InsaneJournal

Who: Gamora, Loki
What: discussing Thanos and Infinity Stones.
When: backdated, after this message.
Rating/Warnings: Green, IW spoilers.

The sun was setting when Loki arrived in Central Park, between the pond and within sight of the whimsical Alice in Wonderland statue. After Darcy showed it to him, it quickly became a personal favorite.

In contrast to the laughing children that climbed upon it, Loki looked cold and aloof. His head was held high and he was dressed impeccably in a dark suit, jacket off, wearable with a cooling spell to combat the excessive heat as of late.

Behind that carefully constructed outward facade, Loki was hiding inner unease. Full disclosure wasn't in his nature. He had always been quiet and more studious, less friendly, and he became intensely private over time. He kept his secrets close - with only one or two rare exceptions - and there were few that he would ever dare call a 'friend.'

He liked Gamora, though. She wasn't boisterous or loud. If she was, he suspected it wasn't without just cause.

He might be giving her just cause. That he personally knew Thanos was a secret that he was reluctant to present to any of Thor's so-called 'teammates.' Not only because he was thwarted by them, but because he was sneaking about, avoiding an awkward discussion with his older brother. He was still dealing with the aftermath of being so weak and ineffectual that he needed saved by Thor, Sif, and the Midgardian sorcerer. Then there was the thought of telling his brother what transpired while he was with Thanos being an unsavory one.

Death to save face might be preferable, even if he knew he didn't really mean it. Such a conversation wasn't going to be easily avoided for much longer. Not even with the invisibility spells he was using to hide his comings and goings.

To make matters worse, death might happen if Thanos got ahold of him. Literally. By the the throat.

Loki scowled as he folded his arms over himself and waited for Gamora's arrival.

There wasn’t a day since those horrible dreams that Gamora hadn’t met with expectant unease, as if something inevitable was about to happen at any time. While having Nebula here was a wonderful thing, and something that kept her at peace, it still was not a true peace. Especially since her sister had revealed that Peter, in his grief, had guaranteed Thanos’ victory by acting hastily. It figured, and it was technically not her fault but Gamora had to take some of the guilt unto herself all the same.

And now, Loki needed to talk to her. Not that Loki wasn’t pleasant company, if mysterious, but the way with which he had asked her to meet him had been mired in more gravity than usual, and the subject could only be one: Thanos.

As if condemned she walked to the place they had agreed upon to find Loki already there, arms crossed and grave expression on his face.

“Loki,” she greeted, nodding. “You wanted to see me?”

The scowl morphed into a fleeting smirk at the sight of her approach. He wished it could be a relief to see her, but he was filled with the same unease. Seeing his mother, who knew him so well, was a comfort. Speaking to her of what happened before felt like less of a burden was on his shoulders. There was still a burden there, and part of that weight bore the name of Gamora's father.

"Yes, and I thank you for seeing me. You were forthright with me once. I wish to confess that which I did not before, as I should have." He clasped his hands behind his back, drawing in a steady breath before he continued. "A scant few years ago, I had certain...personal dealings...with Thanos. I did not tell you, because I had access to an Infinity Stone. I wished to keep it secret, to keep it from him. I know from the dreams, that I...was unsuccessful."

The memory of that, that he felt it, chilled him to the core. Loki looked everywhere else other than meeting Gamora's gaze, not even bothering to hide the fact he was discomforted.

Gamora’s brow furrowed with Loki’s introduction to whatever he wanted to talk about. She didn’t like it, and wasn’t about to pretend. It sounded like he had lied to her, or omitted something from her. Crossing her arms, she prepared to listen, eyes narrow.

Of course, given all of that the revelation shouldn’t have been as shocking. And yet, she couldn’t escape the fact that both their stories had parallels. There was still something that made her feel very uneasy. “Dealings? Why? What for? How?”

A lie was a lie, even if it was out of omission. Hidden behind his back, his fingers clenched tight for a moment. He could tell that Gamora was displeased. It seemed he was fated to betray everyone at one point or another. It was better to let her know now, than to leave it open for inevitable disappointment later on.

"I attempted to end my life rather than face my family's disappointment and condemnation. Only I did not perish. Instead, I fell through space itself, being burned and frozen, until I was finally found by Thanos' minions and brought to him. You can imagine what transpired thereafter."

There was an almost eerie calmness as he spoke, as though relaying something that happened to someone else entirely.

"We both know that you do not say no to Thanos," Loki said. "I offered to lead a Chitauri army and regain a lost Infinity Stone, the Tesseract, in exchange for ruling Midgard to spite my brother and father. He gave unto me a scepter which could control minds, which housed another Infinity Stone. I was thwarted by my brother and his companions. I lost not one, but two stones. After faking my death, I seized power in Asgard. I left the Tesseract in the vault of Asgard under my watch. I sent the Aether to the Collector in Knowhere. I will simply say that when I dreamed, Thanos was...incredibly disappointed with me. Should he find me here, I have little doubt that his reaction will remain the same. I was content to die before, but...."

Not again. Not like that.

He squinted in a barely hidden wince and looked off to one side to avoid meeting Gamora's gaze.

It was such a gruelling sounding story that Gamora could do nothing but close her eyes and shake her head softly as Loki told it. Families were constantly disappointing each other, it seemed. Blood or no. She felt sorry for him, that his circumstances had lead him to Thanos, and that he’d felt the need to spite his brother and then fake his death. It was all too similar, all too real.

Gamora held a pained expression on her face, but she wasn’t angry. This had hardly affected her directly, and she did know you couldn’t say no to Thanos. It was why he’d gotten what he wanted out of her.

“He killed me, too. For a stone only I knew the location of. Well, first he used my sister as leverage, and then he sacrificed me.” She squeezed Loki’s arm. “But now we know. Whatever I can do to make sure this doesn’t come to pass, I will do it. I will kill you myself if I have to, and you will do the same for me.”

So she did the same as he did. The wince was one of actual sympathy, as it mirrored his own tale. A fact he too freely admitted.

"I have no qualms about doing so, on either of our parts. He killed half of the Asgardians that remained after Asgard was destroyed. Yet when Thanos nearly killed my brother, I gave him the Tesseract in exchange. I do not want to do so again. The sorcerer known as Strange has shielded and bound it to me so that I can not access it nor use it, without my brother's permission. And I believe we would both rather die than have the Mad Titan possess it."

He finally unclapsed his hands, gesturing as he attempted to reason with her.

"Gamora, I would not stop you if you sought to kill me at this very moment. Yet for perhaps the first time, I have no desire nor intent to die. Is there not another way? Perhaps you might..." he paused to consider what might be done, "simply forget the location of your stone?"

Gamora shook her head. She couldn’t feel so unrepentant about what had come to pass, because she knew Thanos deeply, better than even someone who had worked or him for a time. There was nothing she would not do to make sure she corrected her mistake. Especially now that Nebula was here.

“I’d like not to give him anything.” She retorted with determination. “I care about my sister more than I would ever have thought, but the weight of the universe and what he’s done - will do - to it is on my shoulders for failing. Because when Peter was about to kill me, Thanos already had the power to manipulate reality to his will. The gun never fired.”

She chuckled humorlessly. “Forget? What do you propose, hit me on the head until it triggers amnesia? I can’t just willingly forget things.”

Loki was watching her closely, and not to find some weakness he could work to his advantage. It was because he understood giving something so deadly to save someone they cared for. He remembered that feeling of utter completely helplessness after. He could only imagine the depths of helplessness that Gamora felt, before she too met her end.

"I shudder to think if he has control over reality, already. As for amnesia?" Loki looked as though he was formulating a plan. "There is a way for me to muddle other's thoughts. I have manipulated others from afar before, even without the Mind Stone. And I am able to dredge up memories in others that they might wish to forget. It was meant to distract...a foe...when we were fighting. It did not last long. There is someone that I could consult? My mother. She is well versed in magic and illusions."

“It was just… despair. Utter despair. He was a dangerous psychopath before, but with reality at his mercy?” She shook her head. “It was impossible not to feel like loss was a foregone conclusion.”

Gamora wasn’t well versed in magic - or versed at all - but she wasn’t so sure it could be counted upon to hide the truth from Thanos. If she didn’t blurt it out, he’d torture it out of her somehow. She was sure.

“Can we be sure it’ll work on the likes of him? He could have ways. Especially if he has access to stones already, which he will. He destroyed Xandar for the one we left in the care of the Nova Corps. The one I told you about. And he had the one from The Collector. I think it’s the one that controls reality.”

He drew in a deep breath and looked up at the sky, deep in thought. He wasn't entirely certain either, and he had yet to speak with Thor, but he couldn't imagine that Thor would disapprove of finding a method that wasn't outright suicide. More so after the latest instance of Loki recklessly risking his own neck.

"I do recall what you said of the stone left with on Xandar. The one that I sent to Knowhere was the Aether, as I hoped that the Collector would keep it as he kept so many other antiquities. I could not keep it on Asgard. Two stones shouldn't ever be kept together, and I did not want Thanos to have the ability to move with ease throughout this universe. Worlds would fall with greater ease. I deemed that the greater of two evils."

He admitted this with regret, even as he met Gamora's gaze without faltering.

"I do not know if it would work," he offered, "but is it not worth it to try? If it does bind to you, if it muddles your memory of this place, then even torture might not retrieve it. It would take another sorcerer of either my own or my mother's meddle to unravel. The last I knew, Thanos had no other sorcerers at his disposal, other than my brief dealings with him. The Ebony Maw is not a mind reader, after all. His talents lie elsewhere."

He tilted his head a little to one side before asking, "Will you consider the offer?"

“If he let you use one, then you knew he was looking for them. He had agents everywhere. I was one. When the archive blew up, I guess someone found out. Or maybe The Collector boasted about it.” Gamora shook her head, shrugging. Her face, too, was full of regret. “What I know is that when we made for Knowhere to try and recover it after hearing about Xandar, he already had it.”

She waved a hand helplessly. “You did do the logical thing, it just wasn’t enough. The Collector wasn’t as trustworthy as you might have thought, either. You could feel greed oozing from him. Thanos must have squeezed it out of him.”

Gamora shrugged. Anything to stop him, she had said. And it wasn’t like anyone needed to know the location. It was so remote, so hidden, it would be found eventually but maybe not by Thanos. And if she had found its location, it could be found again. “Sure. Anything.”

The smile that Loki gave Gamora was a bittersweet one.

"And you did what you thought was best, as well. It is not as though we are at fault for lack of trying." He shrugged as well, as this seemed like an opportunity to make changes while there was time to do so. "If there was a way to go to Knowhere and seek out the Collector, I think it wise to do so. Yet there must be other ways to outwit Thanos, and I believe this might be worthwhile. I would like to speak of this with my brother, Thor. If he will hear me out."

After recent events, he wasn't so sure.

“No. I was too late, and then he used my sister’s life against me. I didn’t think it was best, I thought I couldn’t let them torture her the way they were if I could stop it because she had already suffered enough at my hands.” Gamora wiped a stray tear off her face. “But if I had been killed before we’d even gotten close to Thanos, a great many things wouldn’t have happened.”

She sighed, an infinitely sad sound as she shook her head slowly. “The ship won’t be fixed for a while. And even when it is, I have no idea where we are in relation to Knowhere. As for outwitting Thanos, we know more than we did then. There. Whatever we do is better than what we didn’t do over there. Let me know what happens, Loki. I’ll do whatever it takes.”

Loki meant to glance over, but found himself staring instead. It was easy to tell by his expression that he felt that sadness quite keenly as well.

"Know that I will do the same. I offer you my aid, such as it is. Please know that I only meant that we did what we thought was best, before we ever bartered for those we cared for. Even then, it was to spare someone else, done out of love for another. Although that is cold comfort, you meant only to spare your sister. Over there. There is no fault in that? The fault belongs purely to Thanos, and none other."

He tried to rest a hand on her shoulder and offer a smile, but the touch was too cautious and the smile was a broken one.

"I wish that I had never heard of these accursed stones. I imagine you are of like mind. I give you my word that I will contact you after I speak with my mother and brother."

Gamora nodded and looked away, mired in sadness while Loki spoke. He was right, but there was a much harder truth beneath all of their personal ones.

“No one person is more important than the universe. Thanos means to control it, to kill countless billions in order to set it right… in his mind.” She sighed desperately. “As horrifying as it is, our siblings cannot mean more than everyone else.”

She ignored his attempts at comfort. There was none to be given when there was none to be had.

“I do. I wish a lot of things hadn’t happened. I remember in the dream he told me he’d been right all along, that my world, once drowning in poverty and inequality, is thriving. But at what cost? Countless families broken, my life, stolen. What gives him the right-” Gamora stopped herself. It didn’t matter. “I’ll be standing by for what you come up with.”