susan will mend your bones (bonafides) wrote in blackbirds, @ 2011-07-08 11:32:00 |
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Entry tags: | char: evelyn (cleaver) bones, char: susan bones, char: theodore nott, era: trio, type: log, verse: this purgatory |
The three days since the ride home from Hogwarts had been largely uneventful. Theodore had spent each and every day at Nott manor, wondering whether or not his father would return to see him. He had no real interest in seeing the man, but didn’t really like the uncertainly of what might or might not happen. He had carefully constructed his plan for Thursday, with just enough time to see Susan in-between other engagements. He hoped the busy schedule would obscure the missing hours of his day, though what he really hoped was not to need to employ his excuses at all.
Susan had said that both her father and sister would be absent, but that didn’t make him feel any less skittish about his appearance on her front lawn. He walked as quickly as he could without running to the porch, knocking loudly on the front door. Theodore was a bit apprehensive as he waited for someone to answer. Being in a strange muggle neighborhood didn’t bode well with him. Neither did being outside in general. These days just standing in the wrong place, at the wrong time was enough to get you killed.
As previously expected, it had been easy enough to arrange Susan’s sister spend the day with one of her friends, and Susan had taken care to inform her mother that Theodore was coming over so they could work on an Ancient Runes project. It was unlikely to garner her mother’s suspicion as this sort of thing wasn’t exactly a rarity, and, after all, Terry had visited over Christmas break. That that situation hadn’t exactly turned out as platonic as expected was something that she chose to ignore. It was plausible enough for her and Theodore to pass as friends.
Susan was blissfully unaware of the ways her behaviour betrayed the real nature of her feelings towards Theodore. Where she normally did not care much about fashion, she had changed her clothes three times that morning, eventually settling on a shirt and set of robes that she didn’t wear all that often aside of special occasions. Now, settled in the sitting room with a book balancing on her updrawn knees, she tried to keep herself from continually glancing at the clock. She couldn’t help but worry that something had happened or gone wrong that would prevent Theodore from keeping his promise.
When the familiar sound came that alerted the Boneses to a breach of the wards around their home, Susan jumped up from her chair, only briefly pausing to check there weren’t any Death Eaters on her doorstep before opening the front door, just moments after Theodore had finished knocking. “Hi,” she said, somewhat breathlessly, just staring for a few moments before shyly moving back so he could enter the house. There was something a bit surreal about her... well, whatever he was... being at her home, and she was incredibly relieved to see him safe and sound even though it had been only three days. “How are you?” It was a kind of awkward thing to ask, but she wasn’t sure what to say, more preoccupied with the fact that he was here.
Theodore was relieved when the door opened only seconds after he’d knocked. He was glad it was Susan who’d answered, and not her mother. Of course, he smiled at her, just a bit awe-struck that he was here at all. He didn’t actually realise the effort she’d put into looking nice, but the effect wasn’t lost on him. “Hello,” he said in return, taking the silent invitation to come inside. Usually he might have taken the opportunity to look around the foyer, but Theodore had yet to take his eyes off of her. The tension between them was a bit distracting, and as much as he wanted to kiss her, he hadn’t forgotten that her mother was supposed to be home.
“I’m very well,” he responded almost as awkwardly as she’d posed the question. He didn’t think he needed return the favor, as it was very clear how she was. “You look... amazing.” It was probably a ridiculous thing to say. And really, it made him feel like a silly boy with a silly crush, but at least it was the absolute truth if nothing else. He could feel the warmth in his cheeks, but had decided to ignore his embarrassment, as usual. “I have about four hours before I’m expected for dinner,” he added as an afterthought. The book bag he’d brought was loosely dropped over his shoulder and he hoped that his selections would be pleasing. He’d been anxious about picking things to bring, because as often as they’d read together before, his presence here certainly felt far more intimate than any of their moments in the castle had ever been.
Heat immediately rose to her cheeks at the compliment. Though Theodore had called her beautiful before at the gala, she wasn’t at all used to such adjectives being used in reference to herself, and she barely managed to bite down on a shy ‘really?’ which would sound like she was fishing for approval. “Thank you,” she said instead, feeling almost ridiculously giddy, and with Theodore standing there looking every bit as handsome as she remembered, being here because of her, there was only so much she could do not to kiss him. Making sure the front door was securely closed - they did not want a repeat of the situation on the Hogwarts Express - she leaned in, brushing her mouth to his in a brief but warm kiss.
“Four hours,” Susan repeated, after she’d reluctantly pulled back. She smiled. It sounded like a lot, but not nearly enough at the same time, and she quickly slipped her hand into his, unwilling to go without physical contact for even a minute. She debated the wisdom of this as she led him through to the living room and into the direction of the kitchen, where her mother was humming along merrily to a song on the Wireless, but if Theodore wasn’t going to release her hand then she wouldn’t either.
“Mum, this is Theodore,” Susan nervously announced once they had made it into the kitchen, purposefully not looking at him for the moment. Evelyn Bones turned away from the counter, the spoon she’d been commanding continuing to stir in what appeared to be a bowl of biscuit batter, and she gave him a bright smile. “Hello. A pleasure to meet you.” Evelyn moved in to shake Theodore’s hand, her eyes twinkling in some unknown merriment. “Susan does have such great taste in friends.”
There wasn’t a trace of sarcasm in her voice, for which Susan was relieved even though she hadn’t shared his full identity with her mother, but there was a hint of something that she couldn’t place, and she glanced at Theodore from under her eyelashes to take in his reaction.
Theodore was all grins after Susan kissed him, despite his own misgivings about doing so originally. The brief touch had certainly not been enough, but he didn’t think it would be proper if he decided to snog her properly then and there. It was somewhat ridiculous, feeling as smitten as he was, and in some ways, it was alarming, but now wasn’t really the time to consider it further. He was pleasantly surprised when she decided to hold his hand after that, immediately intertwining his fingers with hers.
As they crept closer to the kitchen, and the sound of her mother’s humming reached his ears, he felt completely uneasy. Theodore was hardly known for his social skills and he found he was not exactly thrilled at the prospect of meeting her mother. It occurred to him that he should probably let go of her hand, but since Susan made no move to let go, neither did he. He wondered briefly what exactly she had told her mother about the nature of their relationship. Although they’d never actually discussed it directly, he was well aware that what they were doing was a lot like dating.
Once they’d made it over the threshold, Theodore could tell immediately that Susan certainly was her mother’s daughter. He hadn’t known what to expect, but the physical similarities were oddly comforting. It helped that Mrs Bones didn’t seem to be judging him, though he nonetheless couldn’t help but be curious to know what she thought about her daughter bringing home him, a Nott. “Hello Mrs Bones,” he said in greeting, sure to shake her offered hand with his free one. He was a little flushed at her compliment, finding her use of the word friend a little daunting. Theodore sincerely doubted that Susan often held hands with her male friends like this, so he hoped that her mother wasn’t getting the wrong idea - he was neither using Susan, nor was he gay. “I’m- we’re- well, yes. I suppose she does,” he said, stumbling over it.
“Splendid,” Evelyn said, as if Theodore had just told her exactly what she wanted to hear. “Now, I’m afraid that these cinnamon biscuits aren’t quite done yet, but all the more excuse for a study break later, no?” She gave them a conspiratorial wink. “Tea?” She didn’t wait before turning back to the counter, putting the kettle on with a casual wave of her wand and forcing the the Wireless into silence with another.
“Yes, please.” Susan softly squeezed Theodore’s hand in support, drawing back a chair so they could sit at the kitchen table while Evelyn continued her social niceties. She wanted nothing more than to go upstairs, but they couldn’t just now without being dreadfully rude. Her mother liked having guests, and while Susan knew that she would allow them their space later on, experience had taught her that it was better to let her satisfy her curiosity now if she wanted to avoid a less aggressive version of the third degree that her father favoured later on. She considered herself lucky that he was at work. Susan got the impression that he’d never quite warmed to the idea of Justin or Zacharias coming over, and she didn’t even want to imagine his reaction to seeing her sitting in their kitchen and holding hands with Theodore Nott. She chanced a glance at him, smiling slightly, only to be drawn back to the conversation a moment later by her mother’s question.
“So, what kind of project are you working on, then?” Evelyn asked innocuously, trying to show an interest, and Susan let out a nervous cough as two cups of tea floated over to land in front of them. “It’s just a translation,” she said, grasping back to their Runes project from earlier that year, and then busied herself with putting a lump of sugar into her tea. She was a horrible liar when forced to do so outright, and the less she said the better.
Even through his nervousness, Theodore found it a bit odd that they were now seated in the kitchen - to be served tea, no less. He’d never been to such a tiny home before. The fact that they’d even made it to the kitchen so quickly from the front door was astounding. He wasn’t sure what to make of the primitive accommodations but at least had the presence of mind to realise that commenting on it would be rather rude. Perhaps he’d mention his surprise to Susan later, privately, but certainly not in front of her mother who was obviously an attentive and gracious hostess.
Theodore smiled slightly when he felt Susan squeeze his hand. It was a little alarming to have her mother ask what project they were working on, since he and Susan had not talked about their cover story in great detail. Though her quick answer at least gave him more of an idea to work with, one he hoped would not counter anything she had previously said about their study... date. “We share Ancient Runes,” he elaborated. “Professor Babbling is quite hard on her N.E.W.T. students, as you might imagine. Most of the time the assignments require partnership to complete. Susan is very clever though. I’m rather pleased to have been paired with someone so competent. Runes is certainly one of my most favorite classes, which I am certain she is to thank for.” And really, even if they weren’t going to do any homework, nothing he’d just said was a lie, which he thought Susan might be grateful for.
Susan had to admit she was impressed by the smooth way Theodore continued the conversation, making it all sound perfectly logical in context, even though she was perceptive enough to notice that he never claimed to be partnered with her for any kind of project now. It was only her knowledge of the situation and her extensive experience at reading between the lines that caused her to pick up on it. She was strongly reminded of the capable way Theodore manipulated the student body with polite words and implied consequences. He might hate his job, but there was no denying that he was good at it, even if the current administration forced him to use methods that she found questionable.
Blushing a bright red under all the praise, she squeezed his hand again and ducked her head in hopes of hiding her reaction, though she was much aware that her mother’s eyes were cataloguing every little aspect of their interaction. “It’s a fascinating subject,” she said, trying to make it sound more about Runes and less about her. While her mother’s attention turned back to Theodore, she let her wand slide out of her sleeve to cast a slight Cooling Charm on their tea, immediately reaching for her cup when she was done. Much as she loved her mother, she wasn’t very keen on prolonging this experience when the urge to drag Theodore off somewhere kept getting bigger.
“I’m afraid I was in Arithmancy back in the day,” Evelyn said cheerfully, looking every bit like the cat that got the cream as she stirred her own tea, before her expression turned back to one of more neutral and friendly interest. “Though I do hope the two of you aren’t spending your entire Easter break on homework.” The look she aimed at Susan held a hint of exasperation, though a smile still tugged at the corner of her mouth. “Bits of happiness are rare enough to be found these days.” And with that semi-mysterious comment she turned back to her batter, the spoon lifting itself up from the bowl and moving over to the sink, where it immediately got washed up.
Arithmancy was not a subject Theodore had really held any interest in. Mainly because he didn’t think highly of divining in any form - be that in a crystal ball or through intricate sets of numbers. However, he wasn’t here to debate the usefulness of school subjects with Susan’s mother, so he merely smiled politely at her comment. He sipped on his tea, not really having noticed the fact that Susan had cooled it down for him. Theodore wasn’t really sure how he felt about Evelyn’s statements, mainly because he couldn’t put his finger on her intentions. Happiness was a relative term - and frankly, he thought it was hard to find, regardless of the war.
Once he finished his tea, he glanced over at Susan. He thought she looked finished too, but was hesitant to get up in case their meet and greet wasn’t over. Of course his worries were put to rest when a moment later Susan told her mother they were going to work on the homework and hopped up from the seat. Theodore was quickly compliant in following her lead, holding onto her hand as he followed her through the house and up the stairs to her bedroom. He felt a bit skittish about crossing the threshold, as if he were invading some private sanctuary. Theodore had never been into a girl’s bedroom before because it was wholly improper - and the fact he had not dated anyone previously probably played into that as well.
Once the door closed behind them, Theodore found he was very aware of the fact that he was alone with her. He was sure she knew it too, since he could feel his palm getting sweaty as they continued to hold onto each other. Turning to glance at her, he found he felt incredibly awkward and in some ways quite nervous. Finally releasing her hand, Theodore stepped closer until he was right up against her, bending over to kiss her gently on the mouth. The contact made him immediately feel warm and his arms moved to wrap around her, pulling her up against him. It felt entirely too long since the last time they’d been able to kiss properly. The chaste touch quickly evolved into something more aggressive and demanding and for a moment his inhibitions were forgotten. When he did pull away, his face was flushed and his breath a little shallow. Offering her a shy but rueful smile, he said sheepishly, “Er- I’d been wanting to do that for a bit now.”
It was a relief to be away from her mother’s questions and back in her own domain. Susan closed the door behind them with a sigh, flushing a bit when she realised Theodore actually was in her room and it probably wasn’t at all what he was used to. She wasn’t a very messy person and had tidied up before his visit, but it was still odd to have him here when everything was so essentially hers, from the pale yellow her father had allowed her to choose for her walls, to the vase of flowers on her desk, her well-loved bookshelf that she kept having to charm in order to fit in all of her books, and her bed with its fluffy pillows in the middle of the room. She might have made a joking comment in order to get rid of the slight awkwardness she felt, but it died on her tongue when Theodore stepped closer to her and leaned in to kiss her.
Susan looped her arms around his neck as she let him draw her in closer, a soft sound of contentment bubbling up in the back of her throat. It was nice that for once they didn’t have to worry about who might stumble upon them. Even with the care they generally took at Hogwarts, it never took away all of the anxiety, a constant realisation that they would be in trouble if they were caught. Here she was free to really focus on kissing him, the soft slide of his lips against hers, and although she was surprised by the intensity of the kiss, it didn’t keep her from responding in kind.
She felt a little bit dazed when Theodore pulled away, quickly drawing in a breath and giving him an answering smile. “That’s okay. I don’t know why you stopped, really.” The cheekiness of that remark was in contrast with the almost shy look on her face, and she briefly brushed her lips to his again. “I missed you.” She’d been more concerned about his arrival than what they’d actually do once he got here, but she found it didn’t really matter.
Theodore leaned his forehead against hers. It was nice, being here. He was vaguely concerned about her mother thinking they were up to no good, but otherwise it was a much more relaxed situation than any of the times they’d met over the last year within the castle. Not being fearful of some unwanted person walking in on them made the atmosphere calmer, and allowed him to relax to a point where he could fully appreciate the kisses for just that. He found himself a bit bemused at her first statement - in fact, it seemed almost like a challenge that he should continue to ravish her mouth. But the follow up of a softer, chaster kiss and low-key admission made him smile in response, revelling in the fact that someone actually missed him. As much as he avoided it, social contact was, in some ways, something he’d craved. No, he didn’t care for the spotlight and he had no desire to be surrounded by a crowd or rally behind any political goal, but the level of understanding he thought he shared with Susan was something he’d become quickly attached to.
“I missed you as well,” he replied. And he didn’t just mean over the last few days. For Theodore it was on a much deeper level. What he really missed, was their quiet friendship. The one that had begun in 3rd year and persisted until now. He missed last year most of all. Last year, because they’d been able to spend time together without necessarily going out their way to cover it up. Last year, because there had been no worry or wonder about what might come following graduation. Last year, because torture, or worse, had not loomed over of them like a rain cloud on a stormy day. And most of all, because he’d begun to realise his attraction to her which, last year, hadn’t felt so complicated or dangerous. Theodore was well aware that several of his pureblood peers had dated halfbloods. In fact, Susan’s blood line, as he understood it, was far from being marred. The problem was that, she was a Bones. Despite the blinders he’d tried to put over his better judgement, he was well aware that there were some things - some very political things - that they would never agree on. And that, in fact, was the problem. No one really believed that Susan Bones could be a Carrow’s lapdog - not with the family history she possessed.
But now they were here. Theodore intended to use the time they had to his advantage - which meant, forgetting their differences. It would be, perhaps, the one and only time they would truly be together. Returning to school meant more of the same sneaking around, the constant looking over their shoulders. And when school ended... the likelihood their relationship would survive, in any capacity, was laughable. He had no delusions about which side each of them they would end up on. “I love you,” he said, gazing into her eyes intently. And he really meant that, for whatever it was worth.
“I love you too,” Susan said softly, relieved that she’d had the courage to say it that first time back at the alcove, that they could say this even though they had been too scared to label their relationship in the face of the war that would almost certainly drive them apart. It was difficult to know what he was thinking, but looking into his eyes, there was something that made her feel like their meeting today was about more than their mutual unwillingness to go without each other’s company for a week.
Letting one of her arms uncurl itself from around his neck, Susan touched her fingers to the side of his face, stroking gently. She didn’t know how to voice her fears, about his father’s looming presence, or what would happen when they returned to Hogwarts, or worse - after when they would have to go their separate ways. In some ways she had already said too much when she had confessed to having trouble sleeping, but it seemed important somehow to let him know that she would be here, whatever the future held. She was more concerned about him than about herself. As a Bones, she had made her choice a long time ago, but Theodore could so easily be forced into something that made her stomach clench to even think about. Even though he had not said anything outright, his hints had been enough for her to realise what would be asked of him after graduation, and it made her want to put a stop to all of this alone for him, not to mention everyone else who deserved better. It wasn’t fair that they’d realised their interest in each other at a time where they couldn’t really be together, where she would most likely be labelled a traitor by most of Dumbledore’s Army if they were to find out, but this wasn’t about them. They didn’t know Theodore the way she did, and that rather than oppose her ideals, her relationship with him had only strengthened her resolve to fight.
Closing the limited distance between them, Susan poured all her feelings out into a kiss, which was slow and intense and just the tiniest bit desperate. The angle was a bit awkward and made her neck hurt, forcing her to pull away earlier than she wanted. Even so, she was left with a sudden clarity that caused her to draw in a shuddering breath and say, “I... I want my first time to be with someone I love.”
The admission likely shocked him as much as it shocked her. It wasn’t something that she’d ever put a lot of thought into, never having understood the fascination with sexuality that seemed to plague many of their peers, but even though her embarrassment at what she had just said caused her cheeks to go bright red, she could not deny that it felt right somehow.
The kiss Susan gave him was nice. Never having had a girlfriend of any sort, it was an adjustment, getting used to the regular snogging - not that he was complaining. When he’d come over, he’d expected that she would probably want to cuddle with him for part of the time. Not that he minded... it was kind of nice having a girl who was interested in pressing against him like that. Of course, he did feel somewhat guilty he liked it for improper reasons, but Susan did not need to know that. But nothing about their relationship had led him to believe they would be doing anything more than that. So when Susan pulled back and implied she wanted to be intimate with him, he was thrown completely off guard.
He stood there, his arms still wrapped around her waist, trying to find a way to reply. Theodore was suddenly very aware of the fact that the wear of his pants had become slightly uncomfortable. Although the plaguing doubts, that perhaps that wasn’t actually what she meant, and he was getting ahead of himself, crippled his minimal confidence. Every thought he’d had over the last few minutes was hardly gentlemanly. Asking her to clarify seemed equally embarrassing though, so he shifted uncomfortably on his feet. Pulling back from her, he could clearly see the red of her face, which was enough to convince him that he had understood her.
“Okay,” he replied, sounding slightly unsure. Theodore was both thrilled by the prospect and yet, completely terrified. Sex was not something he had any experience with, which made him feel awkward and anxious. But there was an undeniable level of curiosity and he knew for a fact that he wanted to. He wasn’t really sure what the next step was though, since it seemed a bit awkward to suddenly start stripping down. Theodore hated feeling uncertain but it couldn’t be helped. As little as he did know though, there was one nagging thought that wouldn’t leave him alone. As awkward as he knew it was going to be to say it, he didn’t think they could go forward without mentioning it. Looking over at the nearest wall, and not at Susan, he said, “I’m... I didn’t... come prepared for... prevention.” He felt a bit silly that he had not thought about birth control before, but then, he really had not given any thought to needing it.
“Okay,” Susan echoed, finally daring to breathe again. She still felt a bit shell-shocked, much aware that she wouldn’t have said anything if she’d properly thought things through before opening her mouth, but since Theodore had agreed, it didn’t seem like such a bad thing. She didn’t really know what she was getting into. Of course, she’d had a very embarrassing conversation with her mother at age 12, but that (back then, fortunately) hadn’t gone into such details as how to proceed when it was actually about to happen.
It felt like her cheeks couldn’t get any hotter when Theodore awkwardly raised the subject of birth control. “I, erm... it’s not an issue.” She didn’t particularly feel like explaining she’d been on a contraceptive potion for years now, for the simple purpose of regulation. The whole situation was awkward enough as it was. That they had to discuss this at all was surreal, to say the least, and for a moment Susan considered telling him to forget all about this. Despite her anxiety, however, there was a certainty that it was something that she wanted to do, a chance to be close to him in a way she’d never been with anyone else.
“Um. We, erm... We could just kiss? And... go from there? Slowly?” Her stuttering made her feel slightly inept, but she was completely out of her depth here, and it was all she could manage. Lowering her eyelashes, she reached for one of his arms that was still around her waist and entangled their fingers, before lightly tugging him over towards her bed. With her nerves wreaking havoc, she would have liked to remain standing for a little while longer, but their height difference was something of a disadvantage, so at least her bed would be more comfortable.
Theodore was quite relieved to hear Susan say it was not an issue. He didn't exactly know what she meant by that, but it had been awkward enough bringing it up that he didn’t feel like pressing for details. He trusted she knew what she was talking about and was happy to move on from it. Of course, he didn’t know what he was supposed to do next. That Susan was taking the initiative in moving towards the bed was a relief. Theodore squeezed her hand as she tugged him along, feeling little jittery shots of anticipation in every step.
Just kiss. Go slowly. Her suggestions resonated in his brain for several brief seconds, but by the time they actually sat down, he smiled shyly at her while reaching across to place his hands on the front of her shirt. As his fingers slid down the row of buttons, he felt torn between wanting to undo them and feeling like he was behaving too eagerly. The fact that he had been preoccupied before with worrying that her mother would think they were Up To Something seemed to have faded somewhere, buried underneath the ever intensifying desire she’d planted in his mind.
Leaning in, Theodore kissed her softly, trying to ignore the increasing thump of his heart. His fingers shook slightly as he started tugging the blouse’s buttons. It took him several tries to get the top one undone. The second and third came out easier, but by the fourth one he’d begun having trouble again, causing him to pull away from the kisses in slight frustration. It was rather warm in the room and he nervously tugged at his own collar, trying to catch his breath. He was quickly distracted once more by Susan’s visage. Looking flushed, with her partially opened blouse was extremely appealing. Tugging his sweater over his head, he tossed it to the floor. He could feel his confidence slipping away as thoughts about how pale and scrawny he was flooded his mind. Scooting in close to her again he captured her lips with his, awkwardly bumping her nose in his haste. After fiddling with her shirt some more, he managed to get it unbuttoned. His hands moved to touch her sides, wrapping around her body, finding the feel of her skin against his arms warm, and the cotton of her blouse cool. “Susan,” he said against her mouth, his voice raspy, anxious, and filled with lust.
Susan hadn’t actually expected Theodore to move that fast, and she blushed a bit at the feeling of his hands running over her skin, even with the fabric of her shirt acting as a barrier between them. Their activities thus far had been decidedly tame, their hands never straying up or below the waist while they were kissing. If Theodore had discovered her neck to be particularly sensitive, that was about the only detour travelled, with soft kisses that made her shiver. Now she had given him permission, however, he seemed quite eager to touch. It was both exhilarating and nerve-wracking, and Susan found herself wondering if he had wanted to before but had simply been too gentlemanly to go ahead.
The kiss gave her something to focus on and regain her bearings, the movements by now familiar and comfortable. It was something else that she’d only shared with him, and despite her friends’ cajoling and teasing comments over the past years, she was glad that she hadn’t just gotten her first kiss over with through a meaningless game or bet. No one would be able to take this away from them. Sighing into the kiss, Susan tensed minutely when Theodore started fiddling with the buttons of her shirt. She felt extremely shy about the idea of him seeing her naked, and while she didn’t exactly expect him to recoil in horror at the sight of her, she held a lot of insecurities about her body that made her far more comfortable covering it up. She was much aware that that would be somewhat ridiculous in their current situation, though, and after a few moments her hands came up to tentatively help him.
Theodore taking off his own shirt and sweater was enough to distract Susan from her own crisis of confidence, and though she didn’t get more than a few glimpses of pale skin before he moved in to kiss her again, the very knowledge of him being half naked and so close to her made her breath quicken. She was curious, suddenly, eager to explore, and while he conquered the last few buttons of her blouse she tentatively touched a hand to his chest, allowing it to slide down slowly. His skin was soft and warm to the touch, but before she had finished marvelling at the sensation, his own hands were running over her sides and up to her back. She found herself being pulled against him, and she pulled away from the kiss with a soft gasp at the feeling of his skin pressed against hers. It was hot and dizzying, and when Theodore breathed her name against her lips she made a low sound in the back of her throat, pressing her mouth to his once more in a heated locking of lips.
When she finally pulled away, she scooted backwards on the bed to settle against the pillows. She was much aware of his eyes on her, even more so of her own state of undress, and Susan could feel her previous nerves and shyness returning under his scrutiny. “I love you,” she said softly, somehow feeling the need to re-establish that, and when he moved up to join her, she lifted her gaze to his, her brown eyes warm with trust and tentative desire.
Although he felt incredibly warm, he was surprised to feel what seemed to be a wave of goosebumps rise when Susan leaned in to touch his chest. He thought there was a burning trail left behind as her fingers moved downward toward his waistband. Even though her shirt still hung loosely on her shoulders, he could still feel her skin against his stomach once he’d pulled her up against him. It was hard not to revel at how soft and warm her flesh was beneath his fingers as his hands moved over the skin of her back. The fevered kiss excited him further and he made a slight noise of protest when she pulled away. That she scampered back against the pillows made him forget that and he couldn’t help but stare at her for a few seconds. There was something inviting about the way she looked, waiting for him to join her.
Her statement prompted him to move up next to her. Theodore turned his body, pressing up against her side, and though holding his balance with one arm, he used his other hand to touch her cheek as she looked up at him. “I love you, too,” he said firmly. Although it was true, it wasn’t really a thought that had been in his mind since they’d begun undressing, and despite saying it now, he was far more interested in seeing more than continuing with those sentiments. Leaning in, he kissed her again, this time slowly, almost gently, for several long moments. Once he pulled away, he half sat up, placing his hands on her shoulders, and pushing her open blouse off her shoulders and down her arms. Even though she was only missing her shirt, Theodore had never seen so much exposed skin before, and he was somewhat overwhelmed by the desire to touch her everywhere. His eyes were drawn to the rounded cups of her bra, causing him to blush at the thoughts dancing in his head, all of which were attempting to form images of what may lie beneath.
Tentatively, he placed a hand on her stomach, sliding his fingers up to the bottom of her bra and back down again. The touch was feather light and somewhat hesitant, but otherwise quick in movement, showing off his eagerness to explore. Crawling back up toward her, Theodore moved his body practically on top of hers, breathing in sharply at the feel of her frame beneath him and the touch of her torso against his. He was suddenly aware of the fact that his slacks weren’t a great barrier for hiding the hardness of his erection pressed against her leg. The embarrassment of that made him almost fall over to the side of her and he offered the most sheepish smile before glancing down at his chest. It was difficult, trying to remind himself that it was supposed to be that way in a situation like this, but years of his self-induced shame were hard to shake. “I love you,” he said again, grasping desperately for a distraction from the scene he’d just made of himself.
Susan melted easily into the kiss, reassured by the soft, gentle touches. When he pulled away to push her shirt off her shoulders, she pulled her arms free in a hurried and somewhat awkward movement, leaving it forgotten somewhere to the side as she reached for him again. She pressed a soft kiss to his lips, both eager to touch more and trying to hide her shyness at the heated looks he was aiming her way. It was an odd feeling to be desired, and her blush rivalled his as his eyes drifted down to her breasts, resisting the urge to cross her arms over her chest and cover herself up.
The touch to her stomach was very distracting, and Susan let out a light shiver at the trail left by his fingers, squirming slightly at the almost ticklish feel. She wondered for a moment whether he would let his hand move up higher, vaguely wanted him to, but then his body was covering hers, pressing her down into the mattress, and suddenly it had become an entirely different ball game. She could feel every sharp angle of his body, his skin hot against hers, and his weight against her made her want to push up into him. It took her a moment to realise the significance of the pressure against her leg, recognising what was going on almost at the moment he scrambled away from her. The movement caused some confusion, which was clarified by his sudden shy, almost embarrassed reaction. Susan was struck by the realisation that he was just as anxious about all this as she was. Rather than make the situation even more awkward, it was something of a relief, and a soft smile tugged at her lips even through the redness high on her cheeks. That she was capable of making him want her was an empowering feeling, and while she might have been overwhelmed by that thought before, she found herself wishing to reassure him now. The reactions that his touches evoked in her were just as new, and scary, and exciting, and it helped to know that she wasn’t the only one.
Letting herself roll over onto her side, Susan shifted closer to him again, kissing him with renewed confidence. The way she allowed her body to rest against his was purposeful, a silent way of telling him she was okay with this. “Love you,” she whispered against his lips, pulling away only far enough as was needed to speak. Avoiding his gaze, she reached for his hand and moved it up to cover the curve of her breast. She bit her lip, both at the boldness of her move and at the contact itself, the fabric of her bra suddenly feeling almost rough against her nipples.
A mixed bag of feelings washed over Theodore when she scooted up next to him again. He was relieved and grateful she hadn’t commented on his graceless scamper, as well as awed by the fact she seemed to want him to want her. Nothing said that as clearly as when she’d placed his hand on her breast. He was stunned, practically paralyzed by his surprise. Despite his lack of brain function, his hand seemed to have a mind of its own, fingers curling slightly around the fabric of her bra. Theodore pressed his mouth firmly against hers again, kissing her while simultaneously adjusting to the feel of her body, willing himself to grow comfortable with their touches. He continued leaning into the kiss, using it is a distraction from his other desires, which included the fact that his hand had wormed its way beneath the wire of her bra. Theodore found the feel of her breast even softer than the rest of her skin, but was prevented from exploring it more by the way her bra kept his hand hostage in one spot.
Theodore removed his hand, letting it slide to her side, pressing down into her flesh for several seconds before sliding around to her back. He wasn’t really sure how bras worked, which showed in the way he unsuccessfully tugged the backstrap several times. It took a few moments for him to even realise where the clasp was, not that finding it did any good. His clumsy, inexperienced fingers fumbled around with it but failed at unclasping anything. Theodore was rather annoyed with the contraption, which he was convinced was designed more for frustration than support. Eventually he quit bothering with it, instead taking to stroke the exposed skin of her lower back.
He continued to kiss her, letting the fingers on her back slowly move around, touching her stomach lightly. Theodore pulled away from her slightly, but only so that he could scoot down slightly, pressing his mouth to her neck. The hand on her stomach moved toward the waistband of her pants, which was much less defeating than her bra had been. Very tentatively, he let the tips of his fingers slide underneath, brushing near her hip very lightly.
Theodore’s hand felt hot against the flesh of her breast, and Susan lightly arched into the touch while he kissed her, somewhat disappointed when he slid it back down to her side. Her eager reactions to his touches made her feel a bit flushed, wondering what he might think of her. She tried to concentrate on the kiss instead, ignoring the goosebumps that rose on her skin as his hands travelled over her body, caressing gently. She smiled into the kiss at the obvious obstacle that was her bra, already half reaching back to help him when she was distracted once more by his fingers running over her skin, her hand slowly dropping to the side.
The combined sensation of his mouth against her neck and his hand making its way down the sensitive skin of her stomach made her let out a soft moan, which she quickly bit down on, though she couldn’t keep herself from tilting her head back to give him easier access and pressing her body closer against his. She didn’t know what it was about getting her neck kissed that made her blood run so hot, but it was almost too good to give into right now. She felt like her control of the situation was faltering, and perhaps it was that realisation that made her reluctantly pull away from the attention that he was giving her after a few more moments and sit up.
Her cheeks warm, her hair tousled, and her breath somewhat ragged, Susan was only vaguely aware of the picture she made as she took a few seconds to recover. Then, smiling shyly, she reached behind her to undo the clasp of her bra. As she let the straps slide down her shoulders, insecurity took hold of her again. Her breasts were far from perfect, neither being very large or even in proportion to each other, and when she had freed her arms she self-consciously moved her hands back up to partly cover her breasts, feeling awkward and entirely embarrassed.
Susan’s moan certainly added to his sense of stimulation, causing him to increase the rate and pressure of his kisses on her neck. He was slightly confused when she pulled away and sat up, thinking maybe he had done something wrong. That thought wasn’t entertained for long though, as he watched intently while she removed her bra. His view of her breasts was short lived, however, since Susan seemed to shy away from his gaze. His blood was still running hot and Theodore moved behind her, wrapping his arms around her waist and kissing her ear. “Susan,” he said, voice thick with want. With her back firmly against his chest, he let his left hand travel up her torso, nudging her arms away from her chest so that he could cup her right breast. He was aware his breathing was slightly labored, and probably hot against her face and neck. Theodore felt slightly awkward, but nonetheless, used his thumb to tentatively rub her nipple, not sure if that was something he was supposed to do or not.
After a few seconds, he pulled away from her, then carefully pushed her back against the pillows once more. Pressing his body against her, he kissed her briefly on the lips, then moved back to side of her face and down her neck. Now that he had the chance to actually look at her breasts, he did, but after placing his hand over one again, looked up to meet her gaze as though seeking approval for his touches. He kissed her again, while tentatively stroking her nipple in a slow, feather light rhythm. His kisses trailed down her neck, reaching the base of her collar bone and then back up again. He was awed again that she was even allowing him to be with her in this way, finding every detail of her body perfect. He couldn’t ignore the pounding in his chest and head though, or the blood that rushed into his ears. Theodore took a sharp breath, shifting slightly as he reached down to unzip his own trousers, relieving some of the tightness.
The feeling of his arms around her, her back to his chest, made her feel extremely warm and it was almost enough on its own for Susan to let go of her shyness. For a reason still quite beyond her understanding, he wanted to see her like this, and touch her, and she found herself quite incapable of refusing him. When he gently nudged her hands, she obediently let them fall down and out of the way, the fact that she was now with her back to him and didn’t have to see his eyes trailing over her naked body somehow helping to relieve her anxiety. His breath came hot against her neck, and she badly wanted him to lean in and kiss her once more. Her body continued to relax into him, and when the hand on her breast moved to caress her nipple, she let her head fall back against his shoulder.
Far too soon he pulled away from her, but before she could even make a sound of protest Theodore had laid her down and covered her body with his once more, his mouth leaving teasing kisses all over her face and neck. It seemed like he was slowly trying to drive her crazy with his touches, his kisses burning against her skin, and the movements of his fingers against her nipples making her shiver. Before she had started seeing him she had been quite unfamiliar with the concept of sexual arousal, beyond a vague idea of how that sort of thing would work, and the need that she felt now was like a crash course of emotions pulling her under. She was so transported by the feeling that she didn’t even process him reaching down to undo his zipper, her own trousers and knickers beginning to feel quite uncomfortable against her skin.
When his mouth next came up to claim her lips, she slowed down the kiss until eventually it was more a mingling of breaths than anything else. “So warm,” she told him, feeling like she desperately needed to breathe before she forgot how to. She shifted slightly, leaning her head back against the pillows and drawing in some much needed air before allowing her eyes to meet his again. His eyes were dark, his lips swollen, and Susan wondered whether hers looked the same as her hand came up to touch them experimentally, her thumb moving over his lips in a soft caress.
Theodore wanted to protest when she wiggled away, but was too scared of making her leave entirely to do so. If she thought it necessary to take a few moments to herself, he wasn’t going to begrudge her that, even if there was nothing he wanted more than her. His own body was hot, tingly, and demanding more attention than it had been really getting. His head and ears throbbed with the rush of blood while his lower body tightened with desire. His breaths were short, shallow, and almost struggling for air, but it wasn’t something he paid much attention to. When Susan put her thumb onto his lips, he automatically opened his mouth, sucking on the tip of it. He was somewhat familiar with sexual desire, but never for someone else. The way he felt his chest swell when looking at her was unfamiliar but he’d stopped thinking about what it meant sometime ago.
He wanted her. His whole body told him that. Theodore’s hands moved to the top of her pants, fumbling momentarily with the button before unhooking it. The zipper was much easier, taking almost no time or effort to undo. His fingers curled on the waistband over her hips, pulling down on the material as he quickly pulled the garment off, tossing it aside. He paused, briefly, to look her over - stunned by the fact that she was naked except for her knickers. The pressure of his erection reminded him that his own trousers were still in place, even if unzipped. Making the decision to remove them, he lifted his hips off of the bed as he shoved them down his legs and kicked them the rest of the way off. Left in his silk boxers, he felt mildly free, but in no way relieved. Theodore reached for Susan, smashing his body against hers once more, unable to keep himself from rubbing his penis right up against her thigh. His burning need for some kind of friction was evident in the way he moved against her. While he normally would have been ashamed of such behavior, his urgent need to be with her suppressed his generally prudish nature.
Theodore kissed her neck, letting one hand drop down her stomach and over her hips. When he brushed her knickers, he was shocked to find the front of them soaked and stuck to her skin. His fingers grappled for the edge of her panties that met her inner thigh, sliding beneath the material. When he gently brushed the top of her vagina, he gasped at the feeling of the warm, sticky mess he encountered. It was no more clear than that moment that she wanted him in the same way he wanted her. Theodore felt his penis swell with another surge of arousal as he entertained the fantasy of her warm, wetness against the flesh of his erection. He felt his penis poking out from the hole of his boxers, thinking it felt harder than he could remember it ever having been. Theodore smashed his mouth against hers in an almost savage, unthinking way. Both of his hands moved to wrap around her body, pulling her against him. He pressed his erection firmly against the rough but damp front of her knickers, rubbing against her several times, moaning into her mouth as he did so, and wishing the thin barrier between them would just disappear. The lightness of his head indicated he was on the brink of orgasm, but some shred of thought reminded him he hadn’t even entered her yet. “Susan,” he said again, his voice thick with desire and his lips trembling against her mouth, “I want--.” He couldn’t even finish his thought. Reaching down between them, he tugged down on her knickers, hoping she was as ready as he was. His only coherent thought was wondering what it would feel like to be inside of her. He could feel he was about to come and he wanted to make sure she was wrapped tightly around him when he did.
Susan’s eyes widened when Theodore’s lips closed around her finger, the feeling of his tongue against her thumb not helping any with the warmth coursing through her body. She didn’t argue when his hands moved down to undo her pants, feeling entirely too hot and suddenly wanting them off because maybe that would help to make her feel better. Her hips rose briefly off the bed to allow him to remove her trousers. With only the thin barrier of their underwear between them, it felt even more intense to have his entire body pressed up against hers, skin touching everywhere. It was surprising and a bit odd to have him rub up against her like that, but by the sound of his heavy breathing, she surmised that it offered some sort of relief or at least felt good to him. She was still awed that she had been the one to turn him on like this, and felt both anxious and thrilled by his desire, the feeling of his erection hard against her thigh bringing forth a whole new line of questions.
She was soon confronted with her own arousal when Theodore touched his hand to her knickers, the fabric feeling uncomfortable against her now slippery skin. His fingers against her made her draw in a breath, colour high on her cheeks, but then his hand was replaced by his erection pressing against her, and her hips rose up as a thrill of electricity shot through her body. Susan moaned into the kiss, rubbing against him without really being aware of what she was doing. All she knew was that it felt good and she needed more of that friction, and she bit down on her lip hard to stifle her whine when he pulled away from her, embarrassed by her own behaviour.
Through her haze of need it took her a few moments to realise what Theodore was trying to tell her, and she drew in a deep breath, nodding shyly. It hit her then that they were really going to go ahead with this, and anxiety curled low in her stomach as she helped him to push her knickers down her legs, reaching for his boxers next as a way to distract herself from her own nakedness. She accidentally brushed past his erection as she pushed the silk garment down his hips, and her eyes flickered up to meet his when she received a gasp for her efforts, his hips bucking up. Curious now, Susan tentatively touched her hand to his penis, not sure what to expect but finding herself surprised at the velvet-y softness of his skin. Her eyes rising up again to check that she wasn’t doing anything wrong, she then wrapped her hand around him more fully, giving a few experimental strokes.
Theodore didn’t really have much time to process the fact that they were both naked. He was only aware of the act that she was touching him. Although he’d initially gasped at the contact, once she’d take him fully into hand, his breath had all but stilled as he tried not to move much. Of course, the strokes caused him to arch his hips forward unwillingly, as a little bit of a whine escaped his lips. His mind was a jumble of things - mostly feelings, as coherency was nowhere to be found. “Susan,” he said, in something of a desperate, rasping whisper. His mouth moved but no other words came out. The hot flush of his skin enveloped his entire body. He didn’t know how long the cloud of bliss invaded his every nerve, but when some awareness seeped back into his mind, he could feel himself trembling slightly, with his entire body pinning her to the mattress. Theodore kissed her cheek and the corner of her mouth several times, his breath finally coming back to him somewhat steadily.
“I love you,” he said, feeling all sorts of warm and happy. Rolling off of her, he then put his arms around her, pulling her body up against him so they could cuddle. Theodore continued kissing on her, completely unaware of anything other than the hazy cloud still lingering in his head. Slowly, he realised that he’d failed to make love to her, which was slightly disappointing, though he found it difficult to be too torn up about it in the aftermath of his orgasm. “Hm,” he hummed against her neck, letting his lips brush against her very lightly.
His skin felt slicked with sweat and his nerve endings were still sensitive, causing him to press up against her as closely as possible. He liked the way her soft skin felt against him, it finally occurring to him that neither of them were wearing anything. Theodore pulled back from her slightly, so that he could look at her finally. He grinned stupidly as he looked at her, admiring what he considered to be perfect, beautiful flesh. His. She was his. And that thought alone made him push himself back up against her, kissing her rather eagerly. “Susan,” he said firmly, rubbing his nose against hers. He liked the sound of her name, it seemed to enhance the intimate setting. He didn’t know what time it was, but he found he really didn’t care. He didn’t want to leave at all. He didn’t want anything, except to stay here in her arms like this.
Susan was fascinated by his reactions and the feeling of him against her hand, the sounds he was making only spurring her on to continue her exploration. Living in a household that was dominated by women, she had never even seen a male naked before, and while there were things she knew in theory, it was something else entirely to see, and touch, and experience all the feelings that came along with trying to make him feel good. She felt anxious, but curious at the same time, her mind trying to catalogue his responses and take it all in.
In her inexperience, she missed all the signs that indicated just how close to orgasm Theodore was. Her gaze moved to his when he said her name, her skin warming at his tone of voice and the picture he made, lips red and swollen and colour high on his cheeks. She was surprised when his body suddenly stilled, almost wondering if she was hurting him and on the verge of withdrawing her hand. The confusion didn’t last very long, her mouth opening in a soft “Oh.” at the warm stickiness now covering her fingers, and then he slumped down on top of her and she had to struggle to breathe.
Blushing hard at the realisation of what had just happened, she shifted underneath him to get more comfortable, smiling a bit at the kisses he sloppily planted on her face. “I love you,” she echoed, happily curling into his embrace. She felt awed and a bit giddy with the thought that she had gotten him to climax, not all that concerned about upsetting their plans. Nevertheless, she was much aware of all the places where his skin touched hers, and that she was still very much wired up was obvious in her reaction when he brushed his mouth to her neck, a shiver travelling through her body. She didn’t resist his kiss, immediately deepening it, and trying to get as close to him as possible. Her breath was coming out in pants again when they broke away, and while she smiled as he touched his nose to hers, there was a bit of impatience in the way she immediately moved in to kiss him again. Her lips moved down to press soft kisses against his jaw. “Theodore,” she breathed, her voice slightly needy even though she had no idea what she was asking for.
Although still warm and a bit fuzzy, normal thoughts had started trickling back into his mind over the time that had elapsed. The kisses that Susan kept deepening or initiating were nice, but he didn’t quite grasp the reality of why she was doing it until she said his name. It occurred to him that she was still very much interested in pursuing the newly physical side of their relationship. He felt quite embarrassed and even more than a bit disappointed at his early ejaculation, since he wasn’t sure what else he could do for her now. His inexperience was something of a curse, leaving him both incapable of long periods of erection and completely in the dark about how to please a woman. Leaning in against her, Theodore began kissing her neck once more, this time with a most aggressive pace. That was, at least, something he’d recognized she liked, which meant a good starting place for him. The feel of her figure pressed under him continued to make his heart race, despite the sated and relaxed feeling that continued to course through his body.
Pulling away from her neck, he looked down into her face, offering a small, but decidedly shy smile. He felt more than a bit self-conscious now that he had had some time to replay the last few minutes over in his head. The feel of her hand around his penis had rushed back into his mind and for one bizarre moment he found himself hoping everything had been up to expectation. Which was a silly and ridiculous thought, he realised, considering that he knew she’d never been with anyone else. Still, it was hard not to think about how he might have been adversely perceived. Especially since he hadn’t really been too gentlemanly ever since they’d disrobed. He was trying not to let all of that plague his mind, but the sudden attack of insecurities was hard to ignore, especially since he’d decided to help her in the same way she’d helped him. It took all of his willpower not to look away from her when his hand tentatively connected with her vagina. The fledgling pink in his cheeks had rapidly drained to become more of a pale-cheeked embarrassment.
Though he felt awkward and completely unprepared for this, Theodore felt that maintaining eye contact was essential. It was a way of asking whether or not it was okay, or if he should stop. If she wanted him to stop. Of course, the noise she made when his fingers brushed against her certainly said it was okay, but even that didn’t quell all his worries. He didn’t know what he was doing - something which invariably made him feel uncomfortable no matter the circumstance. In the midst of those feelings, Theodore was vaguely pleased to find that Susan was just as wet now as she was when he’d briefly felt her before. His strokes were slow, tentative, and unsure, but as he didn’t see anything in her face to indicate it was wrong, he continued, with each one becoming somewhat more confident in nature.
“Susan?” it was almost a question, but really, didn’t require much of a response beyond the noises she was already emitting. Although he’d kept to stroking the outside, he tentatively - very tentatively - slid the tip of his forefinger inside of her before withdrawing almost as soon as he’d entered.
Susan let out a strangled gasp at Theodore’s assault on her neck, the few brain cells that were still capable of proper thoughts commenting that he should really be kissing her neck all of the time, and if she was going to die in the near future, that this would be a pretty brilliant way to go. Her body pressed up against him, looking for some kind of friction, and the fingers of her right hand curled into the hair at the nape of his neck while she gave herself up to his kisses. Her eyelids felt heavy when he pulled away from her, her hand moving from his neck to his cheek in an almost absent-minded caress, and she quickly moved in to kiss the shy smile that he aimed at her, struck by a wave of affection even through her arousal. This whole encounter had been wholly unplanned, but he was here with her, and while there was no official word for the relationship that they shared, there was no doubt in her mind to her that this was something special.
Keeping her eyes locked on his, her mouth opened slightly as his hand connected with her soft flesh, the flush of heat that rose to her face barely visible within the seemingly permanent redness of her cheeks. It was new to her, as she wasn’t known to engage in self-pleasuring. She’d tried it a few times out of curiosity, finding the sensation odd, and had eventually dismissed it as some nonsense much like the other things that girls like Parvati and Lavender often gossiped about. Now, however, it felt decidedly different. Even with the hesitant nature of Theodore’s touches, the blood running hotly through her veins made her skin feel sensitive in a way it had never been before, tiny shivers running through her body at every stroke of his fingers. It felt almost ticklish, but in an altogether more pleasant way, and with Theodore still gazing into her eyes it made the setting incredibly intimate.
Susan’s breath sounded extremely loud to her own ears, and she bit her lip against the noises that threatened to break free. Even so, when Theodore’s fingers happened to brush past the same spot that he’d been rocking against earlier, a soft, surprised moan escaped her lips, her hips moving into the touch. “I’m fine,” she managed breathlessly in response to his question, the ‘don’t stop’ implied as she swallowed against her embarrassment. The feeling of his finger entering her made her draw in a deep breath, but it wasn’t at all uncomfortable like she might have expected, her wetness easing the way.
Part 2.