InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "I’ll see you in your dreams."

Stephen Hart (ikickdinosaurs) wrote in colligo_threads,
@ 2010-04-23 19:54:00

Entry tags:

!closed, #complete, nick cutter, stephen hart

WHO: Cutter and Stephen
WHAT: Boozing it up. Sort of. Not really.
WHEN: April 21st, after this, afternoon/evening.
WHERE: Stephen's flat, then Cutter's flat.
RATING: PG-13
STATUS: Complete

Stephen hadn't spent all that much on food when he'd went shopping the first time. Truth was, he had very little appetite these days for anything that wasn't coffee, especially not for anything involving meat of any kind, so he'd just bought himself some fruit, some bread and enough coffee that he didn't need to drink any more of Cutter's. He'd found a cheap clothes shop as well, and picked up a few essentials as well as his new favourite thing. It was a huge baggy hooded jumper, far too big even for him, with sleeves that covered his hands and the many scars on his arms. He wore it almost constantly.

Even though he'd tried his best to buy cheap things, he'd still ended up spending about sixty dollars, which meant that he thought he only had forty or so to spend on alcohol when he told Cutter he needed to get very drunk. If he'd been back home and working in pounds, he knew forty quid would have been more than enough for a bottle of whisky and about twenty-four cans of beer, but this place was American and therefore he had no idea how much he'd get for his dollars. Still, he needed to find out at some point, didn't he? He made his arrangements to meet with The Other Claire, as he'd come to think of the girl, told Cutter and Claire his plans and then left the flats for the second time since he'd arrived. He really was going to need to explore, he realised, but only once he was sure he'd be able to find his way back to the flats.

Eventually, he made his way back home, alcohol all duly purchased along with the few things Claire was looking for. His bank account had far more money in it than he was expecting, but given that this place was weird to begin with, he just put it down to One Of Those Things, and got a good bottle of whisky for Cutter and what looked to be some fairly decent beer for himself. He went back home and put some of the beers in the fridge for Claire. He put her stuff away as well and took her one of the beers while he told her where he was going. Ducking back into the kitchen after that, he grabbed the bags of alcohol and went back down the corridor to Cutter's place. Knocking on the door, he stepped back and wrapped an arm round himself as he waited.

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ikickdinosaurs
2010-05-07 02:20 pm UTC (link)

"Fucking right, you shouldn't have," he snapped before moving one of his hands from the wall to grab Cutter's shoulder, his fingers possibly digging in a touch too much. Still, the older man wasn't going anywhere soon, which was the main thing. Glaring at Cutter for a second, he ignored the obvious signs of panic and began talking quietly.

"Ever since I arrived here, I've been... struggling. I can't stay inside because I'm trapped and if I go outside, anything could sneak up on me, and... I just, I'm sick and tired of everything being so... overwhelming. I can't work things out, I can't get things sorted in my head, I shouldn't be here because I bloody well died," he said, somehow managing to keep his voice calm and quiet despite all the feelings roiling round inside of him. He even managed to relax his hold on Cutter's shoulder and moved his hand up to rest against the other man's neck, mimicking their position from earlier.

"Nothing makes sense any more! Nothing, except for what just happened, which made perfect sense, and now you're trying to apologise for it? Only, I don't want fucking apologies, Cutter. I want what happened, I need things to make sense again. I need you." And, since turnabout was fair play, he moved his hand round to the back of Cutter's neck and pulled him forward as he tilted his head down to kiss him once more.

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specialised
2010-05-08 02:06 am UTC (link)

He didn't know what to think any more. He didn't know if Stephen was punishing him for kissing him or for stopping, and his grip was painful and Nick really couldn't breathe. He needed to get out of there. But he shoved the panic down because he couldn't afford to lose control like that with Stephen. He had to look out for him and panicking wouldn't do any good. So he forced himself to breathe and boxed up his reactions, the way he always did, even though Stephen was too close and too much and he couldn't bear it.

This was a bad idea. It was a terrible idea and they shouldn't do this. He wasn't in anything close to the right state of mind for this, and neither was Stephen, and he knew it. He couldn't be what Stephen wanted him to be, and he knew that trying would end in disaster. But Stephen needed him, needed this, and he could never say no to him. "I'm sorry," he said, "I'm sorry, Stephen." Part of him wanted to shout that he had died too, damn it, and just because it wasn't bloody and horrible like Stephen's had been didn't mean it didn't affect him. He wanted to, but he didn't. Because he couldn't bring himself to say anything that would hurt Stephen.

"I'm sorry," he said again. "I'm here Stephen...I'm here for you. I need you." And it wasn't a lie, not really, because he needed Stephen and he wanted him. Just not like this. He let himself be dragged into the kiss, giving in easily to the sensation of Stephen's lips against his. Maybe this was the worst choice they could make, and maybe they would both regret it, but in the meantime they could have this and maybe it would be enough.

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ikickdinosaurs
2010-05-08 05:32 pm UTC (link)

Normally, he'd have picked up on something being wrong. Normally, he'd have paid attention to Cutter's panic, the slightly irregular breathing or how he was speaking, perhaps, and done something to stop it or distract him, anything to calm him down. Then again, normally, this sort of situation didn't happen, no matter how much Stephen had thought about something like it over the last eight years.

But this wasn't normal and his head was full of scattered thoughts and half-formed ideas, like his mind had been shredded just as much as his body had been, so nothing much registered other than the fact that they were kissing and it felt good. The hand at Cutter's neck had moved back up into his hair whilst Stephen's other hand was now pressed against his lower back, his thumb drawing lazy circles against Cutter's top as the kiss went on and he began to relax again.

Finally, he pulled back to catch his breath. Resting his forehead against Cutter's, he closed his eyes and brought his hand round from combing through the other man's hair to gently cup his cheek. "You should have asked, Nick. You only ever had to ask," he said softly, then kissed him gently once more before going to get his beer.

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