There is nothing I can do about this. Nothing. I don't know how to change who I am or fix what's wrong with me or be the kind of person you deserve. It makes me angry that Daniel, who I still don't think cares about you, or deserves you any more than I do, got to be the one who made you feel safe. What if I can never be that? What if I can never be both things? What if I can never be in love with you and make you happy at the same time? I don't like to consider that future, but it is a possibility, and in that scenario I will never, ever really have you because I'm incapable of having a fucking relationship or being with the person I love like a normal fucking human being without hurting them.
So I told his girlfriend, because I hated him for being able to make you feel safe when I can't, and I wasn't going to kill him.