ST fic: Not Go Tamely [Kirk/McCoy, adult]
Title: Not Go Tamely Author: celandineb Fandom: Star Trek XI Pairing: Kirk/McCoy, Kirk/Gaila Rating: adult Length: 3425 words Warnings: infidelity Summary: Kirk doesn't always play by the rules. Note: Twenty-fourth in the Heart of the Matter series. A few bits of dialogue were taken from the film.
Kirk's fingers flew over the keyboard, tapping out the last lines of code. He went over the program once more, catching and correcting several small errors, before testing it. He had had to include recognition code, so that the subroutine would only function if he, Kirk, were the one taking the exam, but that had been trivial compared to the rest of the programming. There was no way he could carry out a complete simulation without using so much memory and processor speed that it would be noticed, but he could check for major problems.
A frown creased his face. There was still a distinct flicker, a slowdown, when his subroutine kicked in. He had thought he'd fixed that. All the rest of it seemed to be working fine, however, and glitches did happen even in the real program; he'd seen the notations in the older files. Unless some previous student had attempted the very same thing he was attempting? Possible, but Kirk rather doubted it.
Stopping the simulation, he now began the ticklish business of installing his subroutine into the main Academy computers. When he was finished, he exhaled a relieved breath. It was done and there was no turning back. If the rules of the game made it unwinnable, then Starfleet itself was cheating, and all he had done was to redress that.
He'd inserted his extra code into the job assignment program earlier. That had been relatively simple, since there was already a subroutine to ensure that married couples were posted together unless they elected otherwise. All Kirk had had to do was piggyback onto the existing code.
He glanced at the clock. He had just time to get to combat practice. Good. He needed the workout, and welcomed the opportunity to focus on his body for a change. There had been too much intellectual work of late for his taste.
With the pressure of developing this program subroutine off his mind, Kirk had an excellent session, sparring with the master more than once. Jiang gave him an approving nod at the end, and Kirk went off to the showers whistling.
There hadn't been a chance to sign up to take the Kobayashi Maru test yet again, but he would do so tomorrow. Kirk was in a fine mood when he got to the cafeteria for dinner, and smiled at everyone as he sat down beside McCoy. He'd chosen lasagna and green beans and a salad for his meal, digging in with appetite and following up with an enormous wedge of chocolate cake washed down with milk. McCoy rolled his eyes at Kirk's choice of dessert, but Kirk teased him back by dredging from his memory the fact that chocolate had once and for a long time been considered an aphrodisiac, at which comment McCoy flushed and looked away, muttering under his breath.
McCoy was irresistible when he turned pink under the shadow of his evening stubble. Kirk leaned over and whispered in his ear, "Sidhu has a special lecture to go to tonight, some visiting physicist I think he said. Want to come over?" He was tempted to lick the curve of McCoy's ear, but held back; McCoy wouldn't tolerate such a public display of affection.
As Kirk sat up straight again, McCoy flicked a glance at him and nodded, and Kirk felt the familiar surge of excitement in his groin.
He spent the rest of the meal with half his mind on the bantering conversation at the table, and the other half on what he wanted to do with McCoy that night.
"We're gonna take a shower together first," he announced when they were back in his room and Sidhu had left.
"A shower?" McCoy arched his eyebrow.
"Yeah," said Kirk. "It's small for two, I'll give you that, but we can wash each other."
He caught and held McCoy's gaze as he was soaping McCoy's back by reaching around him. Deliberately he ran his fingers over McCoy's ass, soaped them again, and probed into the crack. He could see McCoy's throat move as the other man swallowed, but McCoy shifted and stepped his feet apart a little further so that Kirk could soap him well there. Kirk suppressed a grin and bent to flick his tongue over McCoy's nipple, heedless of the spray of water hitting the side of his face. With the other, still open eye he could glance down and see McCoy's dick, already in its hardness twin to his own.
"I think we're clean enough, don't you?" said McCoy, his voice hoarse.
"Yeah." Kirk turned off the water and grabbed a couple of towels, tossing one to McCoy. Neither of them bothered to do more than a cursory job of drying, just enough so that Kirk's bed wouldn't get saturated. After all, he'd be sleeping on it later, though McCoy wouldn't.
Kissing McCoy still surprised Kirk sometimes, the largeness of it. It wasn't a question of the size of his mouth, nor was it the way he could be forceful, even aggressive. Kirk had known women who were just as assertive and physically as large, their mouths anyway. No, it was something else, some other quality that McCoy brought to bear, perhaps the way he seemed to really pay attention to the kisses, not thinking ahead to what they would do next. That was all right; certainly tonight Kirk was happy to be the one doing the planning.
He began by nibbling his way along McCoy's jaw. The beard stubble abraded his lips slightly but not painfully, only making them more sensitive. McCoy gasped when Kirk bit the base of his throat, sucking to leave a mark – right there it would be covered by the collar of the cadet uniform anyhow – and then soothing the skin with his tongue.
Kirk licked his way down McCoy's chest to find a nipple, flat and smooth in its nest of hair. As he suckled it, he slid a hand over McCoy's stomach down to his groin and started to fondle his balls.
"Fuck, oh yeah," said McCoy breathlessly above him.
Kirk grinned to himself as his lips followed the path his hand had taken, until he was settled in between McCoy's legs and bathing McCoy's balls with his tongue. With his right hand he rubbed McCoy's dick, long slow gentle strokes that wouldn't get him off yet, just feel good, and with the forefinger of his left hand he started teasing McCoy's asshole, coaxing it to relax.
McCoy was groaning above him, hips straining as if to ask for more from Kirk, who eventually told him to roll over and get up on his knees. McCoy did so, wrapping his left hand around his dick and leaning his head against his right forearm on the bed. Kirk considered telling him not to touch himself, but decided it would be okay. He grabbed the lube and knelt behind McCoy, but before he applied it, he bent down and swiped his tongue over McCoy's ass, starting at the back of his balls and going up over his puckered hole, rubbing the flat of his tongue over it repeatedly.
"Jim," said McCoy in a strangled voice. "For god's sake, just fuck me."
Quickly Kirk lubed him, slicking his own dick too, before sinking into the tight heat. He adjusted the angle slightly on each of his first few strokes, until he heard McCoy gasp, and then rode him hard, hanging onto McCoy's hips with both hands and letting himself go.
It wasn't that he didn't care whether McCoy came; he had no doubt that if it didn't happen while Kirk was fucking him, they'd make sure it did afterward. But it was fantastic to be able to focus on his own excitement, his own orgasm, and know that his partner trusted him that they would both come sooner or later. With women he'd felt obliged to make sure they came first. Perhaps that was more because the women were nearly always one night stands, but Kirk still appreciated having more options with McCoy.
A cry, and Kirk's dick felt the clenching spasm of McCoy's ass in an orgasm that triggered his own, the contractions milking out his spunk. He gave a last couple of thrusts to draw out the last of his pleasure, and collapsed forward, wrapping his arms around McCoy's torso and rolling them over onto their right sides, spooned together, Kirk's dick still inside McCoy until as they rested it finally slid out.
"That was great, Jim," said McCoy after a few minutes.
Kirk pressed his lips to McCoy's shoulder. "For me, too."
He could hear McCoy's breath slowing, feel how the beat of his heart calmed. He felt almost languorous himself, a sensation he rarely experienced except at times like this, just after sex. There was always so much to do, it seemed, that both his brain and body felt the need to keep moving all the time.
"I'll miss this."
Kirk wriggled his arm out from under McCoy's body and propped himself up so that he could see his face. "What do you mean, 'you'll miss this'? The term's not over yet, to begin with, and I've set it up so that we'll be assigned to the same ship, whatever it is, so we won't be separated even then. Or don't you believe that I can arrange that?"
"I believe you can," said McCoy slowly, "but I wish you wouldn't. It concerns me that you're breaking rules just for our benefit."
"It's not something that causes any harm to anyone," said Kirk, hurt. "I suppose maybe you could argue that there might be someone who doesn't get an assignment he or she would otherwise have gotten, but even that isn't a certainty. There's no harm done by it, any more than there's harm in assigning a married couple to serve together. It's just that we're not married."
"No, we're not," McCoy agreed. "I'm sorry, Jim, but I'm not altogether comfortable with the idea that we would be secretly benefitting, in a way claiming a privilege that isn't rightly ours, even if – as you say – it doesn't do any harm."
"I already have the code in the computer. Do you want me to take it out?" Kirk demanded. "I'll warn you, the more I go in there and mess around, the more likely it is that my intervention might be noticed."
That was true, so far as it went, although it was improbable that his changes and additions would ever be noticed by anyone. He wasn't above letting McCoy think otherwise, though, not when the result would be good for them both in the long run.
McCoy got up. "Be right back."
He disappeared into the bathroom and Kirk heard water running for several minutes. McCoy returned, toweling himself off briskly, and began to dress. Kirk hadn't been quite ready to get dressed again himself, but being naked when McCoy was clothed would put him at a slight psychological disadvantage, even though he was comfortable in his own skin.
"Wait for me," he said as he went to rinse off sweat and semen from his own body.
Upon his return, he found McCoy hunched over a PADD and tapping away at it furiously.
"Bones."
"What?" McCoy didn't look up.
"This is important; look at me."
With a sigh, McCoy swivelled in the chair so that he faced Kirk. "All right, what?"
Kirk spoke slowly. "What is it, exactly, that bothers you so much about me tweaking the computer to treat us as a couple for our posting assignments? Is it that we're implicitly claiming a status that isn't ours? Or is it that it's not one hundred percent honest? That I might get caught? Or, maybe," he paused, having only just thought of his final point, "maybe that you still don't really want there to be anything that publicly connects us, relationship-wise?"
McCoy paled, then flushed, and his throat worked for a moment before he spoke. "I – I don't know. I hadn't thought about it like that, just that something about it makes me uneasy."
"Because if it's that breaking the rules makes you so uncomfortable," Kirk continued, still measuring his words, "this between us is never gonna work, because I do break rules when I think it's necessary and I see no advantage to be gained by keeping them. That's what I've always done, that's part of who I am. I would've thought that you understood that by now, but maybe not."
"Yeah," said McCoy, but the way he said it was just an acknowledgment that he'd heard, not an agreement.
They stared at each other, and McCoy dropped his gaze first.
"I need to think about this for a while. I do," he swallowed again,"I do love you, Jim, believe that if nothing else."
"I believe you. I love you too, Bones," he replied, and it was true, but he knew he couldn't stand to get into this right now. "But I think maybe you'd better leave for tonight."
It felt funny to say that. A year ago he would have welcomed a discussion, even an argument, something that would give him a chance to exercise his mind. But a year ago he hadn't cared about McCoy the way he did now, and the idea of fighting about whether or not McCoy really loved Kirk for what he was felt like exposing a raw scrape to a dust-laden Iowa summer wind.
"All right." McCoy stood and silently gathered his things. He hesitated by the door. "Are we still on for lunch tomorrow?"
"Of course," said Kirk.
"Okay. I'll see you then."
Sidhu would be back in an hour or so. Kirk tidied up the room, grabbed his PADD, and flopped down on his bed to get some work done. His thoughts kept drifting back to McCoy, however. This was why he'd never wanted to get serious about any girl; there was just too much potential for hurt, and evidently that didn't change when the other person was of the same sex. Not that he should have expected anything different, he supposed, but somewhere in the back of his head he'd thought that there might be fewer misunderstandings with another man.
Fiercely he wrenched his attention back to astrophysics. He was still studying when Sidhu returned, and kept on with it until he finally nodded off over the screen sometime after one in the morning.
Third time pays for all, thought Kirk as he signed up to take the Kobayashi Maru test once more, ignoring the startled look of the secretary who had seen him twice already. He'd garnered enough information from his first two attempts to be certain that his subroutine was the only way to win the simulation.
He'd been careful, this time, to sign up for a morning slot, when McCoy could be there. He wanted his lover to see his triumph in person. That would justify everything he'd done. Kirk's grin widened at the thought. Oh yeah, this is going to be great.
Jogging across campus to meet up with McCoy for lunch, he found himself scoping out practically every cadet he saw. It was the excitement, he knew; he felt as if his blood was carbonated, anticipating his defeat of the unbeatable test. It was with great disappointment that he learned that McCoy had been called to take an extra shift at the clinic that night, one of the other doctors having caught some as yet unidentified bug. Kirk had counted on being able to calm himself down enough to sleep by doing something with McCoy, whether drinking or having sex or even just talking.
On impulse he decided that he'd go out drinking anyhow. He rarely got hung over and there was no way he'd be able to relax enough to go to sleep if he didn't do something. First, though, he remembered, there was a Xenolinguistics club meeting that evening. The president had changed the meeting day this time because she had some unexpected conflict, Kirk couldn't remember what. All right, then, he'd go to the Xeno meeting, then go out to his favorite bar.
"Hey, Jim."
Kirk grinned in response to the waving hand and dropped into the chair beside its owner. "Hey, Gaila. How's it going?"
Gaila pouted attractively. "I am so ready for this term to be over so that we can get on with our lives. I can't wait to find out what ship I'm posted to, can you?"
"No." Kirk watched with admiration as Gaila inhaled deeply and sighed dramatically. Who would've thought that all that green skin could be so attractive? He was distracted enough by her cleavage that it took a moment for him to realize the meeting had been called to order, and he kept sneaking glances throughout the hour.
"Want to come back to my room?" Gaila asked when the formal part of the meeting was over, and the members were standing up and milling around, socializing for a few minutes before they went their various ways.
The invitation caught Kirk by surprise. He knew the reputation of Orion women – who didn't? – so there wasn't much question about what she was offering, but he'd figured that his attachment to McCoy was well enough known by now that no one would bother trying to do more than flirt anymore. Apparently he was mistaken, for it seemed that Gaila either didn't know or didn't care that Kirk was taken.
She was still waiting for his answer. "Sure," he said abruptly. He didn't have to do anything he didn't want to do, after all, and he didn't need to tell McCoy about it either. He'd kept up with all his anti STD shots, so however much or little they did, it would be safe.
Gaila was a good kisser, more responsive than most women to both kissing and to the caresses she encouraged Kirk to give. Bit by bit they wriggled out of most of their clothes so as to be able to touch more.
For all the coolness of its color, Gaila's skin was warm and smooth against him. It was exciting, being with a new woman again. Kirk had missed that. He hummed in the back of his throat as he kissed the juncture between Gaila's neck and shoulder, tasting the sweet spiciness of her skin. When she drew them down onto her bed he didn't hesitate in going along.
"Jim – I think I love you."
Gaila's words caught Kirk by surprise. That was the sort of line he was accustomed to saying to women to encourage them, not one he expected to hear himself. Moreover, he realized, he was no longer comfortable hearing it when he knew it didn't mean anything much. "That is so weird," he said, hardly realizing the effect the statement might have.
It broke the mood completely, was what it did.
"Lights," snapped Gaila to the computer, and sat up. They had just begun to wrangle over what Kirk had meant when the noise in the hallway of her roommate returning caused Gaila to shove Kirk under the bed. As soon as her roommate began to talk, Kirk realized that it was Uhura, president of the Xenolinguistics club, whose first name Kirk had been trying to discover ever since he'd gotten into that bar fight over her, back before he joined Starfleet. He could have just looked it up in the computer, of course, but that was too straightforward; he preferred a more personal approach, although all his attempts to date had failed.
Uhura was undressing, and Kirk got a nice eyeful before she heard him breathing under Gaila's bed and called him out. He tried to ingratiate himself with her by asking about the Klingon conversation she'd overheard and had been trying to describe to a wholly uninterested Gaila, but she would have none of his small talk.
Kirk didn't mind too much being thrown out. The mood with Gaila had already been broken, and he found he was more relieved than otherwise. He'd proved to himself that he was still capable of attracting and being attracted by women; if things were to go totally sour with McCoy, it wasn't as if he wouldn't have other options.
For now, though, he headed back to his room. There was still time for a decent night's sleep before he took the Kobayashi Maru test for the last time, and showed Starfleet that James Tiberius Kirk would not go tamely down to defeat.