls appearing a moment before the rest of him as he set into a firm stride towards the sight of his mother.

No. No. The All-Mother, his brain insisted vehemently. Frigga, wife of Odin, queen of Asgard, All-Mother of the Æsir, and of no relation to him. He steeled himself, mind and heart struggling in his chest over the conflicting desires pooling within him, until he was able to cross the last few feet to her side. The last time he had seen his mother -- The All-Mother -- it had been immediately after slaying Laufey, his true father, and moments before Thor had stormed onto the scene and ruined everything like always. The last time he had seen her, she had worn a look of such hurt and confusion that he'd wished to rip his heart from his very chest for causing that pain. But as he looked up at her now, none of that was present, none of that pained betrayal that he felt should still be there, should still rest on those features, or none of the hatred that he thought may have been appropriate as well.

Instead, all he could see was the women who had raised him, who had supported him, who had provided the few comforts and encouragements that he could remember from his life before that weren't meddled with hurt and pain and confusion and warped by his own misrememberings. It was almost too much, faced with her here, and part of him wanted to crumble under the weight of it all and fall into her arms as if he were a child again.

But he didn't do that. Instead, he climbed the stairs, mustering a slow, cautious smile before extending a hand to her and asking a soft, simple question, "Are you well?"

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aproudmother
2012-11-16 03:18 am UTC (link)

It didn't take very long for Loki to arrive. Mere moments, really. However, those moments ticked by at an agonizingly slow pace for Frigga. She was anxious to see Loki, to confirm with her own two eyes that he was here, well, and without the binds that held him in place upon his return to Asgard at Thor's hand. It hadn't taken much for her to realize that she was from a bit after he was, however such a thing were possible, but it was information she hardly felt the need or desire to share. No, it would be much simpler if he believed her ignorant to his actions on Midgard, and of the band of warriors who had come together to stop him. Therefore, she would keep the information to herself unless it became absolutely necessary she admit such a thing.

Of course, just because she wasn't going to talk about it didn't mean she could ignore how it had felt to see her youngest son brought home in bonds. Nor was she quick to forget the rage she'd experienced when Odin had all but forbidden her from speaking to their son during what was clearly his hour of need. She understood her husband's reasoning, of course. To speak with Loki would invite more heartache on her part, as she was powerless to stop the sentencing he was to face for his crimes. However, that didn't change the fact that she wanted, very much, to do so anyway.

Now, here, in this strange realm, she had been given that chance. She was hardly going to squander it.

So when Loki finally did appear, it was only by sheer force of will that Frigga didn't immediately go to him. Instead she waited for him to approach her, knowing he needed to be capable of doing as much if they were ever get past his ridiculous notion that he was somehow no longer her son. However, once he was standing before her, she was unable to help herself. Placing her hand in his wasn't enough, nor was a simply replied, "As always." No, Frigga needed more and, no sooner had the words left her mouth was she rushing forward and doing something she felt she should have done much, much sooner.

She wrapped her arms around her son and embraced him with a hug that spoke of nothing but comfort and pure, unconditional love.

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fulltiltdiva
2012-11-16 03:40 am UTC (link)

Loki had expected her to keep some distance, to be at least somewhat wary towards his presence considering the actions that he had taken, so when she rushed forward to embrace him, he couldn't help the small squeak of surprise that left his lips as he stiffened, uncertain of exactly how to receive the emotions that were attached to the action. It only took a moment, though, before his resistance began to cave, his arms trembling as he raised them to curl around him, his shoulders slumping forward as he sagged into the hug. "I'm sorry," He whispered, not really trusting his voice to say anymore than that, but knowing that he would have to eventually. It was at least a place to start, an honest admission that he'd finally come to in however long he'd been here.

He was sorry, and he didn't need someone else's personality forced into him to say it. Not to her, at least. Not to the one person who might actually believe the words for what they were rather than an attempt to spare himself harm.

"I didn't mean for it to go that far," Loki said, not really sure whether that was entirely the truth or not. He had meant to destroy Jotunnheim. He had meant to put Odin at risk if only so he could rescue him. He hadn't meant to destroy the Bifrost or cast himself off of it, but it was all by degrees. What he hadn't meant was to cause his own exile from the one place he had called home, to isolate himself from those he had considered family, to convince himself that he had nothing and no one. He hadn't meant for it to go that far even though it had.

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aproudmother
2012-11-16 04:18 am UTC (link)

It took a heartbeat or two for Loki to reciprocate. In that time, Frigga felt her heart threaten to burst within her chest from the pain she felt that he might not respond in kind. He was her son, true, but if he did not feel the same way, there was nothing to be done for it. Words, even actions, would only go so far and do so much. The rest was solely up to Loki.

Fortunately, though, he did respond to the hug and Frigga felt her hope swell once more. Perhaps this time, in this realm to start at least, they could become a family again. Perhaps he would forgive her, and Odin, for their mistakes. Perhaps he would forgive himself for being born a Frost Giant despite his upbringing as Asgardian through and through. Perhaps, just perhaps, he would realize he never had to turn from them at all and would return to her, a bit wiser and far more accepting of his role as her son.

For now, though, it was simply a hug. And an apology. Which, admittedly, was a slight surprise. Still. She hid it well enough, instead offering a soft, "I know," as she raised her hand to thread through his hair and keep him close to her. She knew it was irrational, but she could not help but feel that, were she to allow him to pull away from her now, she may lose him forever. And that simply was not something she was willing to consider.

She did draw back herself, though, after a few more moments. She kept her arms on him, one hand resting on his upper arm while the other slid from his hair to cup his cheek. Peering up at him, Frigga's smile was both loving and tearful. She didn't speak, at least not right away. Instead she simply revelled in the sight of him, in the fact that he was there, in the flesh, no worse for the wear and without the restraints that had held him in place the last she'd seen of him on Asgard.

"We are here now," she finally said after a few seconds, her own voice thick with emotion. "Here is what matters. Worry yourself not over situations which transpire elsewhere, my dear son. They cannot be altered, least of all but those of us so far removed." And, with that, she let her hand fall away from his cheek, although she was quick to capture his own hand with hers and hold on to it. Letting fully go of him simply wasn't something of which she was capable at the moment.

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fulltiltdiva
2012-11-16 04:33 am UTC (link)

Truth be told, Loki was as afraid, as afraid of losing contact and what it might mean if he did now that he had given himself over to it so fully. His mind kept reminding him that Thor was here. Thor was here, and even as he and his brother had endeavored to set aside their myriad of issues in order to get along with one another, Loki couldn't resist the spike of jealousy which rose in him at the thought that the second Thor made himself known, he would no longer be of concern. It was irrational. It was baseless. Frigga had always done her best to make time for the both of them, in equal measure, and yet, Loki could not help the thoughts as they crept in and attempted to seize his heart in jealousy. So holding on, however little a thing it was, reassured him that he was not going to be abandoned the second his brother appeared.

"How fairs the All-Father?" Loki asked after a moment, tension still present in his voice at the question. Anger towards Odin, the pain at the secret and the perceived betrayal, still lingered in him so the words, as sincerely as they were asked, were asked with that undercurrent within them. "Well, I hope," So much so that he felt the need to add that just so his mother would not think he wised ill health upon him. Not that Loki expected she would assume that, but it was still better to make it clear.

Casting a glance around them, Loki tightened his grip on her hand before offering her a soft smile, "Shall we show you to where you are going to stay?" He asked. "It will be a better place for us to speak than out in the open."

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aproudmother
2012-11-16 05:16 am UTC (link)

Frigga recognized the tension in Loki's tone. How could she not? She was his mother, as she kept insisting, and no mother of any real calibre could claim to be a good one without knowing the various tones their children. Of course, spotting the tension and being certain how to respond to it were two very different things and, when it came to the latter, Frigga was truly at a bit of a loss. However, never let it be said that the All-Mother was incapable of thinking as equally quickly in situations as the men in her life, for it was after little more than a pause to draw a breath that she was responding with the one tried and proven method she had always used that seemed to work, no matter how severe the conversation.

She simply spoke the truth.

"He is as well as is to be expected," she replied, her smile dimming a bit as she thought, briefly, of her husband. "He is angry and disappointed, to be certain." She didn't hide that fact from Loki. He would witness it all himself, soon enough. The rest of it, however, he might not, so she did tack on a rather pointed, "He also misses you a very great deal, Loki. As much as I, if not more." Which was the truth, insofar as she saw it at least.

Of course, she wasn't going to simply dwell on the subject forever once he made it clear that he would rather move on. So she simply drew in a breath before smiling brightly once more and making certain to keep hold of his hand no matter what. The last thing she wanted was him thinking she was pulling away, particularly as she took a moment to glance about at their surroundings before looking back to him with a response.

"An abductor who provides a dwelling for his captives that is free of any visible bindings?" she remarked with a touch of bemusement in her tone. "Such a curious realm..." Trailing off, she immediately got herself re-focused with a pointedly questioned, "Tell me, how are we to know of the location of my temporary residence? Your speaking makes it obvious it is something which is easily discovered."

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fulltiltdiva
2012-11-16 05:32 am UTC (link)

Loki knew that the last thing the All-Mother was was a liar. No, that position and rank in Asgard was held by himself and Odin All-Father to a lesser extent. Frigga was as honest and open as Thor was, the desire for deception next to nonexistent, but even so, Loki was finding it extremely hard to believe her proclamation that Odin missed him, much less that he missed to the same degree as she did. Loki had never been the golden son, never been the one congratulated or encouraged. He had almost always fallen by the wayside or been silenced. And even as he had come to understand reasons here that were beyond those that he had originally assumed for why such behavior had been taken, it still hurt, thinking back over it all. It still felt as though the wound were fresh in his heart, and as he looked down at his mother, Loki barely managed a small smile of understanding as he squeezed her hand.

He might not believe her entirely, but he would accept the statement for what it was, an attempt to get him to see that maybe he wasn't as unwanted as he felt he was.

"The item you have been given," Loki said, "is a device for communication, but it also stores relevant information such as your room number and the bank account you have been provided. This place is... odd, to say the least, but it provides well enough for one to set themselves up for however long they will remain," He said, squeezing her hand lightly before letting go of the other to allow her to fetch the PDA. "As well as a fresh start for those of us who have made so many mistakes."

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