Lucy Van Warren (lucytherockstar) wrote in btvsal, @ 2009-09-08 02:44:00 |
|
|||
Current mood: | sad |
A quick fix of hope
Who: Lucy and Ash
Where: Van Warren House
When: Tuesday night
This might have been the hardest day Ash had had since the one in which he'd been told of his sister's demise. Giles had told all of them, all of those going on this mission, to go. To have one last day doing whatever you liked, seeing whoever you loved... to live that day like it was your last, just in case it WAS. It was then, really, that the true gravity of this thing hit him. When it was over, the first thing he did was grab Buffy, and take her somewhere private. He told her how important she was to him, how much he adored her, and mostly... how proud of her he was, as both a boyfriend AND as a watcher. Then he went to Pat's place, to talk to Patience. That was rough. It took him a bit to get her to remain calm enough to go along with anything he said, but thankfully... eventually she did. But now... this was possibly the part he both looked forward to the most... and feared the most. He had told NOBODY he was headed here. Absolutely nobody. And here he stood... in the backyard of Chloe Van Warren's home, the night air cooler than he'd expected... and with a deep breath, he grabbed a small rock, and threw it up at the bedroom window of Chloe's sister, Lucy.
Most of the lights were off in Lucy's room, other than the pale bluish glow of her laptop screen as she finished up doing some homework before bed. She was far from sleep, considering the coffee she'd finished off just before brushing her teeth, but she didn't mind lying in the dark while she was wide awake. It gave her time to think through her day. Unfortunately, today had been...less than eventful for the blonde. She was just putting the finishing touches on her English paper when something caught her attention. A sound. From her window? That couldn't be right, could it? She saved the document and set her laptop aside as she swung her legs off the side of the bed and stood up. She was dressed for bed in a slightly oversized UCLA t-shirt that just barely covered the top of her thighs. One could only assume she was wearing underwear as well. Walking toward her window, she wasn't sure why her heart skipped a beat. But when she pulled back the lacy white drapes, unlocked her window and pushed the glass panes outward, she didn't have any doubt why her pulse started racing. The silvery moonlight glinted off of his hair and from where she stood, he looked almost intangible. Like maybe she'd dreamed him up. Great. She was probably asleep at her computer, drooling all over her keyboard, her cheek pressing down the "/" button continuously and completely messing up her essay. But hey, she'd go with it. "Ash?" She tried to keep her voice hushed as she leaned out of her window. "What are you doing here?"
Ash felt like a bit of a goof here, really. Like some character in a John Hughes movie come to life. He gave a hushed yell up to her, feeling ridiculous. "I need to talk to you... can you get me up there without your sister seeing me?" Because in a situation like this? No matter how innocent his intentions, Chloe would KILL him for turning up at close to midnight, wanting to go to her little sister's bedroom.
Her expression really was classically comical and after a moment's thought, she motioned to the large tree standing outside her window. It wasn't exceptionally close, but it did have a couple of limbs that jutted out toward her window. "Wanna climb?" She had to bite her lip to keep from laughing. "I'm kidding! Just..." She looked down and then leaned her head back into her room, disappearing from view. A few seconds later, she reappeared. "Meet me by the kitchen door," she told him. She couldn't hear Chloe or the television downstairs, but that didn't mean she was sleeping. It just meant that if she ran into her sister, she'd have to come up with a distraction. On the spot. And that was never a good thing.
To his credit, Ash had to stop himself from just using some of that power flooding through him to just... levitate up to her. But he knew he couldn't waste even a little of it. Not now. Not after he'd just used some of it at the hospital on his way here. He need the rest to save the lives of everyone he loved. He owed that to Delilah, after what he'd had to do. So instead, like a scared child, he ran in, following Lucy, and hoping Chloe wouldn't spot them.
It was easy enough to pull him into the darkened kitchen - although, now that she was down here, the thought of ice cream popped into her head. But no! She had more important things to think about. Like whether or not she'd heard her sister's voice in the hall and WHAT was Ash doing here, anyway? Making sure the coast was clear, she grabbed his hand and ran up the stairs. Even if Chloe heard them, as long as they got to Lucy's room first, he could at least hide. But she had a feeling they were safe once she closed her bedroom door behind them - and turned the lock. Adrenaline pumping in her veins, she leaned back against the door and closed her eyes.
"I... I'm sorry, Luce... I needed to see you." He sighed, shaking his head. "Tomorrow morning... I'm leaving. It's time. We're going off to battle. And just in case, I needed to see you one last time. I needed to make sure you knew a couple of things." He felt suspiciously like a dog, even being here without Buffy knowing... but he also knew he owed this to himself, to Lucy, and to what they'd had before she bolted.
The sound of his voice called to her, made her open her eyes, but what she heard left her in the grip of that old familiar icy grasp. Tomorrow. Leaving. Battle. One last time. She swallowed thickly, but said nothing. It was all she could do to tell herself to remember to breathe. It was a long time before she spoke, and once she did, her voice was faint. "What is it you want to say?" Slowly, she pushed away from the door and walked further into her room. Her laptop still sat where she'd placed it and it was still the only light in the room. Reaching over the side of her bed, she closed it, casting them into darkness, and then a lamp went on. Dropping her hand from the switch, she sat on the edge of her bed and looked up at him.
"First..." He gulped, looking more towards the ground than to her. "I know we've been over this. But... I need you to know, I never stopped loving you. Ever. Even when you left, and I was... I was mortified. I was depressed. But I was never mad. I never blamed you, or thought badly of you. No matter what happens, even if you and I... are... are never together again, you will forever be the light to my darkness, the sun that keeps my world from becoming eternal night." He sighed, feeling a little tired now, from the energy he'd expended a while ago. "And also... don't be surprised when you go to visit your brother tomorrow... and he talks to you."
His initial words were enough to make her want to cry, and the idea that this could be it...the end...left her with a hollow feeling in the pit of her stomach. How could there be a world without Ash in it? Her mind refused to comprehend it. But even if he came back and they were never together again.... Well, as long as he came back, she'd deal with that then, wouldn't she? She never looked away from him, noted how weary he seemed. And then he brought up Kevin. Her breath caught in her throat. "Ash.... What - what did you do? He's...?" She couldn't say the word. No matter how many times people asked about him or how many times she smiled and said he was doing better, just seeing her brother in the hospital, watching him have to work just to communicate, it had terrified her...and a tiny part of her had been afraid to hope. Afraid that he'd never be the same again. But Ash.... The tears spilled down her cheeks, but she ignored them and instead, practically catapulted herself at him, her arms wrapping around him tightly. "You didn't have to do that. But...thank you."
Ash just got a knowing grin there, feeling good for once about something he'd done. "I... figured out a spell to heal him... a few days ago, actually. But, forgive me... we needed Meredith to go into this as pissed off at Paige as possible. So I waited until I knew she wouldn't see him again before she left. So that that image of him would be burning in her mind when she saw that bitch. It... took a lot out of me. But I wanted to give you something... something that I knew would make you happy. So I gave you back your brother. As you remember him." He just held her, trying his best to hold back tears. "If I don't... come back, Lucy, never doubt, even for a minute, how much I loved you, ok? Promise me."
She could only hold onto him as tight as possible, her tears soaking into his shirt as she cried. For her brother. For Ash. For herself. "I wish I knew some way to make you stay. I wish I knew some way to keep you here. And I know that's selfish. I know you have to go. But I don't want you to. Even if...if we're...not together, I don't wanna lose you, Ash." She turned her head to press her other cheek against his shoulder and inhaled a deep, shuddering breath. "I promise, I won't doubt it," Lucy said finally. "But if you've said what you need to say then...there are some things I should say to you too."
He just nodded then, the lump in his throat making it a bit harder for him to speak without starting to cry. And he knew he had to be strong here... he couldn't go off and give this poor thing more trauma than she already had.
Wiping her eyes, Lucy took a step back and looked up at him again. She wasn't even sure where to start or how to say what she wanted to say to him. "I don't know if you're going to listen to me when I say this to you, if you're really going to HEAR it, but I want you to." She sat down on the edge of her bed again and braced her palms on her knees as she thought about how to word this. "I know...that you've done bad things. I know...that a lot of people don't like you or trust you. I know that you don't always trust yourself." She paused, a slight frown marring her pretty face. "I trust you. And you might not believe that because of how things ended, but I do. You don't scare me. I worry about you, about all of the power you have inside you, but it's not what makes you who you are. I know your heart. I've seen it. Nothing you do could EVER convince me that you're not the boy I fell in love with. You're a good person, Ashton Kowalski, one of the best. When you love, you love selflessly. Why else would you have done what you did for Kevin? So for better or for worse...I just want you to know...going in there tomorrow...that I love you. And that no matter what anyone says about you, or to you, you ARE good. Leaving you...is something I'll always regret."
Damn. Ash felt the tightness in his throat as she spoke, and tried to wave it off, as if it was no big deal. "Hey... your brother may not think a lot of me... but if something happens to me, someone has to take care of you, right?" He smiled, and took a long, unsteady breath. "Just make me a promise, Lucy. Please."
Right. Someone had to take care of her. Because she couldn't do that on her own. Lucy didn't even take offense to it, not just because she knew he didn't mean it in a bad way, but because...she was perfectly able to admit that sometimes she needed someone to look out for her. She was too trusting, but the idea of being cynical and jaded...it just wasn't in her nature. "What promise?"
"Just in case this is the last time we see each other..." he looked into her eyes, his own steely and determined. "You cannot blame yourself for what happened between us, alright? What happened, happened. You're a good person, Lucy, and you got scared. End of story. I want you to promise me that... you will always keep the attitude you have now. That you'll always find the bright side of things. That you'll go on, and not be held down by guilt or sadness. And I need you to promise me that whatever you want in life... that you'll go after it, no matter how difficult or impossible it seems. I don't care if it's your musical dreams, or some amazing guy you meet... if you want something? Go after it."
If it was the last time they ever saw each other.... Fear clenched around her heart. She didn't want to think that way. He was going to come back from this. He had to. But when he told her that she shouldn't blame herself for what had happened between them, she dropped her gaze tot he floor and didn't say anything. She couldn't NOT blame herself. She only looked up when he was done and although her blue eyes held a hint of sadness, there was a hint of a smile on her lips, bittersweet as it may have been. "I already met an amazing guy, Ash. And..." She shook her head lightly, her blonde hair falling into her gaze. "You're not the first person to tell me to go after him."
Not exactly getting her meaning... Ash took that in a different way. Still... he meant it. He wanted her to be happy. "Then Lucy? If this guy is what you need? What you think will make you happy? That's what matters. No matter who I've ever been with... one thing will never change: you're the purest, most giving, most loving person I have ever met."
Sitting there, looking up at him, Lucy warred with herself. With what she knew was right and what she wanted. Chloe, Cassie...now Ash? Was it some sort of sign, or did she just want to think of it that way? She knew Chloe and Cassie meant well. But Ash...he didn't seem to get what she'd said. Or the importance of it as it applied to the two of them. But at the same time, it didn't exactly make her PURE and GIVING to be going after someone else's boyfriend, did it? Pushing up off of the edge of her bed, she took a step closer to him. "Do you really mean that?"
"Well, yeah." He shrugged, giving a weak smile. "I want you to be happy, Lucy. You deserve that." It was a short, simple statement, but he meant it. If anything happened to him... just know she'd be trying to be happy would make everything a lot better.
She cocked her head, her smile growing just a tad as she watched him sort of expectantly...as if she thought it all might click if she just looked at him long enough. But, bottom line, she really wasn't feeling very patient. Taking another step toward him, she reached up and combed her fingers through the hair at his temple. "Do you still mean it...if the guy is you?"
He thought about that... let it flood through his thoughts. He loved Lucy. More than he ever really suspected he could love anyone. But Buffy... she was such an amazing girl. Had picked up the pieces of him after Lucy had fled... "I think... whoever or whatever makes you happy... you need to go after." Not that he exactly wanted to have to choose one over the other, or that he wanted Lucy and Buffy to end at blows over him (of all people!), but he also knew that he wasn't ready to just let Lucy go, either.
Nodding slowly, she let her hand fall away, but somehow her fingers found his and curled in the warmth of his hand. "Okay. I promise. I will." It probably wasn't how he'd meant that promise to go, but in the end, it was all the same. "You're going to come back from this. I know you are. Thinking about the possibility that you might not...well, I won't do that. I can't. But...." It was so hard to be positive when the threat was out there. And she meant it when she said couldn't even think about him not returning, but at the same time the possibility was real. "I understand...if you don't wanna be here. Or...if you can't. But...if there's nothing else you have to do...will you stay? With me? For a little while?"
"....Yeah. I can stay for a little while." He knew he needed his rest. A good night's sleep before this all. But come on... like he was going to get much sleep anyway? Might as well spend another hour or two with the one person who somehow always found a way to calm his nerves. "I can definitely stay for a little while."