Jack Harkness (anfarwol) wrote in childofeden_rp, @ 2013-11-29 10:48:00 |
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Entry tags: | character: ianto jones, character: jack harkness, location: harkness house, thread: complete, |week: 04, ~date: 08/august 01 |
Who: Jack and Ianto
Where: Jack's home
When: Week 4, Thursday, Midday
Why: Jack wants to talk about eventually changing Ianto and Ianto surprises him.
Warning: Angst
It was a question that was constantly on his mind and had been for about three years. The subject of turning Ianto. He had never talked about it because he never wanted to know the answer. It would literally kill him when Ianto died. He was so use to having the other around that he could never even think about it, and yet he did. He thought about it too much.
Finally he had had enough. They needed to have a heart to heart. Granted they had not had that since Jack told loved him. The talk about the brand could be considered one. He went up to Ianto’s room and knocked on the door. The door was just barely opened.
“Ianto, we need to have talk, love.” He said. “Meet me down stairs?” Then he moved to go back down the stairs. He was nervous, of course. What if Ianto said no? What if he said yes? He was not sure what he would do, all he knew is if Ianto died, so would he. Back down stairs he paced in front of the couch, waiting and worrying.
Ianto had been up in his room writing in his journal, the electronic one laying on his desk unused. He knew he should probably use it more, the item having been a gift from Jack and a way to talk to others in the town. But to him it just wasn't the same as taking pen to paper and actually writing something down. To him the physical act of actually writing was a relaxing feeling.
Hearing Jack's voice saying they needed to talk, the Welshman frowned slightly. Something in the vampires tone seemed off today as if he were worried or upset. The only thing new that happened between the two lately had been their little adventure at the masquerade party and he knew for a fact Jack had enjoyed himself that night as did Ianto. Recieving the note that they would be strangers that night had been odd, but turned out to be a fun and adventurous experience.
Closing his journal Ianto stood up and walked out of his sanctuary, not bothering to close the door behind him. He never felt the need to close or lock up his special place. He knew Jack would never walk in there without his permission, respecting Ianto's privacy, even though the human really wouldn't have minded. Seeing the vampire pacing the living room floor, Ianto grew more worried.
"Jack, Whats wrong?" he asked softly, moving over to him. "Is everything all right?"
“Please sit.” he pointed to the couch. “That is nothing really wrong.” Just in his head. Maybe this was not the time to bring it up. They were both so happy, after the masquerade it could only get better right? Maybe he was fooling himself into thinking that. Everything was fine for now, but Ianto was not get any younger. Soon he would be thirty, then thirty-three, then older than Jack. Well physically older, then forty then fifty. Jack knew he would never stop loving Ianto, no mater how old he got. Ianto was the love of his life and he couldn’t survive without him.
“Years ago, when I won you. I never thought we would get to this day.” Even though he had liked the boy on sight he assumed, like with his other relationships, that it would be passing. Then a week went by and he knew he knew he would never be able to live without Ianto. He was not in love just yet, but that would come faster than he had ever thought possible.
“But we need to talk about this, Ianto. We need to talk about…” he took a breath. “What is going to happen in the future. You, and me.” Fuck this was not going good. “What I mean is your turning. If you over are going to.”
Sitting down, Ianto was unable to hide the surprise on his face at Jacks question of him possibly being turned. He knew without a doubt that the vampire loved him. But he was immortal. Ianto had assumed and accepted that he would die and Jack would grieve. But he would move on and find someone else to make him happy. It would have been foolish to think otherwise. But this had been something he hadn't ever expected from the man in front of him.
"I...I honestly don't know" He said after a few moments, after everything had sunk in. He never thought about that being an option. He wasn't even sure it was something he wanted. "What has gotten you thinking like this?"
“Do you honestly have to ask me that?” his voice a bit sharp. Ianto knew how much he meant to Jack, the older man showed that to him time and time again. He gave him anything and everything he wanted, made sure he was always happy, and loved him like no other. And yet he was asking him why this was coming up? Really?
“I have been thinking about this since the end of the first week when you where mine. You remember, the first cup of coffee you made me? You were so nervous that I would not like it and you looked so adorable. Then I tasted it and it was heaven.” Jack smiled remember the light that went on in Ianto, it was just a flincher but it was something. “From that moment on I knew you would be with me always. I was still not in love, but you were the closest thing I had to a friend.” he sat down on the couch, a small space between them.
“How could I not want you next to me?” he asked. “Forever and aways, that is what I am always telling you. I will love you forever and always. Do you doubt that?” He frowned slightly.
Ianto did remember that day. His hands had been shaking so bad he nearly dropped the mug as he brought it over. He had been desperate to please his new master. Memories that felt as if they happened decades ago.
"I've never doubted that you loved me," he reassured the vampire, getting up and walking over to him. "But this is a very big decision. One that I honestly never thought of making."
“How can you even say that? Of course it is a big deal!” Jack said, jumping back up. For the life of him he can not understand why Ianto is saying this. “I thought you would have thought of it at least once. Don‘t you want to be with me forever?” Jack could not ever even think of a time without Ianto.
“So are you saying you are happy to be with me, now, because it won‘t last forever?” He asked, granted what he was asking made no since, but they were the first words to come into his mind. He felt like he would be sick.
“How can you even say that? Of course it is a big deal!” Jack said, jumping back up. For the life of him he can not understand why Ianto is saying this. “I thought you would have thought of it at least once. Don‘t you want to be with me forever?” Jack could not ever even think of a time without Ianto.
“So are you saying you are happy to be with me, now, because it won‘t last forever?” He asked, granted what he was asking made no since, but they were the first words to come into his mind. He felt like he would be sick.
"I never said it wasn't a big deal!" he cried, feeling frustrated at Jacks words. Ianto had spent too much time in his life mourning the past and thinking about the future. It had stopped when the vampire had won him. The two loved each other and the present was all that mattered to him He didn't think about getting older and dying. But apparently Jack had
At the older mans last sentence, Ianto was unable to mask the hurt that he felt at those words. "How can you even say that?" He asked, his voice going quiet. The Welshman was absolutely stunned. "I...I don't even know what to say to you right now. Are you trying to say that I'm just biding my time with you?!"
Jack never thought about the past, to him it was dead, unless someone from the past came into his life. He had rarely thought about the future always about the present until Ianto came into his life then it was always about the future. The future of their life together.
He had hurt Ianto and that unturned hurt him. “That is what I want to know. If you can not even think about being turned what does that really mean?” he threw his hands over. “You say you love me and you want to be with me, but to be turned, you would be with me forever.” Which it what he thought they both wanted. “I want to be with you until the end of time, doesn’t that mean anything you?” His anger was going in favor of emotional exhaustion and this growing since of dread.
"Oh, you are so infuriating sometimes!" the human snapped out, his usual calm and composed nature gone. He was angry that Jack would even consider that he only cared because it was temporary. He found the sudden urge to hit jack over the head with something growing stronger as the conversation progressed.
"You're asinine statements are incredibly selfish." He snapped. "You assume that because I never thought about it, I must only love you out of convinience. What if I had thought about it and decided that being a vampire wasn't something that I wanted? Would you take that as me saying that I don't love you?"
Jack recoiled as if he had been hit. Ianto did get upset sometimes, it usually meant Jack had to do something big to make him happy again, but this, this was so much worse. Ianto was angry, at him. But Jack didn’t know what he had done.
“I…I..don’t know.” He thought Ianto would be happy to be with him forever, but he never thought that Ianto would not want to a vampire. How could he be so stupid. “I just thought you would want to be with me forever.” he sat back down, gently. He reached out to take Ianto’s hand. “What about being a vampire does not appeal to you? We would be together. As long as you have the blood you can have whatever else you want. And you would finally be free from being a slave.”
Ianto sighed, not sure how to get his lover to understand why the decision was a complicated one. For as open minded the vampire could be, there were still somethings he saw in black and white. Like this for example. It seemed that deciding to become what Jack was fueled for the ohther how much he thought he was loved. But there was more to it than that.
"Jack, I love you more than anything on this planet" He said, making himself calm down. This was not a conversation to have with tempers flaring. He took the others hand and brought it to his lips, kissing the vampires knuckles. "When we said forever, I always thought you meant my forever. My human lifetime. And I'm content with that. Becomming a vampire...Thats a scary thought for me. One I'm not sure I can fully grasp right now." Looking up at his lover, he moved to cup Jacks cheek gently. "Be honest, if you had the choice back when you were human, would you have become one yourself?"
No he had not wanted to be come one. It had be thrust upon him and in those first few hours he had hated it, but after he had fed and started to experience life like a vampire he had loved it. It had been freeing in a way. That had all ended when Ianto came into his life. Never before had anyone affected him that way. Sure he had had lovers before.
“I don‘t want it to be your forever. I want it to be our forever.” Jack said, scooting closer. “No I never wanted to be a vampire, but now that I am I am glad. I never have to worry about being a slave or having a raid. I realize it is hard on you to make this sort of decision, but I not saying now. But I can‘t live without your, I won‘t live without.” He kissed him, not a sexual kiss, a sweet and caring kiss.
Ianto kissed him back lovingly, resting his forehead against Jacks when they broke apart. He knew he could say yes. That he would be happy with Jack for centuries. But logically forever was a long time when you're a vampire. And there was no one hundred percent garuntee that two hundred years later that things would stay the same.
"Let me just think it over," He said softly, arms slipping around the vampire. "And please realize that me having to think about it has nothing to do with wether or not I love you. Because you are everything cariad. It hurts that you may doubt that."
Jack was glad that Ianto was no longer mad at him, but still he would have liked a decision today. He knew Ianto was not that impulsive as he was. He didn’t know what the future might hold but he knew that if it didn’t have Ianto, it was not a future he wanted.
“I do love you, Ianto, and I will give you time. I promise. I guess hearing that you were not ready or if you would ever be ready was hard. I know you love me, you show me everyday. You are my everything too. I can‘t imagine a world without, and I won’t. So if you choose to have a normal, human life and die of old age, I won’t be too far behind you.” He said, meaning ever word of it.
Ianto didn't know what to say in response to Jack's declaration. It seemed complete insanity that one statement made the man want to both kill and kiss the man at the same time. But that was just Jack he supposed.
Pulling the vampire close, he kissed him deeply. "You are the most infuriating...God, you are completely crazy." The Welshman murmured in between kisses. "And yet I love you utterly and completely"
Jack was only speaking the truth. Ianto would not leave this world without him, Jack was fine with this, but guessing by the looks on Ianto’s face he had not expected that. Well he guessed it could be an odd declaration, but it was spoken from the heart. Then again he was being kissed. He smiled in-between the kisses.
“I am crazy in love with you.” he said, pulled him onto his lap, kissing him deeper. “I just say what I feel, love. And I meant every word. I am not living without you.” he said, running a hand down the other’s back. “You are allowed to make your choices and so am I.”
Ianto returned the kiss, stroking the vampires cheek gently. He didn't think himself as someone so important that a person would be willing to end their life over him. He had no doubts of the vampires love. But he thought the other would just move on a few years down the road. He didn't voice his opinion out loud, not wanting Jack to think that the Welshman thought so little of himself. He didn't really. It was just something he had always thought would happen.
"If I choose not to, at least promise that you would wait a certain period of time." Ianto said softly. "You always make hasty decisions Jack and I don't want this to be another one."
“I will wait, but not for a long time, Ianto.” He said, there lips just barely apart. He took the other’s hand in his. “I love you, Ianto. You make me feel complete. Without you there is no life. I can’t see myself just picking up and going on. I can’t. I know you might be looking at me like I am an idiot, but I have thought about this for a long time. It is not a hasty decision.” He pressed Ianto’s hand to his lips.
“I will wait, however long you want me to, but sooner or later I am coming to join you. You are the only man I have truly ever loved.” He smiled at him. “True there had be many, many, MANY, bed partners. But sex is sex.” He shrugged. “Don‘t get me wrong. I like sex, love it in fact. But I love our sex more, because I love you.”
Ianto couldn't help but laugh at jacks description of his many sexual partners. He had known the list was long, just as he knew that the vampire had been a frequent visitor to brothels after he first won the Welshman. But he also knew that after their first night together there had been no one else. Just the two of them.
"Let's go up to bed," the man said softly, kissing Jack softly. Even though it was the middle of the day, Ianto really just wanted to curl up against his lover after this particularly serious discussion. "And I promise I won't make you wait forever for an answer."
“Sure anything for you.” He smiled and kissed Ianto’s forehead. He knew that going to bed meant neither sleep nor sex. While they would eventually get to sex later on the day. This was about feeling connected to each other, a more intimate connection that sex would provide.
Standing up and pulled Ianto up before kissing him slightly and nipping at his lip. “I will be waiting for your answer.” He smiled, walking hand and hand with Ianto up stairs for their bedroom.