Facade
"And your change is 11.49. Thank you for shopping at Thoth's Library." Avery gave the customer a perfunctory smile as he handed over the money and the shopping bag filled with merchandise. There had been a steady stream of patrons all night, starting the moment the vampire had punched in and begun his shift. He didn't mind being busy; it was a lot harder to look busy when he really wasn't. Everyone had been fairly correct about things going back to normal, the visit from his cousin notwithstanding. That had been a jarring experience, but at the same time, it was oddly comforting. Now at least one member of his family knew the truth, and there was the inexplicable feeling of a burden having lifted.
She didn't know why she was there. It was far past dark, almost midnight, and she felt a little as if she were in a bad espionage thriller as she flipped up the collar of her heavy coat and slipped past the exiting customer, hoping the bell would only jingle once. Some perverse part of her had insisted on seeing him, just to assure herself that he was still in one piece. She'd purposely avoided the news since the accidental encounter with Mr. Curtis, knowing that if the other vampire had his way about it Avery would be a pile of ashes once it was over. And while part of her would have been bitterly gratified to see it, the other half railed against it.
A somewhat expectant silence fell as the last buyer departed, and Rebecca fought with herself over what to do. If she left this second, he didn't even have to know she'd been there. She didn't know what she thought of him anymore. Teflon-coated Avery. If she left now...
Shutting the cash register, Avery looked up toward the door. Seeing Rebecca standing there, his expression flickered only momentarily, his hands still on the till. He opened his mouth to speak, but there was something about a plain 'hello' that didn't seem to suffice, considering their last conversation. But his brain wasn't giving him much of a choice. "Hi," the vampire said quietly, not stepping out from behind the glass barrier that was the counter. "Is there something...?," he had been about to add 'I can help you with' but the words died on their way out when he saw her expression.
"I don't know, is there?" She'd heard what he'd been about to say even without him uttering the words, could read it on his face, and she looked over her shoulder at the door as if hoping young Mr.Guevera would step across the threshold and salvage this moment before something hideous happened. "I rather don't know what I hoped to accomplish, coming here. Nothing new, I realize; I never seem to know what I hope to accomplish when you're involved."
Feeling as if she'd been caught doing something obscene, Rebecca took a mincing step further into the shop, looking beyond the vampire towards the stockroom. Hoping for reprieve, because she couldn't seem to force herself towards the door. There was a display of amulets near a table of new release books, and she plucked at one of them where it dangled from its chain. Tiny lights reflected through the crystal onto her palm.
"I see the lynch mob has gone home."
"I didn't know you knew about that." Silly of him, he supposed. "Yes, they've dispersed. Awhile ago, actually." Avery watched her look at the charm, his fingers tapping lightly at the counter. "I don't know what you hope to accomplish, either,Rebecca ." He looked up at her, and barely suppressed a defeated shrug. "Whatever it is, I never seem to help, so I'm not sure what else I could do."
"I suppose I just wanted to see," she told him, letting go of the amulet and listening to the chain make a muted noise against its fellows. "I've always been perverse this way, continuing to bring myself back to things that are painful. You surely must have noticed by now."
She looked at his deceptively youthful face, thinking that it would be easier for her if she could detect some hint of what lay within, if he looked less innocent. Less harmless. It would be a relief if she could see what Kenton saw. But vampires were changeless creatures, at least physically. That just made him more deceitful.
"And what of Mr. Curtis?" Asking the question in a falsely bright tone, her green gaze resting on him. "Charming young man, reminded me a bit of you. Perhaps that was the initial lure."
His gaze dropped, resting on the counter. "You know about him." It wasn't clear whether that was a question or statement, but the tone was leading toward the latter. "He isn't entirely like me," Avery told her, but he lacked the proper note of conviction. "Or he wasn't." The vampire looked back at her, studying her carefully. How much did she know? Did she see the news?
Wasn't. She actually felt a moment's sadness about that, but only a moment's. Kenton had been a monster, he'd said as much himself. Her hands came up, smoothed the collar of her coat back into place. "So he's no more, then? Well done, Mr.Adlam."
The silence in the shop became strained after a moment, and she let out a breath that was threatening to turn ragged. "How many more of them are there, Avery? How many more have there been, souls you've dragged into the abyss to make them like you? To give them a deathless death, this state you claim to loathe so much? How many? I'm truly curious."
Avery's expression remained even as his gaze remained locked with hers. "Just him. He was the only one." He pushed a stack of papers aside, stalling time for him to collect his thoughts. "And honestly, you wouldn't know anything about it. It wasn't my best moment, I'm well aware of that. You've known all this time that I'm a vampire. And for once, I acted like it. Are you surprised?" His hands gripped the edge of the counter. "What did he tell you?"
She was looking at his hands, the way the pale fingers contrasted so sharply with the dark wood of the counter. Once, she had thought to herself that he likely looked like a marble statue when he was naked, smooth and pale like fresh-quarried stone. She wished she could be revolted by him, fully revolted.
"He said you were a monster." Her voice bordered on being toneless, and she dragged her gaze away from the grip he had on the counter to look at his face instead. "A dishonest one at that, that you put on a facade better than most. Better even than most humans, as if to assure yourself as much as anyone else of your goodness. Like with me, yes?"
She was going to need a Valium when she got home. More than one. Thank Christ she'd gotten Simone to refill her prescription this afternoon. "Not that it didn't work. Because you certainly convinced me, with all your protestations of...innocence." She had almost said 'chastity', almost spit the word at him as if it were a poisoned dart.
Avery's eyebrows raised slightly, as he felt a sudden flare of frustration. "You would know, wouldn't you? About facades. Maybe I'm not always up front about what I am, or about what you think I am, but who else knows about the things you do? Or do I only get to see, because I'm a monster. Do they see the way you push, when you don't get something you want? Do they know how you chased after a vampire, and went to Wolfram and Hart to perform a background check on that vampire?"
He wondered if he was going too far, but he was tired of being reminded of his mistakes. "Or maybe you just don't know what the word 'no' means."
She flushed, felt the color suffuse her throat and then threaten to spread across her face as well. "I didn't get what I wanted because you're not man enough," she said recklessly. "You weren't the first, love, nor will you be the last. You were merely the only one to lack the backbone to take what was being offered."
She was teetering again, caught somewhere between hysteria and despair, and she continued the emotional slash-and-burn with, "Then again, I suppose its to be expected, if even a fraction of what Mr. Curtis implied about your mother was correct. She made you sick on purpose, didn't she? Kept you ill to keep you tied to her apron strings, her precious only son."
His eyes narrowed, and he could feel something shifting inside of him. His expression hardened as he continued to regard her shrewdly. "Well,Rebecca ," Avery replied, his voice smooth with an icy edge, "Judging by the company you've recently kept -- Xavier, for instance -- I don't think it's really men that you prefer. He was really more of a boy, wasn't he? Looks to be around my age, in fact. I wonder why that is."
The vampire felt a vague sting of hurt at her comments. "But I know how much you love to help the young people."
And then her next words cut through, and there was nothing vague about the way they seemed to settle in the pit of his stomach. "If you're not going to buy anything, I'd suggest you leave."
There was a well of hurt beyond the anger, she could almost feel an icy breeze emanating from it, and she straightened her spine with an effort. "You can call me a slut all you like, you disgusting little hypocrite. I was never dishonest with you, no matter how ugly it might be to you. Life is ugly, Mr. Adlam, no matter what side of the grave you're looking at it from."
The door was beckoning her, and she wanted to be on the other side of it before she crumpled completely. She would not give him the satisfaction of buckling in front of him. "I believe if you'll give the matter your usual level of over-thinking, you'll discover you're not doing youngFrancess any favors either. Not as long as you're running away from me instead of towards her. Good-bye, Avery."
She escaped then, and the door closing behind her sounded very final indeed. Her lungs were threatening to stop working, and she pulled in as much oxygen as she could before her trembling legs carried her back towards the street. The Englishwoman found her car, dropped the keys twice, finally unlocked the vehicle and threw herself behind the wheel. There, there was more air in here than out there for some reason. Her stomach quavered warningly.
The door of the Mercedes swung back open, and she leaned out of the driver's side and vomited onto the pavement. Not much, she hadn't eaten since having an early dinner. Her throat burned, and when she wiped at her cheeks she found them wet. Tears. At least he hadn't seen them.Rebecca closed the door, leaned back against the cool leather upholstery. Disgusting little hypocrite.
And weren't they a pair, since she clearly disgusted him just as much?