Celandine's Chronicle (celandineb) wrote in cels_fic_haven, @ 2009-07-29 09:21:00 |
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Entry tags: | star trek fic hotm, star trek fic kirk/mccoy |
Star Trek fic: Out of the Gossip Loop [Kirk/McCoy, adult]
Title: Out of the Gossip Loop
Author: celandineb
Fandom: Star Trek XI
Pairing: Kirk/McCoy
Rating: adult (barely)
Length: 3148 words
Warnings: language, sexual references but no actual sex
Summary: McCoy wants to keep their relationship private.
Note: Eleventh in the "Heart of the Matter" series.
It was official, then. He was in a relationship with Jim Kirk.
Not official, McCoy retracted mentally. They weren't announcing it to all and sundry. Or he didn't think so. Fuck. He didn't want the rest of Starfleet Academy to be gossiping about him, and if people learned that Kirk was suddenly trying for monogamy, or exclusivity or whatever the hell he wanted to call it, then Kirk's partner – himself – was going to be the subject of a lot of speculation.
Especially if Kirk didn't actually manage to stick with the monogamy thing.
McCoy scowled and cursed under his breath. He really didn't enjoy the idea that he might become known as the person who'd tried, and failed, to put a leash on Kirk.
"Something wrong?" asked Matthews from the other side of the room.
"I, uh, just remembered I'd forgotten to read the assigned material for a class tomorrow," lied McCoy, and fumbled for his PADD. He stared at the screen unseeingly as his thoughts raced.
He didn't want to keep things quiet because Kirk was a man rather than a woman. There might be a few raised eyebrows among their friends, given that McCoy had an ex-wife and had been essentially celibate since his arrival here, with one or two drunken gropes the only exceptions. That Kirk had only ever shown interest in women, and a great deal of such interest at that, also made the whole thing unlikely but – as the facts demonstrated – not impossible.
But two men together was common enough in general. Kirk wouldn't assume McCoy was atavistically prejudiced in that way if McCoy asked him not to talk about their new status. Hell, hadn't Iowa been one of the first places in the United States to make same-sex marriage legal, way back in the twenty-first century? Kirk had grown up with that. Not that it wasn't legal in Georgia, too, but what Yankee law said and what the neighbors thought didn't always coincide. McCoy's great-uncle Quinn had married a man, though, and the McCoy family had always accepted Jackson as one of their own.
He was losing control of his own thoughts, damn it. It didn't matter what was legal or what folks in Georgia thought, it was the potential for embarrassment that concerned him. What he had to do was convince Kirk to be discreet, so that the gossip would be minimal or nonexistent, but how?
McCoy chewed his lip, thinking. He could just tell Kirk the truth about how he felt. That might be best, although persuading him that McCoy really would be bothered by having people talk about him might be tricky. Kirk didn't ever seem to mind gossip unless he thought it would affect his Academy records. That could be chalked up to his ambition, partly, and to his not-inconsiderable ego too, but McCoy also suspected that Kirk was trying to measure up to his father. He didn't know much about the late George Kirk, only that he'd been a Starfleet lieutenant, then acting captain of the Kelvin for a few minutes before his death, at the very time Kirk himself was born.
Hard to live up to something like that, McCoy knew. Thank god his mother hadn't given him his father's name. McCoy'd known far too many Juniors and Treys who'd wasted their lives either trying to be just like their daddies or rebelling against them. Kirk had enough issues as it was, with that ex-stepfather he barely mentioned, and always without any expression at all.
Damn. He was distracted again. He'd just ask Kirk. It would be easiest, anyhow, but he'd better do it soon. Kirk hadn't shown any particular inclination to brag about his conquest of McCoy, but neither did he normally keep quiet about such things, should anyone happen to ask.
He sent a message to Kirk, asking if there was a time they could meet tomorrow, and received a reply within minutes.
Sure thing, Bones. Cafeteria at 6 for dinner work for you?
McCoy responded, I have a clinic shift till 9. After that?
I'll be there at 9, Kirk answered.
He was as good as his word, bouncing with nervous energy on the sidewalk outside the clinic as McCoy emerged on Monday night.
"Mind if we go to my room? I really want to shower and change, get out of these scrubs," said McCoy.
Kirk grinned. "No problem, especially if Matthews won't be there."
"I don't know if he will be or not. I've never managed to figure out what his schedule is this term; it seems to change all the time," said McCoy. He stifled an impulse to take Kirk's hand as they walked. The whole point of the conversation he was planning was to ask Kirk to be discreet, and he could hardly do that if he indulged in public displays of affection himself.
He left Kirk sprawled on his bed and chatting with Matthews as he showered – the astrogation student had evidently heard some gossip that the new flagship, Enterprise, was supposed finally to be ready to launch about the time their class was due to graduate. Some of them might be lucky enough to be posted to it, if the timing worked out.
Toweling his hair, dressed in a fresh uniform, and feeling almost human again despite being tired after his clinic shift, McCoy reemerged to the sound of the other two men chuckling together. Kirk looked over.
"Ready, Bones?"
McCoy blinked, then nodded, folding his towel and draping it neatly over the back of his desk chair. Whatever Kirk had in mind to do, they couldn't have the conversation McCoy wanted here in his room in front of Matthews, so he'd go along.
"See you later," he told his roommate, and Matthews waved them out.
"Have a good time, guys."
"So where are we going?" McCoy asked Kirk as they left the building.
Kirk shrugged. "We could go for a drink, I suppose, or down to Ocean Beach if you'd like, although it's a bit of a trek. Or just walk around campus or something; Sidhu's in tonight, too. I figured you might not want to hang out in either of our rooms."
"True enough." McCoy glanced sideways. Kirk seemed relaxed and happy, grinning flirtatiously at a female cadet who walked past them.
"Do you know her?"
"Jenna Patel. She's in pilot training, if I remember right. I met her last year at a party."
"You slept with her."
McCoy stated it as a fact, with a certain amount of resignation. It wasn't a surprise, given Kirk's history, and it did give him a tailor-made opportunity to bring up the issue he wanted to discuss.
"Yeah. Over eight months ago. Does that bother you?" Kirk asked. "Because you know that's how I operate. Have operated," he corrected himself.
"And you're not gonna do it from now on." McCoy was unable to keep the irony completely out of his voice.
"I..." Kirk stopped and took a deep and obvious breath. "I don't intend to," he said softly. "There's a reason why I won't promise. I might slip up. But I don't intend to."
McCoy sighed too. "I know, Jim. It's not that I doubt your intentions." He looked around. There was a bench not too far away, facing the central quad. "Come on, let's sit."
Seated, the shade of a big old willow tree keeping both moonlight and streetlights from them, McCoy let himself put a hand on Kirk's arm.
"It's not that I don't believe you when you say you'll try," he repeated. "I do. I really do. But you're so notorious a womanizer that there's bound to be gossip if people realize that you're not chasing every skirt that passes any more. Maybe that won't bother you, but if it's known that I'm the reason, then some of that gossip will center on me, and I can't handle that. I've had enough talk about my personal life to last me the rest of my days."
He didn't elaborate on the statement and Kirk didn't ask, not then anyhow, although McCoy guessed he'd tucked the admission away in his head under "facts about Bones" and would ask someday.
"So what I'm saying, basically, is that I want to keep – us – under wraps, so to speak. I'm not ashamed –"
"I never thought you were." Kirk put his hand over McCoy's.
"– but I'll be a lot happier if my private life can stay private." McCoy turned his head to peer at Kirk. "Do you understand?"
Kirk frowned. "You're asking me not to tell people about us being together."
"Right."
"It won't work," said Kirk flatly. "As you've said yourself, everyone knows that I sleep with a different woman practically every other night. It's hardly a secret. And you don't want me to do that any more, which I totally understand and am going to do my best at"
"Yeah, what's your point?"
"If I stop chasing skirts, as you put it, some people are gonna wonder why. Some might even ask why outright. What am I supposed to do? Lie? Not that I couldn't, but wouldn't that seem like I'm ashamed of you, of us, when it's found out? And I can almost guarantee that eventually it will be. Starfleet Academy can be a hotbed of gossip, or hadn't you noticed?"
"Well, fuck." McCoy scrubbed a hand across his face. Kirk was probably right, he admitted. Such a sudden shift in behavior would draw comment... and speculation, if there was no explanation forthcoming.
"I see two alternatives," said Kirk, "but you won't like either of them."
"What are they?" McCoy suspected he knew what Kirk would say, but the kid was a genius. Maybe he'd think of something McCoy had overlooked.
"One, I keep on with the women. A kind of protective coloration."
McCoy hadn't realized that he could feel so possessive. Even when he'd learned that his wife was cuckolding him, he hadn't experienced such a visceral reaction. His stomach churned at the very thought of Kirk fucking someone else – even though he knew that for Kirk it would be essentially meaningless, a mere transitory physical pleasure– but he knew better than to show his jealousy, or he'd almost certainly drive Kirk away.
"And two?" McCoy asked evenly.
"Two, I let people realize that I'm not going after the ladies any more. I could refuse to say why – but that'll likely just whet curiosity and encourage speculation – or mention your name."
Kirk leaned back against the bench and stretched out his legs. "Or..." he added slowly.
"Or?" McCoy had a flash of hope.
"I could invent someone, but that could backfire, if I'm never seen with my imaginary girlfriend."
"True."
There simply wasn't a good solution, that was clear. If Kirk couldn't think of one, McCoy was going to have to accept it. He sighed.
"Maybe you could still flirt with the women, just not go home with them for sex?" he suggested.
"I could try." Kirk sounded doubtful. "At some point word'll get around if I do that, but it might work for a while, especially if I, you know, did more than flirt, if I fooled around with a few of them, some kissing and so on, not actual sex. How would you feel about that, Bones? It's the only thing I can think of that might keep your identity out of the gossip loop."
McCoy didn't really like the notion of Kirk even kissing anyone else, but then, he was the one making a big deal of this, and as long as Kirk wasn't actually going to have sex, McCoy couldn't complain too much.
It occurred to him also that if Kirk had the opportunity to mess around, that might get some of the itch out of his system. McCoy wasn't optimistic enough to think that Kirk was going to change his habits overnight, but maybe half a loaf would be enough to satisfy that hunger.
"I can live with that," he said, not without some internal struggle. "For now. Maybe sometime I'll decide that I'd rather endure the gossip."
"All right, that's how I'll do it." Kirk still had his fingers entwined with McCoy's. He squeezed, then let go. "Probably shouldn't be hand-holding, should we, if this is supposed to be a secret?"
"We're in the shadows, and it's late. I doubt anyone would see us," said McCoy, but he didn't try to take Kirk's hand again either.
They sat in comfortable silence for a few minutes, until Kirk broke it.
"Bones."
"Yeah, what is it?"
"Do you know of anything we can do to make sure we're assigned to the same ship, once we graduate?"
McCoy blinked. Whatever he might have guessed Kirk wanted to talk about, that wasn't it.
"I have no idea," he said honestly. "I've never thought about it, and that's not exactly the kind of thing we cover in the medical curriculum. Command track is different – I'd think you might learn tricks to manipulate assignments."
Kirk shook his head. "There are factors you can control, somewhat, like your class rank and what contacts you make with the brass, but in theory the cadets' assignments are based on where their skills are most needed. Being the top-ranked engineering student won't get you a berth on the ship you want if it already has a full complement of engineers, although supposedly they take our stated preferences into account... starting with the top of the class and going down, I'm sure. Incentive to do well."
It was. McCoy hadn't ever really thought about it, as he'd told Kirk, but that made sense.
"I'm not top in the medical group, I don't think, but close," he mused. "Maybe number three or four. I hadn't worried about it. Should I?"
"You should," said Kirk firmly. "The closer to the top you are, the more likely to get your first choice of ship. Right now I'm thinking the Enterprise, if she's ready. To be on her maiden voyage – that'd be the chance of a lifetime. And my chances aren't bad; I'm either one or two on the command track, depending on how well Bentik from Denobula is doing in a given week. I'd be number one for sure if I weren't overloading to finish four years in three," he added in an irritated voice.
"Wouldn't the powers that be take the fact that you're doing an accelerated program into account?" McCoy asked.
"Possibly," conceded Kirk, "but I think a few of them are threatened by it."
"Hm." McCoy suspected he was correct. Ideally Starfleet officers should be above such pettiness, but that was humanoid nature, doubtless even true of Vulcans despite their vaunted logic and emotional control.
"I do know one way to get someone assigned to the same ship as me, but it's not something that would work very well for you," he said.
"What is it?" Kirk grabbed McCoy's hand again and stood, pulling McCoy up with him. "Come on, let's walk, I'm tired of sitting still."
"Get used to it. Starships are not planets, with room to roam," said McCoy.
"No, but they have gyms and things, and there are away missions to planets," Kirk said. "Even if you say it's not feasible for me, what's this way of getting someone on your ship?"
"If I have a patient with a condition that necessitates my personal supervision, I can bring them along on a ship with me for treatment. It's not a regulation that's invoked very often, since it's rare that another doctor couldn't just take over. But it's the only thing I know of – came up last term in that class on medical protocols."
"No, I don't think that would work." Kirk's voice was cheerful, but his shoulders slumped a bit. "If I came down with some horrible alien virus, they'd just delay my assignment and keep me here until I got well."
"'Fraid so." McCoy laid his hand on Kirk's shoulder briefly. "Keep looking in the regs, though, maybe you'll find something. I'd rather be on the same ship as you are myself, if I have to be on a ship."
"That's pretty much the deal in Starfleet." Kirk grinned. "Didn't I tell you that the day we met?"
"Yeah, you did. I've gotten more used to the idea – organizing that seminar on astrophobia helped some. But I'm still not exactly thrilled about it."
"You'll get over that," said Kirk confidently. "A spaceship isn't like a shuttle, anyhow. You have to try to see out of a spaceship, unless you're on the bridge."
"I suppose, but phobias by definition aren't rational, Jim. You know that." McCoy yawned. "Sorry. Getting late for an old man like me."
"Hardly old." Kirk stopped and gave McCoy a slow, deliberate once-over, smirking until McCoy felt his face heat up in embarrassment. "Nope, definitely not old. Which I'd prove to you if it weren't for our roommates. That makes it kind of tricky, I'm afraid. Can't throw Sidhu out all the time, it's his room too."
"True." McCoy swallowed. Maybe he wasn't so old at that, since the appreciative way Kirk was ogling him was turning him on rather too much for comfort, given that they were technically in public. "Um. How would you prove it?" he asked in a husky voice, curious as to just what Kirk had in mind.
Kirk moved a little closer and murmured, "Why, by getting you off two or three times in as many hours, like a teenager. I know you've got it in you."
"Maybe I do... and maybe there's something else I'd like in me, one of these days." McCoy could hardly believe he'd said that. Being around Kirk made him far more reckless than he was accustomed to. Maybe after he'd grown used to them being together he would let Kirk make their relationship public... especially if Kirk really managed to stay monogamous.
"Would you, now," Kirk said softly, his tongue swiping across his lower lip. "I wasn't sure the other night if you meant that offer."
"I mean it." McCoy knew he sounded abrupt as he said the words, convincing himself as well as Kirk. Another way to make sure that when he fools around with women, he won't actually fuck them. He'd had a cock up his ass a couple of times, and it had been all right. Probably be better with Kirk, though, and he was a doctor, after all, he'd make sure to have on hand anything that might be necessary.
"Well then."
In their aimless walking they had circled back to the dormitories. Kirk glanced around and drew them to the side of a building where there was no door and no one passing by on the pavement there. He tugged McCoy close and gave him a fierce kiss.
"I'll figure out a time and a place for us," Kirk promised.
#10: Like Riding a Bicycle | #12: The Best of It