i. lahey (traumatics) wrote in blackpoint, @ 2014-03-30 22:12:00 |
|
|||
While it wasn’t uncommon for Isaac and/or Allison to work long shifts that meant not seeing each other as often, it didn’t usually happen that they ended up so far apart. Perhaps it was mostly a sub-conscious response to the distance they’d had between them for so long before being pulled into Blackpoint, but Isaac never particularly liked to be far from her. Sometimes, however, it was a necessity. They had their younger versions in Hawaii that sometimes needed Allie’s assistance, and Isaac was doing a bit more traveling for work. If he was going to rejoin the FBI, it’d mean even more days apart. He wasn’t sure he liked that option, but he felt like he at least needed to look into getting back with the agency. He’d been so good at it, and he did miss it a great deal. Maybe he could find a way to make it less of a burden. It was with Allie’s blessing that he’d left New York, just to take some meetings and look into at a prospect.
It’d been a busy few days of meeting with various individuals in the agency to see how he could make it happen if he chose to do so, particularly without any real records from his work back home. Isaac was a hard-worker when it came to this sort of thing, and he’d been through this process once before as well. He’d taken their tests, both the paper ones and the more hands-on ones. He’d proven his proficiency in the necessary areas, and had gotten the scores he needed without much difficulty. By the end of the week, he’d been told there was a position available for him if he wanted it. He didn’t give them an answer just yet, wanting to talk to Allison one more time to make sure it was the right decision for them.
He was eager to get back, and traveling via wizard meant that he could do so much more quickly. He’d picked up dinner (Chinese) and stopped to drop his bags inside of his apartment, across the hall from hers, then had moved to knock on the door, feeling his heart racing just a little, as it always did when he was feeling the surge of anticipation at seeing Allie again.
Allison was freaking out, probably more so today than she had been on Wednesday when her tests had all come back positive. It meant sitting on this news until Isaac got home, biding her time and attempting not to blurt it out during Skype sessions. That was no way to find out that fatherhood was imminent. The very thought made her nauseous. She and Isaac hadn’t discussed having children; they’d barely discussed moving in together, though they were already as good as cohabitating.
It was excruciating, just waiting for Isaac to get home. When she’d told him to look at his options regarding the agency, she never expecting that she’d be bearing such monumental news not even a week later. She wasn’t sure how to feel; between wanting his happiness in all forms and being completely terrified at going at this on her own, but she could manage. They’d make it work if they wanted it to work. They always did.
She’d gone to the doctor Lydia had recommended the day before, a blood test confirming what she already knew though she had staved off on the ultrasound. If this was something that Isaac wanted too, he deserved to be there. Allison refused to take that choice away from him.
Thanks to her newly heightened sense of smell, Allison could tell Isaac was back just before he knocked, and she dropped the sweater she’d been twisting in her hands so that it fell against her still-lithe frame, opening the door with a smile. “You’re back,” she sighed gratefully, hugging him around the bag of food in his hand. “God, I missed you.”
Isaac had no idea whatsoever what he was walking into as he waited to be received, only knowing that he’d missed his girlfriend tremendously, knew she’d been having some achy days, and was generally relieved to be home. He could smell her through the door as well, but that wasn’t at all uncommon, particularly now that he was so attuned to her smell anyway. There was something a little different about it, though he couldn’t place a finger on what it was. A new shampoo, maybe. It wasn’t uncommon for there to be a little difference, even though this one seemed a bit more confusing to place. He didn’t dwell, though.
He heard her moving as well, and that brought a smile to his face, the anxious energy in him building as it always did in anticipation of seeing her before him. Sleeping alone wasn’t his favorite activity, and he’d done too much of it this week.
His smile grew at the sight of her, and he hugged her tightly as he stepped inside of her apartment, closing the door behind them. “I’m back,” he agreed, pressing a kiss to the top of her head. “I missed you too, A.”
It almost brought tears to her eyes; knowing that what she had to tell him could potentially ruin his day, his week, his month, his life. Obviously she didn’t want that for him. She wanted Isaac to be happy, but how was she supposed to drop this incredible bombshell upon him as he stood in front of her. Allison let herself be squeezed, holding back the urge to get sick as the smell of the food wafted up to her nose. Her grip loosened and she backed away so that he could come in and close the door.
“How did it go?” she asked, walking toward the kitchen to grab plates and cups. “I know you said it went well, but you didn’t really give specifics. What’s with that?” she laughed, taking the things into the dining room and setting them down. She purposely ignored the wine rack in the space, instead choosing water for herself and gesturing to the innocuous fixture for Isaac. “Tell me things.”
There was something up with Allison, Isaac could feel it, but he wasn’t at all sure what it was. He gave her a slightly curious look, but it was easy enough to justify the strangeness to missing each other and to being a little under the weather as he knew she’d been over the last few days. He hadn’t liked hearing that she was so sore and unsettled, especially when they were too far away for him to really do anything about it. But they were together now, and that meant that he could make up for it.
“It went well,” he said, following her into the dining room and taking a seat, content to drink water as well. “I got high scores on all of the tests, so they’ve offered me a position if I want to take it. It’s not quite the same unit as I was with before, but it’d still be investigative. I told them I prefer cases that help children, and they seemed agreeable to that.” He shrugged a shoulder. “It definitely could happen. I just told them I needed a week to think about it and talk to you and that I’d get back to them.”
She could feel that he knew something was up with her, and Allison stalled slightly, her hands pausing on the table. The last week had been rough, with the signs and symptoms she’d been displaying and the distance between her and Isaac. It had only resulted in an inability to sleep, which, if things were to be believed, was apparently going to be common in the next nine months.
“That’s amazing, Isaac,” Allison said, sincerity ringing through in her voice. She knew that he’d been missing his work, and while the NYPD were lucky to have him, Allie knew that his talents were far more of use in an investigative field to recover children. It was his passion, and he deserved to achieve his goals. “I think you should do it. It’s going to make you so happy.” She reached for the lo mein, spooning some onto her plate; ignoring the way her stomach churned at the sight of it. So Chinese food was off the table for now. Her free hand found Isaac’s as her other hand poked at the noodles, her face a mask of indifference. “I’m glad it turned out well.”
Isaac smiled, nodding. He was exciting about the prospect of getting back into the work he’d so loved before, and having her support for it meant the world to him. “I’m really considering it,” he said, nodding. “The biggest thing is still going to be the traveling. Being away from you this week was hard enough, so I’m not sure about having to be apart from you more often.” He squeezed her hand, bringing it up to kiss the back of it lightly as his other fork swirled into the noodles to pick some up.
He observed her a moment, an eyebrow quirked. “So are you going to tell me what’s up, Allison? Or is it just the sleep deprivation and achiness? Are you not feeling well again?”
“Traveling is traveling. It’s common for most jobs nowadays, and there are wizards to help out. It doesn’t have to be nearly as excruciating as it used to be.” Though the very prospect of him being away as the weeks went on caused a knot to form deep in the pit of her stomach; that unfurled itself into something much more sinister. She smiled softly at him as he kissed her hand, taking a steadying breath. She could do this. She was Allison Argent; Hunter and Doctor extraordinaire and she could handle telling her boyfriend that they were going to have a baby.
The thought was hard to believe when her fork clattered to her plate. She looked up instinctively, her eyes wide and more than a little fearful. “I went to the doctor yesterday. Everything’s fine,” Allison said eventually, choosing her words carefully. “There’s nothing that she can prescribe to make this go away, but she recommended ginger ale for the next few weeks. I’m going to be fine,” she said in what she hoped was a reassuring tone. “But we have to talk about something. And I’m not really sure how to tell you.”
“Traveling is traveling,” he echoed, nodding. “You’re right. Not having to take planes will make such a difference for me, both in timing and in keeping my calm.” It still didn’t change that he’d be gone for days at a time. “I can request to take cases around the area, too. There are plenty that are in New York, unfortunately,” he said. “It can be flexed, I think. They seemed really interested in having me, so I think they’d be willing to work with me. We’ll see.”
Isaac really didn’t know what to expect when he asked his question, and he wasn’t terribly reassured when she started speaking. Especially because of the fearful look in her eyes. “Weeks?” he said, frowning, instantly jumping to all sorts of conclusions that made a ball of tension grow in the pit of his stomach. “Are you breaking up with me?” Isaac half-heartedly teased, squeezing her hand more tightly. “What’s going on, Al?”
“That’s even better.” Not just for her in the coming months, but because the less distance between them, the better they would both feel. It was almost scary how naturally they fell in together once they’d arrived through the portal; especially since chances were that their paths wouldn’t have crossed back home for at least another year.
Allison shook her head vehemently, shoving the plate of food far away from her. It was overwhelming; the smells, the look in his eyes, her own fear trickling up her spine and making her freeze. This was supposed to be a happy thing. They were supposed to be prepared. Nothing was turning out the way that she had meant it to and it was overwhelming. With a deep breath, Allison turned slightly, her hands grasping his despite their trembling and, fighting the urge to vomit, said, “I’m pregnant, Isaac.”
If Isaac wasn’t already worried, the way she shook her head and pushed the food away certainly would’ve done it. Allison was the calm and collected one of the pair of them, while he was the one more predisposed to emotion. The fact that she was the one who was so out of sorts and nervous-seeming was terribly uncharacteristic, and he wasn’t sure how to respond. He turned more toward her as well, taking her hands as she grasped for his, his brow furrowing in concern.
When she spoke, the words didn’t land at first. Then they settled in, and his heart stopped for a few seconds before dropping into his feet and then suddenly leaping into his throat. “You’re pregnant,” he repeated. “You’re pregnant?”
Oh, god. His tone was somewhere between shock and something else, but she was too concerned with the fact that she’d just said the words she’d been trying to keep inside for days that she couldn’t differentiate. There was so much that had happened since her first test on Wednesday, which wasn’t limited to finding out her own bout of news, but that her best friend was trying for another baby, too. It was an emotionally-wracking few days.
“I-” But the words wouldn’t come. She tried desperately for a few moments to fish for something to say that wouldn’t seem completely trivial and ridiculous, but she was drawing a blank. Allison settled for a half sigh, half sob combination that would have embarrassed her mother had she been alive and nodded, shrugging just slightly. “Surprise?” she managed to get out, the word pathetic to her own ears.
The other emotion was fear. Isaac couldn’t help but immediately think of how unprepared he was to be a parent, how much he feared he’d be just like his father. How little he knew about babies, and how he’d fail Allison and the little one growing inside of her. Their little one. He felt so overwhelmed and so full of uncertainty and surprise. Allison was having his child. They were going to be parents, together. He clung to her hands, because she was his sole source of comfort in the world, as he tried to figure out what exactly his response should be.
He pulled his chair a little closer as he moved forward on it, moving closer to her. His eyes moved to her stomach, hidden by the sweater and not at all showing any indication of the life within it, and he tried to picture the little baby who’d grow up depending on him. He couldn’t help but think of all of the ways he could go wrong. It was ingrained in him to be a terrible parent, because that’s all he knew. He breathed a sharp breath. “You’re sure?”
For the first time in her life, Allison didn’t have an answer. Her dad, god, she loved her dad, just as she’d loved her mom, but things between them were never simple. She’d grown up never knowing them until they moved to Beacon Hills, and even then, she’d lost her mother soon after. The lies that she was used to hearing rang through her ears; tales of dealing with arms dealers and government officials all had collided into one big cover story that collapsed upon itself when she was 17. She wasn’t sure how to be a mother, not when her own example of one ended up being so unhinged.
Her left hand moved to rest on his cheek, her thumb smoothing over the wrinkles between his eyes and down his jaw. “I’m sure. I had a blood test yesterday.” Because she wouldn’t torture Isaac in this way if she wasn’t sure. Even though she was sure, she still didn’t like it. “I’m sorry. I know this is unplanned. More than unplanned. But I swear I didn’t know before you went for your interview. God, I’m sorry.” Her eyes were already watering up and she wiped the tears away before they really began to fall. “I’m just- I’m sorry.”
Isaac’s experiences with parental figures were well-noted. His mother had been sick for so long that she’d hardly been present, though he’d loved her very much in spite of it. His father’s behavior wasn’t a secret. He’d had Derek then, who’d used him and then cast him aside. He’d had Melissa McCall, who’d finally given him the affection he’d lacked for so long. When he’d finally graduated, it’d been Stilinski who’d taken him under his wing and helped him move forward. But while he’d eventually had those who could be considered positive role models, he didn’t want his own child to have to wait until he or she was seventeen or eighteen to be loved and well cared for, because he knew the damage that had caused.
Her hand against his face was a comfort, but her words and the pain in them and the way her eyes teared up set his own emotions on edge and he pulled still further, their legs tangling together. “No, no,” he breathed, almost frantically, and reached to wipe tears away. “Don’t cry, Allie. Please. Don’t cry. Don’t apologize. Don’t... just don’t apologize, okay?” He leaned forward to kiss her forehead. “We’re going to have a baby,” he said finally, and even though there was still panic and fear in his expression and voice, there was also a bit of excitement and awe, a little smile on his face.
She wasn’t afraid of Isaac’s reaction to the news, as she was worried about what he’d think of himself. Allison was aware of the statistics from children of abusers, and while she never would be concerned with Isaac and children, she knew that he would be. He was amazing with all of the kids in their lives, and Allie was more than certain that he’d be an incredible father himself. Still, it was hard to convey those thoughts when her own emotions were swirling around inside and the anxiety was taking root in her sternum.
Allison grinned back at him, her eyes ceasing to tear up as he wiped the remnants of the previous ones away. They could do this. She knew that they were capable of it. The smile on her face made a rush of warmth rush from her heart out to all of her limbs, warming her frigid arms and legs. “We’re having a baby,” she repeated, standing up to sit on his lap. “An actual baby.”
Her worries were completely justified there, because he was utterly stricken over the thought of himself as a father and how little he trusted himself with something so precious to him as Allison Argent’s baby. His and Allison’s baby, at that. He could feel his heart racing in his chest, an overwhelming pace that he was glad she couldn’t hear, even if she could probably feel it. He needed books. So many books. He needed to figure out how he could be the best parent possible.
Her grin helped to settle him some, though, even if he was still absolutely panicking not too far below the surface. He wrapped his arms around her when she settled in his lap, pulling her close. “When are you due? Do you know?” he asked, trying his hardest to keep his voice from trembling.
He wasn’t alone in his panic. What did Allison know about being a parent? She assumed that she did well enough with Nick, but he was four. Lydia and Stiles had done all of the difficult stuff from the beginning with him. She’d never had experience with an actual infant in her entire lifetime. That was more than scary; it was petrifying. She could practically feel her heart stop.
Allie could feel his racing heart underneath her hand, and though it probably should have scared her, it didn’t. If anything, it made her feel more calm about this whole situation. If Isaac was scared, it meant that they could fumble through the next few months together. Thank god. “Mid October sometime,” she mumbled into his chest. “I made an appointment for an ultrasound this Tuesday so they could give us a better estimate. Will you be able to go?”
Isaac knew he did well enough with the children he encountered in his work, and he got on decently with a lot of the younger versions of them (as far as he was concerned, anyway). Neither of those were the same as being a parent, though, and the prospect of having a child in just a few short months was almost more than his mind could properly handle just yet. Of course, when he was alone, his thoughts would threaten to strangle him. For now, though, he could focus on Allison.
He held her even closer, a hand moving to tangle in her hair. Because he wasn’t meeting her eyes now, his own could show his panic in full force. Mid October didn’t seem like nearly enough time to make himself ready to become a father, but it was all he had. “We’ll have a newborn for Halloween,” he said, chewing on the inside of his mouth as he finished speaking. At her question, his answer came quickly. “Absolutely. I want to be at all of your appointments.”
Allison knew Isaac well enough to know that he was panicking, but she appreciated his attempts to leave her unaware. In the end, she figured that if they both weren’t nervous, something was bound to be wrong. She could handle it. It was only six and half months away, and Allison had never needed to prep or assist in prepping for a baby before. It gave her a queasy feeling that rose up into her throat, but she managed to resist the inevitable freakout.
“They’ll be so tiny in a Halloween costume,” she added, moving to brush her lips against his cheek. Allie let out a sigh of relief, her head dropping onto his shoulder as she steadied herself. “We can do this. I know we can.”