InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "I like chocolate milk"

𝕛𝕒𝕤𝕜𝕚𝕖𝕣 (bardcore) wrote in colligo_threads,
@ 2012-02-14 16:19:00

Entry tags:

charles xavier, raven xavier

Who: Charles and Raven.
What: Babs and Irene are dead, Charles is ~~not~~ coping. ~~Badly.~~ Raven is a good sister.
Where: Roof of the X-Mansion.
When: Late evening.
Rating: TBD.
Status: In progress.

Charles had done his best to avoid everyone since receiving the telepathic message from Irene and subsequently feeling her die in his mind. It was bad enough that Barbara was dead. She was a good friend and he cared about her, and he was left with a sense of guilt that he hadn't persuaded her to leave that bloody chair. But he'd connected with Irene. She had helped him. She understood him as no one else did. And now she was gone. He knew people would worry, but he honestly didn't care. No, that wasn't true. He cared. He just couldn't bring himself to deal with anyone just now. He was tired, so bloody tired, and part of him just wanted to build a wall in his own mind and block off his powers. It would be hard, because they were so much a part of him, but he didn't want to feel this way any more. It was as if this place was constantly pushing him, throwing one thing after another to see how long it would take for him to break. And he was sick to death of it.

He sat on the roof, a bottle of scotch in his hand, staring at the sky and drinking. He didn't even bother with a glass. He was past tipsy and well on his way to drunk, the bottle closer to empty than full. He knew without a doubt he was falling into bad habits. He was becoming like his mother, he thought with an edge of disdain. While he had loved Sharon Xavier, he had hardly respected her in those last years. And now I'm turning into her, he mused bitterly. He took another swig of the scotch and sighed. What was the point of it? What was the point of any of it? Why did he keep reaching out to people when he only lost them? He was ashamed to admit he hadn't made as much of an effort to get close to Raven as he probably should have since her return, too afraid to open himself up again only to lose her.

And speak of the devil. "You shouldn't be outside," he said, not even turning as he sensed her presence. "It's cold. And there are zombies...well...not up here, but still. It is cold."

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bardcore
2012-02-20 05:05 am UTC (link)

Charles sighed with relief as Raven drew attention to her coat. That was one less thing to worry about then, and he really did worry. Perhaps too much, if his sister was to be believed, but he could hardly help it. Still, there was so much that happened in this place and it never really seemed to be safe. Just being here was dangerous. And if something happened to Raven, if she was hurt...or worse by this place, Charles didn't know that he would survive it. He was honestly afraid to even entertain the thought of what it would be like to lose her. To really lose her. It had been bad enough when she'd been sent back home, but he'd known then that she was fine, safe with Erik. Losing her for real, even if it was temporary, would be the worst sort of devastation. He wasn't sure he could take it.

"Please just don't take any unnecessary risks," he said quietly. "Please. For me. I couldn't bear it if something happened to you." Yes, he was doing his utmost to guilt trip his sister into behaving and being careful, but he felt like it was justified in this instance. It wasn't often that he really tried to dictate his sister's actions, but this was dangerous. The ability to change her shape wasn't a foolproof protection, and any momentary slip could lead to her being ripped apart by those things. He was her brother, and it was his job to keep her safe. If that meant utilising a bit of heavy-handed guilt-tripping, then that was what he would do.

Then she had to go and make her own worry apparent, making the weight in his chest feel that much heavier. Any other time, Charles would have told her he was fine. Fine. It was his constant state, no matter how chaotic it was inside him, and he never admitted to anything else. But now, just thinking the word felt wrong. He wasn't fine. He wasn't anywhere close to fine. He was so far from fine that there wasn't even a word for how not-fine he was. He was quiet for a long moment before he shook his head. "I..." he began. "You're probably right to be worried about me," he admitted at last. "I'd be worried about me too if I were you."

He looked down at the bottle in his hands and took a long pull. "I..." he started again, "I was going to ask Miss Ad...I was going to ask Irene to dinner tonight. I thought it would be nice to have some company. Take our minds off things. She shares my feelings on the holiday and...it just would have been nice. To have some company..." He trailed off, colouring slightly. "To have a good shag, to be quite blunt. I hadn't...after everything that happened, before she and I..." Oh lord. He was talking about this with his baby sister. "We don't just...she's...she was a good friend. I quite liked her." The past tense would have given it away, even if he hadn't said the next words.

"She got bit," he said, almost too quiet to hear, "and shot herself in the head. She...told me before she did, and I...I didn't want her to be alone. It wasn't anything conscious, Raven. I promise it wasn't. But I...I felt it. It was so quick, not at all like Shaw...but it was so much worse. Because she shouldn't have had to go through that. She was so..." He took another pull of his drink. "I'm sorry...I just...please be careful, all right. If I lost you too..." He wouldn't be able to take it.

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whoeveryouwant
2012-02-28 02:57 am UTC (link)

Oh. Well. Raven felt like a bit of an ass, as she listened to her brother speak. Here she'd been worried about his reaction to Barbara's death and, come to find out, he'd lost someone else as well. And for reasons that she wasn't sure she understood, he hadn't told her. Which, okay. That stung a little. She wasn't going to pretend it didn't. But she also understood, in her own way. Because if there was one thing that Charles was absolutely excellent at doing, it was keeping his problems to himself. Which apparently also included someone dying horribly. Good to know.

With a soft sigh, Raven turned her gaze skyward. The wind whipped about a few locks of her dark red hair but she ignored it. For a long moment she was silent and, when she spoke again, her tone was carefully neutral. At least to begin with.

"First of all," she said slowly, attention still purposefully on the skies overhead, "you have to stop being inside someone's head when they get shot, Charles. It can't be healthy." A pause, as she tried to decide the best way to continue. Finally, she settled on, "And I'm sorry, about your friend. But..." Here she trailed off, finally turning to look directly at him.

"You're still here."

She waited a heartbeat. "I mean it. You are still here. In this city, with people who care about you. Pulling away from the rest of us isn't keeping us safe." Stubbornly, she tacked on, "And it isn't protecting you either. All it's doing is making you miserable and the rest of us worry about you." She stopped, sighing softly and looking this time out toward the city beyond.

"And I know I could tell you that both Barbara and this..." Her lips twitched slightly. "Friend of yours," she settled on, "will be back. But you already know that." Drawing in a centering breath, she glanced sideways at him once again.

"So I'm just going to say that the whole be careful thing goes for you too, okay? Because I can't lose you. And neither can Erik, or anyone else here." She stared at him for a moment. "And," she threw out in a last ditch effort, eyes sparkling with a bit of humor, "I don't think your friend with benefits would want you do risk your own safety even over the memory of her, either. And I know Barbara wouldn't."

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