InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "A mass of quivering holes"

Elle Bishop (messedupasiam) wrote in colligo_threads,
@ 2009-05-05 16:43:00

Entry tags:

!closed, elle bishop, gabriel 'sylar' gray

WHO: Elle Bishop and "Nathan Petrelli".
WHAT: A crisis of faith...of sorts.
WHEN: Early morning.
WHERE: A church. Possibly somewhere else after.
RATING: TBD.
STATUS: In Progress.

Elle was hardly the sort of person who could really be considered religious, but somehow she found herself sitting in a small, empty church she'd found, staring up at the crucifix and the stained glass windows with their images of the Virgin Mary and so many disapproving saints. Something about dying and coming back had left her with a strange desire to be here. She couldn't really explain it, even to herself, but she wanted to find something to replace the confusion and emptiness she felt almost constantly. She wanted guidance, or a reason, or something to show her why she was here. Everything in her life was chaos right now, nobody here that knew her was exactly someone she could trust, and she needed something to hold on to.

"Look," she said, kneeling and looking up, "I've never done this before, and I don't know if it even works...for all I know, this is all a bunch of bullshit...it probably is. I've never gone to church and I don't know if I even believe in God. And I'm definitely not what you would call a good person." She smiled bitterly. "Far from it. I probably deserve what happened to me...lord knows I helped destroy Gabriel. But, if there is someone up there? I could use a little help. I don't know what this is or why I'm here...I don't know how I'm alive again. I'm so confused and it feels like I'm losing my grip on everything. So...if you could just give me something...some sign or some reason for why I'm here...something to make all of this make sense...that would be nice." She paused, looking around as if expecting someone to appear out of nowhere and berate her for doing this wrong, maybe one of the saints from the windows. "I'll be good. I won't...I won't hurt people...or antagonize Mr. Bennet or Mrs. Petrelli...and I won't call Claire Teen Spirit or Skipper. I'll help old ladies across the street if that's what it takes...just...please..." She trailed off and shook her head. "This is stupid."

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unsureidentity
2009-05-05 04:17 pm UTC (link)

"It does help, though," Nathan said softly as he approached from the back of the church. He hadn't exactly gone looking for it, but he had felt so caged in his room even with the storm still raging outside so he had just started to walk. He had turned his back on the religion that he had gained so quickly after his near death experience when he'd found out that his ability was man made and not a gift from God like he had thought. But right now, in a situation so desperate and confusing, Nathan had thought that maybe it wouldn't hurt. He hadn't exactly expected to find someone else there, but overhearing her prayer, it made sense to him why she was.

It was the same reason that he had retreated to the church to begin with.

"Even if you were talking to yourself in any other circumstances, most people would think you were nuts," Nathan said as he crossed over to kneel next to Elle, crossing himself and whispering a quick and almost breathless Consolation. These things were so much easier when you had them down by rote.

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messedupasiam
2009-05-05 04:28 pm UTC (link)

Elle jumped up and spun around as Nathan spoke, not unlike a kid caught with their hand in the cookie jar. She settled down when she realized who it was. "Maybe," she said shrugging, "or maybe it's just another way to avoid dealing with things. But I guess you would know better than me...being all born again and whatever." She winced and shook her head. She couldn't even keep up the resolution to be nicer for five minutes. "I just don't know what to think anymore. People die, and they don't come back. Unless it's Claire or Adam...or Noah...I'm really not making the best case for myself here. But the point is, Claire has that power...Adam had it. And Noah...well, that's all down to perfect Miss Claire too. I'm not like that. There's nobody who ever would have missed me enough to bring me back. There's nobody...at all." She was alone. It hit her for the first time. She was well and truly alone.

She wrapped her arms around herself, suddenly wishing she'd thought to bring an umbrella. She was soaked from the rain, and when she sneezed small charges of electricity crackled on her skin and she winced. She really hated rain. "So, we both know why I'm here," she said. Here meaning the church, not this strange place. "What brings Senator Golden Boy here?"

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unsureidentity
2009-05-05 05:01 pm UTC (link)

Nathan chuckled as he stood, lingering in front of the candles for a moment as he reached out and lit one for his family. Hopefully Peter was all right on his own back home. "Senator Golden Boy? I guess that's better than Senator Sky Boy," He said with a slight smile as he blew out the match and put it back on the stand for someone else to use before moving over and sitting down next to her.

"Basically, I'm here because I needed to clear my head," He said, peering up at the stain glass that surrounded them. This had to be the most elaborate building that he had come across yet. Of course, he hadn't exactly gone into most of them. But they didn't look like much on the outside. But if at least one of the others was like this on the inside, he supposed he couldn't really complain about there not being much style here.

"I know what it's like, you know," Nathan said after a brief silence. "I should have died after I was shot. I did die. I don't know what brought me back."

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messedupasiam
2009-05-05 05:39 pm UTC (link)

"What is that for?" Elle asked, unable to hide her curiosity as she watched him light a candle. "Why do you do that?" She smiled and shook her head. "As for Senator Sky Boy? I don't know...at least it has a little more imagination behind it...you do fly, after all." Sort of like Clairebear's boyfriend. South or whatever his name was...it was stupid anywhere. She wondered briefly if Claire had a daddy complex, before focusing on the conversation at hand.

"I guess we all need to clear our heads," she said. "Being here is messing with everyone, and so far, nobody has any answers." She wondered how much longer the rain would last. She wasn't exactly relishing going back out into that downpour. And really, she could have had worse company than Nathan. He wasn't actually all that bad.

"You know...from anyone else, I'd say that was a bunch of trite bullshit, but from you? Well, it's still trite...but it's nice. I mean...you do understand. Most people can't. Sure, Claire dies pretty much on days ending in Y, but she knows why she comes back. We're different..."

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unsureidentity
2009-05-05 06:00 pm UTC (link)

"To extend the prayer to heaven and to those on whose behalf it was made," Nathan said with a slight smile. "The light is supposed to carry it through the darkness," He said, shrugging slightly. "It's most ritual. We used to go to church all of the time. But after Pete and I were both confirmed, and when we started getting so many other things that needed to be taken care of, it just started to slack off. But there are some things that you never really forget," He said before letting his eyes linger upwards, zoning out as they locked on the crucifix over the pulpit.

"We've all got more in common than we're willing to admit, I think," Nathan said, his voice slightly distant. "It's just so much easier to see those that we have trouble relating to as being somehow different, outside of us."

We're all monsters in some way.

Nathan shook out his head, throwing off those thoughts that he wasn't quite sure where they were coming from before smiling over at her. "We've all got a second chance here. Or, well, a third...no...fourth? Well, I'm pretty far past second chance, myself."

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messedupasiam
2009-05-13 06:00 pm UTC (link)

"That sounds...nice," Elle said, moving over and lighting a candle herself. But it wasn't for her father, as much as she wanted to convince herself of that. She did miss him, in spite of everything he had done, but it was for someone else. All the talk of Sylar being dead had caused a weight inside her, and even with the way things had ended between them, she still cared about him. "It's like muscle memory," she said, trying to understand the way religion was for people like muscle memory. "Your body remembers...or your soul in this case, I guess."

She looked down. "But what if you're not sure you have one?" she asked. "I just...all the things I've done, all the people I've hurt...not even for any reason. I've tried to be good and I always fail so horribly. I don't know if I even can."

She smiled sadly. "I think I've run out of chances, Nathan."

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unsureidentity
2009-05-13 06:41 pm UTC (link)

"Elle," Nathan said as he looked down at her with a ever so slightly smile. He might not know her. He might not have any understanding of what she had done, but he knew all too well what it was like to feel as though you didn't deserve another chance. "I almost got all of us killed," Nathan said. "I think if I deserve another chance, you do," He said, reaching out and settling a hand on her shoulder.

There was a sudden surge of feelings, emotions, a jumble of memories swimming in his head that he had to forced down, swallow back hard to and shove to the back of his mind like he had been doing for those things that seemed to come out of seemingly nowhere. He would think on it later. Right now, he had no room for the oddities that seemed to be happening to him.

"As long as you want to be good, there's nothing that is going to stop you but yourself," Nathan said gently. "And if you ask me, you don't seem so bad."

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