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Merlin ([info]youngmagician) wrote in [info]colligo_threads,
@ 2009-07-25 20:07:00

Previous Entry  Add to memories!  Tell a Friend!  Next Entry
Entry tags:arthur pendragon, merlin

WHO: Arthur and Merlin
WHAT: It's not going to be bonding, that's for sure.
WHEN: After this threat discussion
WHERE: Merlin's Room
RATING: TBD
STATUS: In Progress

Merlin stumbled slightly across the room in his hurry to get to the door before Arthur made good on his threat to kick it down, constantly reminding himself that he wasn't in Camelot, that Uther wasn't here, as he pulled open the door to reveal a clearly unhappy prince. This was not how he wanted Arthur to find out. He knew the blond would eventually. Especially if he became his adviser and was with him in Camelot for so long, assuming the older him was actually his future. He might have even told Arthur himself later, when they'd been here a little longer. When he'd found out about the other sorcerers here, and it looked like he was okay with that fact first. But certainly not now. Not after he'd just turned back to his proper age, and Arthur was still less then pleased with that transformation.

Gwen's answer hadn't exactly been comforting either. Years, he'd waited. Years. Merlin would've liked to think that after that long they would, no doubt, have saved each other's lives so much that the idea of his being magic would be -- it wasn't going to be a happy conversation regardless, but after that long he had hoped that Arthur would take it better. Been angry he'd kept it secret for so long sure, but understood and maybe (stupid thought, he knew) even thanked him, or at least appreciated the fact that he constantly put his own life at risk by using magic to protect him. Protect Uther, even, with the same magic that would have earned him a short walk and sudden stop.

"Arthur," He stepped aside to let the prince in, obviously more then a little nervous. Merlin started to speak again, but couldn't quite find the right words -- what was he supposed to say in a situation like this? I'm sorry seemed like a really good place to start, but honestly he wasn't.  Merlin thought of Arthur as a friend, and hated to keep something so big a secret from him -- but he couldn't really have expected Merlin to just come out with  a secret like that from the start. Not when they didn't even get along very well from the start, and Arthur was such his father's son. Instead he settled for, "I wanted to tell you."

He glanced in the direction of Ron's room for a moment, half expecting the red head to run out and start yelling at Arthur himself. Which really would not help matters. He did his best to steer Arthur towards his bedroom, heading slowly towards the room, holding that door open for Arthur as well.

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[info]a_royal_prat
2009-07-26 05:45 am UTC (link)
Arthur brushed passed Merlin into the room, fists clenched tight to his sides.

He would not run Merlin through with his sword.

He would not.

The blood would stain his new clothes.

Arthur squared his shoulders when Merlin began to speak and wheeled around with a fierce scowl. "Another lie. You don't know when to stop, do you?"

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[info]youngmagician
2009-07-26 01:21 pm UTC (link)
"I am not lying." Merlin stated firmly. He was nervous, worried about how this conversation would end, but not afraid of Arthur. Regardless of how angry he was. Not here, not now. He wasn't the prince here, the Weasley boy in the journals had been right about that much, so he couldn't have Merlin imprisoned or killed. And now that he didn't have to keep his magic a secret there was no reason he couldn't use it to defend himself if it came to that. Though he doubted hoped that it wouldn't come to that.

"What should I have done? Tell you when we met so you could have me put to death?" He wanted to smooth things over, and this wasn't exactly the best way to go about it. Arthur needed to see reason though. He had to understand why Merlin didn't tell him the truth.

"I wanted to tell you, but I couldn't. Not without being absolutely sure that you wouldn't react like this."

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[info]a_royal_prat
2009-07-26 11:16 pm UTC (link)
The urge to smash in Merlin's face with the base of his palm stole over him like a hot current fed by disbelief and blinding anger. Arthur had slept little in the interim between the time he'd discovered Merlin's secret until now. His very skin seemed to be vibrating from tension that was begging to be released, damn the consequences.

"Oh, you wanted to tell me, did you?" Arthur scorned, roughly shoving at Merlin's shoulders, pushing them further into the room. "Did it ever occur to you that I don't want to see you dead?"

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[info]youngmagician
2009-07-26 11:37 pm UTC (link)
He stumbled back a few steps, steadying himself before taking a step forward again. Not raising a hand against Arthur. Let him get his anger out that way, if he must. Merlin could handle a few shoves.

"How did I know you wouldn't change your mind when you found out I was a sorcerer? You didn't stop them building the pyre when Gwen was accused of witchcraft." Seeing Gwen carted off by the knights for magic he had done was one of the worst moments in his life. He hated the idea that she had suffered for an instant because of him, that his recklessness had nearly got her killed. Worse still when it seemed Arthur would let it happen.

"And if I did, and you kept my secret -- Every time your father talked of sorcery, or he sent you out on a hunt for people using magic you'd have to lie to him. Could you do that? Would you want to?" Merlin rambled, frantic to explain himself, and make it clear he really couldn't. He was thinking of Arthur as well as himself. He was thinking of Gaius, fearful that the physician would be put at risk for protecting him.

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[info]a_royal_prat
2009-07-27 12:25 am UTC (link)
"I had no choice!" Arthur roared, uncaring who heard. "Do you think, even for one second, I believed her to be a sorcerer?" He ran his fingers through his hair and whirled away from Merlin and the familiar guilt. Guinevere had been an innocent, and Arthur hadn't been given a choice in the matter. He hadn't been alone when he found the poultice under Tom's pillow.

And he certainly hadn't been the one to run Tom through later with a sword.

He helped a sodding Druid boy escape the city, for God's sake, he hadn't even known the boy for more than a few hours.

"Yes."

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[info]youngmagician
2009-07-27 01:27 am UTC (link)
"Neither did I!" Merlin yelled right back before catching himself, turning away briefly. When Arthur spoke again he wasn't sure how to respond. The prince said he would have kept his secret from Uther, and Merlin wanted to believe it. Really he did, but he couldn't help but doubt sometimes.

"How was I supposed to just drop that in the conversation? Half the time something magic threatening you or Camelot that I have to stop without being caught or accused of causing it." He grumbled.

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[info]a_royal_prat
2009-07-27 01:31 am UTC (link)
Arthur half wanted to ask if he had caused some of it. Surely Merlin's inherent laziness caused something destructive every once in a while.

"Oh, I don't know, Merlin, you would think you could have found a place for it sometime before you'd disappeared."

Everyone had assumed Merlin was dead. It wasn't hard to imagine why when one left with ominous parting words.

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[info]youngmagician
2009-07-27 02:11 am UTC (link)
"I didn't know I was going to disappear." He had no intention of coming here. In fact, he hadn't even been using magic at the time, so he was certain it wasn't even his own fault he'd vanished. Something else had brought them here. He supposed it wasn't all bad, since at least all this could happen here, where Arthur really had no more power then anyone else. Even less power, actually, considering the number of sorcerers outnumbered him, and all of them seemed to look up to Merlin for some reason. What better place to have the prince get used to the idea of his being magic?

"And I would have told you...Eventually. I had other things to worry about though without adding on the fear that you'd suspect me of using the magic against you or simply telling Uther..." Arthur only had to deal with a small part of the problem most of the time. He didn't have to go after Nimueh, or deal with the manipulative lizard under the castle, or worry that saving an innocent child one day could lead to the prince's death in the future...

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[info]a_royal_prat
2009-07-27 02:21 am UTC (link)
Arthur's temper frayed at best. "You left deliberately while your mother was lying ill in my castle."

His father's castle. It was growing harder to picture Camelot. Sometimes Arthur wondered if he wasn't purposefully trying to forget everything to make living in this steeled age easier.

His eyes narrowed as Merlin continued to speak and his expression only grew more irritated as he preached.

"Did you ever trust me to do the right thing?"

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[info]youngmagician
2009-07-27 02:37 am UTC (link)
"You don't know anything about that!" Merlin would not be accused of leaving his mother to die. Arthur had no right. The sorcerer looked torn between being angry and guilty, his thoughts drifting to the time his mother had suffered, and seeing Gaius dead. He hadn't even gotten the chance to see if his mother was okay before being pulled here.

"She was never supposed to be involved! I traded my life for yours, but Nimueh --" He threw up his hands in frustration, pacing slightly, fear creeping in that perhaps it hadn't worked at all. That he'd saved Gaius, but his mother had still been left suffering. Now he was trapped here, and if that was true he'd be to late to help her. "She twisted it, and then she tried to take Gaius, and I -- I killed her." He'd killed before, and tried not to let it get to him because it had to be done, he had to save Arthur, but it still -- It still made him a murderer, didn't it?

"I did - I hoped you would. I just," He faltered. "I couldn't. It was too much. Too much at once."

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[info]a_royal_prat
2009-07-28 01:16 am UTC (link)
Arthur rubbed at the spot just below his eyebrow, watching Merlin pace in a very Merlin-esque manner. Lots of flailing, not a whole lot of coherence and an expression that denoted misery and the possibility of hyperventilation. He didn't particularily want to have to resuscitate Merlin any more than he cared to examine the squirming feeling deep in his gut.

On a less tense day he would acknowledge the guilt for what it was.

"Would you stop that," he snapped.

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[info]youngmagician
2009-07-28 01:39 am UTC (link)
Merlin stopped, his attention turning sharply to Arthur for a moment. He stopped his rambling, and dropped down to sit on his bed, holding his head in his hands. It took every ounce of will power he had to keep quiet. After starting to tell Arthur, every secret he'd kept was threatening to come spilling out.

He didn't dare try and speak because he'd knew he's start rambling, and he couldn't really bring himself to look up at Arthur either. So Merlin just sat there, waiting for Arthur to speak, or for him to leave. He didn't really know what to expect at the moment.

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[info]a_royal_prat
2009-07-29 10:15 pm UTC (link)
"Are you still breathing?" Arthur asked in a distracted mutter. For someone so incredibly horrible at lying about...anything, Merlin seemed to have quite a few secrets. Quite a few bad secrets.

Including murdering a sorcerer bent on murdering other people. Arthur didn't know what to do with any of that information other than tuck it away for later reflection.

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[info]youngmagician
2009-07-29 10:38 pm UTC (link)
"No." He gave a half-hearted chuckle, running a hand through his hair, and finally looking up. Arthur was taking this a lot better then he expected. For now. Maybe it was just the shock. Who knows?

"It's something I was born with." Merlin offered. "I've only used it to keep you safe, or --" He hesitated, a sheepish sort of smile crossing his features for a moment. "Or to help do my chores." He tried to make light of the whole situation. What he wouldn't give to have the prince just laugh at him and call him an idiot like usual.

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[info]a_royal_prat
2009-07-29 10:44 pm UTC (link)
Arthur crossed the room and sat by Merlin's side, staring at the shut door. He wasn't yelling.

But he wasn't feeling either. Everything felt softly cocooned and a bit fuzzed around the edges. Tipsy without having a drink. Anger didn't fizzle like this.

He'd been so full of desperate anger for over a week. A week.

"I knew it."

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[info]youngmagician
2009-07-29 10:57 pm UTC (link)
Merlin quirked a brow at the statement. Really, now? For someone who knew it, he'd reacted rather badly. Arthur didn't act like he'd known the truth. Not that he'd say so. Merlin figured arguing would just instigate another bout of anger.

"Too be fair...I did confess." He pointed out. "When Gwen was -- I made the poultice. I had been telling the truth when I said I made it. I couldn't just let her father die..."

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[info]a_royal_prat
2009-07-29 11:00 pm UTC (link)
"I thought you were joking. Do you realize how mad all of this sounds, even now?" Arthur glanced askance at Merlin. No one would ever expect it from Merlin. Arthur hadn't, he still wasn't fully convinced either.

Not fully. Everyone here talked about what a great wizard Merlin was and Arthur's only proof was a potentially dead bitch. Not terribly conclusive at all.

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[info]youngmagician
2009-07-29 11:13 pm UTC (link)
"I could show you." He had been silent for a long moment before suggesting it. Not sure that Arthur could really handle witnessing it. Seeing was very different from just imagining what he could do. Merlin glanced around the room, glancing at the mess. A faint amber hue colored his eyes for an instant as the clothes and books rose of their own accord, dancing into place, everything folding and putting itself away.

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[info]a_royal_prat
2009-07-30 12:08 am UTC (link)
Arthur grimaced and then nodded. Almost like it would get the whole business out of the way, except he knew it wouldn't be that easy. Nothing was ever that easy.

He reluctantly looked away from Merlin forcing himself not to stare at Merlin's eyes for too long a period to simply see what he'd done.

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[info]youngmagician
2009-07-30 12:51 am UTC (link)
The golden tint faded as the various items rested in place, turning to look back at Arthur's reaction to the display. It was hard to gauge when Arthur didn't say anything. His expression didn't show any outright anger, disgust, fear, or anything. He just seemed to be -- watching, taking it in.

"Arthur," He bit his lip. "Magic. It isn't like what your father thinks. It's not all bad." Merlin tried to point out, wanting to be sure that the prince knew that. Though he had the feeling that Arthur already did.

"And it's not like anything has really changed..."

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[info]a_royal_prat
2009-08-02 12:56 am UTC (link)
Arthur rotated his head to face Merlin, exasperated by that assumption, because damn well everything had changed. In a very immediate, drastic way. He clenched his fists on his lap and pursed his lips.

The magic hadn't bothered him. It had never been about the fact that Merlin was an idiot sorcerer, hoping to stay alive in the middle of the snake pit

What bothered him, above everything, was Merlin didn't seem terribly troubled by keeping secrets.

He couldn't speak without shouting. And his throat felt sore from thinking about it.

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[info]youngmagician
2009-08-02 01:35 am UTC (link)
Merlin's panic had faded a little in the time since Arthur had arrived and they started to talk. However, with this continuing bout of the silent treatment Merlin was finding it very difficult to keep calm. What was Arthur thinking? Clenching fists were hardly a good sign, and obviously the look made it clear that things had changed no matter how much Merlin wanted to pretend they didn't.

"I don't know what you want me to say! Will you just -- I mean, I told you. Showed you. You know why I didn't tell you before." The younger was clearly freaking out just a little. A lot. He was on his feet and pacing again. "You can't really be angry at me. It's just not -- You don't know what it's like --"

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[info]a_royal_prat
2009-08-02 01:49 am UTC (link)
"Can't I?" Arthur said low, eyes narrowing. He could not be--No, he really could imagine Merlin saying that.

He had hoped Merlin would prove him wrong. "No, Merlin, I don't know what it's like. You saw fit to keep it that way."

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[info]youngmagician
2009-08-02 02:00 am UTC (link)
"No!" His hands went up in a gesture that might have been annoyance, or frustration, or frenzied worry that he'd made a bad choice of words, or anything in between really. He felt it was terribly unfair of Arthur to still be angry with him, and not even say why exactly.

"It's not like I kept it from you out of spite!" Merlin argued.

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[info]a_royal_prat
2009-08-02 02:44 am UTC (link)
"No?" Arthur laughed unpleasantly. He got up to his feet and paced toward the door. Pausing when he reached the handle and then only because he needed to see if Merlin had anything intelligent to say.

"I've spoken to Guinevere about this," he said off-hand. "If we were in Camelot it would be years before you'd say anything to me. Aren't you glad someone took that obligation from you."

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[info]youngmagician
2009-08-02 03:21 am UTC (link)
He watched Arthur start to leave, and for an instant he did look a little ashamed of the fact that it might have taken him years to tell him the truth. Not that it lasted longer then an instant because Merlin definitely had something to say to that.

"You spoke to me as well. I was still your friend and adviser many years after that." He faintly recalled memories from his older self -- a long time of silence between them after he'd told Arthur in Camelot as well. He hoped that didn't happen here.

"I've risked my life for yours several times, and you've done the same for me. I even used magic to heal your father knowing that if he woke up, I'd be found out. I confessed, you laughed and called me an idiot. I used it right in front of you, but Will took the blame to protect my secret, and you were upset with keeping it from you because magic was dangerous." He was rambling again and at some point had moved between Arthur and his way out of the room.

"All that and you can't forgive me for this one secret? I can tell you the truth about everything since we've met if it would make you feel better. Like when I drank that goblet of poison, and despite slowly dying I sent that light to guide you out of the cavern. Or I could show you the scar from fighting the sorceress that still hasn't totally healed. I'm your friend, I am happy to be your servant, and I want to see you become a great king. So --" Was he finally lost for words? There was something he was trying to say, but it was like it got lost in the madness of his panicked speech.

"So stop being such a - a prat!" He finally took a breath and stilled. Looking a little bit desperately at Arthur to change his mind.

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[info]a_royal_prat
2009-08-02 03:28 am UTC (link)
Arthur listened. His choices were limited otherwise. He listened right to the end of Merlin's tirade, not so much as moving from the spot he'd originally stopped at.

His lips twitched, whether to smile or snarl, he couldn't tell any longer.

Merlin was infuriating. And Arthur was done listening.

"Move, Merlin."

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[info]youngmagician
2009-08-02 03:41 am UTC (link)
That's it? That was all Arthur had to say to him? Move. Merlin shook his head, looking down slightly to hide his disappointment.

"No." He would stand right here. Arthur would have to talk to him, or move Merlin out of the way himself. Part of him thought that he should just let Arthur go. What did he care? If Arthur wanted to go out there, get himself in trouble or killed -- well, so be it. They couldn't say Merlin didn't try. Of course, even the part of him thinking this didn't actually believe a word of it. Somehow he'd managed to grow fond of the brad prince, and harbored the hope that eventually Arthur would get over a little bruise to his feelings.

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[info]a_royal_prat
2009-08-02 02:26 pm UTC (link)
"Merlin." Arthur glared, planting both hands on the other boys shoulders and he shoved him back against the wall, pinning him there. He braced his arm along Merlin's breastbone, digging in until his face was mere inches from Merlin's own. "When I say move, you are meant to move, and you will. Now get out of my way."

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[info]youngmagician
2009-08-02 09:17 pm UTC (link)
Merlin was surprised to be shoved back against the wall, wincing slightly at the arm pressed roughly against his chest. He made a noise that might have been an attempt at speech, but ended more like a pained squeak. Arthur was, without question, much stronger then the young sorcerer so physically he couldn't push the prince away. Magically he could force Arthur back, but he didn't make any move to do so. He simply remained against the wall, enough room between him and the doorway for Arthur to leave.

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[info]a_royal_prat
2009-08-03 01:42 am UTC (link)
Arthur jerked Merlin back into the wall one last time before releasing him and grabbing the doorknob. "You are, without a doubt, the worst friend I've ever had."

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