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Merlin (magicalsecrets) wrote in colligo_threads,
@ 2011-04-21 15:49:00

Entry tags:

merlin, morgana

who: AU!Merlin and Morgana
what: clash of the camelot sorcerers.
where: outside Morgana's room, and going from there
when: shortly after Merlin's arrival
status: complete.

This was not a Merlin any of them would be familiar with. Not their young version, stumbling through life, with no real plan beyond protecting Arthur. Not the old, story book version full of childish fancy. He was taller, tattoos on his fingers, scruff on his chin, and more scars then even he knew. Dressed in black leathers and his hooded traveling cloak that made him look out of place in the hall to say the least, and an imposing figure to be sure. This Merlin was not particularly kind like his other counterparts either, if his brief discussions over the network were any indication.

He turned the PDA in his fingers absently as he leaned back against the wall, gaze holding steady on a door not far from the room he'd woken up in. She would keep close. Morgan in any form was not someone he was ever free of for very long, and he was curious about this one. She already had some of the traits so obvious in his own. Of course, she thought she could hide from him - that he would not be able to locate her - different or not. She wanted him to wait though, and so he would. He watched another man enter the room, heard the sound of children, and finally took a few steps forward. The device he'd been given dropped into a pouch at his belt as he crossed his arms, and stood a few feet from her door.

She had sounded protective of Arthur, one of the many thoughts that he had been considering while he waited. Of course, Morgan had tried to pretend she was worried for her brother too, but he knew better then to think she would give up her claim on the throne so easily. Then there was this Guinevere who claimed to be Arthur's wife. Merlin groaned, rubbing at his temple briefly. He needed to see all this - see their Camelot - to be sure that it wasn't all lies and magic meant to confuse him. That this was not Morgan meddling with magics she didn't understand.

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future_seer
2011-04-21 08:35 pm UTC (link)

To say that this Merlin set Morgana at unease was an understatement. They hadn't spoken for very long but his words, his tone alone, had set her spine straight. Surprisingly, it didn't entirely have to do with how he spoke of her ... counterpart. She was wary toward his intention toward Arthur, that he had asked for him only a few breaths after accusing Morgan was very telling. It wasn't surprising. Merlins all seemed to have a single-minded focus when it came to Arthur. Nevertheless, that did nothing to have her relax. Something about him reminded her a bit of the alternate Merlin that was there before. The one who sought to "teach" Arthur how to be king. However, that one was young and impulsive. This one, Morgana could easily see, was neither. All of that just seemed to make him all the more dangerous to her.

Once she had made certain that the children were looked after Morgana had grabbed a jacket, her keys, and PDA to set out to look for Merlin. She doubted that this one would be threatening to knock down doors but she wasn't sure if he was still in his, her Merlin's - the one she knew - apartment.

She didn't notice him right away because she was closing the door behind her. However, she felt eyes on her and that caused her to look up sharply. The only tell tale sign that he had startled her was the quick rising of her chest and the brief widening of grey-green eyes.

Morgana was undoubtedly as foreign looking to him as he was to her. There she stood, her hand sliding off the knob, she slid her keys into her pocket. She was dressed in pale, hip-huggers and a plain dark-blue tank-top. Her jacket was a dark suede color in her hands and her hair in a messy bun twisted at the back of her head. She looked like a regular college kid, young, minimal make-up. There weren't much adornments on Morgana other than a few rings and her earrings. "I said that I'd find you." Morgana spoke after a moment. "It's nice to see that you have an inability to listen no matter what reality you're from."

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magicalsecrets
2011-04-21 09:09 pm UTC (link)

"And so you have. I have just eliminated the wasting of time in between." He answered simply, looking down at her, at this woman that looked nothing like any he had met before. The clothes were foreign, and she did not dress herself like a queen. She was still undoubtedly the Morgan of her world though, and a smile touched his features as she scolded him.

"You look well." Merlin commented. He might have been concerned for her health back home, worried that the magic she used would be her end, at least a little. Though he was just as cautious. Morgan was potentially dangerous, and he would not underestimate this one either.

"Morgana. Your name and appearance has changed just slightly. What of the rest of it?" He could tell she still used magic, a kind not like his own. That much had not changed, and he doubted this one had any more control over it. Merlin held out a hand to her. It might have been mistaken as a strange gesture to lead the way from the hall, but though touch he could see glimpses of her past. Of the Camelot she knew, of the Arthur and Merlin she had known, what she had done in her past. In these visions she could not lie to him, and if he was to trust anything she had to say it would only be after he had seen for himself.

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future_seer
2011-04-21 09:27 pm UTC (link)

Morgana would have appreciated the time in between. It wouldn't be far from the truth to say that she wasn't very much without her "courtly faces". Even here in Colligo she kept much of her true thoughts and true emotions buried deep down in her chest. There were moments she couldn't help it but there were others where she was, she felt, better for it. That didn't mean that Morgana didn't rally herself like the - if not better than - the best of them but she still would have appreciated some time to her own to think.

"Thank you." She stated, polite, inclining her head slightly. Her thoughts on his words and on the woman that he knew and magic. His smile did nothing to settle her. In fact, it made her wonder more - more suspicious - about what this Merlin was about. "You do as well. As well as much older than what I am used to." Hardened as well. It wasn't difficult to miss.

Morgana didn't comment on the rest of his words, her eyes falling briefly to his hand, her fingers twitching slightly but she didn't give into the urge to curl away from him. Rather her brow raised, she saw his hand before her for what it was. He had said that he wanted to 'see' and while Morgana had been very curious she hadn't asked. "I trust you just as much as you trust me. Tell me what reason do I have to take your hand. I don't need you to believe me." She just needed him to stay away from her family. It was the real reason she was out here. To ensure that he wasn't making a nuisance of himself.

Morgana wasn't about to expose herself to anyone. Especially not a Merlin. Even with her own where they were fumbling to so hard to keep the friendship that they once had, they were hanging by their pinkies from a thin string when it came down to it. This one's rudeness and how he had just spoken her counterparts business unaware or uncaring of who might here him, didn't at all help endear him to her. No, Morgana needed a very good reason as to why she should even consider taking hand, let alone actually doing it.

It would be so easy to figure out his motives, or at least to try to. She didn't need to touch or his permission to - Morgana stopped herself. Pushing away how easily the thought to push into his mind had come to her. A thought that she would have blanched at once, a thought that she wouldn't have even considered, in fact. It might not have been fair but she was currently holding that against him. For placing her in a situation to even consider it. Nevertheless, if she felt that she had to, she would.

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magicalsecrets
2011-04-21 10:25 pm UTC (link)

"Much older then you know..." His body did not betray the many years he had lived. Some took notice of it back home, but very few mentioned it, and no one understood why. It shown in his eyes, and in the calm that came with what should have shaken other men - like being kidnapped to strange worlds with people who were odd versions of his own.

"I just wish to see this world you are from. A Camelot that is not my own. I have been threatened by several of its residents, as if they expect me to do harm to any I come in contact with, and surely that is not simply because my tone is not overly friendly. Do all who arrive here instantly trust and greet the strangers who reply like old friends?" He asked, quirking a brow. Merlin was not instantly friendly, but he was not so terrible as they all seemed to think. He didn't want to harm anyone. Back home all he wished for was to make Arthur a good king, to make Camelot a place of peace and hope, and to avoid the darkness he saw in his visions. Even if his means to this end were not always agreed with.

"If, after that, you don't wish to see me again, I will bide my time elsewhere and leave your lot in peace until I am returned home. I promised your son you'd come to no harm while in my company, and have every intention of keeping my word." She could be rid of his company very easily. All she would have to do is bare holding his hand for a moment or two. It seemed like a fair enough trade, right? All he wanted to know is why his presence stirred so much fear, and to have a glimpse of another Camelot.

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future_seer
2011-04-21 11:01 pm UTC (link)

"Like - " Morgana stopped herself. Thinking the better of it. Her curiosity fueled her. His statement made her think of Nimueh and the woman had Morgana's complete interest. Coupled with the fact that she wanted to know about his magic, there were many questions buzzing around in Morgana's head. However, she wasn't going to give into them - at least not yet - no matter how much she might want to.

Her eyes searched his face to see if she could find any hint of deception. "No. They do not. However, you have the misfortune of stumbling upon an overly cautious and protective lot. My son and Arthur might be among the very worse. Any hint of unkindness or hostility, whether intended or not, will receive warnings." They had been through and learned far too many unfortunate things for it not to have left it's mark. They hurt too often from words, from each other, ... Even when they were mad at each other, they were protective. And Arthur would always be the worse. No matter who it was over, who it was from, and what the situation. "You also must admit that your tone toward Gwe ... Guinevere left much to be desired." The stumble had been unintentional. Morgana's feelings toward that were a bit at turmoil.

"And if I say no?" Even as she said it, Morgana felt a twinge of guilt. She felt bad. She wasn't certain what that said about her given how much he set her on edge; however, she always felt sympathetic toward the alternate versions of themselves. It was bad enough when people had come from the future and know what she hadn't, she couldn't imagine the frustrations of finding people you knew but having them not know you, or be as you knew them.

Morgana watched him for a moment before finding something in his words, finding something as she thought things over and looked at him, that helped her come to her decision.

"I'll show you, if you agree to teach me how you do it." She would show him regardless but he didn't know that.

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magicalsecrets
2011-04-21 11:38 pm UTC (link)

"I can not fault them for being protective of one another." Merlin did not easily take offense, and wasn't really bothered by their threats. However, it was good to know the hostility was not because of himself alone. He shrugged absently at mention of Gwen. "Perhaps, but I could not have known that she was not the Guinevere I knew. She knew of me, and claimed to be Arthur's wife - which is a growing fear I have for my Arthur."

Merlin was beginning to worry back home that his Arthur had inherited at least one of his father's worst traits despite his attempts to make sure Arthur was not like Uther. He already showed himself to become fixated on Guinevere with little regard to he marriage to another man.

He sighed at her question, but did not seem angry by it. If he would not show her there were still options. He could take the knowledge from her while she slept, could ask others - like the boy Mordred - to indulge him, or simply do without. The first would be the simplest, and she would never know the difference. "I will do without."

Merlin stared at her when she asked to learn how in return, and he shook his head. Concern flickered across his features. Morgan had sent word that she would come to Camelot to welcome Leontes' wife, and never made it. He knew why, he knew the magic she was meddling in would kill her, despite his many warnings. "I cannot, Morgan - Morgana, forgive me. I have seen the pain it causes you in my world. I will not be responsible for your fall into magics here."

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future_seer
2011-04-21 11:58 pm UTC (link)

"Because she is married to another." It was a statement and a question and it gave way none of her thoughts.

She nodded slowly when he stated that he would do without. Somehow she didn't believe him but she didn't call him out on it; nevertheless, she allowed the hint of skepticism to show through her features from the tiny smirk and slight raising of both of her brows. Her eyes said as much. However, when he said that he wouldn't show her, Morgana's jaw clenched slightly and her lips pursed. Magic, the memories had somehow helped and hurt her opinion of it. However, Morgana was of the mind that learning how to use it and learning as much about it as possible would benefit her here in the long run. A flash of irritation went through her but she recalled immediately after his words on the network. They took on a new meaning ... she wouldn't so much say that he was worried but there was concern for his Morgan and what magic was doing to her.

"Fall into magics?" That was an odd way of phrasing it. She wondered if it was very different, magic, in his Camelot. "I haven't much of a choice in the matter." She remarked dryly. "Whether I want it or not, I would do more harm not learning how to control it. I didn't choose it, it chose me." Her gaze was steady as she explained the situation to him but afterward she nodded. "However, ... I -" She appreciated his concern. "You're forgiven." She stated with a touch of wry amusement.

With that Morgana held out her hand. "Solely through touch?"

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magicalsecrets
2011-04-22 12:57 am UTC (link)

"She is the wife of his champion, and a good man."

Merlin saw the irritation in her features, and was not surprised by it. Morgan was stubborn as well, and believed she could handle the magic. That she could control it, his insisting otherwise be damned. He expected her anger, that she would turn away from him now as Morgan might. Instead it became consideration, and she had questions for him.

"I know it may feel that way, but there is always a choice. Magic is a terrible power, there is always a cost." He did not know that her magic was so very different, all he new was the type of sorcery from his world, that people foolishly used thinking they too could control forces outside nature.

"I can do it without, but touch makes it easier." Merlin gently clasped her hand between his, and looked down at her. It seemed like just a few seconds, but when he let go again it was with all these visions of Camelot - a great castle, threatened by forces of magic and men, of a young boy that was supposed to be him, a prince and king that were nothing like his own. There were glimpses of Morgana too; discovering her magic, the future that awaited her that she knew, and what was yet to come.

"I'm sorry." He reached up as if he were going to cup her cheek in his palm, but thought better of the gesture. "I would teach you to control it if I could, but I have left sorcery in my past, and do not even know that I could help you with magic that is so different from my own." He still used magic now and then, he could not always help himself. However, he was being honest when he said he would help her if he could, but he did not know if his knowledge would be relevant at all.

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magicalsecrets
2011-04-22 07:28 pm UTC (link)

At least she's consistent, Morgana thought. Though she managed to bite her tongue. The thought was unworthy of her and of Gw - "I hope for the sake of your Camelot that your Arthur is less stubborn than my own." Did Morgana truly believe that it all rested on Guinevere the blame for Camelot's fall? Not when she had first read the stories and she still didn't now. Nevertheless, something like that could easily break a people and a king. It wasn't so much the action but the ones who were doing the deception. A tiny lie, the smallest kept secret, in an already dark situation could send everything tumbling. She knew that well enough.

Morgana wasn't certain how she felt about such a stark warning of magic from someone who had it and used it. Usually it was the ones who did that were so very encouraging about it. Merlin's words surprised her and Morgana tucked them aside to think on at a later time. For the moment, she simply nodded slightly that she had heard him.

She looked up at him, her breath caught slightly as she watched and wondered what he saw. It happened so very quickly. He had taken her hand and then he spoke again.

Her eyes widened at their own violation when he reached out toward her. It wasn't that she thought that he would hit her but it was that she recognized the movement for what it was and it surprised her that much. It seemed like everything that this man did brought up a new batch of questions. "It's fine." It was always fine. "I ... understand." At least she thought she did. She would like to believe that he was telling the truth. All she knew was that teaching her always seemed to come at too much of a cost for Merlins. Though she could concede his point; however, their magics likely were too different. And with how cautious she was about it, Morgana didn't see any need to push it.

She crossed her arms against her chest, pulling her jacket that had been at her arm closer against her.

"Did you find satisfactory answers?" Meaning: What did you see? and Do you believe me now?

--

“He is not. My Arthur is young, and reckless, and believes himself in love already no doubt. He will have his father’s lack of restraint where women are concerned, and it will ruin us.” He sighed and shook his head. Merlin did not believe that. Not entirely. Guinevere would be a problem in the future, but for now she was a nuisance. One he did not have the patients for, neither here or there. Even if this one was not technically guilty of anything yet - he was cynical enough to blame her for similar crimes she would inevitably commit. Their lives were similar enough that something like that was bound to happen.

“It is not.” Merlin said. Nothing about it was fine. “It is not fine. Having magic hurts you too, but not in the same way as it pains Morgan.” A brief look into her past included a hint at thoughts and feelings, and he did sympathize. However, he also saw the crimes she would commit, and the judgement in the eyes and words of her Merlin. It almost made him appreciate the odd relationship he had with Morgan. They knew that they were not friends. They would be enemies as long as she desired the throne which would likely mean until death. They also knew their was a strange closeness between them that they did not question, or dress up with pretty words like love or friendship or even caring, trying to label it as something it wasn’t. He could be concerned for her without it getting in the way of doing what must be done should she threaten Arthur.

“If I stay here much longer, you may ask me again. If there is time, I will try and help you. Not to use your magic, but to control it. So it does not come unbidden.” He said after a minute or so, thinking again of the vision of her waking up to her room in flames.

“I saw what I needed to. Our worlds could not be more different, but there are still many things that remain the same. It is curious, and makes me appreciate my own trials.”

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magicalsecrets
2011-04-22 07:30 pm UTC (link)

Morgana’s gaze sharpened at his mention of Uther and his transgressions. Of course that remained the same. “One woman cannot ruin what was never strong to begin with.” She countered. Though her words didn’t say it, and might have been mistaken as a defense of Gwens, but in truth it was of Arthur. Her pride simply wouldn’t allow her to say it directly. Arthur was strong. The one she knew bled for Camelot. There was not much he loved above it - even with desires to be someone else, to go somewhere else. He would never be able to, because Camelot was his blood. Even now, after becoming complacent in nearly two years, she knew that it wasn’t far from his thoughts. Arthur’s forgiveness would be his downfall and his saving grace, but his strength was Camelot’s bedrock. It was the Pendragon strength but it was better than he gave himself credit for. Morgana’s faith in Arthur had been once, still … she wasn’t quite sure what it was now, unshakable. She had known his faults better than he did himself and still she had known him capable of great things. She had believed him a man immensely better than his father and with the potential to go even further beyond that. That was why it had hurt so much that year away. Believing in someone so much, only to have it shattered could ruin even the strongest of loves.

Which was why it was such a good thing that Arthur was the idiotic, open hearted, prat that he was. And not someone like her.

… she had spent a lot of time thinking the last twenty-four hours.

“Stop.” Morgana said firmly, tone low and steady. She didn’t want to hear it. He didn’t know anything and she would convince herself of that, even as a small voice in the back of her mind agreed with him. Agreed that her life would have been so much simpler if she hadn’t had magic. Whether dead or alive, it would have been simpler. “You’ve said your piece, I said that I understood, leave it at that.” It was fine, she was fine. She always was fine in the end or she tried her very best to be. Even if it seemed to take a continuous amount of falls before getting there.

Morgana imagined that she would go to him to learn control. If he stayed (and he could, perhaps it was a self-centered and pessimistic view, but with the hits they received - and this being Colligo - this version of Merlin could be the one there to stay; she wasn’t sure if that bothered her as much as it would have). The way that she had shook the building came to mind and there was always that strong, weighty, fear that came when she felt herself losing control of her emotions. It happened. It was one of the reasons why she struggled even harder to keep things at a level, to keep herself at ‘fine’ almost constantly because she was afraid of the damage that she might do. So, yes, she would go for the help and she would swallow her pride because there were things more important than that. She did recognize that. However, he could hang his views on practicing magic. She had come so far in learning how to control it, learning how to make piece between Uther and Morgause’s rhetorics as well as her own tentative opinion, to simply stop now because someone who didn’t even know what she had gone through - but for whatever he had seen when he had taken her hand - thought that he knew better.

“Thank you for your offer.”

At his next words, a wry smirk curved her lips. Were they - her Camelot - so bad then? Morgana found that she truly didn’t want to know. “All right.”

--

Merlin smiled and stopped as asked, bowing his head slightly. She was just as stubborn as any Pendragon too. He wondered how long he would be stuck in this place, and if she would seek his help. Teaching her to control her magic, and keep it from reacting to any emotion she felt strongly was something he could do with his gift of sight. He would not need to use sorcery himself, reminding himself of this fact because almost any excuse would do lately. The taunting of the swordsman, the need to stop his daughter, to retrieve the sword - Merlin was falling into old habits, and it needed to stop regardless of where he was - Camelot or this strange other world, Colligo.

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magicalsecrets
2011-04-22 07:31 pm UTC (link)

“Would you like a glimpse of my world - my Camelot? It is only fair.” She had to be curious, he could see it in her reaction to his words, and she would get to see what his power was like. Their magic was different, and his abilities as a seer were not quite the same as hers either. He wouldn’t teach her, but she could get a taste of it. “After which, I did give you the option of asking me to leave you and the others in peace, if that is what you want.”

--

When he smiled and stopped, Morgana inclined her own head in thanks. She had been about to take her leave when he made her offer. To say that it surprised her would have been redundant and Morgana didn’t like being that, even with just herself, anymore than most. The conditions had been either he teach her or he leave her be. He didn’t need to offer to show her anything and yet there he was. She wondered if there was a reason for it or if it was sudden, genuine, kindness. Morgana decided to go with the first.

She hesitated. Morgana said nothing of of his “option” because she couldn’t, whole-heartedly, say that she wanted him to leave her in peace. It would probably be best if he didn’t speak with the others. “I’m sure that Arthur will seek you out if he hasn’t already.” She said by way of answer. There wasn’t a Merlin in any universe that Mordred would ever seek out and she knew that he could more than handle himself, even if it was on the time of her tongue to warn him away from her … son. What Gwen did wasn’t any of her business and Morgana wouldn’t keep Morgause from speaking with him, so long as she was around when it happened. Yes, the man - something about him continued to fascinate her. Yes, she would learn all that she could from him if that chance ever came. No, she didn’t trust him. Not with her family.

Morgana slowly held her hand out as he had before. His motives could affect how she viewed him, it certainly wouldn’t have bearing on what she wanted to see. “I do. I find myself extremely curious of your Camelot and if you are willing to show me, I am willing to see.”

--

“Alright. I have little control over what you will see. It could be visions of things I witnessed yesterday, years ago, or visions I have had of what is to come. And I warn you, I harbor no delusions that I am now nor have I ever been a good man...” He waited a beat, allowing her the chance to change her mind, then took her hand when she did not. When normally he would try and draw images from her mind, or allow them to come to him - instead he pushed his thoughts and memories to her.

They were suspicious of him, and had every right to be he supposed. As he’d warned, he was not a good man. She could potentially see anything from him changing Uther to have his night with Ygraine, taking the babe who would be king from his mother’s hands, the day he brought Arthur to the ruins of Camelot, the death of his family or the swordsmith’s daughter as he took the sword from her outstretched hand, the deaths he had caused through magic, and the darkness it brought out in him, or even his encounters with Morgan. She could see that he did not age, that he lived to put the sword of mars in its place, making it a legend for Arthur to one day retrieve. His faith in Arthur to be a good king...It was all up to chance.

When he let go of her again, he stepped back and waited, curious as to what she witnessed, and how she would react to it. Her world was under constant threat by magic, but his was ruled more by the sword and manipulating the hearts of the people. His Camelot was a Roman ruin, full of promise and legend, where hers was a kingdom already. His Arthur was younger, and not raised by Uther. He had visions of a land running red with blood, overrun by chaos, and ruled by no one - a fate that Arthur was meant to keep them from - while the other Merlin just wanted peace for magic users again.

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magicalsecrets
2011-04-22 07:33 pm UTC (link)

At least he’s honest, Morgana thought to herself but she didn’t remove her hands despite his warning. His honesty, as much as a desire to see and a niggling - almost morbid - wish to see his sorts of vision - was what kept her hands in his. Morgana was used to dishonesty. She was used to people becoming so blind by their missions, obsessed by their goals, obsessive in general, that they became delusional. So much so that they were unaware, or didn’t care and justified, the extreme and hurtful means that they took. She was sad to say, and actually struggling, with the fact that she became one of those people. Morgana didn’t delude herself. She had always been a person willing to damn consequences for the right thing. She knew that she had never been as good as Gwen had once believed her to be but she had attempted to emulate that. Morgana just didn’t know when the lines had become so blurred.

She hoped that, felt that, his clarity would better serve his Camelot. And she would like one story, one world, where Camelot started out rocky but didn’t fall. As nice as that alternate of Morgause that had been in Colligo once, the one where their father had lived and they were raised together, was Morgana that with the more she knew the more she believed that that world of hope was fake. Some trick of their captors rather than a possibility. It was just too good. A Camelot shrouded in difficulties but became strong, survived, now that was much more believable.

Morgana should have learned by now to stop putting such faith in complete strangers. For someone who played the reserved princess so well, she had the ability and the bad judgement of just opening up far too much to others. Perhaps Merlin was right. She latched on to anyone who spouted the right words.

The visions had come fast and sharp, so very clear, as if she were focusing sharp gray eyes on them right in the moment. It was like having photos, taken with a … with a good lense, held rapidly before her. Photos that moved.

She didn’t know what was worse. Well-intention delusion that cost thousands of people their lives or willingly deceiving, with both eyes wide-open, taking on actions that might not have been as shattering in breadth but damaged lives no less.

--

When he moved away one of Morgana’s hands fisted after she flexed it, she closed her other hand above it, meaningless motions to focus herself and gather her thoughts. Needing to move, despite how her blank and closed face seemed to show that she was implacable and unaffected - that had fallen down after a range of emotions had filed across her face (horror, disgust, understanding, shock, pity, confusion), easily missed if a person didn’t know her or didn’t know how to look. But she did not wish to pace.

She needed a drink or a chair. Her head pounded. She wondered if it was a bad thing that she would prefer his Camelot. For all of it’s uncertainty, for all that his magic frightened her more than her own, there was something much more grounded in all of that blood and sword.

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magicalsecrets
2011-04-22 07:34 pm UTC (link)

“You can’t raise and encourage a people on a bed of lies and treachery. My father,” If he had seen enough then he would know who she really meant. And if he didn’t … well, she would correct him, “once told me that. It isn’t something that I’ve ever forgot … despite, despite what you saw.” Her gaze wavered slightly at that. Because she had no doubt that he saw the Camelot that was to come under her. She had had dreams, there had been thoughts on how to rectify things. Morgana had known that she would have beg and scrape and prove to the people of Camelot that she was the right one to rule, after what she had done. She had been willing to do that but she had also been willing to … make necessary sacrifices before getting there. However, as horrible all of that had been, between herself and Morgause there was honesty. Yes, she was still saying that after so many things her sister had done too her that was questionable, had convinced her of despite inner trepidation. Morgause had her best interest at heart and trusted that she would know what would be best for Camelot. Morgause had known that as Queen, Morgana and Camelot would be one - just as she had ensured that the Knights of Medhia would hurt no one by putting everyone to sleep. “If he is to be king, if you are to advise him. You need to tell him the truth. Coddling him will do more damage than either of you will want.” Morgana warned, her gaze growing even more steady, unwavering as if there wasn’t the space that had placed. She had seen it between Gaius and Uther, she saw it between Merlin and Arthur. Merlin might not be stupid enough to call his Arthur friend but he was to be his advisor, he already was. He couldn’t drag together the different pieces of Arthur - boy, king, and could be legend - all together by force. He couldn’t have all of these expectations, not tell him, and then expect it all to work out. In that way lead disappointment and their disappointment would lead to more death. “He isn’t your puppet anymore than you’re his.” She paused. She didn’t know if he would remember this when he went home - she liked to think that they remembered … yes, still a bit of naive hope despite all of her own disappointment - and she didn’t know if he was even bother listening to her. Morgana was used to having her valid suggestions mocked, distrusted, or ignored when it came to men and their kingdoms. Hell, in general at times. But for some reason she felt that it needed to be said and she was bothering. “Anymore than you are his trophy.”

Merlin rested a hand on the small of her back gently as if to steady her while she dealt with the visions. They were not easy to take in all at once, and he had no doubt that at least some of what she saw was not in the least bit pleasant. While he was set in his goals, and was willing to do whatever it took to avoid the future he had seen, Merlin didn’t entertain any foolish ideas that it lessened the harm he had done. Arthur had witnessed the murder of the parents who had raised him, and was given a life he never asked for. He nearly died in the attempt to retrieve a sword. He knew Uther would be poisoned, and let it happen to bring the boy to the throne.

“And what truth did you see that needs to be told?” He asked curiously, amused by the idea that she believe he coddled Arthur. Even more that she had seen the conversation between himself and Morgan about being wounded deer or the the king’s trophy. Merlin wasn’t mocking her advice, but he wondered what she though he was meant to tell Arthur.

“The boy knows the truth of his birth, and I tell him the truth as he asks it of me. Certain lies are not for him, but for the sake of the people, and for myself.” He lied about the swords, and kept secrets of his sorcery and age. But then no one really knew him, and of all his secrets. However, for the most part his guidance was accepted regardless, because it was known he had knowledge of the world and the future that others did not, and if he offered council it was for a reason.

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magicalsecrets
2011-04-22 07:35 pm UTC (link)

Morgana appreciated the gesture and in fact her thoughts were too full to be concerned - for the moment - by any decorum. "I meant in general, more for situations that will surely come than anything specific that has already happened." Her tone wasn't at all defensive, simply clarifying her previous words. It helped that despite his smile and manner she could tell that he wasn't belittling her suggestion. He seemed like a man of secrets and from what she had seen only made her more certain of that opinion.

Morgana listened as he went on and she turned his words over in her thoughts, looking up at him with furrowed brows and the slight downward turn of her mouth. “For yourself?” She perhaps was pushing it with the questions but she had shared with him her Camelot and him to her, his history. She doubted it would hurt to push a little for an explanation.

“Then you needn’t worry. As I said, I give him the truth when he asks or needs it from me. He needs to trust in me, so lying would not serve that purpose.” Merlin had seen the many lies in her world, and the harm they had done because for all their protectiveness towards one another there was very little trust. It would probably be wise that no one ever completely trust in him, but they had faith, at least, that what he did was for a reason, and with mostly good intentions. Not entirely unlike her Merlin, but he was younger and did not see the big picture when he acted. Merlin saw things in many shades of gray, and what might seem right in the moment would have more consequences in the future - as he’d seen in the vision of Morgana being poisoned.

“Yes.” He nodded slightly, and left it at that. Merlin’s secrets were his own, and the hints she might have gotten through his sight were more then most would ever see. He was feared and not particularly welcomed into any realm. Camelot was becoming a rare exception, but only because he played such a vital role in its success, in guiding its king.

Morgana, as strange as it might seem, almost expected someone to pass-by and tell him not to keep her away from her worrying since she was so good at it. Or that was what others made it seem like given how often they told her not to. It certainly would have placed a certain lighter air to the situation as the realization that his hand was on the small of her back came to her. “Good.” Morgana answered, stepping back from him.

It was good in her opinion. It was certainly better than what she and her lot could expect. And maybe the others were right, she did worry too much, because she knew that she would be thinking on this likely more than she should. Morgana had seen how much unnecessary damage secrets could do, how much trust was shattered because of betrayal and outright lies. While she didn’t agree with the “tell the truth when he needs it”, she did understand that sometimes, some things just shouldn’t be said.

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magicalsecrets
2011-04-22 07:35 pm UTC (link)

“Fair enough.” She hadn’t truly thought he would share much, if anything, but really it hadn’t hurt to ask.

Morgana momentarily bit on her bottom lip before saying, “If you should need anything, all you have to do is knock on my door or put up a message on the network - where we first found you on the device - and I’ll answer.” Not that she thought he was a man who ever asked for help, but she offered anyway. This place could be quite a lot at times and this was a completely different time. Even Uther had had to ask for help, to figure out how to eat, how to pay for things and how to simply survive in a faster, more sterile life than they were all used to.

It never hurt to ask, but he was pleased that she did not push the subject. Their discussion on their worlds, pasts could end here. He did not have trusted friends who could ask of his secrets, and would not trust a stranger with all of them either. It would be a waste to spend the time sharing anyways, he doubted he would be here long. Had this been some longer stay, something that would risk the safety of those back home, he would have seen it.

“Thank you, Morgana.” He appreciated the offer, and while she was right in her judgement of him, if he was stuck here for any real length of time he may bother her for her company. Assuming she didn’t seek him out first to take him up on the offer to teach her to control her magic. Where the rest of it was concerned though - Merlin had adjusted to many changes in his life, this would just be another, more complicated one. He could deal with the noise and the pace, paying for things wouldn’t be an issue either - he had no qualms with murder should the situation arise, he would not think twice about stealing food. Not to mention his counterpart kept the apartment he’d woken up in well stocked so it might not even be necessary.

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