InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "What is this a missile launch?"

arrogant_black (arrogant_black) wrote in colligo_threads,
@ 2011-01-30 11:30:00

Entry tags:

morgana, regulus black

Who: Regulus and Morgana
What: Morgana is concerned about her friend, she has a talk with him. Reg gets moody
When: This morning
Where: The Clinic
Rating/Warnings: Maybe some swearing TBD
Status: In progress, closed

Regulus had been in this place one night and he was already ready to leave. Nothing could be done without constant supervision, which rankled him, and the stream of visitors, while well meaning and understandable, was starting to wear on him. But only because he had to repeat himself over and over, and the more he did that the more it all seemed so embarrassing, but he wasn't regretful about it at all. And the longer he stayed here he didn't see what all the fuss was about, he wasn't dead, and people seemed to care about that sort of thing so shouldn't they be relieved, or something?

And he had two more nights, and two more days to go. This was going to drive him nuts. The joys of having his emotions again.

A light tap on the door brought him out of his broodings. Or more accurately, gave him more of a reason to grumble because this would be another visitor, and he would have to explain everything all over again. He walked to the door intent on being moody, but that all faded when he opened and saw Morgana, her own obstacles to over come and there were all consuming indeed. He was being greatly unfair, he reminded himself, and he exhaled loudly to calm himself.

"Good morning, Morgana," he swung the door open for her, "here to get the facts as well?"

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future_seer
2011-01-30 08:19 pm UTC (link)

Morgana couldn't exactly pinpoint what she was currently feeling when Regulus opened the door and answered it the way he did. However, her response was simple enough. "I'm not exactly certain if I should hug you or punch you." Seeing as it was Regulus neither would be a beneficial reaction, outside of the fact that they both would briefly make her feel better.

And that wasn't the point. However, Morgana was frustrated. She didn't know much beyond that 'Regulus had hurt himself' and her mind had gone through a thousand different scenarios. Because Regulus Black was an inventive fellow and for nearly as long as she'd known him - which was for quite a few months - he was settled on ending his life or harming himself in some drastic, practically irreparable, manner. She was frustrated with herself for being too selfish to extend to him the help that she'd known he'd needed at the end of last year. She was frustrated with him, as petty and uncaring as it might seem, that he kept trying. That he didn't understand - And she thought he had. She thought that maybe he had. Morgana was mostly frustrated because she didn't understand. She wanted to believe that he wouldn't, she wanted to believe that he truly wouldn't at the end of the day, and that there was more than this. Friday had been good. It had been very good. Of course he'd still been rather empty but Morgana was certain that she'd seen sparks. She knows she'd seen something. That it hadn't been entirely wishful thinking. Morgana knows that it wasn't. And yet ... this. What could have happened in an entire day? Where she went from leaving Regulus, and feeling secure that maybe soon her friend would be getting better, to this? She wanted to understand. And he answered with that.

He answered with that ... and Morgana relaxed slightly as it sunk through. "You're going to give me an answer?" She believed him. It wasn't the first time Regulus had told her something big about himself, confined in her. Therefore, Morgana was choosing to believe that he would tell her the truth and not what she wanted to hear to have her nagging him or worrying less. She stuck a foot through. He wasn't standing in front of the door. With that she went inside and waited. "I'm glad that ..." Morgana stopped, taking a shaky breath. Not sure what to say. "What happened?" She managed to keep her tone low and soft, if not completely gentle, as keeping the irritation and the worry and the fear out were all very difficult in this minute.

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arrogant_black
2011-01-31 04:13 am UTC (link)

As soon as Morgana was in the room he closed the door, no sense in giving the nurses more than they had to work for already. He then turned to her and nodded without thinking, without remembering she couldn't see him. Oh, right.

He moved behind her and repositioned a chair so that she could sit readily. "I've placed a chair behind you, everyone seems to have a 'chair sit' reaction."

He didn't grab a chair for himself, but crossed his arms, though, again, she could not see the defensive move, and said straight, "I tried to cut out my Mark." It was the way to start, it would lead to more questions. Morgana would ask the right ones because that's what she was good at, and Regulus would answer honestly, because that was how their conversations were structured, frank and to the point.

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future_seer
2011-01-31 05:04 am UTC (link)

Morgana looked behind her, even though she couldn't see it, more out of a sense of needing to delay what he was going to say in any momentary way - to collect herself. She was dreading whatever it was. His confession. Her fingers reached out and caught something before trailing down along a part of the chair. "I'm fine standing." Morgana stated before turning to face forward - how she wished that she could see him. Whether or not her words were true, didn't much matter. She would remain standing. She was too much of a Pendragon, unless one started sitting one stood. No news was enough to cause one to actually fall back in shock onto a chair. She was also her father's, Gorlois', daughter and she hadn't been kidding about what she said before - she didn't know if she should hug him or punch him - and standing made movement easier

Regulus' answer was ... unexpected. Yet it was met with great relief. "I see." Was her response, breathed out and cautious. As her mind put together what he had said with the light shined on the scenario. He hadn't tried to kill himself. Good. What he had done was rather insane (yes, just rather) but he hadn't tried to kill himself. Despite what many might think of Morgana, she was capable of forming perspective. She was a bit of at loss of what to say. Usually he had advice and she provided some sort of opinion or advice or possible suggestion or even something as simple as an 'I don't know, but perhaps ...' but at the moment Morgana wasn't exactly certain where to start.

So, instead of saying something as he might have expected, she waited. She was actually nearly as good at listening as she was with talking and nagging, when it mattered.

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arrogant_black
2011-01-31 06:28 am UTC (link)

Morgana just stood there. Regulus had to acknowledge her mental fortitude that she didn't utilized the chair like everyone else had when he confessed the truth. She had the all the presence and stamina of a bear during a confrontation. It was soothing to know she could also be gentle.

"I wasn't thinking clearly," and he didn't mean that in the loosest meaning, "I was out of it."

And he left it at that, hoping she wouldn't connect what he'd just described, his mental state that is, to what she'd witnessed that day when she had interrupted the devastating argument between him and his brother. She had seen how he could get then, checking out when he just couldn't fight any longer. He didn't want her to make that leap to what had caused him to check out this time because he was tired of discussing his brother. He didn't want to hear another excuse made for Sirius. That his brother really did care for him or some other such nonsense that only sounded like lies more and more each day.

And, to be honest, he wished everyone would just leave him to his own devices because there wasn't any option left for him. He couldn't go on like this, confrontation after confrontation with Sirius and no improvement between them, and with him still burdened by a past full of guilt and regret he couldn't escape or eradicate. Salazar! This breaking point had always been a destination on the horizon. He was pushed and pulled towards it against his will and when he tried calling for help, in his own, albeit confusing and imprecise, and no one listened or could decipher his meaning, and that's when he'd all but given up to accept the inevitable. And there would be another one, he couldn't see it now, but it would be there as this was more a grand cyclical course rather than a straight shot. He couldn't do this their way anymore!

He waited silently for Morgana to say something, because without further prompting he didn't have any more facts to dispense.

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future_seer
2011-01-31 07:23 am UTC (link)

Morgana's thoughts first went to perhaps feelings, emotions. That perhaps they had come to be too much, that something had actually gotten them to tip over, or ... or that he hadn't been numb enough. Angry, bitter, and so hollow. That he had reached the point beyond giving up and had just wanted gone. Not himself, necessarily, but a source of his pain. Morgana had managed to guess from the very little Reg provided just how much that Mark had put him through, that it symbolized more than a terrible allegiance to Voldemort.

Her next thought had been drugs but that came and went rather quickly. Because he hadn't, and he didn't, and he wouldn't - would he? No. Morgana dismissed that.

"You were at your rope's end." It wasn't excusing what he did because he shouldn't have and he certainly needed to stop retreating. It wasn't healthy but she ... understood it. In a way. Morgana was very good at pulling away when something had upset her and closing everyone out. She knew the want to remove the source that caused you pain. There had been moments when Morgana had wished honestly that Gwen, or somebody, would just hold her pillow over her face just not to have a nightmare. Morgana had spent many sleepless, dry-eyed nights fantasizing of the different ways to remove the images from her mind. So, yes, she understood. And yes, she still thought that what he had done was utterly and completely idiotic but she couldn't exactly blame him. Not exactly. "You must have been very upset. I can't imagine that whatever triggered such a reaction was something that you were ready to deal with." Because Morgana did know she had left him in better spirits on Friday but given how low Regulus had been when they'd met that wasn't saying much. Given her own experience and emotions, thoughts that had considered something similar to what Regulus had actually done, she would guess that it had been violently unpleasant. Morgana considered Sirius but the reaction to the thought was so very bitter she pushed it down. She remembered their last huge fight so very clearly and how it had left both brothers torn. Considering Regulus' reaction to that Morgana didn't want to think what Sirius might have said or done to garner this. Especially when she considered the fact that there was a chance that no one had been there to stop him.

She would focus on Sirius and what it could mean later, now Morgana concentrated on staying calm and on Regulus.

"Was it worth it?" She asked after a moment, softly. Possibly not what he was expecting, it had taken her a bit by surprise. However, all of that pain, all of this had to be for something.

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arrogant_black
2011-01-31 09:29 am UTC (link)

Regulus didn't confirm or deny Morgana's assumptions about what he'd been going through emotionally that moment before he started using that piece of glass on his arm. He didn't exactly know it himself, to be honest. Well, not fully. And he wasn't prepare now, as he had not been then, to go over it all in his mind. He'd not even thought too deeply about his confrontation with his brother. It had happened, for the present simple acknowledgment would have to do.

Regulus looked down at his folded arms. Underneath that sleeve was the Mark and now an odd array of scars disrupted by unharmed, newly healed flesh, from where he'd cut across the old and that healing blood, or whatever it was, had knit him back together. It didn't improve things, in Regulus' opinion.

"well," his tone defeatist, "I'm still here-"

Shite!

He looked up then, realizing what he'd said, to assess Morgana's reaction. He'd meant to say 'It's still there', as in the Mark was still there burned into his arm so deep it connected with his soul. But he hadn't, and he didn't know why because this hadn't been about killing himself at all. Then again, he knew, too, because not a day went by that he didn't think about it, but he knew how that sounded in light of the reason he trapped here in this facility.

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future_seer
2011-01-31 02:48 pm UTC (link)

Morgana waited for him to respond - hoping for something but uncertain of what sort of response that she was expecting.

If she strained her ears she could just make out the rustling of fabric and even lower than that the rumbling of what was going outside. Other than that, she didn't hear much else. Until Regulus decided to give her an answer and Morgana ... suddenly wishes that she had taken up his offer for the chair. "Oh -" Goddess, Gods, God, there were a number of things Morgana could say but she stopped herself, straining for comprehension when he wasn't providing her with very much. Or so she currently thought. "Regulus ..." Morgana breathed out, a sharp sigh and disbelief clear in her tone.

That response certainly didn't do much for her previous thoughts that she had just been beginning to push aside and were threatening to come rushing back. She wanted to believe that it had been an unconscious slips. Yes, even people who kept everything close to the chest had them. Nevertheless, Morgana couldn't tell because she couldn't see. Regulus had always been honest to her. Always, she knew because she'd seen the results of his words and actions and because she watched him closely. If he didn't have or didn't want to give an honest answer or to do something, he dropped the subject or ignored her. As simple as that. Not terribly mature but certainly never anything to have her doubt his honesty.

Morgana didn't want to start doing that now but ... a part of her reminded her that as well as she had gotten to know him the past few months, it had only been for months. Maybe they were things that Regulus would lie to her about.

She pushed that, for the moment, aside. He didn't need her to doubt everything he said because of a slip up (hopefully that was all it was) and her own uncertainty, especially when he hadn't given her much reason to do so before. Beyond her own nature of being suspicious at times.

Morgana took in another breath. And she waited. It was difficult - and she really should have taken him up on that chair - but she waited for him to correct himself.

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arrogant_black
2011-01-31 03:20 pm UTC (link)

Regulus had hoped that answer would have slipped past Morgana, he'd done more foolish things within the last twenty-four hours. Of course Morgana caught the mistake that wasn't a mistake, and yet it was. It was confusing, and enormously frustrating lacking the ability to fully express his motives in clear words, but how could he expect to do so when he didn't fully understand it himself.

"That's not what I meant," and that made it sound like it had been exactly that but he'd been trying to find a way to phrase so as not to give up the truth. "I mean, that's not why I did it, I was..." he searched for the right word to describe that intense belief fueling the need to remove that cankerous sore on his soul. "driven to get it out. I just..."

He just what? Thinks about taking it to a logical conclusion all the time? There was no good way out of this.

He lowered his voice, and eyes, even if Morgana couldn't see his defeated look, "I didn't want to return in the first place."

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future_seer
2011-01-31 03:50 pm UTC (link)

Morgana waited in silence for him to continue. She didn't move other than for slightly shaky breathing and she didn't say a single word. Listening to him was hard enough, she saw how difficult it was for him to get the words out she didn't want to disturb the somewhat natural even though stilted flow. When he stopped, Morgana hurt for him. At how upset and frustrated he sounded, lost and confused. More so than she'd ever heard him sound before. Given that she'd seen Regulus at a low before that was certainly saying something.

"I know that it isn't." Though her response had more relief than conviction. Morgana paused for a moment quickly trying to reassess the situation, and her fluctuating opinion of it, before firmly saying, "I believe it, believe you when you say that it wasn't why you did it."

His confession didn't come at all as a surprise to her. Morgana had managed to figure it out but that didn't mean that it didn't hurt less to hear. That it diminished her worry and concern and need to strangle whoever had put those tones in his voice. "I'd figured as much." She said softly, accepting and not accusing. It was why she had rushed to reassure him every moment she could since his arrival that she was glad that he was back. That she was happy to see him, to have him there and as her friend. "I had the sense that ... maybe - " Morgana hesitated. "I don't think any of us had a choice about coming back." It was easy to guess since she had yet to hear anything of anyone not, and she also realized that everyone had something taken as well. She would have said a bargain but that didn't make sense if they'd lacked the choice. "I know that, Regulus. I know if you had been given the choice you wouldn't have. I wouldn't have been surprised, if that had been the case, if you hadn't returned. I would have missed you every day that you were gone," She said the words clearly, so he could hear and understand that despite what he felt about perhaps people favoring Sirius or people not understanding, that it would have hurt her (and not only her) if he hadn't come back. "but I wouldn't have been surprised. That being said, I don't think ... I don't believe that you had it in you to be spiteful and attempt to end your life. I have my own theories as to what pushed you to do what you did, you needn't tell me if you don't want to. However, I believe you." The words were as much for herself, as for him. To work out her thoughts and come to a decision. That she did very much believe him. "That doesn't make it any better Regulus." She added gently. Alright, he hadn't tried to kill himself but that still didn't make what had happened any better. What if he had ended up dying? What if he had damaged his hand? Something else. What if - he had lost so much blood and - "I know that your intention wasn't to kill yourself but it doesn't make it better and it certainly doesn't have me any less -" Scared. Frustrated as how to help. "worried for you."

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arrogant_black
2011-02-01 04:11 am UTC (link)

Morgana said she believed him, but Regulus wondered how much that belief was fueled by relief at his clarification than of having an understanding all along. From the sound of her voice he would have said it was the former. The distinction didn't much matter to the conversation, and he didn't press it.

Severus hadn't come back, Regulus assumed, spurred on by jealousy, that his friend had been given a choice. If he were Severus he would have accepted the offer in a heartbeat, to have this life finally over. "I'm probably the only one who fought to stay."

Morgana was wrong about Regulus not really wanting to kill himself. He wouldn't do it out of spite, that was correct, but he'd killed himself before, rather successfully until who ever ran this place decided to change that. And he would do it again in a heartbeat if he knew for certain he wouldn't be deposited back in that Library again. It's what had stayed his hand when he'd first arrived here, and his most recent experience with death only solidified the belief. Someone more optimistic than Regulus might consider the wondrous possibilities of seeming invincibility. Regulus found it depressing.

"You don't have to worry, I-" might think about it all the time but it wouldn't work so I won't, "I won't be trying to kill myself."

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future_seer
2011-02-01 02:11 pm UTC (link)

"Worry, Regulus," Morgana started with a smile that wasn't really a smile at all. There was a sad twist to it. Morgana wouldn't call herself a 'fretter' but she could worry with the best of them. Combine that with the fact that she was an age, despite all her intelligence, where she often wanted to "do something about it" for the benefit of the person, as much of her own, tended to leave a lot of 'bitter twists of the lips' or frowning while she thought it out. It was a miracle that she didn't have wrinkle lines. "doesn't quite work like that. When you care for someone, about them, you want them to be happy. At least, I do. In my experience it applies to a lot of others, as well. You wish for them to be happy and when they're not. You worry about that. When they're hurt, the fact that they're suddenly better doesn't diminish the worry. Not immediately and it never, ever vanishes. It doesn't disappear. It's part and parcel with wishing for their well-being, being concerned, feeling joy when they do - I'm not attempting to make you feel guilty. I want you to understand, you're my friend Regulus, whether you were as cheery as Merlin or we were having a fight. I. Would. Worry. About. You." While she was speaking Morgana started just walking, keeping her face turned -hopefully- from his. A certain vulnerability that she wasn't comfortable with showing just yet. That she wasn't comfortable showing anyone outside of a very select, few, group of people.

"I am grateful that you're not going to attempt to kill yourself but that doesn't make it all better, Regulus. Not even close." Morgana paused, lifting her head up, her tone firm. "And I strongly doubt that anyone that truly cares for you is satisfied with such an answer. Even if they do not say any differently."

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arrogant_black
2011-02-01 04:33 pm UTC (link)

This did sound like a lecture and Regulus was just moody enough that it wheedled under his skin and caused irritation. And it was enough to blind him to the change on Morgana's face telling him this was some raw, real thing she was trying to show him. But Regulus had had enough of words, he needed action, he needed help, not that he could articulate any of that, and in the end this desperate need just gummed up his emotions so that they all stuck together and came out as a mess of something unrecognizable for what they actual were.

"Worry?" He said with a puff of breath. "Seems like a lot of wasted breath if you ask me. And selfish, too. I'm hurting you with what I do to myself, that's all it is right? 'Stop making me feel like this, Regulus, stop making me worry, it hurts.'

"Well, where's the reciprocation or something more substantive than words? I know I'm losing it, and I don't know what to do. But the thing is you've known, too, ever since that fight you broke up between me and Sirius. And what has happened in the mean time, what have you, has anyone done but say 'Don't make me worry' while they go off and pet hi-" Regulus caught himself before he fully named his brother, partially because he didn't want to bring him up in this aspect, and partially because he wasn't the only issue. There were loads more that Regulus carried with him, Sirius just happened to be the incendiary device for setting it all ablaze.

"This last week sure you all have stepped things up a bit, but it was just too little, too late, right? A press-cloth over an opened vein." He wasn't yelling, but his voice held a passion that had been lacking since his return. He would feel terrible about this in a moment, Morgana had her own very real issues to deal with at present, but he wasn't thinking about that. "So what am I supposed to do with your explanation of caring and friendship?"

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future_seer
2011-02-01 09:57 pm UTC (link)

"No! That isn't what I - " Morgana cut herself off. Her brow furrowing as she attempted to go back over what she had just said, anything so she could amend what had offended and upset Regulus. Morgana hadn't been certain that she had been saying the right thing, she didn't know how to move with Regulus, but she was trying. She was trying very hard not to say the wrong thing. His reaction, his words, were like a punch on the chest.

Not because he had misunderstood her - because he had - but because along with that, despite it, he still managed to be correct as he continued. Morgana had known in how much trouble Regulus had been in and she had done nothing. She could recall her half-arsed decision to help as if it were yesterday. The choice of whether self-interest would outweigh her conscious. The former had ended up winning by a long shot. Morgana had gone after Regulus that day in good conscious, knowing that he couldn't be left alone, and when she reached there - spoke with him - she realized that he needed someone to pull him up, to be there for him, be his rock. However, she had been in no state to be that person for him. For one she barely knew him, not that was something that ever stopped Morgana. What had stopped her was the fear of buckling under the combined weight of both their problems. While hers weren't as tangled up as Regulus, anywhere near it, or as intense but they weren't small. Morgana had spent a month feeling as if she were drowning, a sensation that was an awakening of emotions and feelings she'd tried so hard to leave back in Camelot. She had been struggling not to allow herself to be pulled in two very different directions, to keep everyone happy and not leaving her, and she had Mordred. A powerful, head-strong, nine year old boy being her sole responsibilities. Morgana hadn't wanted to be what Reg needed because she couldn't figure out what she had wanetd. It was bad enough that she had been relying on Arthur to hold onto her, Arthur who ... was Arthur and had so much of his own troubles, Regulus would have been emotional suicide. If not for all three of them, then certainly for Regulus. Because Morgana hadn't been fit, hadn't wanted to be fit (too damn tired to be), to be what he needed. And she had known enough - as floundering as she had been, still was, about his situation - to know that if she couldn't give him all or nothing that she would end up disappointing him and that was damage that he hadn't needed.

It was what she had ended up doing anyway, apparently, despite her best efforts. Morgana felt as if she should have seen that.

Morgana certainly hadn't meant, wasn't doing, all that he was implying but Regulus was right. She had known and other than reassure him that it would be better, tell him to trust that it would, and given him words of hope she had done nothing. She'd done to him all the things that Morgana had hated being done to her and it was all Morgana could do not to cry. Her eyes already stung slightly but she kept it all under a lid, nothing showing except for how her jaw clenched and a frown that quavered once before firming. Her furrow brow smoothed and she took what he said. She took the silence that followed. Sure she had listened to his problems. Fine, she wasn't as bad as Gaius, she was just as bad as Merlin. At least Merlin had, apparently, helped her before he had thrown her under the proverbial bus. She might have thrown Regulus anywhere but ... She could have done so much more to help. Refusing to become too involved had caused more damage rather then diminish it.

"I'm sorry." Morgana's voice was low, the texture nothing more than air puffed out, deep from with in. The only thing those two words did was not shake as she said them. Morgana hoped to put all the feeling into them. However, she didn't blame him if he didn't accept it. Because the words were flat but she didn't know what else to give to him, she couldn't make him forgive her. And explaining sounded so like an excuse. And Morgana had the feeling that if she started talking and she might actually start crying.

Morgana closed her eyes very briefly, hoping he didn't see, to steady herself before looking up again. Looking where? She didn't know.

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arrogant_black
2011-02-02 02:17 pm UTC (link)

Morgana's apology cut through Regulus' heated emotions and he checked himself. He wasn't ever someone to stay intensely angry for long periods of time, he could hold a slow burning grudge for a long time, but he never had the strength to maintain an ignited blaze. And what right did he have to expect Morgana, or anyone, to help him, they all had their own, more pressing problem.

"Morgana," he started and took a step towards her, her back was partially turned towards him but she should be able to hear the movement. "I'm sorry. I should not have said those things. I-" don't deserve anything more than this, really, "shouldn't expect any one of you to deal with any of this."

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future_seer
2011-02-02 03:14 pm UTC (link)

She hears him approach but she doesn't turn. Perhaps she should have sacrificed her pride to show him her vulnerability. he deserved that much. However, she couldn't. She didn't want him to think that she was trying to evoke his sympathy. When he had every right, in her mind, to be angry with her. It wasn't right for her to demand a set of standards of others, even if she might know them a bit better, and refuse them to others. In truth, how much had she truly known Merlin and she'd expected him to divulge so much to her. He should have, yes, but she hadn't known Merlin that much longer than Regulus that she should have had the right - then - to demand things of him but not be there for her friend the way he needed. For her all her own difficulties, there had been moments where Morgana knew that she could have tried harder. She just hadn't thought to and when she had she had just wanted peace. That wasn't a bad thing in and of itself, however, it certainly wasn't a good thing when it involved mentally brushing aside a friend indeed. Her father had raised her better.

"No." Morgana corrected him. "You're right. You have every right to expect your friends to be there for you." Morgana's tone was slight brusque, it was firm, showing how adamantly she believed it. She had expected it, she had received it, and she should have given it. It was odd being there for someone that wasn't in their tight group that had come from Camelot, at least it was for her. As big as Morgana's heart was, her mind put certain priorities. Regulus was one of those now. And Morgana would match actions to her words, she was determined to find some way to do so. "I can't speak for the others but given what I did know, I should have - could have - done more. I didn't. And for that I am sorry."

Morgana wasn't so wrapped up in her own failure to not notice his hesitance and a deeper meaning, when coupled with his words, that she might not know but was capable of guessing at, well enough.

She turned around. Hoping that she had turned enough and was looking at him, and willing to deal with the ridiculousness if she wasn't, and asked four words: "May I hug you?"

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arrogant_black
2011-02-02 06:18 pm UTC (link)

Morgana had turned correctly, and was now facing Regulus. He didn't know what to say to her insistence that his friends should be there for him, that it was a right of his. He honestly didn't believe her. Years of so much degradation and false kindness, both carried on in this place by his brother, only made him suspicious when such things were spoken. It was hard to wrap his mind around the possibility of a genuine expressions of kindness. He sighed and let it go as something to think about later.

He didn't answer her at first. Touch had led to this Clinic in the first place. What if it happened all over again? But then he remembered nothing had happened when Juno had visited the previous night, or all the times before... In fact the intense aversion was only when he didn't initiate the touch first.

"You may," he said at last and moved to her, knowing he couldn't very well expect her to come to him.

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