changedmod (changedmod) wrote in changedrpg, @ 2011-09-02 01:07:00 |
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Entry tags: | !date: 1997 - september, !the quibbler, rufus macfusty |
The Quibbler: 2 September 1997
PAGE FOUR
Eternal Full Moon Over Leipzeig, Germany?
R.Macfusty, Correspondent
There have long been reports of Global’s Warming, a worrying change in climate of our planet and how it is changing drastically. However, recent events brought under magical scrutiny suggest the problem is far worse than hereto expected: In fact the problem is astronomical!
Mr. Willard Buckles Sr., a resident of Archery-on-the-Docks and faithful Quibbler subscriber, who is visiting Germany on holiday, came across some shocking news. The family decided to visit a local zoo know to have a most unique attraction they were calling the ‘Bare Bears.’ Unlike the Muggles around them who were watching the ‘bears’ happily, pointing and smiling as the strange sight, Mr. Buckles was shocked and frightened to find himself face to face with caged werewolves! The shock was all the more vivid as they visited the zoo in broad daylight and no less than ten days after the full moon! It was clear from the signs the ‘bears’ had been in this condition for quite sometime, around the clock, regardless of the weather.
Mr. Buckles tried to warn the zoo’s director, who had clearly been Obliviated and Confunded as he insisted the ‘bears’ had long been property of the zoo. He maintained firmly it had only been recently that they had lost their furs but had always been part of the park - a completely unbelievable explanation of course! Who has ever heard of bears capable of taking their fur off?
It is Mr. Buckles immediate theory that makes the most sense and has been the only one to stand up to research attempts. Although the enormity of the problem that follows then becomes so overwhelming it is easy to see why most would prefer to pretend to believe some fairy tale of bare bears. As Mr. Buckles puts it “Even our five year old daughter knows what it takes for a werewolf to stay in their wolfish form: the full moon must be out! This means Leipzeig must have an everlasting full moon- AROUND THE CLOCK, and for weeks on end - stuck in one place, one phase, a hiterto impossible, er, possibility! An unheard of astronomical phenomenon! Yet it’s the only thing that makes sense.”
Asked how the werewolves ended up at the zoo, Mr. Buckles had an explanation ready: “With a constant full moon in this part of Germany, every werewolf in the area stayed a constant threat for months on end. Surely some unscrupulous wizards set out to catch them to rid the area of the threat and rather than slitting their throats, they sold them to the Muggle zoo (where they were unlikely to be recognized for what they truly are) as publicity magnets…”
The long and short of this, however, is that SOMEONE HAS TAMPERED WITH THE MOON!! Given people’s general narrow-mindedness to new phenomena, particularly scary ones, The Quibbler can only regret that all nights during Mr. Buckles stay in Germany were cloudy; a photo might have helped convince those who are impenetrable to logical arguments.
The question it leaves us with is a real and frightening one. Who could be behind this Darkest of magics? Is it the work of You Know Who? Has an astronomically powerful sect arisen in the werewolf community? Could there be a cabal of renegade Centaurs equipped with centuries old knowledge of how to manipulate the heavens? There are a number of arguments for all theories but the truth of the matter is a solution must be found and quickly. As the moon stops following the usual cycle, of course the climate on the Earth will change too. There will be huge problems with tides, werewolves will become an everlasting problem, biting more and more humans, where the whole situation will snowball completely out of control. Mr. Buckles has already sent the same information onto the Ministry but has heard no response as of yet. "If nothing is done about this, and soon, the rest of the world may very soon bathe in constant full moonlight too! It’s no time for silence!”
The famous Astronomer Reginald Oronbealt further dismissed this incident by claiming that it’s
impossible for the moon to constantly be full on any place on earth, much less all places, as the Earth and moon move together in an intricate dance of the heavens. As the problem of the everlasting full moon in Leipzig is anything but a theoretical problem, but instead a very acute, real one, you would think no one would claim it to be impossible!
The Quibbler urges all its readers to consider what can be done to stop this Dark movement from reforming the Universe and hence the climate and safety of all humans on Earth. Send your ideas to us and your Howlers to the Ministry of Magic and urge them to take action at once, lest we should all soon bathe in a full moon’s light wherever and whenever we are.