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Shiloh (ex_auguries536) wrote in bellumlogs,
@ 2010-01-15 00:27:00

Entry tags:

plot: memories

Who: Shiloh
What: Memories
Where: Bellum pool
When: After the LL post
Warnings: Who knows?
Notes: Memories plot

His client had just left, and Shiloh was sitting on the edge of the pool in Bellum's basement. The water was warmed and steam rose from it, and Shiloh leaned back on the cold wet concrete and looked up at the ceiling.

He hadn't seen Trenton since that night. Since the night that Trenton had kissed him and touched him like he wanted him; like it was something more than just money and services. Like he liked him.

It terrified Shiloh. It was a fear he hadn't felt since he was very little and Aaron still lived at home. It had made him hide and avoid, and he'd left Trenton multiple notes rescheduling their Denny's outing over and again. This time he'd scheduled it for this evening, and he hadn't left a replacement note in its place.

He wasn't sure if he'd make it through the day without doing so.

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backoff
2010-01-15 05:45 am UTC (link)

You're drowning. The water is black and tastes like dirt and weeds and you're drowning in it, you're drowning, and the panic is choking you faster than the water as you bob up and down in it, flailing your arms to try to stay up except there are things on your arms that keep you from windmilling the way you want to--

You sink down again into the black water. Then you bob up, sputtering, coughing--the coughs hurt--and the lifejacket pulls up under your arms as you bob on the water. The boat above you looks enormous, and you think about Jonah and the whale that ate him, Mother told you about him, and you're afraid of whales, because they must have huge teeth if they can eat a man whole like that. You start to cry in between coughs, because you're still scared that you're drowning, and if you're not drowning, that you're going to get eaten by a whale and it won't be like Jonah at all because you'll never get out just like Mother said, and it's never going to be okay--

A silhouette interrupts the sunshine above you. A big thick hand reaches down and takes hold of the belt on your orange jacket and you're hauled up through the air, still caterwauling and choking and crying. There's a bump as you stumble onto the deck. Then, all of a sudden, you're being held, and the arms are like ropes and they squeeze the fear right out of your chest. You're safe. The man smells like wet dirt from the bait bucket and aftershave. He pulls back, and he's crying too, but smiling into your face. It's Ted. You're safe.

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ex_auguries536
2010-01-17 02:45 am UTC (link)

He's still lying beside the pool when the memory hits him. Hits him, because that is precisely what it does. The feeling was something familiar, but something he hadn't felt in so long that it stole his breath. Somewhere inside him, he recognized this was Mother and this was Aaron, and it made him hug his arms around himself, then tighter just to get through it. By the end, he was feeling, feeling - yes feeling - something completely unfamiliar, something he couldn't even begin to attribute words to, and his cheeks were damp with tears he didn't even know he could still cry.

He rocked, and he rocked, and he could not move.

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beaute_endormie
2010-01-16 06:15 pm UTC (link)

Bright, bubbly happiness rises in you in a way you've never felt it before. It's not for you, but for the slightly older brunette in front of you. Your cousin looks radiant in the wedding dress you helped her to pick out. Sloan put you in charge of the clothes for her wedding, partially as a bribe to get you to come back to New York, (stop hiding in France, Rosalie, you're stronger than that) and so everyone looks fabulous. When she told you that she was engaged, you were slightly apprehensive at first, because marriage is almost like a death sentence around here, but then you saw how they looked at each other and you realized that they just might be able to pull this off.

The groom is a quiet, intelligent man that Sloan met at Brown. He's from a good New England family, and they're obviously in love, and he's such a sweetheart, so it's all worked out perfectly. He has a slightly awestruck look on his face, and he hasn't taken his eyes off of her since she floated into the church, gliding down the aisle in a cloud of rose petals, delicate ivory chiffon, and French lace.

They exchange rings and vows and then they kiss and exit hand in hand, and their broad smiles are ridiculously contagious. You take the arm of the best man and follow, feeling as luminous and beautiful as you look, and for once the smile on your own face isn't faked. You feel like sunshine is bursting out of your chest: it's happiness and it's love and when the memory fades, it's the last thing to go.

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	ex_auguries536 2010-01-17 02:48 am UTC (link)
	He had not moved. This time the feeling was positive the entire way through, not just at the end. That made it worse, longer, more than he could handle. He curled in on himself more, and he begged, willed, pleaded for it to go away, go away, go away, go away. Go away. (Reply to this) (Parent)

cyprian
2010-01-16 11:07 pm UTC (link)

The club is dim, and this particularly memory comes down from above. The point of view seeping from black rafters until it settles in it's omnipotence. There's music, but it's muffled behind the walls of this particular hallway. The wall paneling throbs with bass, the floor shudders with it. Away from the main epicenter of the club, the corridor is cloying with stage smoke. The darkness seems empty initially, but within seconds it becomes apparent that there are two figures against one wall.

Even in the shadows, he couldn't be mistaken. Slumped, fucked up and dazed beyond coherency. The sallow underbelly of a wrist swiped at his nose, and Trenton tried to sniff the remnants of drugs down. His jeans were unzipped by the stranger's hands, some faceless figure in a blue polo. In the memory, the person was inconsequential. The event itself was vibrant, but the face was shadowy.

"My name's Linus," the stranger said.

There was no script of tattoo ink when a hungry paw tugged on the low collar of Trenton's shirt, and that might have been the only true clue that this was years ago. When his blue eyes flickered open, they were the same jaded destruction as ever. Bloodshot and harsh. "I don't care."

The stranger cupped the side of Trenton's face and moved in, only to be met with a swift rejection that obviously left the other boy surprised. "You don't kiss?"

"No," Trenton's word was bland with irritation. Catching the side of Linus' shoulder and pushing him down to his knees without the offer of another unkind word.

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ex_auguries536
2010-01-17 02:51 am UTC (link)

The only reason he made it through the third one, was because he recognized Trenton.

The unfamiliar feeling of jealousy made him lose what he'd eaten that day. He didn't know what the feeling was, just that it filled him in a way that was worse than the feeling from the memory before. He was panting by the time the memory ended, by the time Trenton refused to kiss the other man.

That made it better... somehow.

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snaked
2010-01-18 02:30 pm UTC (link)

There was laughter.

"Yes. Just like that. That's perfect!" said a teenaged Chinese voice.

Li had puffed out her small chest and paced back and forth in her red brick kiln, practicing her man walk. The kiln felt warm, and the dirt floor reminded Li of home. Her arms were posed and flexed and her small feet stomped as she moved. It was impossible to discern her actual gender. Visually with her trousers and short hair the eight year old had no trouble passing for a boy.

"Da ker? Why can't I be a girl?" Li paused from her ridiculous posturing.

Da ker, Big Brother, frowned at her his almost angry, "Because you can't! You can never, ever be a girl again, okay? As long as they think you're a boy I can protect you. You're Xiao di now."

Li nodded. His logic was infallible.

"Now," said Da ker rather authoritatively, "punch me as hard as you can. If you're a boy you have to learn how to fight. Don't cry like a girl."

It was their first training session and their first day as brothers. Li felt less afraid of her new home. The memory faded.

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