InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "SQUEE!"

William Arthur Weasley (bl_bill) wrote in bloodlines_rp,
@ 2009-12-29 09:47:00

Entry tags:

bill weasley, feb 2003, fleur weasley, loc: shell cottage, type: rp

Out of Hiding
Date & Time: 28 February 2003 | RP
Post Type: RP
Status: Closed: Complete
Character(s): Bill Weasley, Fleur Weasley
Location: Shell Cottage
Summary: Bill's out of town work is complete. He has nowhere to go but home.

Bill grabbed for his ponytail for the hundredth time and once again found it gone. Gone. It had been impulsive--cutting his hair off--and if Bill Weasley was anything, he wasn't impulsive. But it seemed freeing at the time. Foolish but freeing. He had naively hoped cutting his hair might also help to release some of the less attractive thoughts he'd been harbouring for weeks now. Or was it months?

Months.

He wanted to move forward without the feel of chains around his ankles, and yet he clutched them like a beloved pet. Held on without reason except for some excuse to latch on to. An excuse for why he wasn't progressing, for why he was trapped within his own bitterness, guilt, and jealousy.

He stepped through the Floo and carried his bags toward their bedroom. Now that his job was finished, he wouldn't have anywhere to disappear to when he felt particularly angry or bitter. He didn't want Fleur to see who he had become. He didn't want her to truly know how unfair he believed their lives had become. Charlie had a child he didn't know about, and Bill and Fleur wanted bloody children and had none. None. He was a failure.

Bill didn't expect Fleur to be home from work, but when he walked into the bedroom, she was bent over cleaning something from the floor. "Fleur?" he said. "Hey, I didn't think you'd be here." He dropped the bags on the bed. "Is everything okay?" Had something else gone wrong?

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bl_bill
2009-12-30 09:01 pm UTC (link)

He ground his teeth together and bit back the defensive words that threatened to rush forth. Then he shook his head. She wasn't blaming him. She was stating facts. Although they were hurtful and made him feel less than whole, they were still the nasty truth. "Yes," he said between his clenched teeth. "And no." He exhaled and flattened his hand on her stomach.

"I'm supposed to provide for you," he said "That's my job as your husband, and yet the one thing you asked of me, I couldn't give you. And then..." He dropped onto his back and stared at the ceiling. "Everything went to hell and I had no fucking idea how to drag us out. And then--Charlie--" The name spit like venom from his mouth. "I'm jealous of my brother. So jealous it makes me want to curse him. Happy-go-lucky Charlie doesn't even want a wife or kids and bam here you go, brother. All wrapped up so nicely. And what about me?" he asked, raising his voice and hating the fact that he sounded like a petulant child.

He spent the next minute breathing deeply, trying to calm himself. Then he rolled onto his side and touched her shoulder then her neck then her cheek. When he spoke, his voice was low and gentle. "You see, I'm a bastard, but I love you, but I'm ashamed of myself and of how I feel and half the time I want to change and the other half of the time I feel like I'm right for feeling as I do. All I wanted was to give you what you wanted and somehow that has driven us impossibly far apart."

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bl_fleur
2009-12-30 09:53 pm UTC (link)

Bill's anger should have surprised her, but sadly Fleur had seen enough of it since their troubles began that it did not upset her as it once had. Concerned her, yes, but she did not immediately take offense. His words finally felt real, and that was something. She stretched out next to him, draping her arm across his torso and making soothing circles on his skin with her fingertips.

She frowned at his mention of his brother. Intent and desire were two very different things, and she didn't think it was fair to assume that Charlie was unhappy with what fate had dealt him. On the contrary, he had seemed quite happy the last few times she'd seen him. Certainly happier than when he'd first come back to England. But she and Bill had argued about this before, after first learning about Charlie's son, and she was finished with arguing. She understood why he felt as he did, even if she did not agree--she just wished that he understood why she chose to view their nephew as a miracle, rather than something with which fate was taunting them.

"Not impossibly." His hand was on her cheek, and Fleur put her hand over it, threading their fingers together. "We are not so far apart now." She moved closer, so that her body lay against his again, and rested her head against his chest, keeping a hold on his hand. "I do not want you to ignore 'ow you feel. Only to let me feel, too. I think maybe you cannot survive without me, either."

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