InsaneJournal

You already have everything you need. Now fight. (heavenslancer) wrote in colligo_threads,
@ 2009-12-08 16:04:00

Entry tags:

castiel, god

Who: Castiel and God
Where: Forest outside of town
When: Early Afternoon
What: Comfort and healing
Rating: PG
Status: Incomplete

Castiel had no thought of place, he did not know where he would go. He was just there. The air was cut by his harsh breathing as he knelt on the damn grass, his fingers knotted in it.

He felt nothing. Jimmy's body buzzed around him as if he were cut off from it yet still trapped in side. Had he eaten he may have expelled what he ate but his belly had been empty a long time.

He shook and trembled on the ground, clinging to it as if afraid he was going to fall away.

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skeeballfanatic
2009-12-08 05:26 am UTC (link)

After assuring Dean that she would see to Castiel, God had easily followed to the place where her angel had fled. Her arrival was silent as she appeared behind him, heartache washing over her as she stared down at him.

Her own sorrow for having lost Zachariah was placed aside as she took a few steps closer. It was clear that Castiel needed her now, which meant her own pain would wait. She would mourn, in her own way, later. For now, she still had more work to do.

Oh, Castiel, her voice all but sighed as it flickered across his mind. She said no more, nor did she move any closer. She simply stood a foot or so away, her hair swaying slightly in the breeze that blew across the clearing he'd chosen, with her eyes shining with a deep sadness that was simply beyond the comprehension of most any others.

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	heavenslancer 2009-12-08 05:38 am UTC (link)
	Castiel looked up at his Father, his eyes huge. He flinched, aching to back away but he did not dare. He didn't speak, he just snorted short, sharp little breaths through his nose and clung tighter to the ground. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

skeeballfanatic
2009-12-08 05:59 am UTC (link)

God's face was a mask of sorrow as she simply met his gaze for a long moment. If he wanted to flee, she wouldn't stop him. Nor would she follow. It would hurt, knowing that he was truly upset enough to move away from her rather than closer, but she would also understand.

He didn't flee, however. He flinched, which hurt almost more to bear, but he stayed where he was.

As did God.

Well, almost. Rather than continue to stand there, looking down at him from his position on the ground, she instead calmly sat down as well. Her legs were tucked beneath her, her skirt covering her thighs and part of the ground around her. And once she was seated, now eye level with her angel, she spoke once more.

You would feel better, if you spoke of what you're feeling.

It wasn't an order nor was it a question. It was simply a statement of fact.

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heavenslancer
2009-12-08 06:07 am UTC (link)

Castiel watched his Father as he descended, his manner not changing. He didn't flinch until his Father's voice brushed his mind but He was only speaking. Castiel froze. He listened. His Father had suggested he speak but Castiel was not sure he could form a single coherent though. He didn't know what he needed to say. He tried.

All he could send was a high-pitched screaming, a single note that didn't waver. He shook his head and tried again. He shook his head, this time in defeat.

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skeeballfanatic
2009-12-08 06:31 am UTC (link)

The scream caused the birds that had settled in the trees around them to take flight. Their loud squawks of fright were drowned out by the near-shriek, their fluttering of wings the only sound they made by the time Castiel had stopped.

God, meanwhile, felt true and utter heartbreak wash over her in a veritable wave at the pain that came with that sound. It was her who had caused it, after all. Her actions, her decision to punish Zachariah. And while she knew she hadn't made a mistake, she did truly wish it could have happened differently.

Castiel, she finally spoke again after a long moment of pause, Zachariah's transgressions were severe ones. They had to be dealt with accordingly. Had I simply removed his Grace he would have regained it. Had I sent him to Hell, he would have returned. My choice, while extreme, was the only option available to me. Any other would have meant more pain and suffering at his hands. I could not allow that to come to pass.

Her tone took on a slightly different tone then. From filled with quiet sorrow to gentle yet certain. You, however, have nothing to fear, little one.

She stopped there to give him a moment to think upon what she'd said.

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heavenslancer
2009-12-08 11:34 am UTC (link)

Castiel didn't move for a very long time, his eyes on the grass. He raised them once again after a time, looking at his Father.

He opened his mouth and, this time, words came out. "I understand Father. I know you did what you had to. I know. It's just... Father." He couldn't finish. He dropped his eyes, shaking a little. He swallowed hard, trying again, determined to let his Father know he didn't judge Him, that his trust hadn't wavered yet he was relieved to hear from his Father Himself that he was relieved.

"Father," it was bold but Castiel needed to. He lay reached out a hand and lay in on his Father's, not looking at the hand. "I know it was harder for you than for me. He was you son. You loved him. I loved him too but you most of all as you love all of us. Father, I am sorry. I was only one more thing to concern you. Please forgive me."

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skeeballfanatic
2009-12-08 12:21 pm UTC (link)

The relief God felt was almost palatable when Castiel finally spoke. Not necessarily for what he was saying but more due to the fact that he could once again form coherent thoughts enough to speak them in the first place. It could have gone badly, very badly, if her words hadn't been the right ones.

Her gaze remained on his as he placed his hand upon hers, rather touched by the gesture. It took quite a bit of nerve, especially from an angel as young as Castiel, to touch her without permission first. Not that it was bad to do so, but most simply assumed it might be and therefore didn't risk it. She was quite pleased that he had, however.

Then Castiel asked for forgiveness and God couldn't help but sigh softly. Her smile was a soft one, her touch gentle as she reached out with her other hand and slid her fingers down the length of his cheek.

You've nothing to be forgiven for, Castiel, she murmured the words tenderly. At any moment there are hundreds upon thousands of concerns that plague me. An honest reaction to a very difficult situation is hardly what I would consider a transgression.

Her smile turned a bit bittersweet at the edges, fingers falling away from his face as she added, My own sense of loss is not nearly as paramount as this.

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heavenslancer
2009-12-08 12:44 pm UTC (link)

Castiel's leaned his face into his Father's touch. His screaming and damaged Grace was settled and soothed by the gentle touch. He look in his Father's words of assurance. Of love.

He removed his hand from His Father's but kept his eyes locked on His. "Is there anything I can do? To make it easier? I will do it." His voice was gentle, his body still shaking as he slowly recovered himself. He wanted his Father to stay a while but he understood he had much to do and would never resent His leaving.

There was something missing but he didn't know what. Everything felt to raw like the air was scraping at Jimmy's nerves. He didn't know what needed to be done but he was with his Father and while he was with his Father it would be alright.

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skeeballfanatic
2009-12-09 12:40 pm UTC (link)

It wasn't often that one of her angel's offered to make things easier. Most either didn't believe themselves capable of doing anything that would do so, and a handful simply didn't realize their Creator's own plight and therefore were oblivious. The Metatron was the one exception to this, typically. And now, clearly, Castiel as well.

The offer warmed her heart considerably, brightening her smile even as she shook her head slightly. There is nothing to be done for it, little one. It is what it is. She knew she was being somewhat vague but, if there was one thing that was difficult even for the Lord Almighty to explain, it was her own feelings and the measures that needed to be taken to overcome them. She still mourned the loss of Morningstar in Heaven, even though the angel's fall had been a necessity.

Studying him for a moment, she spoke again, this time her voice a gentle reminder and devoid of her own pain. If she hadn't spoken of it already, anyone would be hard pressed to realize it even existed.

Dean is concerned for you. I assured him I would ensure your well being, however his loyalty to you far surpasses his faith in me. She made no attempt to suggest he contact the man. She knew Castiel would, eventually. When he was ready.

After a brief pause, she also stated with another soft smile, And do not worry yourself. I will remain here with you for as long as you desire. It was the least she could do, if it brought comfort to him.

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heavenslancer
2009-12-10 01:08 pm UTC (link)

Castiel had not sat on the ground before but his Father was and so he did. He moved so he was close, facing him, but not touching, not noticing the cold of the snow underneath him. He met his Father's eyes, feeling that, this time, it was OK.

"I will speak with Dean, Father. I just... could not before. I needed you." He dropped his eyes from a moment. He knew his Father knew all of this, he just needed to talk. "Father, Dean cares for you. I see it in him. He is coming to know you. This pleases me more than I can express." Castiel did not expresses his pleasure on his face but his Father could, no doubt, feel it. Castiel had another question for his Father. It was small in the scheme of things but Castiel suddenly needed to know.

"Father, have you ever tried beer?"

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