Great, and now he was pacing. She'd, just as expected, thrown more fuel on the fire. She watched him pace, getting herself worked up again just watching him. He was obviously upset, and Buffy wondered if mentioning it at all had been the right call. She was trying to be honest with him, completely honest, but it was hard.
"Stupid, little ideas?" Especially when he went and said that. Buffy stood, her face a contorted mixture of anger and hurt. Her voice was quiet and shaky, and she wrapped her arms around herself. "Well, I was thinking about asking him over to have tea so that we can maybe discuss with him the finer points of how slicing my wrist open and bleeding me isn't something friends do to each other." It was meant to be a snappy remark, but as she said the words they only sounded as profoundly sad as she was. The girl turned away, looking out the window again. "I know that you were right. I know I shouldn't have gone. I know I should stay away from him. I learned the hard way that I can't count on him." She wasn't crying even though she wanted to. He was so angry and hurt, and she was so sorry. She felt like all she could be was sorry. The memory of really seeing what Lucius was capable of... Well, she should've seen it coming, right? Therefore, she shouldn't be hurt by it.
"I don't have any 'stupid little plans' in mind right now, if you're worried about that. I operate a lot off of instinct and impulse and lots of other words that start with 'i'," Buffy continued quietly, too caught up in between being hurt, guilty, and feeling like a complete idiot now. "I can be more honest when I start to feel the stupid coming on, I guess. I know you want me to just forget about this and... I wish I could." She shrugged, turning back to look at him as he paced. "I love you, and you matter so much to me, more than you think. You're one of the only people who hasn't recently let me down in some kind of epic way, in spite of the fact that I know I must be some kind of gigantic disappointment to you. But that doesn't change the fact that I'm not used to this. I'm not used to someone wanting me and not what I'm supposed to do for the world. I'm used to people expecting me to do the hero thing and swoop in and save the day, even if it costs me. I've always just gone and handled things without putting other people in danger because that's my job." She drew in a deep breath, looking at him and hoping he could vaguely understand her train of thought at least. "But I know that you love me, and I can't expect you to just be okay with my throwing myself in the line of fire. It's gonna be hard, to change what I'm used to, but I let you in I let you into my life, and it's not just mine anymore."