remus lupin is finally at peace. (moonstricken) wrote in blurred_lines, @ 2009-07-03 20:45:00 |
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Entry tags: | ! [1980-07] july, ! group threads, remus lupin, sirius black |
Who: The Order of the Phoenix.
What: Saying goodbye to Marlene.
When: 3 July 1980, around 7:00 PM.
Where: The Order safehouse.
Status: OOC/IC Thread.
Rating: PG or PG-13 for possible language.
For as many times as Remus had attended funerals over the past several months, this one was vastly different -- this time he didn't have Marlene at his side to comfort as he sat silently in his own thoughts while everyone else spoke. This time, he wouldn't be going home with Marlene to hold her in their bed -- in their home -- as they tried not to wonder who would be next. This time it was her. He had to speak of his wife in the past tense, and somehow this seemed to be far more of a challenge than anything he had faced all year. Remus felt as if facing the Dark Lord himself would be easier than this, and if it meant that Marlene could still be here, he'd do just that. But he couldn't. Instead, he had to stand in front of the remaining members of the Order of the Phoenix and speak about all the wonderful things Marlene would never get to experience again. He avoided eye contact, not wanting to see anymore of their pity or sympathy, not wanting to hear anymore words of comfort. Talking personally to someone seemed like such a daunting task to him right now that he was attempting to avoid it as much as he could, and he barely acknowledged anyone as they arrived. When he began to speak his voice was detached and monotone, as if reading out of a textbook, as if his heart wasn't really in it -- he still wasn't ready to say goodbye. He kept eyes on the eulogy he'd prepared -- instructions he could mindlessly read, something he could separate himself from to make it easier -- so he wouldn't have to see that James and Peter were not there. "Marlene was my wife of -- of eight months, and she was my best friend -- I don't think there is enough time in the day if I were to attempt to list all the ways in which she has changed my life. I think we can all say that she has effected every one of us in some way. She is -- was just that kind of person; she always managed to squeeze her way into your life, for better or for worse, whether you wanted her to or not -- and I couldn't be more thankful for that. She was passionate about all the things she loved and believed in, and she never let anyone keep her down for long. She was strong, and she was a fighter -- certainly, one of the bravest people I've known, if not due to courage alone, then due to sheer determination to make the world a better place, despite all odds. I am sure that all of us have fond memories of Marlene. I'd like to take a moment to share some of mine. It was a little over a year ago -- back in May -- when she and I had frequently been paired together for patrol duty. I'm not quite sure where she came up with the idea -- be we had decided to cause a little mischief by stealing one of the albino peacocks from the Malfoy's home. It was stupid and reckless, but back then, there was nothing to stop us. She lured one of the peacocks close to us so we didn't have to step onto their grounds, and I had grabbed the bird as soon as I could reach it; we both discovered very quickly that peacocks have very sharp talons and an equally sharp beak. I'm not sure putting up with that bird during the days we kept it was entirely worth the effort, but it's something I'm always going to remember. When I think of this memory, I'll remember what kind of person Marlene was to me. She was someone who encouraged me to live my life instead of hiding in it. She encouraged me to do things I wouldn't normally do on my own. Her encouragement helped me work up the courage to propose to her and, eventually, actually marry her. I don't regret a single moment of it, and I know that I will never meet another person like her in my lifetime. I will always love her." An introduction. A memory. Personalisation. It was an easy formula to follow. He tried to smile, but he couldn't -- it was just so damn hard -- and his eyes drifted over to look at the wedding band on his finger. "I'm sure she would have rolled her eyes at me for writing something so traditionally to read during this, but I think she would have understood that I wouldn't be able to write one any other way without her help -- she was always --" And then he couldn't speak anymore. There were only a few lines left in the eulogy, and once they'd been read, it would be over. All of it would be over. It would be the end and he didn't want to be the one to finish it. Remus wasn't going to finish this, that much was clear. It wasn't the first time anyone had been unable to finish their goodbyes, but getting overemotional wasn't usually something he would equat with Remus. Maybe that was why, then. It was Marlene. There wasn't really anything else you could say. It was amazing he'd gotten this far. Sirius moved quickly, tapping his shoulder and whispering, "Do you want me to-" He started, taking a look the speech. With a nod, the speech was shoved into his hand and he found that he was dry in the mouth, but that beat being weepy right now. You take care of your friends, it's what you do. He cleared his throat and continued from paper, "She was always proud of being different and believed in fighting for the right and freedom to be different." He couldn't surprise the smile at the memory of a thousand things they'd done that they couldn't have done without Marlene Trouble McKinnon or Lupin. "We need to keep fighting that fight. Not just for her, for Marlene, but for everyone else who has died for this cause, too." He put the paper down and took a deep breath, "There's nothing else to say." Sirius reached over to rub Remus' back and shoulders. Today was always going to be hell. |