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Juno MacGuff [Juno] ([info]sacredvessel) wrote in [info]colligo_threads,
@ 2011-01-20 13:04:00

Previous Entry  Add to memories!  Tell a Friend!  Next Entry
Entry tags:juno weasley, regulus black

Who: Juno & Regulus
What:: Reunion
When:: Thursday morning
Where:: Juno's
Warnings:: TBD

To say that Juno had gotten a little emotional when she'd awoken to Regulus' message posted on the boards after the previous night's outing with Sirius, to their mutual distraction, might have been a tiny bit of an understatement--but she told herself she wasn't going to cry. Or at least that she would get the waterworks out of the way before Regulus got there. Kreacher would probably go into enough hysterics for everyone, once Regulus made his way back to his own flat.

She'd managed to stop her face from leaking, and was attempting to make herself presentable while she waited; patting her eyes with a cool washcloth, fixing her hair--which was sporting particolored, temporary streaks after her bout with cabin fever--and putting on lip gloss. She hadn't used the marshmallow flavored one since Reg...but she didn't finish that thought because she didn't want to get all red and blotchy. Yes. The marshmallow would be nice, even if she had promised to look but not touch. She could do this.



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[info]arrogant_black
2011-01-21 12:18 am UTC (link)
Regulus wanted to crawl under a rock and block out the world. Visiting his brother had been a mistake. He felt... well not worse because he was having difficulty feeling anything, but his assumption that no one really wanted him here was confirmed. They might all say it, Sirius' good will had lasted all of fifteen seconds, but they didn't mean it. Would Juno be the same? Could Regulus go through that also?

The only thing that propelled him to her door was the memory that she had found him that night Severus died, had tried to be there for him and her efforts had only been thwarted because his brother was being a sphincter douche. Juno had called his brother that, for his sake, well, and he was sure it was for hers as well, but all the same.

He paused at her door, not knocking right away. He could still back away, send a text about this happening some other time... He finally knock, short and sharp. Would he have to just walk in to find her as well? He leaned against the frame of the door while he waited and closed his eyes. Which may or may not have been a good idea because he suddenly felt an overwhelming desire to sleep. He knew if he tried to lay down sleep would not come, like drinking water to quench a thirst that stubbornly refused to be sated. But standing up against the frame he could probably do it.

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[info]sacredvessel
2011-01-21 12:38 am UTC (link)
Juno had exited the bathroom and was pacing around the apartment, kneading her back with her fists, and telling herself she had no reason to be so anxious when she heard the knock. It startled her, and she let out an equally short and sharp--if wordless--exclamation; surprised that he had actually knocked instead of just apparating himself in like he'd gotten in the habit of doing.

"Sorry!" she called, in case he heard and mistook her surprise for something else. Hurrying to answer the door, her first eyes lit up at the sight of him, then clouded with concern as she tilted her head to study his face. He looked...wiped. But that shouldn't have come as any surprise. He'd been mostly dead all week. "Reg? Hey. Come on in."

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[info]arrogant_black
2011-01-21 01:03 am UTC (link)
Regulus opened his eyes not when he heard the door, but when Juno spoke. The corners of his mouth twitched when he took in the sight of her now multicolored hair, and at how big she'd gotten. Not that he would ever comment on the latter, he had enough sense about him to know pregnant women had complexes about those things. But she looked healthy, that was good right? The half formed smile, if you could even call it that, was short lived and disappeared from his face almost an instant.

He nodded and stepped into her flat. Here things were in order. Comparative to the world outside that still bore the wounds those flying metal balls had inflicted on the city. Almost nothing seemed to have changed inside though.

"You still have Dorian?" It was amazing the bird had survived, the awe over the discovery almost touched his voice. He realized, as he walked over to the bird's cage, he was trying. It might not sound like it, or look like it, but he was trying to conjure up some kind of emotion in Juno's presence. He wasn't all that successful, but effort counted for something right?

"You dyed your hair to match Dorian?" He said, he almost reached out and touched a stray strand of Juno's hair. "You need purple now, too," he nodded back at the bird who was boldly ignoring the both of them, "the way the light catches on his tail feathers. See?"

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[info]sacredvessel
2011-01-21 01:47 am UTC (link)
Juno could see that Reg was hurting, and she wanted to just grab onto him, and hold the pieces together while he healed, but she didn't know how. She could hear the faint flickers of emotion in his voice, and felt her throat constrict. All she could do at first was nod, when he asked her about the bird, and her hair.

"And for you," she said finally, when she trusted herself not to cry. "I'm still looking for the right shade." She glanced down at the peacock's feathers, then back up at her friend. She wouldn't ask him if he was okay. It was a stupid question. He'd barely been 'okay' before dying, and she'd barely been okay afterward. "I'm glad you're back." She just hoped he could believe her.

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[info]arrogant_black
2011-01-21 02:49 am UTC (link)
"For me?" He questioned. He heard the tremor in her voice but didn't dare look at her. It was all a bit overwhelming to take in at once. He needed it in small doses it seemed, and he didn't know how he would react if he took it all in at once, unfavorable he predicted. "I'm not this colorful."

His fingers gripped and twisted in the spaces of the cage, the cool wire almost grounding him to the spot. He didn't know how to respond to Juno's statement. Was she really? Or would she be like his brother? When she realized there wasn't really much of anything of him left would she stare at him with accusations and contempt, unforgiving for everything he'd done in the past? Just another reminder that he had no right living when there were so many others who deserved it?

He nodded. Not mentioning his own thoughts or wishes on the matter.

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[info]sacredvessel
2011-01-21 03:12 am UTC (link)
"But...you gave him to me," she said, tying to explain that it was the giver she cared about more than the gift. Of course, she'd done her best to take care of the vainglorious cock because it was a living thing, and she needed the practice, but still. She might have seriously considered giving Death the bird if it would have gotten Regulus back.

"Reg..." She looked down at his hands, watching the way that he was practically white-knuckling the birdcage. Part of her wished it was her fingers with which his were so tightly entwined, instead of cold, gold colored metal. "I won't make you talk if you don't want to but...if you need me to just shut up and listen...you can tell me. You know that, right?"

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[info]arrogant_black
2011-01-21 03:36 am UTC (link)
"I did," Regulus said, simply. It was probably for the best Juno had not tried to barter the bird for Regulus' life. Regulus wasn't really keen on the idea of living and it would have been another thing for him to feel guilty about. Which would be a very selfish thought for him.

He noticed the way Juno was looking at his hand and unclenched his fingers and withdrew his hand to his side. He knew everyone wanted to touch him, and he understood why. It was just another sense used to verify he was still there. And as much as it was a reassurance to them of his solid presence it was a reminder to him of his lack of fulfilled desires. Not to mention how now it triggered unwanted memories more strongly than before, and he didn't know why. Maybe he should be happy people didn't need to verify the truth of the situation through taste...

"What if," he glanced away from the bird for the first time, "what if there isn't anything to tell you?"

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[info]sacredvessel
2011-01-21 03:46 am UTC (link)
It was a lot of work for Juno not to touch him--she was probably as tactile and kinesthetically oriented as Ariane in that way, to say nothing of the fact that she tended to forget about such things as personal space--but she managed to restrain herself. Gold star for effort?

She chewed her lip pensively, tasting marshmallows, and frowning a little at Regulus' evasion. She didn't believe him for a minute, but contrary to popular opinion, she could take a hint. There was probably nothing he felt comfortable telling anyone right now. Maybe not ever. "Then I guess I just have to accept that."

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[info]arrogant_black
2011-01-21 04:22 am UTC (link)
He turned to her then, to study her face after that response. He didn't trust the sincerity in her voice, though he knew that was unfair, as she'd never given him any reason to not trust her. It was a mix of things really, coming from his brother, being forced back here into this life against his wishes, not even a teasing wisp of a memory to hint at what had happen to him while he was gone, and then the complete lack of emotional range. As he had noticed while at Sirius' he did feel something, he was just stuck there, the same note being struck over and over, it was maddening really, and it was even more so that his frustration on the matter did nothing to change anything. This was all difficult to sort out.

"I don't know what happened." Juno might have spoken true, but her word choice told Regulus she thought there should be more. "Three weeks and I really don't know." Though he did know about Death, the full details of the conversation hazy, a few phrases here and there but not the full conversation. But if he focused on that blank space in his memory him 'not knowing' wasn't a lie.

"I'm sorry."

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[info]sacredvessel
2011-01-21 04:45 am UTC (link)
Juno sighed, sagging against the arm of the couch. A small part of her was frustrated that he was so...detached seemed like the best word to describe the vibe that she was getting from him. Another small part was relieved that he didn't have a horror story, or wasn't going to relive it for her. Her own imagination had been supplying her with nightmares enough, trying and failing to save him from death eaters and toclaphane alike.

"They got into the apartment buildings," she said, changing the subject instead to what had happened to her during the past weeks. "One of my neighbors tried to lure the toclaphane away while I escaped. I got trapped in an elevator with Dorian for a while. The funny part is, I hit the emergency stop button between floors because I was afraid of what might be waiting for me when the doors came open."

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[info]arrogant_black
2011-01-21 05:54 am UTC (link)
Regulus wondered how much of that sigh was in frustration about him. He didn't mean to be non-responsive, this was just how he was. Sometimes the questions seemed insurmountable, sometimes just the thought of the questions seemed so. But then silence seemed to tear at something too, as if, if he didn't say something, anything, the damage it would cause between them would be irreparable. And that just circled back to how the conversation was exhausting. And they hadn't even said more than a handful of words!

I'm frustrated, too, he wanted to say, but the words wouldn't come.

However, Juno's tone had not once dipped into acidic, or accusatory. Concern, worry, those were clear for anyone to hear, but she wasn't all over the place, and that was steadying.

"I heard, Sirius told me." He hoped bringing up his brother wouldn't direct the conversation down that path. He didn't want to discuss him, a change from the past habit of practically begging someone to bring up the topic of his brother so that he could point out all the ways he'd been wronged by him. Now, Regulus just wanted to forget he had a brother, had ever trusted or wanted his brother's affection.

With her taking the arm of the sofa, and him not wanting to slip behind her to sit down and knelt next to her, resting his head warily on the small sliver of arm remaining. His nose bumped her hand. It was a test, it was his choice, the physical contact, and just the smallest amount, maybe it wouldn't recall any bad memories if it was on his terms. He waited, but nothing jerked within him.

"I'm sorry I wasn't here."

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[info]sacredvessel
2011-01-21 06:22 am UTC (link)
She watched him, her eyes prickling with unshed tears that she kept trying to will away. She didn't want to make him any more uncomfortable than he already was, but she wanted him to know she understood, at least a little bit. At least the frustration and the uncertainty.

She didn't question how the meeting with his brother had gone. She'd learned better than to get between the two of them. If he needed to get something off his chest later, she'd listen, and be supportive, maybe even stroke his ego a little. But for now she just kept still and quiet. She didn't pull away from the touch, or try to pursue anything more than he initiated, either.

"It's all right," she said, "I'm okay. The bird is okay. Everything worked out."

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[info]arrogant_black
2011-01-21 08:03 am UTC (link)
"Are you sure?" he asked in a rather flat tone. He closed his eyes because he knew how he sounded and how it would come across. He wished he could have a sign that said 'Forget how I sound, if I'm asking then I'm interested'. The nuances needed for conversation were taxing, to say the least.

He inched closer to Juno's hand so that his forehead now rested against the side. "You were trapped in an elevator." He did find it easier to talk about Juno, and maybe if he pressed on something would return for him, instead of this stagnate feeling.

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[info]sacredvessel
2011-01-21 06:55 pm UTC (link)
"I'm fine," she said softly. She let her gaze drifting over Regulus' face, then glanced away, hardly daring to move. Something about the way that he kept inching tentatively closer and closer made her thing of sitting out in her back yard when she was little, trying to see how close she could get the wild, brown rabbits to come to her without scaring them away. It was hard work for someone as hyperactive as Juno.

"I mean, physically, I'm fine. I went in for another checkup as soon as it was safe to go out, and the baby's fine too. I was a little freaked out, when it happened, but that's not anybody's fault. And you're here now. That's all I care about."

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[info]arrogant_black
2011-01-22 03:19 am UTC (link)
Regulus had shifted so much but this point that the side of his face was now firmly resting on the back of Juno's hand. He smelled clean soap and marshmallow lip balm, very much familiar to Juno. It was almost comforting, but Regulus was sure any incomplete reassurances were a problem on the receiving end and not a fault of the giver.

You're here now. That's all I care about. The words echoed in his head, over and over. He wasn't quite ready to believe it yet, but he regarded the possibility more favorably than before, which was a step in the right direction.

"How long have they been gone?" The conversation might be stilted and tried, but at least he was talking and participating, which was more than Sirius was able to get out of him.

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[info]sacredvessel
2011-01-22 03:59 am UTC (link)
"Since Friday," Juno said, sighing softly as she glanced down at Regulus. Her heart had started fluttering when he had rested his cheek on her hand, and she rubbed her belly with the other hand to keep from running it through his hair. "Almost a week. People started trickling back the next morning, but..."

She blinked, sucking her bottom lip into her mouth and looking away as she tried to hold back the tears. Why did she have to be emotional enough for the both of them? "I missed you so much."

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[info]arrogant_black
2011-01-22 06:16 am UTC (link)
Regulus raised a hand, intent on bringing it in contact with the fingers of Juno's hand he was currently using as a head rest. But he stopped when he saw Juno move her other hand to rest on her belly. He was suddenly panicked at the idea of inviting too much all at once. He had made the first move, and had taken all subsequent steps but those had been on his terms. He wasn't ready for reciprocation. It took him almost a minute to collect himself.

He could hear the thickness of emotion in her voice and mentally he berated himself for how little it effected him. He wasn't ever really emotionally available, but now it must seem as if he'd taken ten steps back. No, he had taken ten steps and that was bad. It made him heartless almost, save for the fact he didn't want to hurt Juno's feelings. Uncertainty ruled his every action.

"Why would you do that?" he said after much hesitation.

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[info]sacredvessel
2011-01-22 02:20 pm UTC (link)
She knew he wasn't trying to hurt her feelings, but it stung anyway, feeling him start to reach for her and then withdraw. It also made her angry--not at Regulus, but at his mother, at Voldemort, and the death eaters, at the Slytherin house in general. At the competition between houses, which had perpetuated the elitism that had birthed tyrants like Walburga Black in the first place. Anything that made an easy--and, Juno told herself, more deserving--target.

She let her hand fall to her side and shoved it into her pocket, stuffing down her emotions along with it. She'd managed to take a deep breath and get a hold of herself by the time Reg spoke again.

"Because..." She turned to look at him, slowly, pleading with her eyes and hoping that the touch of her gaze wouldn't send him running. "You're smart, and mysterious, and--sometimes--funny, and..." She let out a short, nervous laugh, just to keep herself from crying. "I like you."

Did he make her crazy somethings? Sure. But she made herself crazy too, so why not?

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[info]arrogant_black
2011-01-22 02:50 pm UTC (link)
Each description translated in Regulus' mind as something negative, different. Smart, he was nosy; mysterious, he was arrogant and closed minded; sometimes funny, he was a joke. Compliments came his way so rarely he didn't know how to register them. Instinctively he was defensive, his mother's seeming kind words were really just insults delivered on the backhand. Same with anything coming from his brother. Sincere kindness was a lost art in the Black family. Naturally, Regulus was confused when Juno concluded she liked him.

But he did notice Juno pocketing her hand and aptly deduced it was to a move calculated to make him more at ease. And for that he was grateful. Confused, lost in a world of his own disheartening thoughts, but appreciative someone had taken his request for complete physical autonomy seriously.

"We can move if you're uncomfortable." He rocked back on his heels, and reached for her hand. A bolder move, grasping Juno's hand, but the more he felt respected the more he felt comfortable, even if this was still a far cry than the relative ease they had achieved before Regulus had died.

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[info]sacredvessel
2011-01-22 09:54 pm UTC (link)
If Juno had wanted to insult him, she would have come right out and called him a humorless dickweed, or something equally disgusting. She wasn't one to fake sincerity, or to pull her verbal punches when she was pissed off. She would never, ever make a very good diplomat. But she supposed she had to forgive him for being a little thickheaded--after all, the few months he'd known her had probably barely scratched the surface of a lifetime of conditioning.

She couldn't help smiling when he sat up and held her hand, nodding as she rolled her head on her shoulders. "I think that's something that will only get worse before it gets better," she mused, in reference to her state of physical comfort, "I'm probably going to be pretty uncomfortable for the next twelve weeks."

But she let him lead her around to sit on the couch, propping one of the throw pillows behind her lower back. "Anyway, we're friends, right?"

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[info]arrogant_black
2011-01-23 05:11 am UTC (link)
Regulus took the seat next to Juno, and he didn't release her hand. His choice to hold her hand, he was okay with this contact. They sat close, the sides of their arms touching. Regulus still didn't feel much more of anything, he was still stuck on the same emotional note, but he didn't have the overwhelming sensation that he needed to leave, and that was something.

"Yes," he answered. Interestingly, for Regulus, being friends and liking someone didn't always go hand in hand. Blame it on the Slytherin experience, but at this moment at least the disconnect was one of the things keeping him there. He might be confused over Juno's feelings for him, but interaction between people irregardless of honest feelings was second nature for him. And he didn't feel he needed to question Juno further on the truthfulness of it all. It could never be said he wasn't messed up.

"Could I just sit here quietly for a while?" he asked.

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[info]sacredvessel
2011-01-23 06:09 am UTC (link)
Juno glanced over at Regulus, and down at their joined hands, glad that some of the physical distance had been bridged, even if the emotions were a little bit slower to follow for one of them. It was nice just to have him near, to know that he was real, and solid. If he was comfortable just sitting there, holding her hand, then she was happy. She was content.

She nodded, leaning her head back against the couch cushions and closing her eyes. "Sure," she whispered, giving his hand the gentlest of squeezes, and then letting herself relax. "Stay as long as you like."

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