Elle "hates thestrals" Abercrombie (abandonedheart) wrote in blurred_lines, @ 2008-09-09 10:23:00 |
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Al was in his room, slowly packing his things when there was a knock on the door. He stopped in the middle of folding a shirt and furrowed his brow. The second time in the space of two hours. Dedalus had been here earlier, and after much bullying, Al had finally agreed to stay with him. It was two-fold: he couldn't stay here, of that he was certain. And he didn't especially want Dedalus to be alone in that big house. The pair had been friends for a long time, and in truth, Al didn't have a better one. There was no one else that was always there, always willing to lend a hug, a word, a shoulder. At least not since Elle left. He padded down the stairs, taking a little more freedom as his mother had left for work - or something anyway - twenty minutes ago. As he approached the door, he slowed a bit, once again, finding his wand before glancing through the peephole. Speak of the devil. His heart was suddenly in his throat as he put his wand away and unlocked the door. Al had to take a steadying breath before opening it, eyeing Elle suspiciously. "...Hello." Elle had gone home after work and had paced her apartment. After her talk with Sirius and with Kate, she wanted to go talk to Al. She wanted to clear the air between them. It might not be the smartest thing ever, but she couldn't do this. He had been her friend for years before they started their relationship, and having him this angry and dismissive toward her wasn't working. No, she still couldn't accept his being a werewolf. She wasn't ready for all this madness, but with Des gone, she realized that she didn't quite have the luxury of time. After logically putting her ducks in a row, she apparated to the safezone where Al's parents lived. She was glad she had asked Dedalus where Alastor was, and glad that she had been to the house before. She flashed her Ministry badge and went through, finding the house after a few minutes of searching. She knocked on the door and waited, hoping beyond hope that he was actually home. And then the door was open and there he stood before her. That awkward polar feelings of longing and repulsion washed over her again, and she pushed them down. "Hello." She crossed her arms over her chest and stared up at him from her vantage point a step below him. "We need to talk." Al did his best to keep his face neutral - mostly just dropping his eyes and finally stepping back from the door to let her in. It was against his better judgment. She didn't have any right to be here, not really. And he thought he knew what this was about. But he let her in anyway and closed the door behind her, this time taking the time to lock it. He couldn't find it in himself to really care if she felt locked in. She was a capable auror, he was sure she could find her way out when it was time. He turned to look at her, only capable of holding her gaze for a couple seconds before dropping it and idly crossing his arms over his chest. "This isn't your decision to make, Elle," he said, deciding it'd be better to simply get right to the point. Playing stupid about the reason of her being here was, well... stupid. She was glad he didn't pussyfoot around the subject at hand; she really wasn't in the mood. "Perhaps not, but I'm not the only one who thinks you are making a mistake, and I am not going to let you do this. I know you, Alastor, and I know that you will regret it for the rest of your life if you don't go. No one is going to get hurt at the funeral, Al. And you have to go." She glanced at the locked door, and her heartbeat sped up. It was probably out of fear, but she mentally told herself it was a ridiculous fear. Al wouldn't hurt her. She would be more likely to hurt him than vice versa. Not that she wanted to. Shake him a little, sure. But not hurt him seriously. Ah, and there it was. He hadn't been completely honest about his reasons for not wanting to go to the funeral. It was true, he thought he was a danger to those close to him now, and it wasn't fair to put them at that much more risk by being there. But it made him sick to even think about it. He could never quite get the image of Desmond's body hanging from the ceiling since it had happened. The Department of Mysteries would do a good job with the bruises and the broken bones... but Al knew what had happened, and no amount of magic could change the fact that his brother was gone and that it was his fault. "And just what d'you think you're going to do if I don't?" he snapped back, hiding his hurt with anger - that was easier. "I will drag you there if I have to, Al. And don't think I can't, or that I can't get your friends to help either. I know how hard this is, trust me," after all, it was her fault, her negligence, that caused her mother's death, "but I also know that this isn't the way to go. This isn't how you need to deal with this. I know that you think I have no right to be here, and I probably don't, but this whole goddamn situation doesn't mean that I don't care and that I'm going to let you do something foolish." Her own anger, though more like frustration, responded to him, and she clenched her jaw as she glared at him. He could only glare back for a second before dropping his eyes, knowing all the pain was so close to showing. He couldn't let her see. It wasn't her place to see any more. He turned on a heel (moving more fluidly than he had the last time they'd seen each other, certainly) and moved to go up the stairs. Maybe she'd just leave. He had packing to do. "Alastor, don't ignore me!" She followed him and reached out and grabbed his wrist to turn him to her. It was their first contact since the hospital, and she remembered the need to be gentle with him. She was forceful but not violent when she gripped his wrist and turned him as she stepped around to face him. "I know you're goddamn hurting, but trying to be the martyr isn't going to help anyone, least of all, you!" Al opened his mouth to argue, but stopped as her hand closed around his wrist. He was too surprised to pull away and really could only barely listen to what she was saying. All his attention was suddenly on her hand on him. He had no response for her. His eyes darted between her face and her hand and then finally to the floor. "I'm not... trying to do anything," he said finally, softly. There was all the pain, injected deep into a few words. There was almost no strength behind them. "I don't know what to do." Elle swallowed and almost let him go. But Sirius' words echoed in her head, and she suddenly knew that she had to face her fears head on. In order to conquer them, she had to face them, and he needed to know that she was there for him. Sacrifice. Wasn't that what relationships were about? She took a tentative step forward, and laid her forehead on his, her hand sliding up from his wrist to his bicep, "No one is expecting you to know what to do, Al. In fact, we all would be shocked if you did. Let us help you though. Let me help you." She raised her forehead from his as she studied his face, unmarred from the attack; the face of the man she had grown to love, and the face of the man she had feared for the past month. She swallowed, tentative, and raised a shaky hand to his cheek. When her fingers rested there, they steadied, and she did something so impulsive and out of character, she shocked even herself. She leaned in and kissed him. Gently, yet passionately, but she didn't force it on him. She pulled away, just barely, and left her fingers to linger on his cheek. He could hardly believe what was happening. Al very nearly pinched himself to make sure he wasn't dreaming. But then the likelihood of this being a dream was very remote - he didn't sleep without potions any more, and if he did they were filled with nightmares. Her forehead pressed against his was so familiar, felt so completely right and natural that he couldn't seriously think about pulling away from her. And when she did to look at him, he fully met her eyes for the first time since they'd seen each other at the hospital. This time he let her see, mingled with all the hurt and pain from the last month was his overwhelming and complete love for her. He could and had been so angry... but if he was honest to himself, and he would do anything to have her back. To have this again. And then very suddenly it was. Her lips pressed against his, no different than they had been six weeks ago when everything had been okay... before all of this. He couldn't respond right away, so surprised and taken aback by this turn of events. She pulled back too fast for him to respond properly and when he looked at her again, his eyes were wide and lips slightly parted. And then, before he could properly think, before he decided that this was too dangerous as well, he closed the distance between their lips and kissed her just as gently, as lovingly as he ever had. She took a surprised breath when he leaned back in and kissed her in return. All her longing for him seemed to flood to the surface, as well as her fears, but she pushed past those. She needed this, and more importantly, so did he. She slowly deepened the kiss, not wanting to push it for either of them, but not wanting to deny this need for him that was quickly taking over her cognizant senses. Her hand slipped from his cheek to his hair, and she broke the kiss, her forehead against his once more. "Where are your parents?" If she was going to open this floodgate, she needed to know. It looked like she was going to try and take more of Sirius' advice than she had originally anticipated. His brain felt mushy and slow as she asked her question, and it took a second to get his breath back. "Uhm," he set his hands gently on her sides, finding the comfort in this all over again. "Work and... work, so far as I know." He pressed another gentle kiss to her lips, brief but deep. He didn't want to stop. Remus hadn't been wrong about having too much energy. She leaned into him ever so slightly when he touched her. As soon as she knew that his parents were out of the house, she returned his brief kiss with a longer one. Her mind was screaming for her to stop, telling her that this was madness, but she knew that she had been living in madness since mid-August, and she was sick of it. She wanted normalcy. And while things would never be normal again, maybe she just needed to kick her process off the ground. She knew, somewhere in the back of her screaming mind, that this was a bad idea for her own safety. If she went ahead with this, she would not be able to walk away. This would be her return to him. But right now she couldn't hear that tiny voice amid the feeling of his lips on hers and his hands on her waist; her desire for him completely overrode everything else. Al gently returned her kisses, letting their kisses smother protests about how this might possibly not be a good thing. He hadn't had his first transformation. He didn't know what he was supposed to expect, and what might possibly happen after that. There was the Order's invitation looming over his head, a decision he had chosen not to make yet. And above everything, his brother's funeral was tomorrow. But this... felt good. A good distraction, and for a moment he could pretend to have her back. He didn't really know what would happen after this, but for now, this was okay. So Al pulled her a half inch closer and slid his arms around her waist as he pressed gentle kisses to her lips. Elle didn't know how long they stood there at the foot of the steps, exchanging kisses she had missed terribly in their time apart. She was just going to go with it. She wasn't going to ask questions, at least not now. There would be time for questions and discussions later. Right now, all she wanted was this (relatively) uncomplicated moment. Reluctantly she broke their kiss and smiled softly, "I... shouldn't stand here and snog you in the middle of the hallway," she paused, for barely half a breath, "who knows when your parents will get home. Oh the horror." It was a light tease, and her voice was a whisper, but she leaned and kissed his cheek softly anyway. She wanted him so much, but she wanted him to draw the line. He was slightly flushed when she pulled away, breathless from kissing. He glanced quickly at the door, the smallest of smiles pulling at lips at the juvenile worry of his parents walking in on them. He turned his head again to press an few idle kisses to her neck. "Well, we can't have that," he whispered softly against her ear. And with that he took her hand and tugged her gently but insistently up the stairs, into the room he was staying in. His things were scattered about the room - socks on the floor and all - and half his closet on his bed. He'd been in the middle of packing after all. "Uh," he pulled his wand out of his sleeve and flicked it impatiently at the pile of things covering his bed, sending it in a pile to a chair. She followed him without much prodding, and raised her eyebrows at the mess, "Leaving?" She noticed what things moved from where, and couldn't help but smirk, knowing they were on the same wavelength. However, she wasn't going to let herself turn back, and so she walked around and took his hand, pulling him to follow her. She then drew him in and kissed him, deeper this time, and melted gently back onto the bed. Al gave the smallest of smiles and followed her to the bed, laying nearly on top of her. For a moment there was too much pressure on his shoulder and he pulled away from the kiss and inhaled sharply in pain. He shifted to his other elbow, frustrated that he still hurt. Elle pulled away immediately, concern written all over her features, and she touched his cheek gently, "What is it?" She bit her lip and then began to shift, "Here..." She gently guided him so that he laid on the bed instead of her, and she laid next to him, barely any of her weight on him at all, "Better?" "Shoulder," he mumbled, far from protesting as he moved to his back. He settled against the mattress under her and wrapped his arms around her waist. "Much better." Al pressed a few absent kisses to her neck before simply snuggling against her, holding her to him. He whispered gently against her ear. "I love you." "I love you too," she barely whispered back to him, "I wouldn't be here if I didn't." She pulled away and propped herself up on her elbow so she could look at him properly and then leaned down and kissed him, almost fiercely. They could chat and speak lovingly to one another later. Now, right now, she needed to not give her mind time to take over and tell her this was a poor decision, whether it was or not. He made a small noise in the back of his throat at her kiss and hungrily returned it, giving himself to them again. His hands slid up the back of her shirt, skittering gently across bare skin as he deepened their kiss. She loved him and she was here and that was all that mattered for now. He might wonder later, but she was perfect where she was. And she was right: he needed this. She arched against his side when he touched her, and she returned his kisses with as much passion as he gave her. The further this went, the more she realized she needed it as much as he did, and her hands began to wander, just like they had before she had left him. She reached the hem of his shirt, and her fingers made their way into his shirt. The pads of her fingers stayed though, when she felt him tense under her touch. She broke the kiss and looked at him softly, "Are you okay?" And was what was different this time. His heart was pounding in his chest at her touch, a bundle of nerves suddenly squirming in his stomach. Would she be okay with this? With that? Up until now... he couldn't remember her seeing any of the damage from that night. So Al dropped his eyes a bit, "Yeah..." he answered hesitantly. "I just..." he trailed off, unsure of how to voice his concern. "It's all right," she whispered, and kissed him gently on the neck. She took a breath and then let her fingers run up the rough skin where he had been hurt, up to the smooth skin of his chest. She kissed his earlobe and nibbled gently, and her fingers curled into his skin there. She kissed from his ear, down his jaw, and finally claimed his lips again. He trembled slightly under her fingers, unable to really control it as he let her fingers explore the changes. Her kisses were good distractions though, and by the time she got to his lips he had relaxed enough to return them, albeit slightly more hesitant. He broke away after a moment, sighed shakily and then slowly pushed them into a sitting position. The nerves in his stomach were apparent on his face, but he pulled at his shirt anyway, slowly stripping himself of it with little more than a wince. His back was the worst, dozens of scars from the claw marks raking down between the middle of his shoulder blades to the small of his back. Al didn't quite meet her eyes right away, and when he did, there was clear apprehension. Elle watched him expectantly and when his shirt came off, she hesitantly reached out and let her fingers trail along the edge of the raw and healing skin. She took in his scarred arms and his side, and her heart ached for him. She met his gaze and touched his cheek, "The scars... they don't matter, Alastor." She leaned up and kissed him softly, "But this doesn't have to happen if you're not okay... with it..." He gently returned her kiss and gave a steadying breath. "No, I...I want to," he said softly and nearly forced himself to calm down. If she didn't care, then neither should he. Al gave himself to her kisses again, using them to block out his nerves. After a moment, he played with the hem of her shirt and broke away to finally pull it over her head. He took no time in pulling her in to kiss her again. It would have to be slow... and it would have to be gentle. But that was okay. That was better even. There was this moment, and it would flow seamlessly into the next... and they would both still be here. That was enough. Elle stirred, wrapped in a sheet and Al's arms. She looked down at him, and a soft smile touched her lips. She slipped out from the sheets, slowly, and lightly padded to the ground. She picked up her clothes from where they had been deposited earlier and slowly donned them. She looked at Al and the soft smile dissolved into a soft frown. She wasn't sure where to go from here. If she left him again, he'd never recover. But was she really ready to pick up where they left off? She glanced over to him and then settled into the bed. She ran the backs of her fingers against his cheek gently and leaned forward to kiss his forehead, "Alastor." She hated to wake him... but she would have to go to work eventually and she didn't know the time. They had probably slept for a fair while, and she thought they needed to talk before she left. Alastor was not the deep sleeper he'd been any more. Not without a potion, anyway. He woke with a start and looked uncharacteristically wide awake for having just opened his eyes. Still, he rubbed them with the heels of his hands and then pushed himself into a sitting position, the sheet falling away from his chest. When he yawned, there was a certain wolfish characteristic and there might have been the slightest more point to his canines. But when he closed his mouth and blinked, he simply looked like Al again. His eyes fell on her, already dressed, and the smallest of frowns touched his face. "...Hi," he said simply. She watched him wake, and some of her fears came to the surface, but she shoved them back down again. She was probably imagining that his teeth were sharper or that he looked a little more pointed when he yawned. She was being hypersensitive, and that wasn't what they needed that moment. "I'm sorry to wake you," she said softly, "but I didn't know the time, and I thought that... that we should talk before I have to go..." She didn't know how to say that without sounding like she was going to leave him again, but she didn't want to tell him she wouldn't leave until they decided where they stood, and what kind of parameters they were going to set. Al bit at his bottom lip before rolling over to pull his watch out of the drawer. Time didn't have much meaning to him any more. Wearing it all the time seemed rather useless. "It's... nearly two," he said, as if hoping that would mean that she didn't have to leave. He put his watch down and reached down for his pants, getting up to pull them back on before glancing up at her again. "But... you're.. probably right. About... talk, I mean." He wanted to know where they stood, absolutely. He didn't want to push anything, not now. Not when she was back... sort of... he thought. "Thanks," she said in response to the time, glad that it wasn't too late. They'd slept for awhile, at least two hours, which was probably good for both of them. She held his gaze for a moment and then looked away, slightly uncomfortable. Maybe that hadn't been the best idea she'd ever had. What did she say? How did they come to terms with everything that had gone wrong (and had just gone so right)? She ran a hand through her messy hair and then sighed. "I'll be honest, Al... I don't know where this leaves us. I..." She sighed again and looked to him, "I've been miserable without you... but I don't know if I can just... pick up where we left off." Al stared at the blanket while she spoke and after, thinking about what she meant and what the implications were. Where had they left off? Perfect, at least between them. No real squabbles or arguments that left either of them in a bad mood for too long. They had both had their hard moments, especially when the other hadn't been around... but they always were okay in the end. He'd been happy. Even with the war going on around him, ungodly working hours and difficult situations... they had had each other, and he had been more than happy with that. That seemed like so long ago. Another lifetime. In a sense... perhaps it was. He sighed and looked up at her for a fraction of a second. "We don't... have to. Things are different now. I don't think we could just... pretend that everything was fine and pick up with..where we were." He frowned slightly, not really sure where he was going with this himself. He was more just voicing thoughts as they came to him. "I don't want to start over," he said finally, frowning deeply at the sheets. "But... I think it's probably... unrealistic... to think we could just... have everything be fine. Because... they're not." He sighed and glanced over at his trunk. He had a dozen pictures of Desmond in there. Packing was hard. "I think it's as unrealistic to try and 'start over' as it is to just pretend everything is fine," Elle said as she stared at her hands in her lap. She worried her lip and tried to put everything in perspective in her mind. It didn't help that she could still feel his hands on her, still feel they way they moved together so fluidly. It didn't help her remain objective... though would she really be able to do that anyway? "I..." she took off her glasses and wiped at her face, "We could take it slow. I still need time to adjust to all of this. And more importantly, so do you." She put her glasses back on and looked at him with the tiniest of smiles, "We don't deny how we feel. Talk often, see each other as we can, and just..." She sighed and reached out for his hands, "take things one day at a time?" Al took her hand and threaded his fingers through hers, shifting so that he was leaning against her and resting his head on her shoulder. He had never denied how he felt about her, not even when he'd been angry and wished that he wasn't so hopelessly in love. "I can do slow," he said finally, moving his gaze to the pile stuff he'd moved from his bed to his chair. "I'm going to stay with Dedalus. I don't know for how long... but I know I can't stay here." Elle turned and kissed the top of his head. When he was like this, curled against her so vulnerably, she couldn't fear him. The idea of him scared her, but this reality was... a welcomed feeling. She squeezed his hand gently, "I think that's a good idea. Dedalus is a wonderful friend." She closed her eyes for a moment, savouring the quiet for a moment before she sighed. "I should let you get to packing. I probably should try to catch another couple hours of sleep as well..." Al closed his eyes as well, drifting lightly between sleep and wakefulness as he curled against her. When he spoke again, he didn't bother to open his eyes and his voice was barely above a whisper. It was mid-afternoon, but he was tired all over again. But that wasn't such a surprise any more. He was tired a lot. Or at least he forced sleep on himself so that he wasn't awake to think about what was happening in his life. "Yeah, he is... don't deserve a mate a like him." He was quiet again when she went on, trying to convince himself that he had to finish packing and that he shouldn't try to keep her. He let another moment pass by before he sighed and slowly pushed himself back up, wincing at a twinge of pain in his shoulder but sitting up anyway, and idly running a hand through his hair. "Okay," he said simply, trying not to sound too much like he really didn't want her to leave. Some part of him still believed she wasn't coming back. Her fingers followed his through his hair and she locked her gaze with his, "Alastor, I will be back. I swear to you." She leaned over and kissed him gently on the cheek, "What time is everything tomorrow?" Al turned his head to press a single, gentle kiss to her lips. His eyes dropped though and he looked away from her at her question. "Ten thirty... in the morning," he answered after a beat. Almost automatically, he pulled his knees up, wrapping his arms around them and pulling them to his chest. He didn't want to think about the funeral. He didn't want to say goodbye. His stomach flipped over at the very thought. She returned his kiss and rubbed his back gently, "We'll get through this, okay? Together. I promise." She knew it was a loaded promise, but she wasn't going to leave him again to navigate this all alone. She nibbled on her bottom lip for a moment and then leaned in and kissed him softly again, "Do you want me to stay for a little while? I do need to sleep... but I can do it here." She cupped his face and ran her thumb over his cheek. Al automatically returned her kiss and leaned slightly into her hands, more than happy to have her back, right here. He idly played with the idea of saying no, that she could leave if she wanted. But when he opened his mouth, "I... yes. Please." He glanced up at her eyes for only a moment before dropping his gaze again and resting his forehead in the crook of her neck. He felt like such... damaged goods, nearly pleading with her like this. But so much had happened... and so much had changed. So he stayed where he was, deciding that even if this was slow, it was better than before. She kissed the top of his head, and kicked off the shoes she had placed on her feet when she had gotten dressed earlier. She scootched back on the bed and pulled him with her as she relaxed back into pillows. She couldn't think about the implications of all of this right now. Right now she needed to catch up on a couple hours of sleep and if he wanted her to stay right now, she would. "Need anything?" Al snuggled back into her, reaching down for the blankets and pulling them back up to his chin. They completely covered his bare torso, and in that moment, things could have been normal. He wrapped an arm around her waist and rested his head in the crook of her shoulder, letting his eyes drift shut again. It was another moment before he suddenly started awake and sat up. No nightmares. He didn't want her to see him like that. So he mumbled an apology and reached to the bedside table for a dreamless sleep potion. He wasn't sure how long he wanted to sleep, so he only took half of it before settling down again. It would make him groggy, but it was better than waking up to the nightmares that always plagued his unconscious mind these days. Elle settled back, an arm settling around him when he snuggled into her. She was halfway drifting when he started, and her eyes fluttered open. She watched him and said nothing... he wasn't the only one these days who needed dreamless sleep potions. Most of the DMLE did these days, she assumed, and she used them herself when sheer exhaustion didn't knock her out completely. She adjusted when he laid back, and closed her eyes again. She'd get up, go home, shower and change for work, grab some takeaway, and head back into the office. A long night, but at least she would be running on more than an hour or so of sleep. He didn't take too long to fall asleep again, tired anyway and with a potion to back it up. Al was asleep in a few minutes, cuddling into her for that illusion of safety and comfort. He would finish packing later. For now, all he wanted was her. |