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Tweak says, "pizzzzzza"

:: wax on, wax off :: (skeeballfanatic) wrote in colligo_threads,
@ 2010-04-23 02:05:00

Entry tags:

castiel, god

WHO: God and Castiel
WHAT: Castiel wants to speak to his Father. God, of course, has no objections.
WHEN: Around sunset
WHERE: At the lake to start with.
RATING: TBD
STATUS: In Progress

A light breeze wafted across the calm waters of the lake. In the distance, birds chirped merrily and the sounds of small animals scurrying about could be heard if one listened closely enough. The skies were painted various shades of red, pink, and orange, with the clouds offering a slight backdrop that gave the whole setting an ethereal effect. God watched as the sun continued its slow descent below the horizon with a soft smile on her face.

Sitting in the grass with her legs straight out in front of her and her dress pooled around her, she was certainly a sight to behold. A small, slip of a woman in a shining skirt and flip-flops that revealed painted toes. Her hands were resting in her lap as she simply observed the sunset. She was well aware of everything going on around her, of course. Aware of the young couple just across the lake who were trying to decide how to tell one another how they truly felt. Aware of the squirrel that, for the last ten minutes, had been sitting at her side gnawing on an acorn that she'd given to it. She was aware of everything and yet, for this brief moment in time, she was doing absolutely nothing.

And she loved it.

Oh, she knew she couldn't keep doing nothing. Her children needed her. Yes, she might consider this a vacation of sorts but she knew that really wasn't the case. Her work was not something capable of being put on hold nor was it something that could be ignored for very long. Yet almost every day since her decision to come to Colligo, God had come to the lake and watched the sunset. It was one of the few moments that was simply for her. A chance for her to reflect on nothing, think about nothing, do nothing. Then, the sun would go down and she would get back to watching over and offering guidance to those who needed it.

This time, however, she knew would be different. Castiel wished to see her, wished to discuss some things with her, and she knew this was where he was going to find her. Still sitting in the grass with her dark hair blowing softly in the breeze, a squirrel still gnawing merrily on an acorn by her side, and a serene smile upon her face.

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heavenslancer
2010-04-23 10:43 am UTC (link)

Castiel had rarely been so conflicted. He had rarely felt he had so much to lose and so little idea of what path to choose. He didn't know what would happen when... He never expected this, he had no plan for it. He didn't prepare himself for the possibility of this kind of loss. This kind of anything.

He knew his Father was waiting at the park. He knew that was because his Father wanted him to know. When he saw his Father he almost turned back. The Lord looked to tranquil, so at peace, Castiel did not wish to place his difficult questions at his Father's feet. Such peace must have been rare to Him. It was only the fact that his Father was expecting him that kept him going forwards. He approached slowly, contritely. He knelt on the grass by his Father's feet, his head bowed. "Thank you for this beautiful day," he said for his greeting.

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skeeballfanatic
2010-04-23 10:53 am UTC (link)

God's gaze remained focused on the slowly darkening skies as Castiel approached. She knew he was conflicted. Uncertain. She knew he needed guidance and she would, of course, offer it. However she also knew that some of the things which Castiel was struggling with were simply things he was going to have to learn in his own time and way. To provide him with all of the answers would be to rob him of the experience, and the entire point of all of this was, of course, the experience itself.

It's a shame that people don't take more time to notice the sun rise or set. I've always thought they were two of my more aesthetically pleasing creations. Her voice was soft, washing over the angel at her feet much like a gentle caress. Her gaze flickered to him, her smile turning loving. He really did try so hard. It was a shame she couldn't just make it easy for him. But, again, she wasn't going to take the experience away from him no matter how tempting it was to protect him from all of the difficulties that came with being amongst the mortals of her world.

Come, Castiel, she instead murmured as she lightly patted the grass beside her. Sit with me. Let us talk.

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	heavenslancer 2010-04-23 11:02 am UTC (link)
	Castiel would not refuse that invitation though he would never have been so bold on his own. He moved closer to his Father, sat exactly where His hand had been. "Father," he said, still looking down, "I have questions. I know you are aware but I need to ask them. They about Joanna." He paused for a moment, awaiting the invitation to continue. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

skeeballfanatic
2010-04-23 11:08 am UTC (link)

God, of course, knew of Castiel's questions. Had he not been so troubled by them, not needed to ask them in order to find some semblance of peace in a situation he wasn't quite prepared to deal with, she would not have allowed him to find her in the park. However it was clear he needed her guidance and she, much like Castiel, saw no reason to drag it out.

Of course, she simply replied. She turned away from the lake to face the angel at her side. By all means, Castiel, ask what it is you wish to know.

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	heavenslancer 2010-04-23 11:12 am UTC (link)
	Castiel nodded and pressed on, his words slow and careful. "Father, I have made a realisation. I... have feelings for Joanna. These feelings are strong. I- do not want them to end but Joanna, she is mortal. She will die when I will not." He looked up at his Father. "I imagine this will hurt." (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

skeeballfanatic
2010-04-23 01:53 pm UTC (link)

She knew what Castiel wanted. Being spared from the pain of losing someone he loved was quite a familiar request. Granted it was typically asked by mortals during their times of grief and mourning, however Castiel was also doing as she had asked before and attempting to experience more of what humanity had to offer. Therefore it stood to reason that he would find himself with the same fears and concerns as mortals did. The only difference - or two differences, really - was that he was well aware of just how fragile and short human existence tended to be due to his own immortality, and he had a direct line to speak with her about such things that made his request all the more personable in some ways.

Unfortunately, there was very little she could do for him. She was all-knowing and all-powerful, but to tamper with the natural spectrum of emotions would be to involve herself in a way that would directly undermine the entire point of having those emotions. She knew, however, that telling him such a thing was not going to be easy. She never liked disappointing any of her creations, especially those who remained devout to her despite everything.

So while her reply was soft and loving, it also held a touch of sorrow behind it. It always hurts to lose those that one cares deeply for, Castiel. It is the natural way of things. To love means to eventually lose that which you love. This is how it is meant to be, when dealing with mortality. Reaching out, she placed a gentle hand over top one of his own and squeezed it tenderly.

To be spared such feelings would be to lessen that which you feel for Joanna, Little One.

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heavenslancer
2010-04-23 02:01 pm UTC (link)

The gentle hope in Castiel's eyes turned to a crushing defeat with barely a shift in the muscles around his eyes. His mouth made tiny jerking movements as he struggled to speak. What could he say? He could not disagree with his Father. He had to accept His judgement.

"Yes Father," he whispered, his hand still under his Father's, his eyes studied the shape of a blade of grass.

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skeeballfanatic
2010-04-23 02:20 pm UTC (link)

While his external reaction was a difficult one to witness, what he was feeling was what God noticed the most. It was positively heart-wrenching, knowing that she was causing him such upset. It was times such as this that God's job really wasn't all that pleasant at all. It was times such as this that she truly wondered if she was doing the right thing by allowing humanity to carry on and not simply ending it so she, along with everyone else throughout Creation, could at long last rest.

I am sorry, Castiel. Her voice was little more than a murmur and tinged with sorrow and regret. However I cannot change that which is meant to be. Sorrow and loss go hand in hand with happiness and love. If you do not have the risk of loss and the pain that comes with it, you cannot truly appreciate that which you have.

She knew he wouldn't argue. His very essence prevented him from such a thing. However, she wasn't opposed to him voicing his own opinion on the matter. After a brief pause, her next words indicated as much.

What is it you would have me do, if given a choice on the matter?

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	heavenslancer 2010-04-23 02:28 pm UTC (link)
	His eyes, back on his Father, were incredulous now. "Are you saying I have to lose her to have her?" He shook his head. "Father I do not understand." (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

skeeballfanatic
2010-04-23 02:38 pm UTC (link)

Yes and no, came God's initial response. She paused, considering her own words carefully, as she attempted to explain in a way that Castiel might better be equipped to comprehend.

Castiel, love is a complicated emotion when experienced in a romantic capacity. It can be a fickle thing and something which most tend to take for granted. The only ones who truly do not do such a thing are those who either understand just what they have to lose or those who have already experienced such a loss. She paused, turning her gaze to the young couple across the lake that she had been eying before his arrival.

Do you see that couple over there? She knew he did, of course, and continued without waiting for a response. They have both recently found themselves in love with one another. However, he lost his first love to a disease which was untreatable not too long ago and she has experienced a great deal of betrayal throughout her life from those she has trusted and cared for.

God's gaze cut back to the angel before her. Their own experiences have taught them not to take such feelings for granted. To embrace that gift which I have given them. Because of what they have been through, because of the pain and sorrow, they will both cherish their love for one another in a way they would not have otherwise.

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heavenslancer
2010-04-23 02:47 pm UTC (link)

"I already love her," Castiel said. "I have lost much, Father. You know how much but you have made your decision. I will not question it. I do not need to understand. You know what is best." Castiel had started to close off. It was not intentional nor driven by spite. He withdrew for his own protection. He stiffened his shoulders. The good soldier.

"Thank you for answering me Father."

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skeeballfanatic
2010-04-23 03:13 pm UTC (link)

Yes, God knew that Castiel had lost much, but she also knew that the loss he would feel should the woman he loved die was something which would far surpass most of what he had already experienced. However, she also knew that he would not argue and, clearly, was not willing to discuss what he would prefer to have happen instead. She couldn't fault him for that. It was how she had created him and, while he was admittedly getting better at being self efficient and voicing his own concerns and opinions, she couldn't expect too much from him.

That didn't make any of this any easier, though. Watching him withdraw, knowing that he wasn't even truly aware of that which he was doing, was a difficult thing to witness indeed. The gentle breeze that had been blowing picked up a bit before settling down once more. A sigh from the Almighty.

You are welcome, Castiel, came her soft, slightly sorrowful response. I do hope that you do not allow an inevitability such as this keep you from that which you desire. It was difficult for her to say if he would or wouldn't. She knew what would happen, depending upon which route he chose to take, and she would much rather see him take a chance than remain stifled and closed off from those who could help him understand humanity far better than she could ever hope to do.

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heavenslancer
2010-04-23 06:44 pm UTC (link)

Castiel looked at his Father, his face amazingly frank. "I do not believe this is for me," he said calmly. "I am not human. I was not created to experience this. It is unnecessary." There he was, hiding again. Because it was easier. Because he could not see the value of going ahead as more than that of not.

"I can kerb my desires. They are not required for performing my duties."
He didn't sound convinced at his own words. He lowered his head. "But... I do not wish to."

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skeeballfanatic
2010-04-24 01:29 am UTC (link)

God listened. Silent. Attentive. Her gaze remained on Castiel as she patiently waited for him to reach his own conclusion. When it seemed that he had, she let out a puff of air through pursed lips. Her question was a simple one. Directly to the point, the words tinged with a touch of sorrow.

Have you truly lost such faith that you no longer believe in that which I tell you?

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heavenslancer
2010-04-24 06:04 am UTC (link)

Castiel eyes were huge as they focused on his Father, his jaw slack in horror." No Father! I-" He tried to speak. He was trapped. If he didn't try this relationship he would let his Father down. If he did he would have to face the pain he had already been promised.

He let out his breath, his head lowered again. "I will do as you wish. I will accept the consequences. You are wisdom. You know what is right. I can only do what you expect and command."

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skeeballfanatic
2010-04-24 12:09 pm UTC (link)

God sighed. This really was getting rather ridiculous. Castiel. Her tone was patient yet there was an undercurrent of mild frustration. You asked for permission to pursue this. I am not ordering you to do such a thing. However, I would not have given My Blessing were it not something you were capable of experiencing.

Her gaze turned a bit more tender, a bit more understanding. Humans are not the only ones meant to understand love, Castiel. It does not make you any less of an angel to have feelings for Joanna. Whether or not you truly wish to act upon those feelings, however, is something you must decide.

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heavenslancer
2010-04-25 09:26 am UTC (link)

Castiel looked at his Father in surprise. "We are... permitted this? We are meant to understand? It is... what you wish for me?" It was not like that wasn't implied in Him blessing but Castiel had to make sure he wasn't doing a single thing his Father didn't want him too. He had to be sure he understood the parameters.

"It is something for angels too?" Castiel had always seen romantic attachment as a distraction or something to aid humans in procreation. He never expected it would be something he would ever have to consider. Now that it was it frightened him but not nearly as much as the thought of his Father being disappointed in him.

"I apologise, Father. I did not mean to make you repeat yourself. I it only... I know you understand this is difficult. I know what you wish for me. I thank you for you patient assistance. I want to be with Joanna. I... I love her Father but I would never follow my desire over yours. I am, pleased, our desired coincide." He gave a gentle smile. "Father, she brings me a joy I did not know I could experience. I wish to share every experience with her, even things that are of Heaven. Father, is there anything I should not share with her?"

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