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likeyourwheels ([info]likeyourwheels) wrote in [info]colligo_threads,
@ 2012-07-19 23:47:00

Previous Entry  Add to memories!  Tell a Friend!  Next Entry
Entry tags:canton everett delaware iii, clint barton

WHO: Canton Everett Delaware III & Clint Barton
WHAT: It's not a date, but the mistletoe has other ideas.
WHEN: July 20th; Evening
WHERE: The Roadhouse
RATING: PG
STATUS: In Progress

Canton had to admit that he was more than a little encouraged. Clint seemed to be coping a lot better than he had been. Whether it was the arrival of Coulson, the rearrival of Agent Romanoff, or just the fact that he had finally allowed himself to get the feelings that he'd been holding back out, Canton couldn't say for sure, but the results were still relief enough. Certainly not a sign of a full recovery from what had happened to him. Canton didn't expect that for quite some time, if ever, but it was enough to soothe some of the worries that he had been harboring over the other man. Seeing him act a bit more like himself, without the seeming strain of trying to keep up the front of everything being fine, had allowed Canton to relax into the situation. The offer of drinks had really just been to get the pair of them out for a bit, to let them get the chance to actually enjoy themselves without it being official or heavily emotional, and Canton had just had to laugh when Clint had assumed it was a date.

He was kidding, of course, Canton was more than certain, but at the end of the day, Canton didn't want Barton walking away thinking that he was going to end up felt up the second that he'd passed his tolerance limit, whatever it was. It was just a drink, an evening out, a bit of fun, maybe a friendly game of darts that he was bound to embarrass himself horribly at. Probably more than horribly considering he was actually contemplating playing a game of accuracy with an expert marksman, but it would still be enjoyable at the end of it all.

It hadn't taken much more convincing to get Clint to agree, sans his friends though since they apparently 'needed some alone time' (another joke that Canton just had to laugh and shake his head at), and a handful of drinks in, Canton was grinning across the table at Clint, "So," Canton asked, glancing towards the window and nodded at the snow that was visible outside, "when do you think Santa and his elves are going to show up?" He asked, a hint of amusement on his features. "Because I wouldn't put it past this place."



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[info]tobeunmade
2012-07-22 07:28 am UTC (link)
Clint wasn't sure what had changed really, but it was like a switch had been flipped in his head. He wasn't back to one hundred percent, and he honestly doubted he would be for a long time, but he was better. And better was all he could really hope for right now. He'd been through a lot, logically he knew that. Most people couldn't survive all the shit that had been thrown at him in the past few months. But he was managing, and he was coping better than he had been. Not that what he'd been doing before could really be called coping. Honestly, a large part of why he was doing as well as he was was thanks to the man across from him. Canton had been there for him, had forced him to accept help when he hadn't been willing to let anyone help him, and he was immensely grateful to him for that.

Somewhere along the way, and he genuinely wasn't sure when it had happened, he'd started to trust Canton. It was a strange feeling and one he didn't have all that often. He trusted Nat, because she was his person and he knew without a shadow of doubt that she would always have his back. He trusted Phil, because Phil had trusted him when it mattered, had taken him off the street and turned him into someone worthwhile, because Phil was his handler and that was a special sort of bond. He trusted his team in an abstract sense, trusted that Steve would make the right calls in the field and that Tony would have his back and that the big guy and Thor would fight at his side. He didn't trust Fury because only an idiot trusted Fury, but he respected him and followed his orders for the most part. Beyond that small circle, he'd never had much reason to trust. Life had never given him much reason. But with Canton, he just knew he could believe him. It was new and different and ever so slightly terrifying, but he liked it. He was pretty sure Canton was his friend, and it was kind of a kick in the teeth because he'd never really had one in any traditional sense. He had people he trusted, allies in the field and the kind of bonds that were closer than blood and forged in the fires of experience, but he'd never just had a friend. It was nice.

But that didn't mean he was going to let him win at darts. Clint had one hell of a competitive streak, and he wasn't really the type to let people win. No, Canton was going to get his ass thoroughly handed to him once they got around to darts. But maybe Clint would use his off hand. No reason not to give himself a little bit of a challenge. Snorting at Canton's question, he shook his head. "Kidnap Santa?" he asked in mock indignation. "I don't think even Asaph would do something like that. Who would feed the reindeer? And Mrs. Claus would get lonely. Not to mention the elves would panic in their little curly toed boots. No...I think Santa's safe from Morgan Freeman's machinations."

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[info]likeyourwheels
2012-07-22 07:55 am UTC (link)
"You have more faith in his kindness than I do, champ," Canton said with a laugh, having settled on that endearment for the moment, at least until he managed to sort out a decent replacement for 'hotshot' that still measured up. As it was, Canton wouldn't have put it past the utterly unbenevolent deity that ran this place to kidnap the whole of Santa's village just so he didn't have to expend more energy than necessary giving out gifts once this thing was over. That was, if he planned on handing out gifts. Canton wasn't entirely sure how this thing was supposed to work as it was. A sudden chill in the air, a massive shift to winter in the middle of the summer months, with everything suddenly turning into a holiday would have been unnerving to most people, but the residents, local and the non-locals that had been here for awhile, all seemed to be acting as though this was normal. So really, what else was he going to do but roll with it?

Finishing off the beer that he'd been working on, Canton pushed back the glass with a bit of a grin, a hint of amusement dancing in his eyes, "Or he could turn us into the elves," He said, quirking an eyebrow at Clint. "I could see it. Suddenly one morning, we all wake up, and we're 3 feet tall and dressed in ridiculous outfits with the overwhelming urge to build and be cheerful." God, that was a frightening thought. Standing, picking up his empty glass, Canton stepped over to his friend and nodded to Clint's drink. "Want me to get you another?" He asked, the words having barely crossed his lips when he was suddenly frozen by the swift arrival of a floating green bough and an overwhelming urge that he wasn't able to shake.

Canton had always thought Clint was attractive. It was an undeniable fact of the man's existence, being good to look at, and Canton had seen no reason to try and deny it. But this was new, a thought that he never really crossed his mind beyond offering comfort, and as his body shifted almost of its own accord and his lips were pressed firmly and intently against Clint's, hand moving to rest on the back of the other man's head, fingers trailing through his hair, the only question in his mind about what was happening was why he hadn't done it sooner.

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[info]tobeunmade
2012-07-23 04:00 am UTC (link)
"Also, if he kidnapped Santa, Parker would tase him," Clint responded with shrug, "and I honestly think he's scared of her...especially after sending both her boyfriends and Crowley back to their own reality. I don't see him doing anything else to piss her off." It was obvious that Parker genuinely believed in Santa, which was sort of nice considering the life she'd had. He sort of wished he could have held on to that idealism, but he'd never really managed it with all the shit life had thrown his was. He wasn't about to ruin that for Parker, and he'd probably kill anyone who did. "I mean...it's pretty obvious what the theme is here," he said after a moment. "Christmas in July. It's kind of...cute. In a weird way."

He shook his head, biting back a grin. "I'd be a really awful elf," he said. "Leave the building shit to Tony. I'd be like that weird one in the Rudolph movie...Herbie or whatever his name was...not that I want to be a dentist or anything, but I'd be the fail elf who didn't want to sing and dance and make toys." He still wasn't exactly a beacon of cheerfulness, but then he never really had been. He was always more of a snark and sarcasm guy than happy-go-lucky. It worked for him, especially in a place like S.H.I.E.L.D. where being too cheerful probably got you reassigned to Siberia. Or possibly shot. Even the Avengers weren't all sunshine and kittens. They were dysfunctional and possibly insane, but an overabundance of cheerfulness had never been a problem.

But enough about their lack of Disney movie happiness. "Yeah," he said at the offer of another drink, taking a second to drain the rest of the glass, "I could go for -" And then he stopped because Caton was most definitely in his space and he was strangely unbothered by that fact. Any other day, he might have put some distance between them, not out of any personal dislike but just because he didn't like anyone getting too close and that slight disparity in height was intimidating this close. But all he could do was stare at Canton, specifically at his mouth, and then he couldn't any more because Canton's mouth was on his and he probably should have thought that was weird but all he could think about was how good it felt.

He hadn't kissed anyone in a long time, years really, since long after he and Natasha had realized they didn't fit like that. He hadn't kissed anyone since his last failed attempt at anything approaching a relationship, a whirlwind romance with a S.H.I.E.L.D. biochemist that had left him feeling raw and aching in aftermath. After that he'd avoided relationships. They were a liability, a weak point, something that could be used to hurt you as easily from the inside as from the outside. But here, with this, it just felt good. He shuddered slightly under Canton's hand, the fell into the kiss like a drowning man. He kissed like he did everything else, with a focus and a pointed intensity that he'd been told was on the wrong side of overwhelming, groaning against Canton's lips as he tried his best to ignore the need to breathe.

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[info]likeyourwheels
2012-07-23 05:04 am UTC (link)
It was certainly overwhelming, a sweep of sensation that left Canton's brain addled right along with the urges that had driven him to take this action in the first place. Even as the second started to subside, the first flushed and blossomed, spurring Canton onward as his hand slipped down to rest at the base of Clint's neck, lightly massaging the muscles there as he sunk further into the kiss. With Canton supporting half his weight against the table just to make sure that he didn't tumble forward into Clint's lap (not that that would have been an entirely negative result of losing his balance), the standing and sitting situation was slightly awkward, emphasized by the small advantage in height that he had over Clint as it was, but it wasn't enough to make him any less intent in his actions particularly when they were being so well received.

There were certain situations where you didn't want your brain to interfere. Kissing was one of those in most cases since it would ultimately lead you to overthinking and talking yourself out of the actions that you were taking, so Canton had down his best to drown out the fervent attempts that his mind was making to get him to slow down, take a breath, and it wasn't until his hand had slipped, forcing him to catch himself against Clint's shoulder to keep from falling over that sense seemed to dawn.

A few inches from the other man's face, the kiss broken even as their proximity stayed the same, Canton lifted his gaze briefly to Clint's before clearing his throat as he squeezed the other man's shoulder and slowly pushed himself back to his standing height. "So. Drinks. That was what I was doing, wasn't it?"

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[info]tobeunmade
2012-07-23 07:31 am UTC (link)
It was all too easy to get lost in the kiss. It was a good one, deep and consuming and hot as hell. The fact that it was with a man didn't faze Clint in the slightest. While he preferred women on the whole, he tended to be fairly open-minded when it came to partners. Honestly, he liked individuals more than he liked one gender or another. There were very few people who caught his interest, and when they did it was usually something besides their equipment that made him notice. Of course, that wasn't what this was. This was the influence of something else. He didn't quite realize that, too caught up in Canton's touch and his mouth and how good it felt to realize that, but when Canton pulled away and the pleasant fog in his head cleared it hit him.

He felt dizzy and a little sick and he couldn't breathe, like all the air had been sucked out of the bar. To some people, it would have been nothing. It should have been nothing. But after Loki, after what the god had done to him, any loss of control - any outside influence on his mind - was too much. He couldn't stay there, not when his mind was racing and his heart was beating too fast. He knew that Canton was speaking but the words didn't register as he pushed past him. "I have to...I need to...I should go," he mumbled. He didn't think about how it must look to the other man, he didn't think of anything beyond the panic clawing at him and the memories tinged in unearthly blue that still haunted him.

He stumbled out of the bar and slumped against the wall, hands resting on his knees as he forced himself to breathe through the panic that was threatening to overwhelm him. The cold didn't really help - he'd been so cold the whole time, like he was filled with ice - but the sounds of the city brought him back to himself and he slowly got to a point where he felt whole, where he didn't worry about losing himself again. And then he stood there, frozen in indecision, because he knew he needed to explain to Canton but the idea of going back in there and risking a repeat incident wasn't something he could handle.

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[info]likeyourwheels
2012-07-23 07:53 am UTC (link)
Canton had been afraid of that type of reaction. It was why he had tried to play it off, play it down, act as though nothing had happened. Obviously, whatever he'd done, he hadn't entirely done of his own accord, and it was more than likely that Clint's response hadn't been entirely his own either. But it still seemed like the situation had horrified the other man, to the point that he felt as though he needed to flee. Standing there, watching Clint's retreat and frozen in inaction as he did, Canton swallowed hard against the lump that had formed in his throat. All the time that he'd been joking with Clint about being attracted to him, Canton had never imagined that this would ever be an issue. He was more professional than this, more controlled than this, and he had someone back home that he loved more than life itself. Randomly snogging someone in a bar, particularly someone he cared about who he knew wasn't interested, had never been a problem for Canton. He was really just going to have to make up how to deal with this on the spot.

First off, he was going to have to stop gapping and move.

Canton was almost positive that Clint probably didn't want to be followed. He'd bullied his way into the other man's shape more than enough over the last few weeks and inserting himself in again once more would probably only come off as pushy and overbearing, especially when he was the cause of the issues this time, but Canton couldn't just let it go, let this fester and destroy the friendship that they had built here, so as Canton grabbed his jacket and slipped outside, he was more than ready to chase after Clint no matter how fast he had to run.

Which was probably why he literally tripped over the man as he turned out of the doorway to the bar. Foot hooking in the crook of the other man's knee, Canton tumbled, sprawling face first into the sidewalk outside the bar. Quietly thankful for the cushioning offered by the snow, Canton groaned, turning over onto his back and staring at the sky as he tried to collect himself.

"I'm really not at my best today."

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[info]tobeunmade
2012-07-23 08:11 am UTC (link)
He hadn't expected Canton to follow him. He wasn't sure what he had expected really. He imagined Canton would be pissed, not understanding his reaction and thinking he was some kind of close-minded idiot. God, he must have been kicking himself for ever being his friend, for being so damn good to him all this time. He couldn't blame him, not after that. Jesus, even if he hadn't just made himself seem like a homophobic dick, why should Canton have to keep putting up with how messed up he was? It wasn't fair to him. What was he possibly getting out of this other than a constant headache? Why should he stick around after this? He needed to apologize, but he couldn't bear the thought of getting shut down. Of losing one of the only friends he'd ever had.

Of course, Canton did follow him, something Clint only realized when the man in question literally tripped over him. Fuck. This just wasn't his day. Scrambling to stand, he grabbed Canton's hand and pulled him to his feet, releasing his grip once he was steady. "You're in good company there," he said quietly. "I...jesus...I'm sorry. That wasn't...it wasn't what it probably looked like. I'm sorry I ran off, but it wasn't about what happened. I mean, it was, but...it...fuck..." He paused, running a hand through his hair as he tried to calm his racing thoughts into some semblance of order. "It wasn't the kiss. Or...not the kiss itself. That was...it was...kind of awesome, actually. You're really good at that." Okay, now he was just sounding like a moron.

He took a deep breath and looked down at the ground. "It wasn't the kiss," he said again. "Or you. Or anything like that. You have to believe me...I would never be that much of a dick to you. I mean...fuck...you're one of my best friends here...one of my best friends I've ever had...just...ever. Even if...even if it was a problem...and it's not, by the way, it's not a problem at all...I wouldn't just...fuck off like that."

"But there was something...in my head," he said quietly. "Something making me...something making my choices for me." Just talking about it made it harder to breathe, panic choking him, but he forced the words out. "And I can't...I couldn't...it was too much like before and I had to get out of there. Do you understand? I had to. And I'm sorry...I'm so fucking sorry...but I just couldn't stay. Not after that. Because there are days when I wake up and I feel like he's still in there somewhere and nothing was ever fixed and if I let down my guard even a little, I'll lose myself again. And...I can't take that. And that...it was that feeling all over again."

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[info]likeyourwheels
2012-07-23 08:35 am UTC (link)
Before Canton could even think about trying to stand on his own, he was being hauled to his feet, Clint's grip firm and strength surprising to even someone that knew what he was capable of, and being confronted with a rush of words, words that were laced with a heavy anxiety. It seemed 'not 100%' was a pretty good summary of Clint's condition at the moment, and as Canton listened to the words, his expression softened ever so slightly. Here he had been thinking that he was the one that had screwed up, that he'd asserted himself into Clint's space and made him want to run away, and the man in front of him was apologizing for his reaction, a reaction which by Canton's understanding of things had been minor considering what he was saying was the issue. He'd needed to clear his head, find a place to collect himself away from whatever it was that had possessed the both of them, and that was never something that Clint should feel he had to apologize for.

"Clint. Clint, it's fine," Canton said, settling a hand on the other man's shoulder and squeezing gently. "I'm not upset, and I'm certainly not angry. And you don't have to apologize for needing to get out of there. I don't know what happened, but you're right. Something was making us do that. Not that the temptation isn't there, but I would never put you in that position on my own. Do you want to sit? Whatever it was that did that, it doesn't seem like it's followed us outside," Canton said, figuring it was probably best to give Clint as much time as he needed right now. And if they needed to go someplace else or just go home at the end of it, that would be all right, too.

"And you could say the same thing about yourself," Canton said after a moment, figuring that it wouldn't hurt to joke a bit about the situation. "Not bad at all. Probably would have been better if I hadn't be so focused on not falling over."

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[info]tobeunmade
2012-07-23 11:46 pm UTC (link)
It was fine. Canton said it was fine, but god, it wasn't fine at all. Clint was so tired of feeling broken. He was tired of feeling like his life was some giant minefield, full of these bombs that would just go off when he least expected it and leave him reeling. He was tired of feeling like if he let his guard down even a little, he would fall back into that place where all that mattered was Loki's will. And the worst part was, there was a tiny part of him that missed it, that missed how easy it had been to just let go. Everything had been a mess lately and part of him just wanted to say fuck it and go back to that comfortable mindlessness where everything didn't hurt so damn much. But he knew that was the easy way out, that he'd be giving up himself and all the people he cared about just to escape the pain. It was selfish to even think it, and there was no part of him that truly thought it was worth the cost.

He shook his head to clear out those thoughts. He didn't want to think about Loki or the Tesseract or the days he'd spent as the god's puppet. He didn't want to think about how he was still haunted by that presence in his mind or how he'd just flipped out over the first good kiss he'd had in ages. He took a deep breath but his skin felt too tight and he couldn't shake the restlessness that was fast settling into his bones. He needed to do something. He wasn't sure yet, but he needed to do something. "I can't sit," he said, fidgeting where he stood. He usually kept himself fairly still, the mark of a well-trained sniper, and his inability to do so now spoke novels to how uncomfortable he felt in his own skin.

He was quiet for a long moment, then when he spoke it was abrupt and he wasn't entirely aware of the words until they were out. "Could we...I mean...can I...fuck, I sound like an idiot," he tried to find the right words, "can we do that again? Please? It doesn't have to mean anything. I just...I need it to be something I chose. That doesn't even make any sense. I'm sorry, I just...you don't have to do anything, I don't want you to feel like you do, but I just...I don't want to think about that and have it be...this thing that was forced on me. I don't want to...damn it, I'm screwing this all up. Look...can I kiss you? Please?" He really wanted Canton to say yes, but if he didn't he'd drop it and find another way to deal with the itching under his skin. He wasn't going to assert his own agency by taking away Canton's. Still, he really hoped he said it was okay.

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[info]likeyourwheels
2012-07-24 12:21 am UTC (link)
That wasn't really where Canton had expected this to go. When Clint said that he couldn't sit, Canton had been on the verge of suggesting that they try and walk it off, then, but had been stopped by the words that Clint had started spouting. The confusion was rather clear on Canton's features as Clint continued to speak, something which happened so rarely that it showed just how much that the request had taken him by surprise, but as he turned it over in his head, Canton figured that it made sense. Control was the issue. Clint was so afraid of losing control over himself, of having something else supersede his own agency, that making the choice that is had forced him to make changed the situation. It went from an action taken without his own consent to a choice that he had made for himself, one that he, hopefully, wouldn't regret.

"If it'll help," Canton said, shifting his hand from Clint's shoulder to his cheek, offering him a bit of a smile. "Just breathe, champ. You don't sound like an idiot at all. And if it'll help, you can kiss me anytime you like," He said, the confusion on his features shifting into a wicked grin as he winked at Clint, trying to clear at least a little of the tension in the air. "Anytime."

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[info]tobeunmade
2012-07-24 07:52 pm UTC (link)
"Anytime, huh?" Clint asked with a small teasing smile that he hoped managed to hide his lingering unease at least somewhat. It was sort of refreshing to have someone express a clear interest, though he wasn't sure how much of that was genuine and how much was exaggerated to ease his anxiety. Oddly enough, Canton's touch helped. Normally, Clint avoided physical contact as much as possible, keeping his distance to maintain his objectivity. There were a few exceptions, mainly Natasha, but on the whole he didn't really touch people. Somewhere along the way though, he had genuinely begun to trust Canton. It was confusing, but he liked having someone outside of S.H.I.E.L.D. who he could rely on. He hadn't had that in a long time, if he ever had, and it was something he thought he might be able to get used to.

He'd been so sure about this right up until Canton gave him permission, and then he was frozen, feeling like a teenager kissing someone for the first time. What if he was wrong, what if they were both wrong, and this messed things up? He wasn't sure he could handle losing Canton's friendship. He took a breath, steeling himself, and gave himself a mental slap upside the head. He was a goddamn government agent. He was not going to be intimidated about this.

Stepping closer into Canton's space, he rested his hand on the back of the other man's neck and pulled him down to meet his lips. Where the other kiss had been intense and consuming, this one was careful and questioning. Clint kept it slow, not wanting to rush things, hoping that he was at least making it good for Canton. After all, the guy was doing him one hell of a favor, letting him kiss him like this.

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[info]likeyourwheels
2012-07-25 05:00 am UTC (link)
Clint had said that he didn't have to do anything, but that seemed unfair. It took two people to kiss properly, after all, and if one individual just stood there and didn't react, it just ruined the whole thing. So while Clint's kiss seemed to phrase a question, Canton endeavored to provide him with an answer. While a response at all might have been enough, Canton wanted to make sure that Clint didn't walk away from this situation feeling awkward or unsettled. With the kiss was equally as careful as Clint's, there was a quiet encouragement underlying it all, a reassurance that when they walked away from this, nothing was going to go weird between them. And while he could have let it go at that, a perfunctory action just to solve a problem, to Canton, that seemed like such a waste.

Shifting his hand slowly back off Clint's cheek, cradling the back of the other man's neck, Canton started to added some of the intensity that had been in the first kiss, the forced one, into this exchange. It wasn't nearly as passionate or abandoned as it had been when his hand had been forced, motivated by urges not entirely his own, but it wasn't tentative or cautious anymore either. There was no sense in leaving this in the realm of ill experienced school boys when they were both obviously capable of more.

Not to say that Canton expected this to be anything more than a friendly tousle between two friends, but they might as well make a decent memory while they were at it.

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[info]tobeunmade
2012-08-06 06:08 am UTC (link)
Clint didn't let people close, not easily and not often. His personal life was a non-existent thing and his only friends for the longest time had been Nat and Phil. He had the other Avengers now, and he'd made some connections in the city, but he still held himself apart. He got along well enough with people - he thought back to the crappy apartment he kept for when he needed to get away from S.H.I.E.L.D., with the neighbors who had no idea what he did but who liked him well enough and the Russian landlord who was more of a slumlord than anything and the way he felt so at ease on nights when the tenants all gathered on the roof to forget their worries - but he didn't let anyone within arms length. It was dangerous, letting himself be vulnerable to anyone, and it wasn't a kind of danger he was particularly interested in. Better to be alone and safe than to let someone close enough to break him.

But this was different. The kiss was easy and reassuring and good in a way Clint hadn't felt in too long. The slow build kept him from getting overwhelmed and the fact that it was Canton, someone he could almost see himself trusting, made something come loose inside of him. Like he could finally breathe, even if breathing was the last thing he wanted to do with the other man's mouth a warm pressure against his own. The caution fell away and Clint pressed closer without even thinking about it. He didn't want to think about anything beyond how good it felt. His mind erased the other kiss and put this one in it's place, allowing him to let go of the last vestiges of panic.

Groaning against Canton's mouth, he pushed him back against the wall they'd been standing next to, his hands resting against the other man's chest as he pressed against him and deepened the kiss further. The least he could do was make it good. If nothing else, he wanted something nice to remember once this was over and things went back to how they had been.

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[info]likeyourwheels
2012-08-06 07:28 am UTC (link)
Well, now. That was a little more of a response than Canton had been expecting. It wasn't that it didn't make sense in Canton's head. As wary as Clint was about contact, it would have taken someone blind, deaf, dumb, and possibly even comatose to not realize that Clint was starved for affection. Whether it was just an extension of that wariness, a matter of not having the opportunities that one might without being a super secret agent that had to constantly watch his back, or the greater issue of him feeling that he didn't deserve it, an idea which Canton had every mind to refute at whatever chance he got, Clint didn't seem to have that many people willing or able to dote on him in the way that he seemed to need. He had Tasha, of course, and he had Coulson back since this place had decided to revive him from the dead, but Canton barely knew either of them in more than a passing sense so it went without saying that Canton's ability to trust them to do what needed to be done was lacking.

After all, what needed to be done in this moment seemed to be to try and make up for an extended lack of physical and emotional contact in one kiss.

So while most might have been breaking away, trying to put some distance in the moment to make sure that Clint didn't end up in over his head (so that both of them didn't end up in over their heads), Canton pressed forward, trusting that Clint would stop him once the line had been reached that he couldn't cross.

Slipping the hand that had been resting on the back of Clint's neck up and through his hair, Canton raised the other to cover one of the hands pressed against his chest, holding it there for a moment before his fingers curled lightly around Clint's. Both actions were relatively unnecessary and had little bearing on the impact of the kiss, but for Canton, they seemed a perfectly natural step to take. What was a kiss without a full body connection?

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[info]tobeunmade
2012-08-07 02:06 am UTC (link)
If Clint had known what Canton was thinking, he probably would have punched him for being so stupid. Not overly hard, but still. This wasn't about filling up some kind of affection deficit, at least not entirely. Sure it might have been a tiny part of it, because of course Clint wanted to feel connected to someone, but mostly it was just that it felt good and he was all about embracing things that made him feel good. Yes, it was a little odd that it was a man, but he'd always been pretty self-aware when it came to the fact that he didn't like any particular type of person so much as he liked specific individuals. He liked competence. He liked intelligence. He liked wit and dry humor and someone who would call him on his bullshit. None of that was specific to one gender or the other, and Canton had all those things in spades.

Which wasn't to say he thought this kiss meant anything. They were friends and Canton was just helping him out, giving him a way to work past the mess inside his head. So it didn't mean anything, and he certainly didn't expect anything beyond this moment, but he could at least enjoy it while it was happening. Nobody could blame him for that. Reality would eventually reassert itself, but for the moment it could wait. He saw no reason to go back to it quite yet. He'd always thought reality was a little stupid.

Some people would say that he wasn't being fair to Canton, pushing this as far as he was and taking advantage of how open the other man had been about his sexuality, but he knew that, for all that he occasionally flirted, Canton wasn't really interested in him. A person would have to be crazy to actually want someone with as much baggage as he had, and Canton wasn't crazy. Besides, he didn't doubt that Canton would stop him if this became uncomfortable for him. They worked as well as they did because he always spoke his mind and Clint saw no reason why this would be different.

He was really considering asking Canton if they could just start including kissing as part of their friendship though. Canton was criminally good at it, and he felt a dizzy sort of satisfaction from the way they fit together. Or maybe it was just that he really needed to take a breath. But he didn't even want to acknowledge the possibility because he didn't want to stop. He knew it was ridiculous and they would have to stop sooner or later, but he could at least pretend that they could stay like this forever, as impractical as it was. Like he said, reality was stupid.

He was thinking that maybe he was letting things get a little out of hand, scraping his teeth over Canton's bottom lip as he slipped a leg between the other man's, when a woman's voice interrupted them. "Not that this little double act y'all have got going on isn't hot as a goddamn sun and all," she said, "but you're scaring off my customers, so I'm gonna need you boys to take it somewhere else, before I turn a hose on you."

Clint pulled away from Canton reluctantly, shooting a glance at the girl in question. He recognized her as the girl Bucky was apparently chasing after, and he couldn't exactly say he blamed the guy. She had spunk, that was for sure. "Right," he said, still a little dazed and unsteady from the kiss. "We'll just...uh...go somewhere else." He couldn't even find it in himself to be embarrassed as the girl laughed and shooed them off with a "You do that." Instead he grabbed hold of Canton's hand without thinking about it and started heading back toward the apartments.

"That was..." he paused to think of an appropriate word. "That was something."

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[info]likeyourwheels
2012-08-10 02:49 am UTC (link)
When reality did assert itself in the form of the younger Harvelle daughter, Canton had been on the verge of having to decide whether or not to allow things to run their course or stop Clint from making what would likely be classified as a horrible mistake in the other man's mind. Not that Canton minded the direction that things had been heading, the drunk heady feeling of a kiss slowly blossoming into something else making it obvious that things would have eventually tumbled over an edge had Jude not interfered, but he wasn't entirely certain that Clint would have been all right with that. But as he was snagged by the hand and pulled away from the building, his brain only half in gear, his mind was rocketing through the other main thought that had captured his mind at the moment: the boyfriend that he'd left behind.

Guilt was something that most people would expect lingering in Canton's existence with a situation like this, thoughts of a betrayal that he was perpetrating, but it was far more complicated for Canton because of his existence in this place because while he was a man in a deep, committed relationship, he had also begun to come to terms with the fact that as long as he was here, he wasn't going to see his boyfriend again.

There was little to no reason for Asaph to want to bring him to this place, no oddity in his existence which would have made him a desired collectible, and Canton couldn't think of any reason that the god would feel that he needed to do him any favors. And they had made a promise to each other a long time ago when the fear and uncertainty of whether or not either of they were going to live through a day that if either of them ended up in a position where they weren't going to be with the other that they wouldn't restrict themselves to being alone forever after that.

Not that this was anything close to a relationship. Not even close nor did Canton see it having any potential of going there. He had learned years before to limit those that he could see as relationship potential. Too many unrequited crushes and broken hearts over friends when he was younger had taught him to not get attached, to limit the ways that he thought about people who didn't make it obvious they were interested in the same way, and as open and accepting as Clint was compared to the people that he had known during his whole life, Canton knew that those limits still applied. Clint seemed already worried enough that things would end up going awkward between them that Canton didn't feel any need to add to those worries.

Glancing down at their clasped hands several long seconds after they had started walking, looking back up at Clint's last statement, Canton smiled slowly as he shook out his head with a laugh, "It definitely was. It also goes to prove that we don't need any outside encouragement to get carried away."

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[info]tobeunmade
2012-08-12 07:29 am UTC (link)
It took Clint a long moment to really come back to himself, still bowled over by the kiss and how good it had felt. Because it had been good. Really good. And that meant a lot coming from Clint, who didn't bother with things like kissing and touching and all those casual little displays of affection that people took for granted. Clint saw better from a distance, kept himself at a distance because of that, and clung to his objectivity like it was the only thing keeping him going. But that objectivity was dissolving under his feet where Canton was concerned, and that happened so rarely that Clint wasn't sure what to do with it. With Natasha, with the Avengers, even with Phil, it had happened slowly, slotting into place with time and effort. With Canton, it hit him suddenly and shockingly and he didn't even know how to process it.

This was dangerous, this feeling. Clint knew that. His whole focus was centered on Canton's hand in his, on the electric shock of the touch, and it was embarrassing how entirely the simple contact preoccupied him. Jesus Christ! Sex didn't even hit him like this, and his stomach was twisting itself in knots over some goddamn hand-holding. Like he was some sort of idiot schoolgirl with a crush. What the hell was wrong with him? He was half-tempted to jerk his hand from Canton's and run away, save for the fact that he loathed to give up the contact. And there was also the fact that, if he did do that, he'd look like an idiot or a crazy person or maybe both.

He bit his lip as he listened to Canton, not really thinking about the way the action called attention to just how bruised his mouth was from kissing, then ran his tongue lightly over the abused flesh in an unconscious action. There were things he wanted to say, but he wasn't sure how to say them, and staring at Canton, he mostly just wanted to kiss him again, but he wasn't sure if that was allowed. He'd let himself get too close and he'd lost his distance and now he couldn't find where the lines were any more and it was confusing and intimidating and he just wanted things to be easy.

He'd never understood the stupid arbitrary lines that existed in relationships. What was wrong with wanting to press his mouth against his friend's and breathe him in and bite his way inside and just feel his skin under his hands and never let him go? Why did that have to change things? Because it wasn't so much that he was afraid of this desire to do unspeakable things to the man next to him. He was afraid of how it would inevitably change things. Because friendship was one thing, but opening himself up to anything else, anything more, was terrifying. Because one day Canton really would see the depths of how damaged he was and it would be too much, and if he let himself feel then he wasn't sure he could take the rejection later on. He'd never been good at letting go.

But there was a part of him that wanted, a part of him that was normally quiet and still. And he wondered if it would be so bad to listen to that. Steeling himself, picking at the pieces and putting himself back together into something resembling a functional person, he gave Canton an easy grin that was anything but. "We could do that again," he suggested, forcing the words to be casual. Not to show how much he wanted. "Get carried away. How about it?"

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[info]likeyourwheels
2012-08-12 07:52 am UTC (link)
It was an easy laugh that passed Canton's lips before he'd even given much thought to Clint's words. "Careful, champ," Canton replied with a wicked grin. "You make too many offers like that, and I just might have to hold you to them. And then, who knows where you'll end up? Well, other than as obvious City Hall gossip fodder."

With a wink and a grin, it took Canton a moment to realize that Clint still hadn't dropped his hand. Huh. That was a little odd, but nothing too unusual to consider. They were both probably a little addled after getting called out for practically performing softcore porn against the side of a building. Canton definitely knew he was still getting his bearings, but Clint seemed more than aware to make jokes about the situation, so maybe he was still holding his hand for a reason. Either way, with someone who had taken so long to get used to being touched, to being all right with being touched, Canton didn't particularly want to pull away if Clint still needed the contact.

"You know, we never did get that next drink," Canton said after a moment with a smile and a shake of his head. Glancing back up at their path, he realized that they had somehow started heading towards the apartments, so he figured that the offer likely wouldn't seem as awkward and potentially date rapey as it might have had they been heading in any other direction. "I'm pretty sure I've got a bottle back at my place, if you want to wrap this up properly rather than just leaving the evening hanging in the air." He had promised a decent evening out, after all. The least he could do was try and make up for it being cut short by evil balls of mistletoe.

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[info]tobeunmade
2012-08-12 08:19 am UTC (link)
Oh. Right. He'd misread. Or misunderstood. He'd let himself get too close and it had warped the image until he'd missed what was right in front of him. For all his flirting, Canton didn't want him. He was a friend, and that was fine. It was more than fine. But he was a friend and that was all he was and somewhere along the line he'd forgotten. He did that, sometimes. Misunderstood the way things between people worked. He misread things like boundaries and divisions and the way things added up, the way people added up. It wasn't Canton's fault that he'd let himself get confused. He hadn't meant to, but it had happened, and now he just had to salvage the situation.

The sharp spike of disappointment drove deep, but Clint was a covert operative and he was nothing if not very good at what he did. So he buried the hurt at the idea that his feelings could be so easily dismissed and forced a laugh. "Right," he said. "Wouldn't want that. They're vultures when it comes to gossip." He let go of Canton's hand, careful not to draw attention to the action or to make it seem like a response to what he had said. He didn't want to make him feel uncomfortable. After all, it wasn't like his friend had shut him out of his life. He'd just turned him down. He had every right to do that. Clint was the one who had read to much into things.

"It's getting late," he said, brushing off the offer of another drink. All he really wanted was to go back to his place and lick his wounds in peace. But he couldn't say that, so instead he just buried it all under words. If you said enough, he'd learned long ago, people didn't look too closely. "And if I drink now, I'll probably have a hangover in the morning. And Phil would magically know and frown me to death and then you'd have to make friends with someone who has standards. And then where would we be?" He gave a flippant grin, hoping it did enough to mask the uncomfortable feeling in his chest. "Anyway, I should go ahead and head on back to my place. We'll do drinks again soon though."

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[info]likeyourwheels
2012-08-13 01:12 am UTC (link)
There was...something, something that Canton felt like he was missing. There wasn't anything direct either in Clint's words or behavior that pointed to something being off, but there was a feeling that Canton got at Clint pulled away that there was something that he'd missed, that had went right over his head and flew off to never be seen again. Canton looked sidelong as Clint for a moment before shaking off the feeling and offering him a grin in return as he reached up and gave Clint's shoulder a squeeze, "All right, champ. The last thing we want to do is make Coulson frown at you. I've no experience with it, but I can imagine that it's not really the most fun to see first thing in the morning," He said, leaving his hand on Clint's shoulder as his smile deepened. "And we can always try something other than drinks. I'm sure there are plenty of other activities not likely to potentially end with you feeling like I'm liquoring you up just to take advantage."

Following up the statement with a wink, Canton shoved Clint playfully before pivoting on his heel and then backed away from his friend, taking careful steps backwards but still towards the apartments as he addressed his friend, "You head on back to your place and get some rest. Hopefully we can avoid your untimely death, and I won't have to go looking for another friend. It's really exhausting trying to find someone that meets my standards."

And Canton was positive that even if he tried, there would be absolutely no finding anyone that came even close to Clint in the terms of, well, anything. Canton had always been rather selective about the people that he got close to, those that he considered to be worthy of his attention, and while there were plenty of people here that he respected, the list of individuals that he felt were actually worth putting the extra effort into to get to know beyond a passing level was still remarkably short. Somehow, Clint had managed to skyrocket to the top of it in such a short amount of time that Canton still wasn't entirely sure what had happened, but he wasn't complaining. He'd had friends before, sure, but there had almost always been some sort of caveat there to keep him from being fully and wholly himself. That wasn't the case with Clint, and he would probably never be able to say how thankful he really was for that.

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