InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "The real McCoy"

William Arthur Weasley (bl_bill) wrote in bloodlines_rp,
@ 2009-12-29 09:47:00

Entry tags:

bill weasley, feb 2003, fleur weasley, loc: shell cottage, type: rp

Out of Hiding
Date & Time: 28 February 2003 | RP
Post Type: RP
Status: Closed: Complete
Character(s): Bill Weasley, Fleur Weasley
Location: Shell Cottage
Summary: Bill's out of town work is complete. He has nowhere to go but home.

Bill grabbed for his ponytail for the hundredth time and once again found it gone. Gone. It had been impulsive--cutting his hair off--and if Bill Weasley was anything, he wasn't impulsive. But it seemed freeing at the time. Foolish but freeing. He had naively hoped cutting his hair might also help to release some of the less attractive thoughts he'd been harbouring for weeks now. Or was it months?

Months.

He wanted to move forward without the feel of chains around his ankles, and yet he clutched them like a beloved pet. Held on without reason except for some excuse to latch on to. An excuse for why he wasn't progressing, for why he was trapped within his own bitterness, guilt, and jealousy.

He stepped through the Floo and carried his bags toward their bedroom. Now that his job was finished, he wouldn't have anywhere to disappear to when he felt particularly angry or bitter. He didn't want Fleur to see who he had become. He didn't want her to truly know how unfair he believed their lives had become. Charlie had a child he didn't know about, and Bill and Fleur wanted bloody children and had none. None. He was a failure.

Bill didn't expect Fleur to be home from work, but when he walked into the bedroom, she was bent over cleaning something from the floor. "Fleur?" he said. "Hey, I didn't think you'd be here." He dropped the bags on the bed. "Is everything okay?" Had something else gone wrong?

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bl_bill
2009-12-30 03:01 pm UTC (link)

Bill wasn't sure how Fleur could help him, but the thought that she still wanted to was enough to make him pause and think about what the next step should be. It seemed he had one foot dangling over the precipice, and Fleur wanted him to jump. But could he?

Then she kissed him. Although it wasn't a passionate kiss, it still made his pulse react, and he fought against the urge to have more, to pull her against him and kiss her until he couldn't think anymore.

But that was the problem. He always looked for an escape, and Fleur wanted him to stop. It was time to come out of hiding.

He put one arm around her and held her tight. Merlin, there were so many things to tell her. He wanted to explain why he didn't touch her, why he couldn't without losing control and then feeling weighed down by the reality of what he couldn't provide.

"I want you, Fleur," he finally said in a quiet voice. "I want you. Every day. I just--I don't...I struggle with it because I know--" His voice hitched so he cleared his throat. "It seems like a constant reminder of what I can't give you, and I feel like a--I feel like a bloody disappointment as a husband. And why would you want me? Unless you feel sorry for me, and it's this vicious cycle. I'm constantly trying to keep my hands off you...and it's difficult. So I left. For this job. But I--" Don't say it. He didn't have to leave, but he had. Just to get away from it all. "I'm sorry." He closed his eyes and leaned his head back on the couch.

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bl_fleur
2009-12-30 04:06 pm UTC (link)

A constant reminder of what I can't give you. Fleur felt like all the breath had gone out of her for a split second, that her heart might crash in on itself. He could give her...but he didn't know that. How could he? She was too scared to tell him, too scared that it would be the final straw, the thing that would make him leave her for good. And why shouldn't it? They had had a chance, but she hadn't been able to hold onto it.

And now Bill thought he was a disappointment. It was almost too much to bear.

Another tear rolled down her cheek, but Fleur didn't acknowledge it. He didn't want her to cry, and she was trying her best to do at least that much for him. "Must I 'ave a reason? I cannot explain why I love you, only that I do. It is not pity. I feel broken without you." She kissed his hand again. It was a poor substitute, but it was safe. The last thing she wanted to do was overpower him right now. "I want you every day, too. Always. And if we cannot--"

The words caught in her throat, more tears following, and she was powerless to stop them. "You are enough. I want the rest, but you are the only thing that I need."

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bl_bill
2009-12-30 04:30 pm UTC (link)

Bill caught her tear with his finger. He wiped it on his shirt. I feel broken without you. She kissed him again, and he tightened his hold on her. Conflicting emotions warred inside him. Desire, fear, anger, sorrow.

It was her last words that became his undoing. Tears sprang into his eyes, and though he would have rather died than cry in front of her, it seemed beyond his control. He wanted to believe her words were sincere, that she would never need anything but him and all other additions were just that--extra and splendid, but not essential to a happy life.

Could he really be enough?

He caught her face in his hands and kissed her square on the mouth. It was a kiss borne of sorrow and relief. He needed her. Needed to believe she was being completely honest.

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bl_fleur
2009-12-30 05:59 pm UTC (link)

To see Bill's eyes fill with tears only made Fleur cry harder. For a moment she wasn't sure what it meant, for him to lose the last shreds of control like that, but then he kissed her, and her heart leapt almost painfully. She turned in his lap, threaded her fingers through his short hair, and poured herself into the kiss. Every bit of desperation, every bit of hope that she dared to have, seemed to be out in the open. She felt raw, vulnerable, but she couldn't hold back any longer.

She wasn't sure how many times she murmured "I love you" through tears and between kisses, but it didn't seem like enough. Was it even possible to tell him enough?

Her breathing was heavy, her body drawn to his just as it had always been these six years. It was all she could do to even pause in her caresses, in her desire to just feel. "I try not to be afraid, but I am."

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bl_bill
2009-12-30 06:58 pm UTC (link)

Bill's body vibrated with want. The intensity of Fleur's kiss shocked him at first, but his body automatically knew how to respond. This he could do even though he struggled with restraining himself. He should stop. He should get off the couch and not lose control. But he didn't bloody want to.

He wanted to kiss her, feel her, love her. They'd never had difficulty with this part of their lives. It was always what happened afterward or what didn't happen.

For a few moments, he kissed her, listening to her spoken epistles of love, knowing he should pull away, and then he was lifting her from the couch and walking her toward their bedroom. "Don't be afraid," he whispered against the smooth skin of her neck.

Bill placed Fleur down gently on her feet. He needed to slow down or else he would lose all control of the animal need pumping through his veins. He took his time undressing her, moving his hands over the soft curves of her slender body. "So beautiful," he whispered, kissing her deeply, pulling her naked body to his. He wasn't as gentle with himself as he yanked off his clothes and crawled on top of her. Her fingers buried themselves in his hair or found their way to all the places he yearned to be touched. Then Bill lost himself to her, lost the last thread he'd been gripping in order to not fall.

Afterward, Bill propped himself up on one elbow and looked down at her. He smoothed long blond hairs from her bare shoulders, and yet still he didn't know the right words to say. He only knew that his mind wanted to pull away, but he tried to stay with her.

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bl_fleur
2009-12-30 07:57 pm UTC (link)

Bill told her not to be afraid, but it was difficult. Being bold with her words and actions was completely different from being unafraid, and there was little that scared her more than this. The kisses, the touches, the lovemaking--that was easy, but so had it always been. She knew that simply being close would make him desire her. She could not help it, as it was simply who she was, but the ease in the bedroom did not translate into ease in the aftermath. That was petrifying.

For awhile, though, she was able to forget herself and simply enjoy her husband. It was like the early days when they were newlyweds and only cared that they'd survived the war and still had each other. They could have that again. It had to be possible. That was the only thought that stayed in her mind the whole time, even after when Bill pulled away, leaving her panting for breath and looking up at him.

"You struggle," Fleur said. It wasn't a question, because she could see it in his eyes, in the way he focused on her but did not speak. She ran her fingertips along the creases that lined his forehead, then down the broad, pink scar that divided his otherwise smooth cheek. "But you are here. Merci pour ça." She sat up just enough to steal another kiss. It was safer now, less liable to send them into oblivion, and yet somehow she wanted it more. Wanted to know that he needed her, even in the calm, and wanted him to know that she needed him. "Je t'aime," she whispered. "Tellement."

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