So, you revel in your misery? That doesn't sound healthy.
No. You mentioned your father, I mentioned mine. In one universe, he is dead and in another, he is currently being evasive but we will find him and kill him.
A lobotomy would be an interesting option.
Once he is dead, I'll let go completely. As it is, I've let go of quite a lot already. It has been... liberating.