Rita Skeeter leads a scandalous love life. (ex_busybody681) wrote in blurred_media, @ 2009-08-29 18:14:00 |
|
|||
Entry tags: | ! [1980-08] august, news: witch weekly, rita skeeter |
Witch Weekly page 13
MORNING WORKOUTS YOU’LL ACTUALLY WANT TO DO, Page 03!
WHAT WERE THEY THINKING?- THE WORST DRESSED,
Head of the Rehabilition Centre, Gaius Travers wins our medal for worst dressed of the week in his polkadotted bowtie and suspenders. Clearly he did not read our article two weeks ago on why Polka Dotted Bowties are always a bad decision. We greatly respect your work, Mr Travers, but maybe you should hire a stylist. It looks like your baby sister picked out your outfits for you. |
LIAISONS IN LONDON So I guess it’s time for a confession. Recently, I’ve been sleeping with a lot of married men. Well, by a lot, I mean two, but it’s been quite a lot of times. I’m sure you can guess who these men are, so I won’t spell it out for you, but needless to say my sex life has been both youthful and animalistic. But I bet you’re sitting there not seething with envy over my oh-too-amazing sex life, but judging me. How could she do this? You’re asking yourself. Marriage is sacred, how could she ruin a bond between a happy couple! You’re yelling at the magazine. But I have an answer for you. Marriage is a joke. These men aren’t happy in their marriages. No one is happy in their marriage. Sure, they might seem happy, but trust me, everyone thinks about cheating, and you know what? Most people do. So stop judging and start paying attention, because if there’s one thing I’ve learned in being a twice-mistress it’s that sex with married men is the best sex. | page 25 First, the men are better at sex because, well, they’re not virgins, and usually even if they married that way, by the time they cheat, they’ve had enough sex to realise their wife isn’t very good at it. Second, you’ve got this whole taboo about sex with a married man. There’s an excitement about it all. What if I get caught? What if he gets caught? I can’t believe I’m doing this! Etc etc etc. Third, usually you’re sneaking off somewhere, and that’s the best part. Put those three things together and BAM! You’ve got some of the best sex you will ever have in your lifetime. Now a warning to those of the faint of heart. Mistressing is not for everyone. If you can’t take the heat, stay out of the kitchen. But for those of you who are sexually adventageous like me, you might give it a try, you never know the fun you’re missing until you try it for yourself. So not the most moralistic of lessons, true, but a good one nonetheless. But I have to go, Husband Number One is on his way, and we’re about to get very feral. |