InsaneJournal

parker succeeds by stealing the success of others (inafivepoundbag) wrote in colligo_network,
@ 2012-10-20 18:59:00

Entry tags:

parker

Filtered to the Avengers - minus Clint
Dear Avengers,

For superheroes, you guys super suck. Have any of you seen Clint since we all got our memories back? No. No you haven't. And you know why I know you haven't? Because he's in the vents of the Center, and he's not coming down. And I'm pretty sure he's having a nervous breakdown, and he doesn't even have his bo and arrows on him, and not a single one of you seems to have even noticed!

Seriously. You all are terrible friends. Really, really awful. What is so important that you can't even notice that one of your own is in trouble? Come on, people!

• Tony Stark: Stop drinking and start noticing when people around you are in trouble, Iron Liver Man. Or keep drinking and stop expecting them to be there for you when you're in need. You're supposed to be a smart guy. So stop acting so stupid.

• Bruce Banner: I don't care how cute Kitty is, Clint needs your help, Jolly Green. So stop flirting and start focusing on things other than her and science!

• Steve Rogers: Newsflash, Captain Manboobs. YOU ARE NOT THE ONLY ONE STUCK IN THE FUTURE. You are also not the only one recently reunited with their long lost love. You're supposed to be a stand-up guy, so STAND UP and go help your friend!

• Thor: Listen up, Hammertime. I don't know how it works where you're from, but around here, we help our friends when they're in need. So do it, already!

• Natasha Romanoff: I don't know this you so I don't have a nickname for you, yet, but SHAME ON YOU. You're supposed to be his closest friend and you didn't even notice that he's been MIA!

And last, and definitely least:

• Coulson: I'm pretty sure I already told you that Clint had issues waaaaay back when you first showed up. I'm pretty sure I also told you to TALK TO HIM ABOUT THEM. Now, he's in a vent, he won't come down, and what are you doing? NO episode of Supernanny is THAT GOOD that you should ignore people who trust you when they need you. Get it together already! Also, you don't get a nickname because you don't deserve one. So there.

Ugh. You people make me sick. Now I'm going to go get some tacos and try to talk him down from the vents. If any of you can stop being so selfish and want to help, that'd be awesome. If not, you all can bite me. Bad guys have more fun anyway.

No love,
Parker

[OOC: DISCLAIMER. This post is all Parker. These are her opinions, in no way reflect my own or necessarily any sane person's, so please keep that in mind. ♥]

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( Same Filter )

thefirstavenger
2012-10-20 11:18 pm UTC (link)

~~We only just~~ ~~That really isn't an excuse~~ ~~I don't know what I'm doing here~~

I'll try to talk to him, but I'm not sure how much good it will do. I don't know him nearly as well as Natasha or Phil. But I'll try. Because you're right. He's our friend and he's going through a lot and we need to be there for him. I just...really thought he was getting better.

Could you point out which part of the vents he's in?

(Reply to this) (Thread)

	( Same Filter ) inafivepoundbag 2012-10-21 02:55 am UTC (link)
	UGH! I swear, I have to do everything myself! But fine. Fine. I'll show you what part of the vents. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	( Same Filter ) thefirstavenger 2012-10-21 02:57 am UTC (link)
	I just figured the sooner I could talk to him, the sooner I could try to help. Thank you, Parker. (Reply to this) (Parent)

	( Same Filter ) thefirstavenger 2012-10-21 03:58 am UTC (link)
	Tony just said something, and it made me think. Does Canton know what's going on? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	( Same Filter ) inafivepoundbag 2012-10-21 04:00 am UTC (link)
	Beats me. I haven't said anything to him. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: ( Same Filter ) thefirstavenger 2012-10-21 04:01 am UTC (link)
	I'll send him a message. If nothing else, he should know so he doesn't worry. (Reply to this) (Parent)

	Same Filter smashes 2012-10-20 11:38 pm UTC (link)
	~~But we just~~ ~~I haven't been~~ ~~He was doing better. At least, he seemed to be.~~ ~~Me, in an enclosed area as small as a vent? That's not~~ You're right. I'm on my way. (Reply to this) (Thread)

	( Bruce ) thefirstavenger 2012-10-20 11:43 pm UTC (link)
	How did we screw this up so badly? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Steve smashes 2012-10-20 11:46 pm UTC (link)
	I don't know. He seemed to be getting better. I'm not sure what happened to change that. But I do think we need to consider the source of this little dressing down, too. Parker strikes me as someone who doesn't necessarily view the world the way most others do. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	( Bruce ) thefirstavenger 2012-10-21 01:54 am UTC (link)
	He was. Or I thought he was. I don't know. I want to help him. But I don't know how we can if he doesn't let us. (Reply to this) (Parent)

	Same Filter inafivepoundbag 2012-10-21 02:55 am UTC (link)
	Good. You better be. (Reply to this) (Parent)

	Same Filter tonystarks 2012-10-21 12:18 am UTC (link)
	I assumed he was still blowing me off to fuck his new boyfriend! How the hell am I supposed to know that him hiding in the vents isn't part of their ongoing 007 Goldeneye Cosplay? I'm not his keeper. It would be creepy if I did know where he was. We can't possibly make this my fault. Where is he? What vents? (Reply to this) (Thread)

	Same Filter inafivepoundbag 2012-10-21 01:34 am UTC (link)
	Well you thought wrong, didn't you? So much for being a genius, huh? And you should know where he is, or that he's in trouble, because you're supposed to be his friend! And I already told you. He's at the Center. The one I gave him to run. And if you don't know where that is, then you suck even more than I thought. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Re: Same Filter

tonystarks
2012-10-21 01:40 am UTC (link)

I'm a genius. That doesn't make me Professor X. Not knowing where someone is or that they're in trouble when they don't want to be found and they don't want help doesn't make anyone a bad friend. It just mean's they're not a fucking mind-reader. If he'd said ONE WORD to me about any of this, I'd have been there. Any of us would. This isn't anyone's fault. And pointing fingers isn't going to help him.

I mean, specifically. I realize you have created an entire vent colony, but I don't have a lot of experience smoking people out of the ventilation system. I'm pretty sure we don't want to solve that problem the same way I dealt with the pigeons that took up residence in the rafters of my warehouse.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Same Filter inafivepoundbag 2012-10-21 02:58 am UTC (link)
	I can point fingers all I want. I'm not the one who wasn't there when he needed me. I knew when I didn't hear from him after all of this stuff ended that something was wrong and I was the one who went and found him. You bust up my vents and I'll have you arrested. And sue you for your tower. But like I told Steve. I'll show you where he's at. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Same Filter

tonystarks
2012-10-21 03:36 am UTC (link)

So we're shitty friends because we didn't talk to him as quickly as you did? Is that the rule? You get to set the friendship standard? Anything post-Parker is an asshole? Did he say yelling at me would help him out? Because i'm not seeing a big difference between knowing something's wrong and not helping, and not knowing something's wrong and not helping.

You can havre my tower when you pry it from my cold, dead hands.

I'm on my way.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Same Filter inafivepoundbag 2012-10-21 03:46 am UTC (link)
	He didn't say anything. He was too busy having a nervous breakdown in the vents! And that can be arranged. You don't scare me. Plus, I have more money than you. So there. Hurry up. The tacos aren't working. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Same Filter tonystarks 2012-10-21 03:56 am UTC (link)
	So how would talking to him have helped? I'd never have thought to look in the training center vents! At least I earned mine. What are the tacos for? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Same Filter inafivepoundbag 2012-10-21 03:59 am UTC (link)
	It's not a training center. It's a crisis center. And if you knew Clint AT ALL, you'd know the vents is the first place to check! Bet your daddy would disagree with that. Clint likes tacos. We eat them in the vents. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Same Filter tonystarks 2012-10-21 04:05 am UTC (link)
	I do know Clint. But we've never known each other in a vents capacity. Suit doesn't really fit in there. If you'd ever met him, you'd know that putting up with Howard was earning it. Sure. Nothing weird about that. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Same Filter

inafivepoundbag
2012-10-21 04:08 am UTC (link)

That's because you're not part of the cool crowd.

No. Being born, and given a legacy, is not earning it. I might not have come by all of my money legally but I definitely earned every penny of it through hard work and developing a skill set that no one else can touch.

And what's weird about eating tacos? They're tacos. And eating them in the vents keeps people from trying to get some from us. Sheesh. Keep up.

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Same Filter

tonystarks
2012-10-21 04:38 am UTC (link)

Apparently not.

The only legacy my dad gave me was a fucking drinking problem. You know he gave me my first drink when I was five, and that his happiest day was shipping me off to boarding school when I was seven? That most of our interactions involved him yelling at me for not being good enough, or man enough, or smart enough for him? That to him, I was basically a disappointing lab experiment? That I graduated summa cum laude from MIT at 17 and ended up with 3 PhDs? Or that I tanked my company's stock prices a few years ago when I decided we were going to stop building weapons and start focusing on clean energy, and had to rebuild that shit without any help from the board? After I built the Iron Man suit in a fucking cave in Afghanistan with my heart hooked up to a car battery? Then built the thing that kept it running using technology that hadn't been developed yet? And after all that, I still can't go a day without someone tell me that I'll never be as smart, or as good, or as selfless or decent as Howard fucking Stark? But sure. I'm just a trust fund kid with daddy issues who doesn't know a goddamn thing about hard work.

Huh. Maybe branch out, try queso flameado?

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Same Filter

inafivepoundbag
2012-10-21 04:56 am UTC (link)

That should've been obvious.

And you really want to do this now, huh? Okay. I'm in. Let's see. My dad hit me for the first time when I was four. Because I forgot to turn off the bathroom light in the middle of the night. The next time I forgot, I spent three days in the hospital with two broken ribs, a punctured lung, and a broken arm. I was almost five, then. But it was okay, because he had friends who were cops, and they promised me that I'd deserved it, and that if I was just a really good girl, maybe he wouldn't have to punish me. Then I turned five, and he decided that using a belt and slapping me wasn't really working so he started to punch me. Then my brother died, who was the only person I'd ever loved at all, and the old man blamed me, and that's when the fun really started. And then, after I blew up the house and ran away and joined the circus, I saw a man get killed, so I ran away again and, lucky me, I got to spend some time in foster care. Those men who get paid to take little girls into their homes really know how to have a good time, you know. So I ran away again, spent some time in juvvie when I was sold out by the only friend I'd ever known, and finally met someone who actually cared for me. Except I wasn't his real daughter, and he had a real family, but it was okay because it was then that I figured out something I was good at and started being the best I could be at that one little thing. Then I finally, finally, found a way to belong, and help people who really need it, and it was great. And then I wound up here and had to start all over, again. So go ahead. Think of me as just some wacky thief who hasn't ever had a real job and who hasn't earned anything she has. But while you're doing that, GO. HELP. CLINT. Because I don't care what you think of me. I care about him, because he's my friend and I don't have many of those and I'm not going to lose him. I won't.

I'm trying Chinese food next. If that doesn't work, I'm out of ideas.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Same Filter tonystarks 2012-10-21 05:06 am UTC (link)
	It was, but I like to restate obvious things. It's comforting. Huh. My fake dad tried to kill me, too. He used a portable paralyzer and ripped the thing that keeps my heart beating out of my chest. Sucks, doesn't it? I'm coming now. Do you think I'll fit in the vents? I've been trying to track down Coulson and Natasha. (Reply to this) (Parent)

	( Same Filter ) thefirstavenger 2012-10-21 03:47 am UTC (link)
	Tony. This isn't helping. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	( Same Filter ) tonystarks 2012-10-21 03:55 am UTC (link)
	It's making me feel better. Isn't that helping? I didn't know. I just thought he was with Canton. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	( Same Filter ) thefirstavenger 2012-10-21 03:57 am UTC (link)
	Not really in this instance. And I thought he was off doing his own thing. We all thought he was fine and we were all wrong. Now we need to fix it. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	( Same Filter ) tonystarks 2012-10-21 04:07 am UTC (link)
	Fuck. Making me feel better is almost never helping. Are any of us going to fit in the vents? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

( Same Filter )

thefirstavenger
2012-10-21 04:13 am UTC (link)

Tony. This isn't about you. Or me. Or any of us. It's about helping our friend. I know it sucks to feel helpless. I get it. But dwelling on it and lashing out won't make it better.

I won't. Thor definitely won't. You might without the suit. Bruce might too, but that would probably be a bad idea. No offense meant, Dr. Banner. Natasha and Coulson could, and they're probably the best equipped to help him with this if we're being honest. And Parker, of course, but I think she's leaving this in our less than capable hands. Not to mention she's already tried with limited success.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

( Same Filter )

tonystarks
2012-10-21 04:43 am UTC (link)

Well, we don't know that it won't make it better. We haven't done a study.

Should we get Canton? Would that help, or would it just make things worse? I don't know what to do here. We certainly can't smoke him out.

Fuck it. I'll do it. Someone's going to have to help me get IN the vents, and then give me ground directions, but I'll do it. Certain'y have a better shot at it than you or Thor. If we can find Natasha and Coulson, they can go in from the other sides and we'll convalesce in the center and just bug the shit out of him until he agrees to get out.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	( Same Filter ) inafivepoundbag 2012-10-21 05:01 am UTC (link)
	~~I still don't think I like you very much but~~ I can get you in and tell you where to go. I know those vents better than even Clint does. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	( Same Filter ) tonystarks 2012-10-21 05:08 am UTC (link)
	Okay. If I get stuck and I die in there, tell Pepper that her new boyfriend is still weird. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	( Same Filter ) inafivepoundbag 2012-10-21 05:12 am UTC (link)
	You won't get stuck. If I can get Hardison to rappel off of a roof, I can get you through the vents. And she's dating Mycroft Holmes. That should really go without saying. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	( Same Filter ) tonystarks 2012-10-21 05:19 am UTC (link)
	It does. But I feel better knowing that it's being said. (Reply to this) (Parent)

	gethammered 2012-10-21 01:57 am UTC (link)
	We behave in a similar fashion on Asgard, woman of Midgard! What danger has befallen the man with the eyes of the hawk?! Whatever dares to harm him shall surely meet its doom! (Reply to this) (Thread)

	inafivepoundbag 2012-10-21 02:59 am UTC (link)
	Really? Because on Midguard, friends notice when friends go missing and hide in vents and won't come out and don't even take their weapons with them. And how am I supposed to know what caused him to do this? That's what you people are for! (Reply to this) (Parent)

	alongcameatasha 2012-10-21 07:03 am UTC (link)
	So clearly you know who I am. ~~And what I can do.~~ Clint has been off the radar for longer before I begin to worry. Have you even stopped to think that he needs time to himself before you pushed yourself into his business? (Reply to this) (Thread)

inafivepoundbag
2012-10-21 01:19 pm UTC (link)

Yep. You were here before. I'm still not very impressed. Comic book you seemed a look more adept at things.

And this isn't your reality. This is Colligo. This is the place where he had his hand cut off, and his eyes gouged out, a few months ago. After not dealing with what Loki did to him. While Loki is still here. This is the place where the only one who seems to really try to help him is Canton. You do know Canton, right? Being that you're Clint's best friend and you two are so close, and you feel comfortable trying to lecture me about when Clint does and doesn't need help, I'm sure he's told you all about him and how much Canton has tried to get him past his feelings of inferiority at not being able to stop his torturer plus figuring out how to use the new, robot hand that Tony made for him. Right?

Oh! And reply if you want, but I probably won't. I'm a little busy helping direct Tony as he crawls through the vents. Tony. Crawling through dirty, dirty vents. Without his suit. Because his friend is in trouble and, even if he might not like me much, he knows I'm right about this.

(Reply to this) (Parent)