InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "It was an honest mistake."

john druitt had a chest monster (exquisiterush) wrote in colligo_threads,
@ 2011-05-21 01:23:00

Entry tags:

james watson, john druitt

Who: John Druitt and James Watson.
What: Helen has arrived, which has the effect of turning John into a bit of a pathetic, pining mess. James is used to this and knows how to handle it.
Where: Starting at the Sanctuary, then going to Harvelle's.
When: After this.
Rating: TBD.
Status: In progress.

Helen Magnus had always been a singular woman. It had been true since that first day he had seen her at Oxford, lovely and terribly clever and so unlike any woman he had ever known, and it was true to this this day. Before he'd met her, he'd never been particularly inclined to marry. The institution had never held any particular draw for him, and the women in his life, excepting his mother and his middle sister, had been silly, fickle creatures. But Helen, with her golden hair, clever mind and distaste for the limitations of society's rules, had utterly captivated him. He had been smitten almost since the moment they had met and more than a century had done nothing to lessen his affection for her. Perhaps in another world, one where they hadn't been so reckless and arrogant as to play with the forces of nature, he might have married her. They would have raised their daughter together and grown old. It was a possibility that haunted his dreams. But life had not been so kind, and it had been that same thirst for knowledge that had drawn him to her that had led him to his undoing. He had traveled down a path that had taken her from him, creating a chasm between them that could likely never be crossed.

And now she was here, and it felt as if his heart was in a vice. All he had done, all his work and his efforts to atone for his past, felt as nothing. Wasted. He felt once more like the broken man who had arrived in this city months ago. Ashley would no longer need him, not with her true parent once more present, and slowly but surely the life he had built for himself in this place would slip away. For all he was trying to change, to move beyond his past and be a better man, Helen would never truly trust him. And he could hardly blame her for that. The things he had done, while not of his own will, were unforgivable. There was no place for him in her life, and he had been a thrice damned fool to believe otherwise. He knew James would not abandon him, his friend far too steadfast to leave him when he was floundering, but it was little comfort when it felt as though the ground was giving way beneath his feet. He stared morosely out the window as he waited for the other man, the darkening sky suiting his mood nicely. At the sound of footsteps behind him, he took a deep breath and allowed himself to smile ever so slightly. "I had begun to wonder what was keeping you, old boy," he said lightly. "Shall we go then? I could do with a drink."

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exquisiterush
2011-05-25 06:12 am UTC (link)

While Helen was, unquestionably, the love of his unnaturally long life, John's relationship with James had always been infinitely more complex. They had known each other since their youth, and their days at Winchester College, and they had remained friends into their study at Oxford and beyond. Even when they had been firmly on opposite sides, they had never truly given up on one another. But it was more than that. When he said Helen was the only woman he loved, he meant that. She had been the only one of her sex with whom he'd ever been able to connect, but not the only person. There had been a time, more than a century ago, when James had been the single most important person in his life. But, as with Helen, that was lost to him and he would not hope for more than the man's friendship. Still, that was more than he dared dream of asking from Helen. Even friendship seemed too great a desire after all he had done to her.

"Come now, dear fellow," John said with a fond smile, "if it weren't for your failings, few as they are, we mere mortals might forget you're of the same stock as the rest of us." He did enjoy teasing James, more perhaps than was proper, and couldn't resist the chance to push his buttons. "Yes, yes," he said, chuckling, "room in your attic and whatnot. Perhaps you should clean out a small corner for common sense. It could do you some good."

John didn't speak until they were seated at their customary table, the one in the back corner that Ellen saved for them, and even then it took him a moment to find the words. "Why shouldn't I be fine?" he asked at last, the words bitter on his tongue. "Helen is here and well. She and Ashley are reunited. The Five are together once more. All is well in the world." He sighed and shook his head. "You more than anyone know how I can be, James," he continued after a moment. "My melancholy is simply getting the better of me. It shall pass, as it always does. It is nothing with which to concern yourself."

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holmesianmodel
2011-05-25 07:31 am UTC (link)

Spending all of that time with someone, whether they were on the same side or not, made people closer. Even two complete enemies knew each other better than most other people if they spent enough time together. The way he felt about John was definitely more complicated, and he wasn't even sure that he could put it into words if he was forced to. Not because he didn't want to, but because he honestly didn't know how to form the words. They were close, very close once upon a time. And James loved John, he did know that. What that meant after all this time, he didn't really know. Deep down, he knew that John would never feel the way he felt about Helen towards James. And eventually, James had gotten over that. He hadn't really thought about anyone else since then. It wasn't that he was celibate for science, or any of that nonsense that Nikola insisted on. He was just too old (really too old) to go through all of that heartbreak again.

They had their friendship though, and James would be there for John no matter what. As long as he didn't go joining the Nazis again and torturing him at least. "Oh how could I ever forget when everyone reminds me so very often of my shortcomings?" he said with a little smile of his own. "And forget something important like how to make good french toast? Doubtful." He mockingly glared at John. The things that he considered common sense clearly were not common sense for anyone else. That was generally a problem when it came to things like finding shoes.

At least John had the decency to put the sarcasm into his words instead of actually acting like everything was fine. "No one can tell you how you should be feeling, John. And I know that you're feeling down. But I do concern myself. Because you telling me not to concern myself is the first hint that I should do the exact opposite." He just gave John a look. "It doesn't always pass, you know that. And when you get like this, you tend to be more reckless than usual. I'm only looking out for your best interest." Because honestly, he didn't know if Helen or Ashley would. James didn't think that John was going to hurt someone else, he worried that John would hurt himself.

That was a far worse fate.

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