Charcoal optics glistened for the first time concealing the usual anguish that those eyes donned. Whenever Logan looked at her, in her direction, and into her gaze, all of the concurrent tribulations and miseries ceased to exist. Burdens were replaced by tranquility, dilemmas with solutions, and pain with pleasure -- she was his saving grace. Life's crude pranks took a grand toll on his once childlike face and for the first instance in a long while, his rugged mug, which was now rough around the edges, softened at the mere sight of her presence.
Every morning she left him, he would pretend to be asleep. Shut his eyes tightly so that it would be easier for him to let her go. He knew that she would return, but that tiny possibility that she wouldn't caused him to silently convulse to himself. She was so good to him that to let her know that he was cheating on her with Doubt behind her back was not an option. Besides farewells never fared well with him; perhaps her leaving him that first time without notice was for the better.
She was filling the shoes of the maternal spousal figure in another man’s household, and the idea alone nearly killed him. The man should have been him. Never did the philandering lifestyle of fine wining and dining women with agendas appealed to him as it did for the rest of his teammates. Because that conventional white-picket fence dream was never prominent in his life, Logan sought it more than football. After Lainey, football simply became a means to an end. So without Lainey, he no longer had purpose. That was to answer to the incessant why and what was he thinking before that pass. If only he hadn’t screwed up his career... if only he hadn’t thrown that Hail Mary pass… if only he hadn’t sacrificed his and her future for the team… if only they had married… if only he had known her doubts… if only blank. Like the never-ending throbbing in his shoulder, these detrimental thoughts drummed on militantly… redundantly… mind-numbingly… tenaciously. Rehab told him to be honest. The therapist told him to be true. Lainey told him to be genuine. These concerns, dreams, and desires were what stopped him from being all of the above. He would try and convince himself to let it go when she was around.
Words weren't needed to answer her question. When she turned around to confront him, he flashed a genuine grin revealing a set of pearly whites. His face inched closer to hers, and lips puckered to meet with hers briefly before pulling away. Clean, pure, and right. Or it used to be. Just wasn’t enough anymore. Those words waltzed at the tip of his tongue, almost painful that he wasn’t just spitting it out. The corners of his mouth tightened as he battled with his instincts once again. “Lainey, I don’t want you to go back. Don’t go back. Stay with me.” Instincts, 1 - Logan, 0.