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Tweak says, "Absolute Abs Contest?"

Jessi McKimmon (upon_my_return) wrote in around_again,
@ 2009-03-24 08:19:00

Entry tags:

1996 08, @hogwarts, lily potter, severus snape

August 24, 1996 - The third incident
Who: Lily, Sev
When: Late afternoon
Where: Halls / potions classroom
Rating: PG

Status: Closed, completed
Summary: Lily returns and retreats to the only place she feels is safe. Upon invading the potions classroom, she meets up with her former friend turned Death Eater, and a very awkward, uneasy conversation follows.

It had been a very interesting, very long journey. From her 'awakening' in the ruins of her home in Godric's Hollow, to the graveyard near the house - seeing her own grave had disturbed her very profoundly - to a lucky catch of the Knight Bus, to Hogsmeade, Lily had finally made her way to Hogwarts.

It was the only place she could think to go just then. Her home was a wreck, she didn't know where her friends were now, her husband was ... she assumed ... still decased. Her parents were long dead. She didn't know Petunia's address. The Order had surely relocated. Hogwarts though ... Hogwarts was still standing, still safe.

And still locked. Lily curled her fingers around the iron bars of the gate, absolutely certain that someone knew she was out here. It was simply a matter of waiting. "Hello?" she called out. "Hello, can anyone hear me?"

Hagrid had been on his way toward Hogsmeade, intending to have a drink or two before setting about his own start-of-term shopping, and he heard someone yelling down at the gate.

"Who the ruddy hell ..." he muttered as he peered curiously toward the young witch. Squinting against the setting sun, he frowned. Who was that? Someone roamed down from the village, likely. "What d'you want?" he bellowed as he started again toward the gate.

Lily cocked her head to one side. "Hagrid?" But who else would it be, that big, with a voice like that? "Hagrid it's me. It's Lily. Potter." In case, perhaps, there was some other redheaded Lily in his list of acquaintances.

Hagrid froze, then he laughed. "Yeah, all right. That's a good one, whoever y'are. Lily's been dead for a bit, hasn't she?" People simply didn't come back from the dead. They just ... didn't.

"I know," she called back. "I don't know how I'm here, either, but I didn't know where else to go! Please, can't you let me in? Is ... is Professor Dumbledore about?"

His expression shifted oddly before he hurried toward the gate. It did look like her. And sound like her. Stopping on the other side of the gate, he peered through the bars at her. Her eyes were the same, her hair ... she just looked a little tired. But far, far from dead. "Oh, dear..." he murmured before he hurried to unlock the gates. He pulled her into his arms, stroking her hair with a hand the size of her head, nearly crushing her small body against his own. "Lily," he gasped. "Lily, is it really?"

She laughed and sobbed and pushed lightly at his chest. "It is, it really is," she whispered.

"James?" he said as he glanced behind her as if he'd perhaps missed the wizard.

Lily shook her head and dropped her eyes. "I was ... I was alone when I ... woke up. Came back. I'm not sure ...what to call it. I don't know ... if ..." she frowned, then dropped her eyes. "But I'm sure he'll know to come here, if he ... if he does."

She licked her lips, then bit down on the lower one. "Hagrid," she murmured. "I don't know if you'd know ... but I ... I went to see our graves. Mine and James'." She hesitated. "Hagrid, where was Harry's? Why didn't they bury him with us?" She couldn't fathom why anyone would take her son and bury him somewhere else, somewhere away from her.

Hagrid gazed down at her, then frowned. "Well, of course y'wouldn't know!" he laughed softly before he took her hands. "Lily, Harry's alive. He's goin' t'school here, all alive an' well." Well, the 'well' was questionable, but he didn't think Lily needed to be burdened with that. Nor did he think he needed to be the one to tell her.

Her breath caught, and for a moment she thought her heart had actually stopped. Alive? Harry was alive? "Where?" she breathed. "Hagrid, where is he?" Her son, her son was alive?

"Well, he's er...he's stayin' with your sister. Dumbledore c'n give you all the details, like as not, but I don't think I'm the ... er... one to ... it's a long story, but ... but he's doin' good, Lil. Doin' amazin' things, really. Very brave, definitely your and James' son," Hagrid continued, nodding slightly. "C'mon though. Let's get you inside an' see what Dumbledore has t'say about ... well, everythin'."

____________________

Albus hadn't been in, so Lily had been subjected to a very flustered, very wary McGonagall. They'd provided her with a room and some money so she could go buy necessities - like a wand - when she was feeling up for it, and they'd discussed a few things. Like what to do with her now that she was back.

They'd both decided that, until Dumbledore had had a chance to weigh in, they were simply going to keep this quiet. No Ministry, no Prophet, and - despite Lily's protest - they weren't telling Harry quite yet. They'd tell him before he saw her, of course, but not yet.

After Lily had gotten settled into her room, she'd taken to wandering the castle. Feet carried her on familiar paths - to the Gryffindor tower first, though she couldn't get into the commons - then down through the classrooms.

Unsurprisingly, she found herself in the potions classroom, and she wondered if anyone would mind if she worked on something. Just to see how rusty she was. There were simple potions, after all. First year things. She could warm up with one of those, and go from there.

Besides, doing this, working on a potion, would help keep her mind off the unsettling way her world was flipped. She was no longer dead, and her son had been alive this whole time. Shaking her head, she moved to the storage cabinets to begin gathering ingredients.

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upon_my_return
2009-03-25 03:09 pm UTC (link)

Lily was uneasy when he clenched his fist, and when he said he wouldn't hurt her, she lifted a hand to cover her mouth. Was she that transparent, or was he simply trying to put her at ease to spring the attack later?

But...Severus wouldn't attack her. Would he? Surely their friendship had to have counted for something, right?

"You shouldn't leave your own classroom," she murmured before she let her hand fall completely. There was no need to be nervous. Even if he was going to hurt her, it wouldn't be here.

Still, her tongue flicked across her lips before she glanced to him. Her lips parted, but she couldn't find the way to phrase things to ask him flat-out if he was a Death Eater, and if so, what the bloody hell was he doing at the school.

"I should ... probably ..." she made a vague gesture toward the door to indicate she should leave.

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prof_perfidy
2009-03-25 03:58 pm UTC (link)

The air hung heavy with everything they weren’t doing, choking them with everything they weren’t saying. Severus could tell Lily wanted to say more, whether it was something he wanted to hear from her, or not, he did not know - but he couldn’t upset at her for not saying it - he couldn’t bring himself to say anything either.

He was upset with himself. He’d withstood the most powerful, evil wizard in modern time, and here he was crumbling under the gaze of a ghost from his past, a slip of a girl - well, Lily was more than a small matter, but still he found himself more frightened of her than anyone he’d ever had to face down.

Severus was able to look away then, after Lily raised her hand. There were some things that couldn’t be fixed without candidly talking about them, and Severus realized he couldn’t find a way to bring them up just yet, maybe they would never talk about it - and that might be better, in the long run. “I’m sorry, I don’t mean to keep you, if you want...” He took a step back, nodding towards the door.

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upon_my_return
2009-03-25 04:32 pm UTC (link)

"No, it isn't ... you're not keeping me. I just ..." She shifted her weight uneasily. "I'm still ... acclimating," she admitted as she dropped he eyes. "It's just a shock, to see you, here, and ..." she found herself gesturing toward her own left arm and she flinched slightly.

Knowing she wouldn't be able to let it go, she looked away. "You ... you are one, aren't you? One of his?"

She swallowed hard and shifted her weight, uncertain she was really ready to hear the answer. Her lips parted and she almost withdrew the question, but it only seemed fair to her that she know. If she couldn't work with him, after all, she'd have to find somewhere else to be, something else to do.

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prof_perfidy
2009-03-25 06:57 pm UTC (link)

Though Lily did not quite ask 'you are a Death Eater' Severus understood what she was referring to, especially with the hand gesture. He was somewhat relieved that it had been Lily to bring up this subject.

He shook his head, thought for a moment that that would be sufficient - but in actuality he knew that he should begin with the truth, not just the partial truth, Lily deserved that. He forced himself to look at Lily, to not turn away, "No, I was, but I am not anymore."

Would that be enough, did seventeen years of working against Lord Voldemort make up for the initial mistake of joining in the first place? Severus was sure that a confirmation that he had been once a Death Eater, if only for just a short time, would not matter to Lily - it could not be his place to expect anything else.

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upon_my_return
2009-03-25 09:01 pm UTC (link)

It was on the tip of her tongue to ask him what changed his mind before she thought better of it. Wasn't it enough that he had? A hesitant smile ghosted across her lips, and she was pretty sure he still knew her well enough to know what came next.

She wanted to see it. She knew it would distract her until she did see it, and she didn't think that would be easy on either of them. Not if he was supposed to be mentoring her, and she was supposed to be paying attention.

Her heart was pounding and her mouth was dry, but she took a couple of steps closer to her. She didn't speak, but she didn't think she'd have to.

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prof_perfidy
2009-03-25 09:42 pm UTC (link)

Well, she wasn't running away, and she even almost smiled, which meant something - possibly a good thing? And he'd take any good thing, however small. He tried a smile himself, but it was something he was not used to doing, so he gave it up.

When Lily started towards him Severus was unsure, he also wasn't used to people entering his personal space. He couldn't fathom a reason why she would approach him, they'd not been this close in years. He took a step back himself, and gave Lily a perplexed look, "Lily, what-?"

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upon_my_return
2009-03-25 10:23 pm UTC (link)

She likely shouldn't have been so amused when he backed away from her. All the same, she pressed a hand to her mouth to stifle her smile. She did stop moving toward him - what right did she have, really, after all these years to ask anything of him, let alone to ask him to show her the mark?

"I just wanted to see it," she pressed boldly. "If we're going to be working together ..." she trailed off. The two thoughts had been clearly connected in her head, but upon verbalization something was lost in translation.

"Nevermind," she said as she took a step back.

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prof_perfidy
2009-03-25 10:37 pm UTC (link)

"Oh, I see," this made Severus even more confused. "Why would you want to see it?" He'd never thought Lily would be interested in that. It wasn't something to be discussed or shown in 'polite' company. And he was reluctant to push up his sleeve, even for Lily, almost as if showing her would be confirmation of all he'd done wrong in his life.

And for the first time Severus registered the phrase 'working together', and that gave him something more to pause over, "Working together? W- we will... be...?" Did he miss something - of course he must have, but how could he miss something as big as Lily Potter, fresh from the grave working with him?

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upon_my_return
2009-03-25 11:14 pm UTC (link)

Lily was content enough to let the topic drop; she didn't know why she wanted to see it. To confirm, she supposed that he was - or had been - one of Voldemort's followers.

To wonder if he'd hunted her and James with the rest of them. To wonder if he'd had any sort of role in her death.

"It was a suggestion," Lily murmured. "Something I could do while I stayed here. Until ..." she looked away. "Well, if James c-comes back, I'd ..." She crossed her arms over her chest, denying the tears that wanted to fall. She hadn't really had a chance to properly mourn her husband's death. Now was hardly the place though, so she shoved the thoughts aside for now.

"Professor McGonagall mentioned that I might ... apprentice with the potions professor. She ... didn't say it was you though." Now, Lily had to wonder if that omission had been deliberate.

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prof_perfidy
2009-03-26 03:48 am UTC (link)

Severus was glad Lily dropped the subject of the Dark Mark and his participation with the Death Eaters. Not that he was actively hiding it from her, just, he tried to reason with himself, he was just allowing the moment to pass. He knew it would come up again eventually, if they were to have more regular communications; but, he was not interested in discussing the role he played in her death right then, she was just starting to talk to him again, and he wanted to be allowed that sweetness for a little while before it was gone, surely Lily wouldn't want to have anything to do with him after she found everything out.

But, Severus could tell, reading between the lines, that Lily seemed to dislike the idea of apprenticing with him. It had simply been an idea of a way to passed the time while she waited for James to show up - the corner of his mouth twitched at the mention of James. And it appeared, from the way she said it, that if Lily had known it was him, she would have passed on the idea.

"I see," Severus gave a curt nod, "I doubt it was a deliberate omission - you coming back from the dead, after all, could quite possibly have made it difficult to remember all the details. If now that you know I am the Potions professor, you preferred not to, I wont be offended." That last bit was a lie, but if she chose not to, how could he not accept her decision?

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upon_my_return
2009-03-26 09:08 am UTC (link)

"I should think that would be a relatively important detail to remember," Lily replied sharply. While she didn't like to think that Minerva had been deliberately deceptive, the woman had likely known that if she'd mentioned there was a (supposedly) former Death Eater working at the school, Lily would have turned to take her chances in the world.

But now that she was here and settled and had had her hands in some potion ingredients,she was less likely to simply flee into the night.

Exhaling, she shook her head. "I suppose we'll wait and see what Professor Dumbledore says," she decided. She also thought she should simply start calling him Albus, but she'd never quite been able to get over thinking of him as her professor. She was fairly certain he'd always be professor to her.

Emerald eyes moved over Severus' face, her jaw tightening slightly. If he was here, he was safe, unless he was lying to all of them. Lily decided that, before she decided anything, she needed to know more - and she knew she wouldn't trust whatever Sev had to say.

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prof_perfidy
2009-03-26 02:05 pm UTC (link)

Severus inwardly recoiled at the harshness of her tone, at the way she looked at him. Hearing his assumptions confirmed hurt - he'd expected it, but knowing something would happen didn't change the effect it had. He recognized he no right to expect anything more from Lily, and, he supposed, without first speaking to Dumbledore he had nothing left to say. Keeping his expression unreadable he nodded, "I see," his voice emotionless, "I have work, but you are more than welcome to stay and continue making potions."

He walked over to, and entered, the supply closet. He started taking inventory of the ingredients housed there in, pushing what ever he was feeling about the incident to the back of his mind, he couldn't afford to think on it any longer, losing himself in the routine of this menial task.

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upon_my_return
2009-03-26 03:15 pm UTC (link)

Her shoulders lifted and fell in a shrug. "Haven't got a wand," she admitted reluctantly; it rather limited the number of potions she could do. Most of them at somepoint, required a bit of wand-work. Or at least the presence of one.

Still, it seemed like the conversation was done. With a last glance toward the cabinet, Lily turned to leave the classroom to try to get her emotions under control.

They wanted her working, with a Death Eater. Former, perhaps, but someone who'd been around, working with him, hunting her. But even warring with that, she could remember farther back. Before school. Before Death Eaters. She could remember laughter and nights under the stars, giggling conversations and romps through the woods. Eating popsicles on swingsets ...

... was there even a shadow of that left? Or was he all darkness now?

She paused briefly in the door to glance back again before she let herself out, making her way down the hall to retreat to the quiet of her room.

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