severus snape (defenseagainst) wrote in changedrpg, @ 2011-12-29 12:18:00 |
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Entry tags: | !date: 1997 - december, !owl, !scene lottery, severus snape, xenophilius lovegood |
[Owl to Xenophilius Lovegood, c/o The Quibbler]
Mr. Lovegood,
While any persons gifted with more than the minimum of brain cells required for bare survival have long since noticed that your editorial standards would fail the quality control test of any moderately discriminating toilet paper factory and no longer can count themselves among your readership, nonetheless I find myself compelled to throw a few moments of my valuable time in the general direction of your cesspool of a publication.
Quite aside from your erroneous and dangerous (else it would be laughable) characterization of that particular werewolf as mild-mannered and your implication (which would be an insult deserving of an immediate demand for satisfaction had you in fact had the nerve to direct it at me) that Albus Dumbledore has anyone in particular under his thumb, I must object to your idiotic caricature of vampires. You do a great disservice to your readers, bordering on anencephalic as most of them are, by implying that any person with a pale complexion, dark coloring and a healthy hatred for his fellow man must be undead. Just how you've come to form any sort of opinion about the smell of an individual with whom you've had - I dare to assume - virtually no contact whatsoever eludes me, but heightened sensory function is a trait much more frequently associated with vampirism than any of those that you've dropped carelessly into the heap of excrement currently masquerading as your latest issue. Perhaps you should reconsider your course of action the next time you find yourself thinking about flinging accusations like a chimpanzee hurls its feces; you're not the only one with a throwing arm.
I demand an immediate retraction, although I realize none of your subscribers have the cognitive capacity to maintain object permanence, never mind remember the rubbish you print from week to week.
Most sincerely,
Professor Severus Snape
Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry